如何学会更爱自己：英语精读讲义

Every day, especially in the era of social media,

每一天，尤其是在社交媒体时代，

from the mental health perspective,

从心理健康的角度来看，

probably the single worst invention of modern times,

（这）也许是现代最糟糕的发明，

we are likely to face enemies,

我们很可能会面对敌人，

people who disagree with us,

那些不赞同我们的人，

people who tell us we're bad,

那些说我们不好的人，

people who say we should be ashamed of ourselves or even be destroyed.

那些说我们应该为自己感到羞耻，甚至应该被毁灭的人。

The common-sense advice from well-meaning friends is just not to listen,

善意朋友们常给的常识性建议，就是不听，

to shrug it off, 短語動詞

对此不屑一顾，

to assert that no one cares,

坚称没人会在意，

that the bully is mad or mentally unwell,

说那个欺凌者是个疯子或精神不正常，

and to suggest a change of scene. 習語

或者建议换个环境。

It's very kind and sadly,

这种建议很友善，但可悲的是，

usually for many of us,

对我们大多数人而言，

entirely ineffective.

通常完全无效。

The question then emerges,

那么问题就来了，

why is it that some people find it extremely hard to defend themselves,

为什么有些人觉得保护自己极度困难，

either in the sense of practically answering back to an enemy 短語動詞

无论是在实际行动上回击敌人，

or simply of not caving in internally in the face of an attack? 習語

还是仅仅在面对攻击时内心里不轻易屈服？

Why is it that when they're being bullied at work,

为什么当在工作中受到欺凌时，

some people are able to mount a polite, calm fightback, 短語搭配

有些人能够进行礼貌、冷静的反击，

while others melt into self-loathing and despair? 習語

而另一些人却陷入自我厌恶和绝望之中？

Why is it that if they're criticized unfairly in a romantic context,

为什么如果在恋爱中受到不公正的批评，

some people are able to point out that the criticism is not right

有些人能够指出这些批评是不对的，

and get their side of the story across 短語動詞

并把他们这边的实情说清楚，

and feel steady and solid,

且感到平稳坚定，

while others descend at once into paranoia? 習語

而另一些人则会立刻陷入偏执的妄想中？

We might put it like this. 語氣意圖

我们可以这样理解。

In order to be able to defend oneself against an external foe,

为了能够防御外部的敌人，

one has to be on one's own side. 習語

一个人必须站在自己这一边。

And this is not,

而这，

for some of us,

对我们中的某些人来说，

as easy as it may sound.

并没有听起来那么容易。

Without us necessarily even quite realizing the fact,

在我们甚至都没太意识到这一事实的情况下，

our entire personalities may be geared towards interpreting ourselves as bad, 短語搭配

我们的人格可能就完全倾向于把自己解读成很糟糕、

wrong, a mistake,

充满错误、一个失误、

shameful, and a piece of shit.

可耻的，或者是一坨屎。

This may sound dramatic,

这听起来可能有些夸张，

and we know, in our intellectual adult selves,

并且理性的成年自我也知道，

that this can't be entirely right.

这不可能是完全对的。

Nevertheless, deep down, 習語

然而，在内心深处，

this isn't only slightly right,

我们觉得这不仅是有点道理，

it's the fundamental truth about us.

这简直就是关于我们的基本事实。

A first step towards dealing with an external enemy

应对外部敌人的第一步

is realizing that our personalities are built up in such a way 語法

是认识到，由于我们的人格构建方式，

that we're going to have a big problem on our hands whenever we face opposition. 習語

每当遇到对立情况时，我们将面临很大的麻烦。

We should expect to find this hard,

我们应该预料到这很难，

and we do.

并且确实很难。

We are,

我们，

and there is no pejorative association around this whatsoever,

这绝无任何贬义成分，

a bit mentally unwell in this area.

