成为一个优秀的倾听者：英语精读讲义

Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life skills anyone can have. 語法

成为一个好的倾听者是任何人都能拥有的最重要且迷人的生活技能之一。

Yet few of us know how to do it,

然而我们中很少有人知道该怎么做，

not because we're evil, 語法

不是因为我们邪恶，

but because no one has taught us how.

而是因为没有人教过我们。

And related point,

与此相关的一点是，

no one has listened to us.

从来没有人倾听过我们。

So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, 語法

所以我们带着贪婪的表达欲步入社交生活，而非倾听欲，

hungry to meet others but reluctant to hear them.

渴望结识他人却不愿倾听他们。

Friendship degenerates into a socialized egoism. 用詞

友谊退化成了一种社交化的利己主义。

Like most things,

像大多数事情一样，

it's about education.

这关乎教育。

Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak.

我们的文明中充满了教人如何说话的伟大著作。

Cicero's Orator and Aristotle's Rhetoric were two of the greatest in the ancient world. 文化背景

西塞罗的《论演说家》和亚里士多德的《修辞学》是古代世界最伟大的两部作品。

But sadly,

但遗憾的是，

no one has ever written a book called The Listener.

从未有人写过一本名为《倾听者》的书。

There are a range of things that the good listener is doing

好的倾听者会做一系列的事情，

that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.

让人觉得和他们共度时光非常愉快。

Firstly,

首先，

they egg us on. 短語動詞

他们会鼓励我们。

It's hard to know our own minds.

我们很难认清自己的内心。

Often we're in the vicinity of something but we don't quite close in 講解

通常我们只触及某件事的边缘，却无法完全接近

on what's really bothering or exciting us.

真正困扰或让我们兴奋的核心。

We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate,

我们从鼓励中获益良多，这让我们能够详细阐述，

to go into greater detail, 短語動詞

深入细节，

to push just a little further.

哪怕只是再深入一点点。

We need someone who rather than launch forth on their own will simply say those two magic words, 習語

我们需要一个人，他不会自顾自地高谈阔论，而是只说两个神奇的字：

"Go on." 語氣意圖

“继续。”

You mention a sibling and they want to know a bit more.

你提到一个兄弟姐妹，他们就想多了解一点。

What was the relationship like in childhood? 語法

童年时的关系怎样？

How's it changed over time?

随着时间的推移有什么变化？

They're curious where our concerns and excitements come from.

他们对我们担忧和兴奋的根源感到好奇。

They ask things like,

他们会问这样的问题：

"Why did that particularly bother you?

“为什么那件事特别困扰你？

Why was that such a big thing for you?" 用詞

为什么那对你来说是一件大事？”

They keep our histories in mind. 短語搭配

他们把我们的过往记在心里。

They might refer back to something we said before 短語動詞

他们可能会回溯我们之前说过的话，

and we feel they're building up a deeper base of engagement.

我们就会觉得他们正在建立更深层次的互动基础。

Secondly,

其次，

the good listener urges clarification.

好的倾听者会促使你澄清问题。

It's fatally easy to say vague things.

泛泛而谈是非常容易犯的错误。

We simply mention that something is lovely or terrible,

我们只是提到某件事很美好或很糟糕，

nice or annoying,

很棒或很烦人，

but we don't really explore why we feel this way.

但我们并没有真正探索为什么我们会有这种感觉。

The friend who listens often has a productive friendly suspicion

善于倾听的朋友往往对我们最初的一些陈述

of some of our own first statements

抱有建设性且友好的怀疑，

and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background. 講解

并在寻找隐藏在背后的更深层次的态度。

They take things we say like,

他们会认真对待我们说过的话，比如

"I'm fed up with my job" 用詞

“我受够了我的工作”

or "My partner and I are having a lot of rows" 用詞

或“我和伴侣经常吵架”，

and they help us to focus in 短語動詞

他们会帮助我们集中注意力

on what it really is about the job we don't like

弄清工作中我们真正不喜欢的到底是什么，

or what the rows are really about.

