童年不幸的人如何面对批评：英语精读讲义

Criticism is never easy.

面对批评从来都不是件容易的事。

To learn that others judge us to be foolish, 語法

得知别人认为我们愚蠢、

perverse,

乖戾、

ugly,

丑陋、

or unpleasant

或令人生厌，

is one of the most challenging aspects of any life. 語法

是每个人生命中最具挑战性的事情之一。

However,

然而，

the impact of criticism is hugely variable

批评带来的影响因人而异，

and depends ultimately on a rather unexpected detail. 表達脈絡

且最终取决于一个出人意料的细节。

What sort of childhood we have had.

那就是我们有过怎样的童年。

The clue as to whether criticism will be experienced as merely unpleasant 語法

为什么有的人觉得批评只是有些刺耳，

or wholly catastrophic

有的人却觉得它是灭顶之灾？

lies in what happened to us many decades ago

线索就在几十年前发生在我们身上的事情里，

in the hands of our earliest caregivers. 習語

在我们最早的照料者手中。

What is meant by a bad childhood 語法

这里所说的糟糕童年，

is here a matter rather simply of love.

简单来说，关乎的是爱。

An infant arrives in the world with a very limited capacity 短語搭配

婴儿初降人世时，能力非常有限，

to endure their own being.

难以独自承受自身的存在。

It is the tolerance, 語法

正是另一个人的包容、

enthusiasm,

热情、

and forgiveness of another person

和宽恕，

that gradually acclimatizes us to existence. 用詞

让我们逐渐适应了生存。

Our caregivers' characteristic way of looking at us 表達脈絡

照料者看待我们的固有方式，

becomes the way we consider ourselves.

会变成我们看待自己的方式。

It's by being loved by another 語法

正是通过被另一个人爱着，

that we acquire the art of looking sympathetically 短語搭配

我们才学会了如何带着同理心，

on our cracked and troublesome beings.

去看待自己这残破且麻烦的存在。

It's simply not in our remit 用詞

仅仅依靠自己去相信自己，

to believe in ourselves on our own.

是我们根本做不到的事。

We are utterly reliant on an inner sense 短語搭配

我们完全依赖于一种内心的确信：

of having been valued inordinately by another person 語法

即在生命之初，曾被另一个人无比珍视，

at the start

这也是一种保护，

as a protection against the subsequent neglect of the world. 短語搭配

用来抵御日后世界上遭遇的冷落。

We don't need to be loved by many.

我们不需要被很多人爱。

One will do, 短語搭配

一个就够了，

and 12 years might be enough,

12年可能就足够了，

16 ideally.

16年当然最理想。

But without it,

但如果没有这份爱，

the eternal admiration of millions

哪怕有几百万人永远仰慕我们，

won't ever be able to convince us of our goodness.

也无法让我们相信自己足够好。

And with such a love,

而如果拥有了这种爱，

the scorn of millions

哪怕遭受数百万人的唾弃，

won't ever need to be fatal.

也不至于致命。

Bad childhoods have an unfortunate tendency 短語搭配

糟糕的童年有一个不幸的倾向，

to drive us to seek out situations 短語動詞

那就是驱使我们去寻找那些情境，

in which there is a theoretical possibility

在那些情境中，理论上有可能

of receiving outsized approval, 用詞

获得超乎寻常的认可，

which also means along the way

这同时也意味着在此过程中，

a high risk of encountering

遇到极大概率的

outsized disapproval.

巨大非议。

The emotionally deprived return

情感匮乏的人会近乎疯狂地

almost manically to the question,

回到一个从未真正解决的疑问，

never really settled,

也就是，

of do I deserve to exist?

我配存在吗？

And this is why they typically put unusual effort 短語搭配

这也是为什么他们通常会付出极大的努力，

into attempts to be famous and visibly successful.

试图出名和取得显赫的成功。

But of course,

但是当然，

the world at large 習語

这个大千世界

will never give the emotionally nervous

永远不会给这些情感脆弱的人

the unqualified confirmation they seek.

他们所渴求的无条件确认。

There will always be dissenters and critics,

世界上总会有反对者和批评者，

people too bashed about by their own pasts 習語

那些被自己的过去打击得遍体鳞伤的人，

to be able to be kind to others.

无法对他人友善。

And it's to these voices 語法

而正是这些声音，

that those with bad childhoods

会吸引那些童年糟糕的人

will be attuned,

侧耳倾听，

however enthusiastic the crowd as a whole might be. 語法

哪怕人群整体上再怎么热情。

We can observe along the way

我们顺便可以观察到，

that the chief marker of being a good parent

作为一个好父母的主要标志，

is that one's child simply has zero interest

就是你的孩子对被大批陌生人喜爱

in being liked by large numbers of strangers.