在这方面心理多少有些不健康。

We therefore need to call for help, 短語動詞

因此，我们需要寻求帮助，

extend a lot of compassion to ourselves, 短語搭配

给予自己极大的同情，

and devote all the critical care we're going to need to get through the crisis. 短語動詞

并投入度过危机所需的所有的关键关怀。

We then need to take on board that, 短語動詞

然后我们需要明白，

unfortunately,

不幸的是，

the real enemy we're harboring is not so much currently outside of us, 語法

我们目前潜藏的真正敌人并非存在于外部，

though they are there too,

尽管外部确实也有敌人，

as inside of us.

而是存在于我们的内心。

We need to ask ourselves,

我们需要问自己，

why does the accusation feel so true?

为什么这种指责感觉如此真实？

Our conscious minds give us access to only a fraction of the information about us. 短語搭配

我们的显意识只能接触到关于我们自身极小部分的信息。

Just as we can't intuitively understand how a cell operates in our very own body, 語法

就像我们无法直观地理解细胞如何在我们的身体内运作一样，

so the makeup of most of our emotional brain is sunk in darkness. 習語

我们大部分情绪大脑的构成也隐藏在黑暗之中。

However,

然而，

there will be a history to our self-loathing.

我们的自我厌恶必有一段历史。

We hate ourselves because somewhere along the line, 習語

我们讨厌自己，是因为在过去的某个时刻，

we were not properly loved.

我们没有得到恰当的爱。

Somewhere in the past,

在过去的某个时刻，

we heard a story,

我们听到了这样的话，

"You're a piece of shit.

"你就是一坨屎。

You don't deserve to be F off."

你不配存在，滚开。"

And the story has stuck. 習語

并且这种说法根深蒂固。

How could someone facing an accusation that they are an idiot,

一个面临着白痴指责的人，

but who inside has a voice saying that they're a moron,

如果其内心也有一个声音说自己是笨蛋，

ever get the strength to defend themselves?

他怎么会有力量去保护自己呢？

They know in the adult part of the mind that they should be fighting back, 短語動詞

心理成熟的那部分知道他们应该反击，

but they can't because inside all they hear is,

但他们做不到，因为内心听到的全是：

"You are everything your enemy is saying you are,

"你正是敌人所说的那样，

and more."

甚至更糟。"

They identify entirely with their aggressor. 短語搭配

他们完全认同了侵犯者的话。

This can get pretty dangerous pretty fast.

这会很快变得非常危险。

If the external enemy is vicious enough and joins artfully enough with the internal enemy,

如果外部敌人足够恶毒，并且巧妙地与内部敌人勾结，

there can be suicidal thoughts and perhaps suicide itself.

就可能会产生自杀念头，甚至自杀。

The defenseless are the opposite of self-righteous.

这些毫无防备的人与自以为是的人截然相反。

To their enemies,

对他们的敌人，

they are implicitly saying,

他们在隐晦地说：

"I want to kill myself more than you ever want to kill me."

"我想杀自己的心，比你想杀我的心还要强烈。"

The solution to all this is a large naive word we'll have heard before,

解决这一切的办法是一个我们以前听过的一个单纯的词，

but which we need to grasp in its life-saving dimension. 短語搭配

但我们需要去理解它那拯救生命的维度。

Love.

那就是爱。

We need to hear often enough and clearly enough from other human beings,

我们需要从其他人那里足够频繁且清晰地听到，

and they don't need to be romantic partners,

（这些人不一定是伴侣），

that contrary to what the internal enemy is saying, 短語搭配

与内部敌人所说的相反，

we are decent enough.

我们足够好了。

Not perfect,

并不完美，

but that isn't the criterion for deserving to exist. 用詞

但完美并不是配不配存在于世的标准。

We need to fix ourselves by absorbing,

我们需要通过吸收，

properly absorbing, 習語

真正地吸收，

the kindness of others.

