为什么真正善于社交的人讨厌派对：英语精读讲义

The idea of being a sociable person

成为一个善于社交的人，

is nowadays heavily associated with finding enjoyment 短語搭配

如今往往与这种乐趣紧密相连：

in going to and in all likelihood also in giving parties. 短語搭配

喜欢参加派对，甚至十有八九也喜欢举办派对。

To be sociable means welcoming the idea of being in a room 語法

善于社交意味着乐意待在一个房间里，

replete with an above-average number of other guests, 用詞

里面挤满了远超一般数量的客人，

many of whom will be unknown, 語法

其中许多人都是陌生的，

most of whom will be holding a glass of alcohol,

大多数人手里拿着酒杯，

bantering with lights lower than they normally would be, 語法

在比平常暗的灯光下谈笑风生，

and music somewhat higher than required

音乐声也比需要的还要大，

in order faithfully to catch the details of another's voice.

让你必须费力才能听清别人的声音细节。

Parties have become synonymous with sociability 短語搭配

派对已经成为社交的代名词，

because of certain underlying ideas

这源于一些潜在的观念，

about what true social connection might require and entail.

关于真正的社交联系可能需要和包含什么。

We assume that sociability naturally springs up 短語動詞

我们认为，真正的社交是自然而然发生的，

when lots of people are put together in a room, 短語動詞

只要把一群人放进同一个房间，

that it means speaking a lot and notably cheerfully

就意味着大家要滔滔不绝，尤其是兴高采烈地，

about things that have been happening in our lives,

谈论我们生活中发生的事情，

that it depends on a jokey manner

这取决于幽默的态度，

and ideally on the possession of a few entertaining anecdotes,

理想情况下还要有几个有趣的奇闻轶事，

often involving striking coincidences.

通常涉及一些惊人的巧合。

But such assumptions sidestep two sizable objections. 短語搭配

但这些假设回避了两个重要的反对意见。

Firstly, true sociability,

首先，真正的社交，

that is a real connection between two people, 表達脈絡

也就是两个人之间的真实联系，

is almost never built up via anything cheerful. 短語動詞

几乎从不是建立在任何令人愉快的事情上。

It is the result of making ourselves vulnerable before another person 短語搭配

它是我们在另一个人面前展现脆弱的结果，

by revealing some of what is broken, 習語

通过揭示我们内心的一些破碎、

lost, confused, lonely, and in pain within us.

失落、困惑、孤独和痛苦。

We build genuine connections

我们建立真正的联系，

when we dare to exchange thoughts 語法

是在我们敢于交流那些

that might leave us open to humiliation and judgment. 短語搭配

可能使我们遭受羞辱和评判的想法时。

We make real friends

我们交到真正的朋友，

through sharing in an uncensored and frank way 語法

是通过毫无保留且坦诚地分享

a little of the agony and confusion of being alive.

活着的一些痛苦和困惑。

Secondly, true sociability requires a context.

其次，真正的社交需要一个环境。

We are generally under such pressure to appear normal, 短語搭配

我们通常面临着巨大的压力，要显得正常、

self-possessed, and solid. 用詞

镇定和稳重。

We are understandably uninclined spontaneously to disclose our true selves. 用詞

可以理解的是，我们不愿主动暴露真实的自我。

Our default mode is,

我们的默认模式是，

without anything sinister being meant by this, 語氣意圖

（这并没有任何恶意）

to lie about who we are

对我们的真实身份，

and what's really going on in our lives. 短語動詞

以及生活中真实发生的事情撒谎。

This suggests that a genuinely social occasion 表達脈絡

这意味着真正的社交场合，

might be rather different from what we typically envisage.

可能与我们通常设想的大相径庭。

We think of a good host 語法

我们心目中的好主人，

as someone who makes sure there's enough wine

是确保有足够的酒的人，

and, at a pinch, 習語

且在必要时，

ensures people know each other's names.

确保人们知道彼此的名字。

But in the profound sense, 表達脈絡

但在更深层的意义上，

a good host is someone who creates the conditions 短語搭配

一个好的主人，是创造条件的人，

in which strangers can start to feel safe

让陌生人可以开始感到安全，

about being sad and desperate together.

能够一起悲伤和绝望。

Unfortunately,

不幸的是，

the modern world seems particularly resistant to anything that seems artificial around parties, 短語搭配

现代世界似乎特别抗拒派对上任何看起来人为安排的东西，

which threatens to evoke that most dreaded of all social genres,

这可能会唤起那种最令人恐惧的社交类型：

the corporate get-together.

企业聚会。

The thought is simply to pack a room

人们的想法只是把一屋子人聚在一起，

and leave the rest to nature. 習語

剩下的就顺其自然。

But a commitment to deep sociability might lead us to recognize

但致力于深度社交可能会让我们认识到，

that we do depend on a little artful choreography 講解

我们确实需要一点巧妙的设计，

to get us into the psychological zone

才能进入那种心理状态，

in which connections can unfold.

从而展开联系。

We might need encouragement and even a helpful lanyard

我们可能需要鼓励，甚至是一个有用的胸牌，

to share a little of what is sad within us.

来分享一点我们内心的悲伤。

We need help in networking, 用詞

我们需要在社交网络中得到帮助，

not in order to find new investment opportunities, 語法

不是为了寻找新的投资机会，

but so as to identify shared regrets,

而是为了找到共同的遗憾、

humiliations, and feelings of despair.

屈辱和绝望感。

Parties, as they are currently structured, 語法

目前的派对形式，

constitute a clever ruse by a sharp minority, 用詞

是极少数精明之人（大概只占人类的10%）

perhaps only 10% of humanity,

使用的一个巧妙伎俩，

to persuade the rest of us

目的是为了说服我们其余的人，

that we have been provided with the social contact we crave.

让我们以为自己已经得到了渴望的社交接触。

But in truth, it takes a sharply insular and misanthropic person 語法

但事实上，只有极其狭隘和厌世的人，

to feel that what goes on in an average party

才会觉得一场普通派对上的内容

really counts as anything like the requisite encounter 短語搭配

真的算得上是

with one's fellow human animal.

与同类之间必要的交流。

If we have a lingering horror of parties, 短語搭配

如果我们对派对有种挥之不去的恐惧感，

we should be generous towards our hunches. 習語

我们应该宽容地对待自己的直觉。

It doesn't mean that we don't like other people, 表達脈絡

这并不意味着我们不喜欢别人，

rather that we have too ambitious a conception of social contact 語法

而是我们对社交接触的期望太高，

to put up with what is on offer at most parties. 講解

以至于无法忍受大多数派对所提供的东西。

The mark of a truly sociable person might, in many situations, 表達脈絡

在许多情况下，一个真正善于社交的人的标志，

simply be a strong desire to stay at home.

可能仅仅是强烈地想待在家里。

If you're interested in coming to San Francisco to meet us at the end of March,

如果你有兴趣在三月底来旧金山和我们见面，

please click on the link on the screen now to find out more.

请点击现在屏幕上的链接了解更多信息。

We hope to see you there.

我们希望能在那儿见到你。