测一测：你的父母有多合格：英语精读讲义

Strangely and rather awkwardly,

奇怪而又有些尴尬的是，

it seems that no human being can ever really grow up sane unless it's been loved very deeply by somebody else for a number of years in its early life. 語法

似乎没有任何人能真正心理健康地长大，除非在他们生命的早期，有几年被其他人深深地爱过。

But we're still learning what good parents might actually be like. 語法

但我们仍在了解优秀的父母实际上可能是什么样的。

How good were yours?

你的父母有多好？

Here are eight principles of good parenting that you might use to grade them. 用詞

这里有八个良好育儿的原则，你可以用来给他们打分。

A loving parent gets down to the child's level, 習語

一个有爱的父母会放下身段来到孩子的水平，

at times literally dropping down to their height when addressing them,

在对他们说话时，有时真的会蹲下来和他们一样高，

in order to see the world through their eyes. 習語

以便通过他们的眼睛看世界。

They understand that a very young child can't easily fit in with external demands, 短語動詞

他们明白一个非常年幼的孩子很难适应外部的要求，

and that in the early days they must be prioritized and placed at the center of things,

而且在早期，他们必须被优先考虑并置于事物的中心，

not in order to spoil them, 語法

这不是为了宠坏他们，

but in order to give them a chance to grow.

而是为了给他们一个成长的机会。

Loving parents understand that their young offspring's lives revolve around details that are by any adult measure very minor. 習語

有爱的父母明白，他们年幼的孩子的生活围绕着在任何成年人看来都微不足道的细节。

Toddlers will feel enormously happy because they can dig their nails into some putty

蹒跚学步的孩子会感到无比快乐，因为他们可以用指甲抠进一些橡皮泥里

or have a chance to whack their spoon into some peas with energy

或者有机会用力地把勺子敲进豌豆里

or say bah very loudly.

或者很大声地喊“吧”。

And they will feel extremely sad because pet rabbit lost one of its buttons

而他们会感到极度悲伤，因为宠物兔丢了一个纽扣

or a page in a favorite book now has a tear in it.

或者最喜欢的书里有一页撕破了。

The good enough parent feels sufficiently resourceful inside not to hold it against the child that it's making a very big deal out of so-called nothing. 習語

足够好的父母在内心感到足够有办法，不会因为孩子为所谓的无足轻重的小事大惊小怪而责怪他们。

It will follow the child in its excitement over a puddle

他们会理解孩子对一个水坑的兴奋

and in its grief over an uncomfortable sock.

以及对一只不舒服的袜子的悲伤。

It will understand that the child's future ability to be considerate to other people

他们会明白孩子未来体谅他人

and to handle genuine disasters

以及应对真正灾难的能力

will be critically dependent on having had an ample fill of sympathy 講解

将严重依赖于曾经获得过充足的同情

for a range of age-appropriate sorrows. 用詞

来应对一系列符合其年龄的悲伤。

A loving parent will know how to put the best possible interpretation on behavior that might seem to others to be pretty unfortunate. 短語搭配

一个有爱的父母会知道如何对可能在别人看来相当糟糕的行为做出最好的解释。

The small child isn't just a troublemaker, 表達脈絡

小孩不只是一个捣蛋鬼，

but it has of course been very upset by the arrival of a sibling.

他当然是因为兄弟姐妹的到来而感到非常不安。

It isn't anti-social,

他并不是反社会，

but it does find a small circle of familiar people especially soothing. 語法

而是确实发现一小群熟悉的人特别能让他感到安心。

It isn't a nightmare,

他不是个恶魔，

but it does surely need to go to bed pretty soon.

但他肯定很快就需要上床睡觉了。

This capacity for imaginative,

这种充满想象力、

kindly explanations

善意的解释能力

will go on to mold the workings of the child's own conscience. 語法

将继续塑造孩子自身良知的运作方式。

It will learn the art of self-forgiveness. 習語

他将学会自我宽恕的艺术。

It won't have to torture itself for its mistakes.

他不必为自己的错误而折磨自己。

It won't suffer the ravages of self-loathing or ever,

他不会遭受自我厌恶的蹂躏，甚至，

when it messes up badly, 短語動詞

当他把事情搞得很砸时，

be tempted to take its own life.

也不会产生轻生的念头。

The loving parent will feel sufficiently sane to allow a child to be a bit weird for a while,

有爱的父母会感到自己足够理智，允许孩子在一段时间内表现得有点奇怪，

knowing that so-called weird is actually part of normal development.

知道所谓的奇怪实际上是正常发育的一部分。

It won't get flustered that the child has decided to pretend it's an animal 用詞

当孩子决定假装自己是一只动物

or wants to eat only red-colored foods

或者只想吃红色的食物

or has an imaginary friend living in the tree at the end of the garden.

或者在花园尽头的树上住着一个想象中的朋友时，他们不会感到慌乱。

The adult will have faith in sanity emerging

这个成年人会相信理智终将出现

and in the wisdom of exploring a lot of possible options

并且相信在选择安定于理性之前，

before choosing to settle on reason. 短語動詞

探索大量可能选项是明智的。

It will be able to remain calm over some intense tantrums and obsessions.

他们能够在强烈的脾气和痴迷面前保持冷静。

It won't need to shut down irreverence at every turn. 講解

他们不需要动辄压制不敬的行为。

It will be patient around low moods and unruffled by adolescent surliness. 用詞

他们会对低落的情绪保持耐心，并且不会被青春期的暴躁所激怒。

The parent won't assign labels to the child that might fix it in a role it was only trying out. 習語

父母不会给孩子贴上可能将其固定在他只是试图尝试的角色上的标签。

It will be wary of telling a child that it is the angry one, 短語搭配

他们会警惕告诉孩子他是个容易生气的人，

the little philosopher,

一个小哲学家，

or even the kind one.