他人的善意来治愈自己。

The problem is that people who feel they're pieces of shit aren't very good at letting others take care of them. 短語動詞

问题在于，觉得自己是一坨屎的人不太善于让别人照顾他们。

They don't know how to ask for help,

他们不知道如何寻求帮助，

and when help is given,

当得到帮助时，

they may initially push it away, 短語動詞

他们最初可能会把它推开，

accusing a kind friend of being weird or inadequate.

指责这位善良的朋友很怪异或不够格。

Why,

毕竟，

after all,

为什么

would they be seeking to help a freak?

他们要去帮助一个怪胎？

We know from the condition known as body dysmorphia that it's no use telling someone who feels they're disgusting that they're in fact, 講解

从躯体变形障碍这种病症中我们得知，告诉一个觉得自己很恶心的人他们其实，

oh, very nice looking.

哦，长得很好看，是没用的。

We need to help them to understand how they grew to hate themselves so much and show them,

我们需要帮助他们理解自己是如何变得如此讨厌自己，并向他们展示，

via friendship,

通过友谊，

that there could be another way of relating to who they are. 短語搭配

也许可以用另一种方式来看待自己。

We have some hints about how our minds work from the way we acquire language.

从我们习得语言的方式中，我们可以得到一些关于我们心智如何运作的暗示。

Children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns of speech from listening to those around them in the early years. 短語動詞

孩子们在早年能通过聆听周围人的话语流利地掌握极其复杂的语言模式。

A parallel emotional process is going on.

情感上也进行着类似的平行过程。

If someone,

如果有人，

when we were little,

当我们小的时候，

was speaking hate and shame and guilt to us,

对我们说出充满仇恨、羞耻和内疚的话，

we will have started to speak like that to ourselves, 語法

我们就会开始用这种方式对自己说话，

and it won't be easy in adulthood to learn a new language,

在成年后学习一种新的语言绝非易事，

let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves. 語法

更不用说能够流利地对自己说这门新语言了。

Telling someone mired in self-hatred to cheer up or like themselves a bit more 習語

叫一个深陷自我厌恶的人振作起来或者多喜欢自己一点，

is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to just speak Bulgarian. 表達脈絡

就像叫一个来自英国的人开口说保加利亚语一样没有耐心。

It's going to take time and a lot of training. 語法

这需要时间和大量的训练。

Nevertheless,

尽管如此，

if we want to think about what an ambitious project for humanity would look like,

如果我们要思考人类的一个雄心勃勃的项目会是什么样子，

it would be a giant program of learning to replace the internalized languages of hate and enmity 習語

那将是一个巨大的学习计划，让内化的仇恨和敌意语言

with those of love and compassion.

被爱和同情的语言取代。

We've been trying to do this for a couple of millennia at least,

我们至少在这两千多年里一直在尝试这样做，

but we've done a pretty poor job of it so far,

但到目前为止我们做得相当差劲，

and the project is more urgent than ever. 語法

而这项计划比以往任何时候都更加紧迫。

So,

所以，

we might start today by speaking a few stumbling phrases of love to the self-hating part of ourselves 習語

我们可以从今天开始，向我们讨厌自己的那部分试着说几句结巴的爱之语，

and then to someone we know near us who's perhaps right now mired in shame and inadequacy.

然后再对我们身边认识的某个人说一说，他眼下可能正为自己感到羞耻、觉得自己不够好。

At the School of Life,

在The School of Life，

we run regular virtual classes for adults.

我们为成年人开设常规的虚拟课程。

These mini life courses cover such topics as making relationships work,

这些迷你人生课程涵盖如维系人际关系、

overcoming anger and anxiety,

克服愤怒与焦虑、

career guidance,

职业规划、

finding meaning and purpose in life,

寻找生活的意义与目标、

and using culture as a therapeutic tool.

以及将文化作为治疗工具等主题。

Click the link on screen now to learn more.

立即点击屏幕上的链接了解更多。