或者吵架到底是为了什么。

They're bringing to listening an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.

他们带着澄清深层问题的野心来倾听。

They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.

他们不把对话仅仅看作交换轶事。

They're reconnecting the chat you're having over pizza

他们把你吃披萨时的闲聊

with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates, 文化背景

与苏格拉底的哲学野心联系起来，

whose dialogues are records of his attempts

后者的对话录记录了他试图

to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.

帮助雅典同胞更好地理解他们的思想和价值观的过程。

Third,

第三，

good listeners don't moralize.

好的倾听者不说教。

The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are.

好的倾听者敏锐地意识到我们都是多么疯狂。

They know their own minds well enough 語法

他们足够了解自己的内心，

not to be surprised or frightened about this.

因此对此不感到惊讶或害怕。

They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds,

他们善于偶尔发出一些微小而积极的声音，

strategic mm 語氣意圖

策略性地“嗯”一声，

that delicately signal sympathy

微妙地表达同情，

without intruding on what we're trying to say.

而不打断我们试图表达的内容。

They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies. 短語搭配

他们给人一种印象，即他们认识并接受我们的愚蠢。

They're reassuring us they're not going to shred our dignity. 習語

他们在安抚我们，他们不会撕碎我们的尊严。

A big worry in a competitive world

在一个竞争激烈的世界里，一个很大的担忧

is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are. 習語

是我们觉得我们承担不起诚实表达我们有多痛苦的后果。

Saying one feels like a failure could mean being dropped,

承认自己感觉像个失败者可能意味着被抛弃，

but the good listener signals early and clearly

但好的倾听者会及早且清楚地表明，

that they don't see us in these terms.

他们不会用这种眼光看我们。

Our vulnerability is something they warm to 短語動詞

他们对我们的脆弱感到心疼，

rather than are appalled by.

而不是感到震惊。

Lastly,

最后，

good listeners separate disagreement from criticism. 短語搭配

好的倾听者将分歧与批评区分开来。

There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with 語法

人们有一种巨大的倾向，觉得被反对

is an expression of hostility.

是一种敌意的表达。

And obviously,

显然，

sometimes that's right,

有时这是对的，

but a good listener makes it clear

但好的倾听者会明确表示，

that they can really like you and at the same time

他们可能非常喜欢你，同时

think you're wrong.

认为你错了。

They make it plain that their liking for you

他们清楚地表明对你的喜爱

isn't dependent on constant agreement.

并不取决于必须时刻保持一致。

They're powerfully aware

他们非常清楚，

that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled

一个真正可爱的人最终也可能变得有点糊涂，

and in need of some gentle untangling. 習語

需要一些温和的开导。

When we're in the company of people who listen well, 短語搭配

当我们和善于倾听的人在一起时，

we experience a very powerful pleasure.

我们会体验到一种非常强烈的愉悦感。

But too often we don't really realize

但往往我们并没有真正意识到

what it is that this person's doing that's so nice.

这个人到底做了什么让人感觉这么好。

By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, 語法

通过策略性地关注这种愉悦感，

we can learn to magnify it

我们可以学会放大它，

and offer it to others

并把它传递给别人，

who will notice, hear, and repay the favor in turn. 短語搭配

别人会注意到、听到，并进而回报这份善意。

Listening deserves discovery

倾听值得被发掘

as one of the keys to a good society. 習語

作为成就美好社会的关键之一。

through life thinking that there's a right way to do things

终其一生认为做事有正确的方法

and a wrong way to do things

和错误的方法，

and there's not a whole lot of room for subjectivity

而且对于主观性没有留下太多余地，

from my perspective.

在我看来。

troubles around communicating our intentions

在清晰诚实地沟通我们的意图

and emotions clearly and honestly.

和情感方面遇到困难。

This is some of what we get up to

这是我们在做的某些事情，

as an alternative to straightforward communication.

作为直接沟通的一种替代方式。