我们为害怕孤独付出了高昂的代价：英语精读讲义

It's not hard to understand the fear of being alone.

害怕孤独并不难理解。

The empty apartment after work,

下班后空荡荡的公寓，

the eeriness of Sunday afternoons,

星期日下午的怪异宁静，

the sense of exclusion during the holidays.

节假日期间的被排斥感。

We know the agonies of being on our own very well.

我们非常清楚独自一人的痛苦。

What's far less well understood is the enormously high price exacted on the other side of the equation. 講解

但人们往往不太了解的是，在等式的另一边，我们为此付出了极高的代价。

The fear of being alone is perhaps responsible for more unhappy relationships,

对孤独的恐惧可能是导致更多不幸的关系、

more throttling of psychological development,

更多心理发展的受阻、

and more pent up misery than almost any other. 短語搭配

以及更多压抑痛苦的罪魁祸首，几乎超过其他任何因素。

It is by any reckoning one of the single greatest contributors to human misery 短語搭配

无论怎么算，它都是导致人类痛苦的最大单一因素之一，

and the driver of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions. 用詞

也是我们做出某些最沉重、最不幸决定背后的驱动力。

If only we were able to get the costs of what is for the most part a simple misapprehension 語法

只要我们能够把这些在很大程度上仅仅是误解所带来的代价

clear in our minds,

在脑海中理清，

we might save ourselves a substantial portion of our lives.

我们或许就能挽救自己生命中很大的一部分。

We can pick out at least seven unnecessary penalties. 短語動詞

我们至少可以挑出七种不必要的惩罚。

For a start, and most obviously, 表達脈絡

首先，也是最明显的，

people who are afraid of being alone

害怕孤独的人

make some very wrong choices around the company that they keep. 短語搭配

在选择伴侣时会做出非常错误的决定。

They have no option but to privilege anyone over the appropriate one. 講解

他们别无选择，只能把随便什么人都置于合适的那个之上。

They don't have the strength to be able to hold out

他们没有足够的力量去坚持等待，

as one must for the 20th or 200th candidate.

而一个人必须坚持到第20个或第200个候选人。

The only souls with any realistic chance of ending up with the partner they deserve 短語動詞

唯一有现实机会最终能和他们配得上的伴侣在一起的人，

are those who've properly reconciled themselves 短語搭配

是那些已经妥善接受了

to the prospect of perhaps never being with anyone at all.

也许永远不会和任何人在一起的可能性的灵魂。

Being with not quite the right person sounds almost bearable,

和一个不那么合适的人在一起听起来似乎还可以忍受，

but extended over time, like a proverbial pebble in a shoe, 習語

但随着时间的推移，就像传说中鞋子里的一粒沙，

slightly wrong ends up indistinguishable from entirely horrific. 語法

轻微的不合适最终会变得与彻头彻尾的恐怖毫无区别。

Every beautiful location we travel to together will be ruined,

我们一起去的每一个美丽的地方都将被毁掉，

every promising moment will be trampled upon,

每一个充满希望的时刻都将被践踏，

every success will be compromised.

每一次成功都会大打折扣。

What may begin as slight fractiousness or tedium winds up as cataclysmic irritation, 短語動詞

原本可能是轻微的急躁或乏味，最终会演变成灾难性的愤怒、

self-disgust, sexual misery, broken finances,

自我厌恶、性苦闷、财务破产，

and the kind of excruciating loneliness that, ironically,

以及一种令人痛不欲生的孤独感，讽刺的是，

merely and innocently being on our own would never have the power to generate.

这种孤独感单纯无辜地靠我们自己是绝对无法产生的。

Furthermore, when terrified of loneliness,

此外，当我们在害怕孤独时，

we have no strength to argue for our needs within any relationship.

在任何关系中，我们都没有力量去为自己的需求据理力争。

One is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less. 習語

一个人总是受制于那个不那么害怕孤独的人。

Partners develop an advanced sense of the person who has nowhere else to go.

伴侣对于那个无处可去的人会产生一种高阶的直觉。

It's no use stamping our feet after an argument and saying, 講解

在争吵后跺着脚说

"I've had enough," 語氣意圖

"我受够了，" 是没有用的，

when in reality everyone knows that we will never have had enough. 表達脈絡

因为在现实中，大家都知道我们永远不会真的受够。

So scared are we of having dinner on our own. 語法

我们太害怕一个人吃晚餐了。

We can't now imagine ever knowing how to change the dishwasher fluid alone,

我们现在无法想象曾经知道该如何独自更换洗碗机的洗涤剂，

walking into a party by ourselves,

独自走进一场派对，

or taking the initiative to send our nephew's birthday presents. 短語搭配

或者主动去送侄子的生日礼物。

So used have we become to using the other person to compensate for our weaknesses. 語法

我们已经如此习惯于利用另一个人来弥补自己的弱点。

We experience none of the bracing, but also educative pressures 用詞

我们没有经历过那种振奋人心但也具有教育意义的压力，

visited upon the single who have no choice but to overcome their inhibitions.

