如何停止对前任的怀念：英语精读讲义

After considerable agony,

经历了巨大的痛苦之后，

we've left a relationship.

我们结束了一段感情。

We're on our own now,

现在我们独自生活，

and when we can bear to be honest,

当我们能坦诚面对自己时，

it is a little bit harder than we expected.

会发现这比我们预期的要稍微艰难一些。

We aren't going on so many dates.

我们不再频繁地去约会。

The central heating broke down last week. 短語動詞

中央供暖系统上周坏了。

The shopping is proving a hurdle. 用詞

连购物也成了一道难关。

In idle moments,

在闲暇的时刻，

we find ourselves daydreaming, 語法

我们发现自己开始做白日梦，

returning fondly to certain occasions

深情地回忆起一些场景，

in the recently concluded relationship.

那些存在于刚刚结束的感情里的场景。

There was that wintry weekend by the sea.

那是一个海边的寒冬周末。

They looked adorable walking on the beach in their thick scarf.

裹着厚围巾走在沙滩上的他们看起来那么可爱。

We fed the seagulls and drank cheap white wine from paper cups on the seafront

我们在海滨喂海鸥，用纸杯喝着廉价的白葡萄酒，

and felt connected and happy.

感到彼此相连、幸福无比。

We're newly conscious of the charm

我们重新意识到了那种魅力，

of so many things that seemed ordinary at the time.

属于许多当时看似平凡的事物的魅力。

Coming out of the supermarket,

从超市走出来，

putting everything away in the fridge and the cupboards,

把东西一一放进冰箱和橱柜，

making soup and toasted cheese

煮汤、烤奶酪，

and watching TV on the sofa.

然后坐在沙发上看电视。

With these thoughts in our minds,

脑海中浮现出这些画面，

we feel weepy and tender

我们感到想哭又心软，

and at points distinctly tempted to call the ex up again. 短語動詞

甚至在某些瞬间，产生强烈冲动想再次给前任打电话。

They would,

他们会，

we suspect,

我们猜想，

allow us back,

允许我们回去，

or at least give us a hearing. 習語

或者至少给我们一个倾听的机会。

What can we make of our feelings? 短語動詞

我们该如何理解自己的感受？

It might be that we have realized a genuine mistake,

也许是我们意识到自己犯了一个真正的错误，

but it's even more likely

但更有可能的是，

that we are in the grip of a characteristic mental habit 習語

我们陷入了一种典型的思维习惯，

of the newly single,

属于刚刚单身、

facing the vertigo of independence, 習語

面临独立所带来眩晕感的人——

nostalgia.

怀旧。

In the middle of the 19th century,

在19世纪中叶，

Britain underwent industrial and scientific revolutions

英国经历了工业和科学革命，

that transformed old settled ways of life,

这改变了古老而稳定的生活方式，

ripping apart communities, 短語動詞

撕裂了社区，

throwing people together in large and anonymous cities, 短語動詞

将人们随意抛入庞大而陌生的大城市，

and dislocating the loyalties and certainties

并瓦解了

once offered by religion.

宗教曾经提供的忠诚与确定性。

In a search for ways to soften the confusion,

为了寻找缓解这种混乱感的方法，

artists and thinkers began to imagine

艺术家和思想家们开始想象

what a better world might look like, 語法

一个更美好的世界可能是什么样子，

and in certain circles,

而在某些圈子里，

the search turned towards the past,

这种寻找转向了过去，

and more specifically,

更具体地说，

towards the perceived wisdom,

转向了中世纪

coherence, and contentment of the Middle Ages. 文化背景

被认为所拥有的智慧、凝聚力与满足感。

While railway lines were being laid down

当铁路线正在被铺设

across the land and telegraph cables

横跨陆地，电报电缆

under the seas,

深入海底时，

members of the artistic class celebrated

艺术阶层的成员们在赞颂

the simple innocent communities that they proposed

他们所主张的那些淳朴天真的社区，

had existed in the 12th and 13th centuries.