甚至是一个善良的人。

It will allow the child the luxury of picking its own identity. 習語

他们会允许孩子享有选择自己身份的特权。

The good parent knows that children may well cling for a long time

好的父母知道孩子很可能会在很长一段时间内黏人

and will never dismiss this natural need for reassurance in pejorative terms. 用詞

并且绝不会用贬义词来打发这种对安心感的自然需求。

It won't tell the child to buck up and be a good little man or a nice young lady 習語

他们不会告诉孩子振作起来，做一个好男儿或者好姑娘

who can make me proud.

来让我感到骄傲。

It will know that those who end up securely attached and able to tolerate absence 語法

他们会知道，那些最终建立安全依恋并能够忍受分离的人

are those who were originally allowed to have as much dependence and connection

是那些最初被允许拥有尽可能多的依赖和联系的人

as they needed.

如他们所需要的那样。

There will be few requests to be brave at the school gates.

他们几乎不会在学校门口要求孩子表现得勇敢。

A good parent won't set themselves up as an impossibly glamorous or remote figure, 短語動詞

一个好的父母不会把自己塑造成一个高不可攀的迷人或冷漠的形象，

someone whom the child may be tempted to idealize and ruminate over from afar. 用詞

一个孩子可能会受到诱惑而去理想化并在远处反复琢磨的人。

They will know how to be present and very ordinary around the house,

他们会知道如何在家里展现出在场且非常普通的一面，

dignified perhaps,

也许很端庄，

but also on occasion ratty,

但偶尔也会暴躁，

forgetful, silly,

健忘、愚蠢，

and greedily keen to have too much dessert.

并且贪婪地想要吃太多甜点。

The good parent will know that parental quirks and flaws

好的父母会知道，父母的怪癖和缺点

are there to remind a child to reconcile itself to its own humanity 短語動詞

的存在是为了提醒孩子与其自身的人性达成和解

and also,

并且，

eventually,

最终，

to leave home and get on with their own lives. 短語動詞

离开家，过上他们自己的生活。

A good parent will know how to appear very boring.

一个好的父母会知道如何显得非常无聊。

It will understand that what a child chiefly needs is a source of reliable calm, 表達脈絡

他们会明白，孩子主要需要的是一个可靠的平静源泉，

not fireworks and excitement.

而不是烟花和刺激。

It has enough of these inside its own mind.

孩子的大脑里已经有足够多这种东西了。

It should be there in the same place,

父母应该留在同一个地方，

saying more or less the same things for decades.

几十年来大致说着同样的话。

It should take care to be predictable and to edit out its surprising moods. 習語

他们应该小心地保持可预测性，并过滤掉令人惊讶的情绪波动。

The child doesn't need a full picture of every perturbation and temptation

孩子不需要了解每一个困扰和诱惑的全貌，

coursing through its carers' minds. 習語

这些想法在照顾他们的脑海中流淌。

The parent accepts that Mummy or Daddy are roles, 表達脈絡

父母接受，妈妈或爸爸只是角色，

not full representations.

而不是完整的个体表现。

It should be the privilege of every child not to have to know its parents in complete detail.

每一个孩子都应享有不必详尽了解其父母的特权。

The good parent isn't looking for a balanced relationship.

好的父母并不寻求一种平衡的关系。

It's happy to give unilaterally. 用詞

他们乐于单方面付出。

It doesn't need to be asked how its day was

他们不需要被问及今天过得怎么样

or what it thinks of the government's new policy on insurance.

或者对政府关于保险的新政策有什么看法。

It knows that a child should be able to take a parent substantially for granted. 習語

他们知道孩子应该能够理所当然地接受父母的付出。

The parent's reward for all their work won't ever be direct. 習語

父母对所有工作的回报永远不会是直接的。

It will arrive by noting in many years time

这份回报将在多年以后到来，当他们注意到

that their child has just developed into a very good parent themselves.

他们的孩子刚刚自己成长为一个非常优秀的父母时。

Put simply, 表達脈絡

简而言之，

love is the considerate,

爱是体贴、

tender,

温柔、

hugely patient behavior displayed by an adult over many years towards a child

一个成年人多年来对一个孩子展现出的极度耐心的行为，

who cannot help but be largely out of control, 語法

而这个孩子无可避免地在很大程度上会失控、

confused,

迷茫、

frustrating,

令人沮丧、

and bewildered.

和不知所措。

All in order that this child might over time grow into an adult 表達脈絡

这一切都是为了让这个孩子随着时间的推移能够成长为一个成年人，

who can take its place in society without too much of a loss of spontaneity, 習語

一个能够在这个社会中找到自己的位置，而不会失去太多自发性，

without too much terror,

不会有太多的恐惧，

and with a basic trust in its own capacities and chances of fulfillment.

并且对自己能力和实现自我的机会抱有基本的信任的成年人。

It should be a matter of global consternation that despite our many advances, 用詞

令人感到全球震惊的应该是，尽管我们取得了许多进步，

we are still only at the dawn of knowing how to ensure 習語

我们仍然处于知道如何确保的黎明阶段

that we all have the loving childhoods we deserve.

确保我们所有人都能拥有我们应得的充满爱的童年。

How to overcome your childhood is a book

《如何克服你的童年》是一本书，

that teaches us how character is developed,

它教会我们性格是如何发展的，

the concept of emotional inheritance,

情感遗传的概念，

the formation of our concepts of being good or bad,

我们对好与坏的概念的形成，

and the impact of parental styles of love on the way we choose adult partners.

以及父母爱的风格对我们选择成年伴侣的方式的影响。