毫无兴趣。

We don't all hear the same thing

面对批评时，

when we are criticized.

我们听到的并不都是一样的。

Some of us, the lucky ones,

我们当中一些幸运的人，

hear just the surface message

只会听到此时此地

from the here and now. 習語

表面传达的信息。

For example,

例如，

that our work fell short of expectations, 短語動詞

我们的工作没有达到预期，

that we must try harder with our assignments,

我们做任务时还得更加努力，

that our book,

我们的书、

film, or song wasn't excellent.

电影或歌曲不够出色。

This can be bearable.

这通常还能承受。

But the more wounded among us

但我们中那些受过更多伤的人

hear far more.

听到的远不止这些。

Criticism takes them straight back to the primordial injury, 短語動詞

批评将他们直接带回了最初的创伤，

an attack now becomes entwined 習語

眼前的攻击与

with the attacks of the past

过去的攻击纠缠在一起，

and grows enormous

变得巨大无比，

and unmanageable in its intensity.

强度大到无法控制。

The boss or unfriendly colleague

那个老板或是不友好的同事

becomes the parent who let us down. 短語動詞

变成了让我们失望的父母。

Everything is pulled into question.

一切都受到了质疑。

Not only was the work subpar, 語法

不仅工作不达标，

we are a wretch,

我们还是个可怜虫，

an undeserved being,

一个不配存在的生物，

a piece of excrement,

一堆垃圾，

the worst person in the world.

世界上最糟糕的人。

For that's how it all felt

因为这就是当年

back then

在那个脆弱、

in a fragile,

毫无防备的婴儿心智中，

defenseless infant mind.

一切感受的样子。

Knowing more about our tricky childhoods

更多地了解我们棘手的童年，

provides us with a vital line of defense 習語

能为我们提供一道至关重要的防线，

against the effects of criticism.

抵御批评的影响。

It means that we can be on our guard 習語

这意味着当我们受到攻击时，

when we are attacked

我们能够保持警惕，

against raising the stakes unnecessarily. 習語

避免不必要地放大伤害。

We can learn to separate out the verdict of today 短語動詞

我们可以学着把今天的评判，

from the emotional verdict

与我们随身携带的、

we are carrying around with us 短語動詞

总是试图通过时事来确认的

and always seeking to confirm

情绪上的评判，

with the use of current events.

区分开来。

We can learn that

我们可以明白，

however sad the attacks we are facing, 語法

无论我们面临的攻击多么令人难过，

they are as nothing 習語

它们都算不了什么，

next to the real tragedy

相比于真正的悲剧

and the effective cause of our sadness,

以及导致我们悲伤的真正原因，

that things went wrong back then. 短語動詞

那就是当年发生的不幸。

And so,

因此，

we can direct our attention 語法

我们可以把注意力

to where it really belongs,

转向它真正该去的地方，

away from today's critics

远离今天的批评者，

and towards the unconvinced parent of yesteryear.

转向昔日那些不认可我们的父母。

We can forgive ourselves for being in this area

我们可以原谅自己陷入这样的境地，

through no fault of our own, 習語

这不是我们的错，

fatefully sensitive,

我们只是不可避免地敏感，

and in essence,

从本质上来说，

mentally unwell. 用詞

是心理上不太健康。

We cannot stop the attacks of the world, 表達脈絡

我们无法阻止外界的攻击，

but we can,

但我们可以，

through an exploration of our histories,

通过探寻我们的过往，

change what they mean to us.

改变它们对我们的意义。

We can also,

重要的是，

importantly,

我们也可以

get a second chance. 短語搭配

获得第二次机会。

We can go back and correct

我们可以回去纠正

the original verdict of the world. 習語

世界最初的评判。

We can take measures to expose ourselves 短語搭配

我们可以采取行动，将自己暴露在

to the gaze of friends,

朋友的注视下，

or more ideally,

或者更理想的话，

of a talented psychotherapist

一位优秀的心理治疗师面前，

who can hold up a more benign mirror 習語

他们能够举起一面更温和的镜子，

and teach us a lesson

教给我们本该在最初

that should have been gifted us 用詞

就像礼物一样被给予我们的

from the start.

那一课。

That,

那就是，

like every human,

像所有人一样，

whatever our flaws, 語法

无论我们有什么缺点，

we deserve to be here. 語氣意圖

我们都有资格存在于此。

At The School of Life,

在 The School of Life，

we believe that confidence is a skill we can learn.

我们相信自信是一项可以学习的技能。

Our confidence prompt cards

我们的自信提示卡

are designed to help us master this mysterious art.

旨在帮助我们掌握这门神秘的艺术。

Click now to learn more.

现在点击了解更多。