声称它们存在于12和13世纪。

Art works depicted handsome,

艺术作品描绘了英俊、

uneducated, but happy laborers,

虽未受教育却快乐的劳工，

cheerful villagers celebrating harvests,

欢庆丰收的快活村民，

and kindly lords and ladies

以及善良的领主和贵妇

ministering to the deserving poor.

照顾着值得同情的穷人。

There seemed to be no violence,

那里似乎没有暴力、

alienation, fear or cruelty.

疏离、恐惧或残忍。

No one minded not having much heating

没有人介意暖气不足，

or subsisting on a meager diet of oats 短語搭配

也没有人介意靠少量的燕麦

and the odd piece of lard.

和零星的猪油勉强度日。

It had, it was alleged,

据称，

been very much easier back then,

在那个时候生活要容易得多，

in the thatched cottages and pious stone churches.

在那些茅草屋和虔诚的石头教堂里。

At the heart of the nostalgic attitude 語法

怀旧态度的核心，

is a disregard for why things ever changed

在于无视事情为什么会发生改变，

and might have needed to do so. 語法

以及为何当时可能需要这种改变。

For the nostalgic,

对于怀旧者来说，

the past never required alteration or development.

过去从来不需要被改变或发展。

History moved on, 短語動詞

历史虽然向前推进了，

but for no sane reason.

但却没有一个合理的理由。

The complexities of the present moment

当下时刻的复杂性

are in this sense deemed wholly accidental. 用詞

在这种意义上被认为是完全偶然的。

They are not the tricky byproducts

它们不是为了寻求成长和进步

of a legitimate search for growth and progress,

而产生的棘手副产品，

away from what must have been, 語法

也不是为了逃离某种曾经的安排，

at some level,

在某种程度上，

despite the odd delightful occasion,

尽管有偶尔的愉快时刻，

perhaps at harvest time or on a midsummer morning,

也许在丰收时节或仲夏的早晨，

an intolerable previous arrangement.

那种安排其实是让人无法忍受的。

The nostalgic can't accept that the present,

怀旧者无法接受，现在的状况

whatever its faults, 語法

无论它有多少缺点，

came about because of inescapable difficulties with the past. 短語動詞

都是由于过去无法回避的困难而产生的。

They insist that we had already once been perfectly happy,

他们坚持认为，我们曾经完美地幸福过，

then mysteriously changed everything for the worse

然后神秘地把一切都变糟了，

because we forgot we had been so.

因为我们忘记了我们曾经那么幸福。

Relationships can find us reasoning no less selectively. 語法

在感情问题上，我们的推理方式同样也会极具选择性。

Here, too,

在这里也一样，

it can feel as if we must once have been content 語法

感觉就像是我们曾经一定很满足，

and then grew ungrateful through error and inattention.

然后因为错误和疏忽变得不知感恩。

Yet, in locating profound satisfaction in the past,

然而，把深刻的满足感归结于过去，

we are crediting our earlier selves with too little acumen. 短語搭配

是我们太小看了从前自己的敏锐度。

The truth about what a relationship is like

关于一段关系到底是什么样子的真相，

is best ascertained not when we are feeling low, 語法

最好的探明时机不是在我们情绪低落时，

six months or a few years after its conclusion,

即在它结束六个月或几年后，

but from what we must have known

而是从我们曾经肯定知道的事情中，

when we were in its midst.

当我们身处其中时。

When we were most familiar with all the facts

当我们对所有的事实最为熟悉时，

upon which we made our slow and deliberate decision to leave.

正是基于这些事实，我们做出了那个缓慢而深思熟虑的离开决定。

The specific grounds for our dissatisfactions

我们不满的具体理由

tend to evaporate. 習語

往往会蒸发消失。

We edit out the rows, 短語動詞

我们剪辑掉了那些争吵，

the botched trips,

糟糕的旅行，

the sexual frustrations,

性生活上的挫败，

the stubborn standoffs.

