如何维系一段感情：英语精读讲义

How can you tell whether a relationship is going to last the course or whether it's doomed to founder? 講解

你怎么知道一段感情是能走到最后，还是注定要破裂？

What's the difference between fragile and solid couples?

脆弱的伴侣和稳固的伴侣之间有什么区别？

Here are some of the things to look out for in couples that seem very fragile. 短語動詞

以下是那些看似非常脆弱的伴侣身上需要注意的一些事情。

Fragile couples tend paradoxically to be very hopeful about love.

矛盾的是，脆弱的伴侣往往对爱情抱有极高的期望。

They associate happiness with conflict-free unions. 短語搭配

他们将幸福与没有冲突的结合联系在一起。

They don't expect,

他们没有预料到，

once they have found the person they unwisely see as the one, 習語

一旦他们找到了那个被他们不明智地视为“唯一”的人，

ever to need to squabble, storm out of a room, 短語動詞

会有需要争吵、摔门而出，

or feel unhappy for the afternoon.

或者整个下午都感到不高兴的时候。

When trouble does emerge, 語法

当麻烦真正出现时，

as it inevitably will, 表達脈絡

正如它不可避免会发生的那样，

they don't greet it as a sign that love is progressing as it should. 語法

他们并不认为这是爱情在正常发展的标志。

Rather, they take it as alarming evidence that their relationship may be illegitimate and fundamentally flawed. 短語搭配

相反，他们将其视为令人震惊的证据，认为他们的关系可能是不合理的，且存在根本上的缺陷。

Their hopes tire them for the patient tasks of diplomatic negotiation 習語

他们的期望让他们对外交式的耐心谈判

and routine maintenance.

和日常的关系维护感到疲惫。

Fragile couples tend not to be good detectives of their own sufferings. 習語

脆弱的伴侣往往不善于探寻自己痛苦的根源。

They may both be rather unhappy and yet unsure as to the actual causes of their dissatisfactions. 用詞

他们可能都相当不快乐，却又不确定导致自己不满的真正原因。

They know that something is wrong in their unions,

他们知道两人的关系出了问题，

but they can't easily trace what.

但他们很难找出问题所在。

They can't see a ruin on the way that it was maybe a lack of trust in them around money that rankles with their partner,

他们看不出这种破坏可能是因为他们在金钱方面缺乏信任，从而惹恼了伴侣，

or that it's been their behavior towards a demanding youngest child that's been hurting.

或者是他们对待要求苛刻的小孩子的态度造成了伤害。

So they lash out in vague or inaccurate directions. 短語動詞

因此，他们会在模糊或不准确的方向上发泄。

Their attacks are either unfairly general or unconvincingly specific.

他们的攻击要么过于笼统而不公平，要么非常具体却难以令人信服。

Someone who is shamed has fundamental doubts about their right to exist.

充满羞耻感的人对自己存在的权利抱有根本的怀疑。

Somewhere in the past,

在过去的某个阶段，

they've probably been imbued with an impression that they don't matter very much, 用詞

他们可能被灌输了这样一种印象：他们并不重要，

that their feelings should be ignored,

他们的感受应该被忽视，

that their happiness is not a priority,

他们的幸福不是优先事项，

that their words don't count. 用詞

他们说的话无足轻重。

Now, once they're in a couple,

如今，一旦他们进入一段恋爱关系，

shamed people hurt like anyone else,

充满羞耻感的人也会像其他人一样感到受伤，

but their capacity to turn their hurt into something another person can understand 語法

但他们将自己的伤害转化为对方能够理解、

and maybe be touched by is very weak.

甚至可能被触动的东西的能力却非常弱。

Shamed people will start to sulk rather than explain. 語法

充满羞耻感的人会开始生闷气，而不是去解释。

They'll hide away rather than share. 短語動詞

他们会躲起来，而不是去分享。

They'll feel secretly wretched

他们会在暗地里感到悲惨，

rather than complaining honestly.

而不是坦诚地抱怨。

It's frequently very late,

通常都太晚了，

far too late,

实在太晚了，

by the time shamed people finally let their lovers know more about the nature of what's driving them to despair. 講解

等到这些充满羞耻感的人终于让他们的爱人更多地了解把他们逼向绝望的原因时。

Complaining well requires an impression that not everything depends on the complaint being heard perfectly right now. 語法

想要好好抱怨，需要有这样一种认知：并不是所有事情都取决于抱怨现在能否被完美地倾听。

Were the points to go a bit wrong with a partner to prove a bit intransigent, 講解

就算事情出了点岔子，伴侣表现得有些固执己见，

one could survive and maybe even take one's love elsewhere.

