为什么男孩会对喜欢的女孩很刻薄：英语精读讲义

We spend a lot of our lives lying to someone very close 習語

我们一生中有很大一部分时间都在对一个非常亲近的人撒谎，

to home, ourselves.

那就是我们自己。

We lie because so many of the things we feel are humiliating, challenging, strange, and unflattering.

我们撒谎是因为我们的很多感受令人难堪、棘手、奇怪且不讨喜。

We don't just forget to acknowledge our feelings. 短語搭配

我们并不只是忘记了去承认自己的感受。

One part of the mind actively shields the other from uncomfortable truths. 短語搭配

大脑的一部分在主动屏蔽另一部分，使其免受不适真相的影响。

But the cost of our denial is high 習語

但我们否认的代价很高，

because emotions that have not been properly confronted

因为那些没有被妥善面对的情感

lead to psychological impoverishment, brittleness, rage, and deceit. 短語搭配

会导致心理上的贫乏、脆弱、愤怒和欺骗。

It is deeply uncomfortable to want something that one can't have.

想要得到自己无法拥有的东西，会让人感到极度不适。

So, a standard form of denial

因此，一种标准的否认形式

is to reinvent how much one ever really wanted the elusive element in the first place. 短語搭配

就是重新定义自己一开始到底有多想要那个难以企及的东西。

We reevaluate what a thing means to us. 語法

我们会重新评估某件事物对我们的意义。

It might be a job, a holiday, or a person.

它可能是一份工作、一个假期，或者一个人。

When it becomes clear it can never be ours.

当它注定永远无法属于我们时。

It takes exceptional maturity to hold on to the idea 短語動詞

想要坚持这样一个想法需要非凡的成熟度，

that something might be at once precious and yet forever and maddeningly out of reach. 語法

即某样东西可能既无比珍贵，却又永远令人抓狂地遥不可及。

Perhaps you were 14 and entering a new class

也许你当时14岁，刚进入一个新班级，

when you noticed an extraordinary new student,

这时你注意到了一个非常特别的新同学，

taller than you, with grey-green eyes, thick auburn hair,

比你高，有一双灰绿色的眼睛，浓密的红褐色头发，

and an intelligent wry smile.

以及一个聪明而带着嘲弄的微笑。

They were one of the most charming people you'd ever encountered, 語法

他们是你遇到过的最迷人的人之一，

and also utterly beyond you. 習語

但也完全是你高攀不起的。

You were pimply and immature,

你长满痘痘而且不够成熟，

you couldn't do sports,

你不擅长运动，

you weren't great at languages.

你的语言成绩也不好。

Of course, you might have tried to become their friend. 語法

当然，你本可以尝试成为他们的朋友。

You might have shared jokes and chitchat,

你可以和他们开开玩笑，聊聊天，

but this kind of compromise would have hurt too much.

但这种妥协带来的伤害太大了。

So, to reduce the pain, you became nasty.

所以，为了减轻痛苦，你变得很刻薄。

You started to hate the person you liked.

你开始讨厌那个你喜欢的人。

You sought to spoil because you could not have.

因为得不到，你就想去毁掉。

You became mean where you would at one level have wanted to worship. 表達脈絡

在你内心深处想要去崇拜的地方，你却变得刻薄。

You called them a stuck-up idiot and worse. 用詞

你骂他们是自命不凡的白痴，甚至更难听的话。

You organized a group to torment them.

你组织了一群人去折磨他们。

One time, you stole their scarf.

有一次，你偷了他们的围巾。

You escaped your feelings through a denigration that hid not hatred, 表達脈絡

你通过贬低他们来逃避自己的感情，而这种贬低掩盖的不是仇恨，

but at base, a passionate secret love.

而在根本上，是一种热烈而隐秘的爱。

Sometimes our meanness takes drier, more intellectual forms. 短語搭配

有时，我们的刻薄会采取更加冷酷、更加理性的形式。

Perhaps at the office,

也许在办公室里，

you recently sent round a memo headed recruitment policies for Q4 sales team. 講解

你最近发送了一份标题为“第四季度销售团队招聘政策”的备忘录。

In it, you argued in sober prose with numbered paragraphs 用詞

在里面，你用冷静的语言和编号的段落论证道，

that the company shouldn't in the future seek to recruit any more recent university graduates

公司未来不应再寻求招聘任何应届大学毕业生，

on the grounds that they tended not to meet the expectations of clients. 短語搭配

理由是他们往往不能满足客户的期望。

The need for this kind of high-flown self-deception

而这种冠冕堂皇的自欺欺人的需求，

began the day you first laid eyes on the new recruit 習語

始于你第一次看到那个新员工的那一天，

who seemed astonishingly young, enthusiastic, endearing,

对方看起来惊人地年轻、充满热情、惹人喜爱，

and desirable.

而且充满吸引力。

The emotions you felt were a piece of madness for a married middle-aged person.

对于一个已婚的中年人来说，你感受到的情绪简直就是疯了。

The target of your desire was 23

你渴望的对象只有23岁，

with coltish energy and innocent friendliness. 習語

有着像小马驹一样的活力和天真无邪的友善。

On the second week, they tried to ask you what you'd done on the weekend 語法

到了第二周，他们试着问你周末做了什么，

and mentioned that they'd tried windsurfing for the first time.

并提到他们第一次尝试了帆板运动。

You responded by being rather stern. 講解

你却以相当严厉的态度回应。

With colleagues,

和同事在一起时，

you judged their performance in a critical way that seemed just about fair. 用詞

你用一种看似公正的苛刻方式评价他们的表现。

At a committee meeting, you damned them with faint praise, 習語

在委员会会议上，你用明褒暗贬的方式诋毁他们，

and at the earliest opportunity, you made sure their contract was not renewed. 講解

然后一有机会，你就确保他们的合同不会被续签。

Of course, being honest about our real feelings

当然，诚实面对自己的真实感受，

doesn't mean we should always act on them. 短語動詞

并不意味着我们应该总是将其付诸行动。

It's not a good idea to make every feeling known to those it concerns. 語法

把每一种感受都告诉相关的人并不是个好主意。

The choice we face isn't between denial and inaction 表達脈絡

我们面临的选择，并非在否认与无所作为，

or honesty followed by a brusque move on the people around us. 語氣意圖

或是坦诚相待后对身边的人采取唐突行动之间二选一。

We can accept many of our desires

我们能够接纳自己的许多渴望，

without needing to think we should do anything about them. 語法

而无需认为自己应该为此做些什么。

The best way to overcome denial 語法

克服我们对某些人抱有那些不可能的渴望

of some of our more impossible desires for people

而产生的否认心理，最好的方法就是

is to accept who we are, what we want, 表達脈絡

接受我们是谁，接受我们想要什么，

and then sometimes just sit with our hands firmly tied, 習語

然后有时只需把双手牢牢绑住坐着，

reflecting sadly on the deep strangeness and unsatisfactoriness of the human condition. 用詞

悲哀地反思人类处境的深深怪异与不圆满。

But that will be a lot better than self-deception and meanness.

但这总比自欺欺人和尖酸刻薄要好得多。