以及固执的僵持。

The mind is a squeamish organ. 習語

大脑是一个脆弱娇气的器官。

It doesn't like to entertain bad news 用詞

它不喜欢去琢磨坏消息，

unless there is a highly present danger

除非有高度迫切的危险

to be attended to. 短語動詞

需要被处理。

But knowing our amnesiac tendencies, 語法

但既然知道我们有健忘的倾向，

we can be certain that profound unpleasantness must have existed,

我们就能肯定，那种深刻的不愉快一定存在过，

for there would otherwise have been no explanation 語法

因为除此之外，

for our decision to rip our situation apart. 短語動詞

无法解释我们为什么决定要撕裂原有的状况。

We would never have needed to act 語法

我们根本就不需要采取行动，

if things had ever remotely been as gratifying

如果事情曾经哪怕只有一点点像

as we are now nostalgically assuming they were.

我们现在怀旧地认为的那样令人满意。

The portrait we are painting of the relationship 習語

我们为那段关系描绘的画像

is emerging not from knowledge, 表達脈絡

不是出于认知，

but from loneliness and apprehension.

而是出于孤独和忧虑。

Furthermore, our sense of ourselves as people

此外，我们认为自己

who could be satisfied with what was on offer 短語搭配

能够对曾经提供的事物感到满足，

is as untrue to our own nature 語法

这种感觉完全不符合我们的本性，

as is the fantasy of a modern urban dweller

就像一个现代都市人的幻想，

who dreams they might find enduring happiness

梦想着他们可能在

in a medieval wooden hut.

一间中世纪的木屋里找到持久的幸福。

The solution to the problem of satisfying our needs 表達脈絡

解决满足我们需求这一问题的办法，

is not to hallucinate that they don't exist.

不是产生幻觉认为它们不存在。

It is to square up to them 短語動詞

而是勇敢直面它们，

and use every ingenuity we're capable of

并用我们所能具备的所有聪明才智

to devise workable solutions for them.

为它们设计出可行的解决方案。

We should trust not what we feel now, 表達脈絡

我们不应该相信我们现在的感受，

in our weepy, disconsolate state,

在我们想哭、悲痛的状态下，

but what we must have known then.

而是要相信我们当时一定知道的那些事。

A simple rule of thumb emerges. 習語

一个简单的经验法则由此产生。

We must invariably trust the decisions we took

我们必须始终相信我们所做的决定，

when we had the maximal information

当我们掌握了最多的信息

to hand upon which we made them,

并基于此做出决定时，

not when we have emotional incentives

而不是当我们有情绪上的动机

to change our minds and mold ourselves 習語

去改变主意并把自己塑造成

into a caricature of an easily-gratified creature.

一个极易被满足的生物的漫画形象时。

There were persuasive reasons,

曾经肯定有令人信服的理由，

even if in our sadness, 語法

哪怕现在沉浸在悲伤中的我们

we now can't remember a single one.

连一个都想不起来。

Returning to the past wouldn't make us content.

回到过去不会让我们满足。

It would merely,

它只会，

at great cost to all involved, 短語搭配

让所有人都付出巨大代价，

remind us of why change was, in the end,

提醒我们为什么改变在最后，

so necessary.

是如此必要。

We need to accept that good things did exist, 語法

我们需要接受美好的事物确实存在过，

but that they were no proper solution

但它们并不是针对

to certain of our well-founded emergent needs. 用詞

某些我们有理有据的新兴需求的合适解决方案。

It means accepting that we are as complicated

这意味着要接受我们正如自己表现的那样复杂

and as difficult to satisfy as we are

且难以满足，

and that the way forward is to accept our characters 語法

向前走的方式是接受我们自己的性格，

rather than assume a simplicity we could never live up to. 短語動詞

而不是假定一种我们永远无法达到其标准的简单性。

We should have the courage of and be ready to pay the full price 習語

我们应该有勇气，并准备好支付全额代价，

for our true complex natures.

为了我们真实而复杂的本性。

Love is a skill that we can learn.

爱是一门我们可以学习的技能。

Our Relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm

我们的《Relationships》一书以从容和魅力平静地引导我们，

through the key issues of relationships

穿过恋爱关系中的关键问题，

to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck.

确保爱情的成功不需要只凭运气。

For more, click the link now.

欲了解更多，请立即点击链接。