一个人也能挺过去，甚至可能把爱转移到别处。

Not everything is at stake in every argument. 習語

并不是每次争吵都会赌上一切。

The partner hasn't ruined one's life.

伴侣并没有毁掉你的生活。

One therefore doesn't need to scream, hector, insist, or nag.

因此，我们不需要尖叫、威吓、固执己见或唠叨。

One can deliver a complaint with some of the casualness of a calm teacher who wants an audience to learn, 短語搭配

人们可以像一位平静的老师那样随性地表达不满，这位老师希望听众能学到东西，

but can bear it if they don't; 語法

但如果他们没学进去也能坦然接受；

One could always say what was on one's mind tomorrow or the next day, 習語

人们总是可以把心里的想法留到明天或后天再说，

whenever everybody's had a bit of rest. 語法

等到大家都稍微休息一下之后。

It takes an inner dignity not to mind too much about having to level complaints 講解

只有内心保持尊严，才不会太介意去抱怨

around things that could sound laughably

那些听起来小得可笑、

small or that leave one open to being described as petty or needy. 短語搭配

或者容易让人觉得自己心胸狭窄或黏人的事情。

With too much pride and fear,

由于太多的骄傲和恐惧，

it can become unbearable to admit that one's been upset since lunchtime 語法

承认自己从午餐起就一直心烦意乱可能会变得难以忍受，

because they didn't take one's hand on a walk,

只是因为散步时对方没有牵自己的手，

or that one wishes so much that they would be readier to hug one last thing at night. 語法

或者是自己多么希望晚上睡前对方能更主动地抱抱自己。

One has to feel pretty grown up inside 習語

一个人在内心必须感到足够成熟，

not to be offended by one's own more childlike appetites for reassurance and comfort.

才会不对自己那种更像孩子般渴望安心和安慰的欲望感到冒犯。

It is an achievement to know how to be strong about one's vulnerability. 表達脈絡

懂得如何坚强地面对自己的脆弱，是一项了不起的成就。

One may have said rather too many times from behind a slammed door,

有些人可能已经隔着摔上的门说过太多次，

in a defensive tone,

用防御的语气说，

"No, no, nothing is wrong whatsoever. 用詞

“没，没，什么事也没有。

Go away."

走开。”

when secretly we're longing to be comforted and understood

而暗地里，我们却像个哭泣难过的孩子，

like a weepy upset child.

渴望得到安慰和理解。

Fragile couples often come together with few positive childhood memories of conversations that have worked out. 短語動詞

脆弱的伴侣在走到一起时，往往很少有童年时期关于顺畅沟通的积极记忆。

Early role models may simply have screamed at each other and then despaired. 語法

早期的榜样可能只是对着彼此尖叫，然后陷入绝望。

These people may never have witnessed disagreements 語法

这些人可能从未见过分歧

eventually evolving into mutual understanding and sympathy.

最终演变成相互理解和同情。

They would deeply love to be understood,

他们非常渴望被理解，

but they can bring so few resources to the task of making themselves so. 語法

但他们在让自己被理解这件事上，能投入的资源却太少了。

None of these factors mean a couple will have to split up, 短語動詞

这些因素都不意味着一对伴侣必须分手，

but they are generators of the states of the kind of emotional disconnection

但它们会引发某种情感上的脱节，

that can eventually break two people apart.

最终可能导致两个人分道扬镳。

Outwardly, 表達脈絡

从表面上看，

things may seemingly be well.

一切似乎都很顺利。

A couple can have an interesting social life,

一对伴侣可以有有趣的社交生活，

maybe some lovely children, a new apartment,

也许有可爱的孩子，有新公寓，

but a careful analysis will reveal a high degree of risk.

但仔细分析就会发现很高的风险。

The good news is that knowing a little about the risk factors can help us to identify them in good time 講解

好消息是，了解一些风险因素可以帮助我们及时发现它们，

and, with the help of some good advice,

并在一些好建议的帮助下，

for example, from The School of Life,

例如，来自 The School of Life 的建议，

fix them while there is still time.

趁着还有时间去修复它们。

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请评论，

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点赞并订阅，

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去我们的商店看看 The School of Life 提供的更多内容。