那些单身人士别无选择只能克服自身抑制所承受的压力。

Those brave souls who have to learn how to garden,

那些必须学习如何做园艺的勇敢灵魂，

go on holidays in the mountains, endure empty weekends,

去山里度假，忍受空虚的周末，

call up their mother, or cook a chicken 短語動詞

给母亲打电话，或者炖一只鸡，

and thereby achieve the resilient competence upon which true social discrimination and liberty rest. 講解

从而获得这种坚韧的能力，这才是真正的社交辨识力和自由的基础。

For those who have too lightly signed away their freedoms, 短語動詞

对于那些过早轻易放弃自由的人来说，

there are sure to be constant and searing reminders of what they've forgone. 語法

肯定会有不断而痛苦的提醒，告诉他们失去了什么。

Every party and every walk down a busy street

每一场派对和每一次走在熙熙攘攘的街道上，

will provide evidence of what might have been. 習語

都会提供本可以怎样的证据。

All those potentially fascinating or charming members of humanity

人类中所有那些潜在迷人或充满魅力的成员，

they have now forever been disbarred from getting to know 用詞

他们现在已经永远失去了去认识的资格，

because they were so unnaturally scared

因为他们极其反常地害怕

of having a bed to themselves for a few more years.

在接下来几年里要独自占有一张床。

It isn't just other people we won't get to know. 表達脈絡

我们无法了解的不仅仅是别人。

It's also ourselves.

还有我们自己。

The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our own minds 習語

伴侣的持续存在阻止了我们与自己的内心做朋友，

and exploring our feelings and ideas

并探索我们的感受和想法，

in a way that only extended stretches of solitude allow.

以一种只有长时间的独处才允许的方式。

We use another person to distract us

我们利用另一个人来分散自己的注意力，

whenever any slightly painful or challenging internal matter comes into view. 短語動詞

每当任何稍微痛苦或具有挑战性的内心问题出现时。

There ends up being so much we won't ever really feel or understand about ourselves. 語法

最终会有太多我们永远不会真正感受或了解自己的地方。

So many big questions about our careers and our ultimate purpose that we will ignore

那么多关于我们职业和最终目标的重大问题，我们会选择忽视，

because there was always someone else on hand 短語搭配

因为手边总是有另一个人

to chat to about what to order in for dinner. 短語動詞

可以聊聊晚餐该点些什么。

Worst of all, we might not even be actively miserable after a while. 表達脈絡

最糟糕的是，过了一段时间我们可能甚至都不再感到明显的痛苦了。

We'll grow used to cozy mediocrity. 語法

我们会习惯于舒适的平庸。

We won't be curious or restless.

我们将不再好奇，不再焦躁。

We won't dare, as the single must,

我们将不敢像单身者必须做的那样，

to go up to strangers and risk our pride. 短語動詞

去走向陌生人并拿我们的自尊去冒险。

We'll stop learning.

我们将停止学习。

We'll believe that we've answered our needs completely,

我们会相信自己已经完全满足了自身的需求，

but only on the basis of suppressing our knowledge of what our needs really are. 短語搭配

但这仅仅是建立在压抑我们对自身真正需求认知的的基础之上。

To start to correct everything that stems from this ridiculous fear of being alone, 短語動詞

为了开始纠正由这种荒谬的害怕孤独而引发的一切，

we should, from a young age, 短語搭配

我们应该从小就，

learn that being alone never means there is something wrong with us, 表達脈絡

学习到独自一人从不意味着我们有问题，

just that we are being appropriately patient until what truly satisfies us shows up, 短語動詞

只是我们在进行适当的等待，直到真正满足我们的人出现，

if indeed it ever does. 語法

如果那个人真的会出现的话。

We have a choice.

我们有选择的权利。

We have not been punished.

我们并没有受到惩罚。

We will never learn the true promise of community,

我们永远学不会群体真正的承诺，

discover our own interests,

发现我们自己的兴趣，

or hold out for the connections we deserve 短語動詞

或者坚持寻找我们应得的联系，

until we make genuine peace with the prospect of a life by ourselves. 短語搭配

直到我们真心与独自生活的可能和解。

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