爱情中过于礼貌的危险：英语精读讲义

It's natural to imagine that the highest virtue in love would be kindness and a close second politeness. 短語搭配

人们自然会认为，爱情中最高的美德是善良，其次是礼貌。

But there is an odd danger lurking here. 習語

但这里潜伏着一种奇怪的危险。

A relationship where we are overly polite,

如果在一段关系中，我们过于礼貌，

where there is not enough directness,

缺乏足够的坦率，

where things go wrong not because of a lack of tenderness or serenity, 語法

事情变糟不是因为缺乏温柔或平静，

but because of a stifling excess of manners. 用詞

而是因为礼仪多到让人窒息。

Because there aren't enough raised voices, 短語搭配

因为没有足够多的大声争吵、

insults, legitimate furies,

辱骂、合理的愤怒，

and moments where both partners feel free to call each other idiots and much worse. 語法

也没有双方都能自由地称对方为白痴甚至更糟的时候。

When we hear arguments between lovers,

当我们听到恋人之间的争吵时，

perhaps through a hotel bedroom wall,

也许是隔着酒店卧室的墙壁，

it's easy to fear for them and their union. 短語搭配

我们很容易为他们和他们的结合感到担忧。

We have, most of us,

我们中的大多数人，

been deeply and rightly sensitized to the horrors of abusive relationships. 短語搭配

都理所当然地对虐待关系的恐怖有着深刻的敏感。

But there is, within reason, 表達脈絡

但是，在合理的范围内，

and we stress within reason with great seriousness,

我们非常严肃地强调“在合理范围内”，

there is something extremely vital and redemptive

有一些极其重要且具有救赎意义的东西，

that can unfold within the occasional heated discussion.

会在偶尔激烈的争论中显露出来。

Living around someone is bound to be, at points, 語法

和某人生活在一起，有时注定会

extremely disappointing.

让人感到极其失望。

For love to remain vital, 語法

为了让爱情保持活力，

we need the freedom to give this disappointment expression.

我们需要自由地表达这种失望。

It seems we cannot love if love is all we're allowed to do. 語法

如果在爱情中我们只被允许去爱，那似乎我们就无法去爱了。

Many of us have implicitly been taught in childhood

我们中的许多人在童年时期就隐隐被教导，

that disappointments are best swallowed quietly. 習語

失望最好是默默咽下。

Perhaps a parent was very fragile 用詞

也许是因为父母非常脆弱，

or they were very volatile,

或者情绪非常不稳定，

so that we feared either annihilating them 語法

导致我们害怕要么摧毁他们，

or provoking them unbearably

要么激怒他们到难以忍受的地步，

by giving vent to our more honest and troubling feelings. 短語搭配

所以不敢发泄我们更真实、更烦乱的情绪。

We grew up polite and good, 語法

我们长大了，变得礼貌而乖巧，

but also in danger of feeling inwardly dead

但也面临着内心死寂的危险，

and convinced that no one could witness us as we are and still love us. 短語搭配

并且确信，没有人能在看到真实的我们后依然爱我们。

A certain kind of politeness is the enemy of love. 習語

某种特定的礼貌是爱情的敌人。

We cannot love or be properly in a relationship that feels alive

我们无法去爱，也无法真正处于一段充满活力的关系中，

and simply lock away too many of our reservations. 短語動詞

如果我们只是把太多的顾虑锁在心底。

We need for love to be first and foremost real, 短語搭配

我们需要爱情首先是真实的，

and this will involve giving expression to all kinds of more ambivalent feelings. 講解

这意味着要表达各种更为矛盾的情感。

In most arenas of life,

在生活的大多数领域，

mere politeness will do. 用詞

仅仅保持礼貌就足够了。

There should be little else around friends and colleagues,

在朋友和同事身边，几乎不需要别的什么，

but love needs something riskier.

但爱情需要更具冒险性的东西。

We have to be able to say that we hate when we hate, 表達脈絡

我们必须能够在讨厌的时候说出讨厌，

so that later we can properly love when it's time to love.

这样之后才能在该爱的时候好好去爱。

This is why,

这就是为什么，

in the interests of the relationship, 短語搭配

为了这段关系的利益，

we might need to tell the partner that they've ruined our life,

我们可能需要告诉伴侣，他们毁了我们的生活，

that they're selfish and infuriating,

他们自私且令人抓狂，

and that we've had more than enough.

以及我们真的已经受够了。

And the partner,

而伴侣，

far from getting simply offended, 語法

绝对不该只是感到被冒犯，

though that has its role too,

尽管这也有它的作用，

they should take it and read the explosion for what it is, 短語搭配

他们应该接受它，并看清这场爆发的本质：

a homage to the trust and bond between us.

它是对我们之间信任和羁绊的致敬。

That a red-faced accuser would never speak like this to anyone else on Earth

那个涨红了脸指责你的人，绝对不会对世上其他任何人这样说话，

should be interpreted as the greatest privilege.

这应该被视为莫大的特权。

They don't just hate you,

他们不仅是在讨厌你，

though they do at the moment.

尽管此刻他们确实如此。

They have a lot of hope in you

他们对你寄予了厚望，

and a lot of faith that you love them enough to take their reality. 用詞

并坚信你足够爱他们，能够接受他们真实的一面。

And when it's all blown over, 短語動詞

当一切平息之后，

their love will be as sincere as their anger once was. 語法

他们的爱就会像他们曾经的愤怒一样真挚。

We should get angry when the occasion fairly demands it. 短語搭配

在情况需要时，我们应该发脾气。

We, the overly meek and cowed ones,

我们这些过于温顺和懦弱的人，

should experience how good and necessary it feels 語法

应该去体验那种感觉有多好、多有必要：

to dare to let go and vent our annoyance and irritation

敢于放下包袱，发泄我们的烦恼和愤怒，

without the usual huge,

抛开那些往常巨大的、

and sometimes valuable, inhibitions.

有时很有价值的克制。

We should not be overly scared of the odd loud argument. 用詞

我们不应该过度害怕偶尔大声的争吵。

We should form our irritations into some beautifully creative insults.

我们应该把我们的愤怒化作一些极具创意的谩骂。

It's not a sign that everything is coming to an end and love has died, 表達脈絡

这并不标志着一切即将结束，爱情已经死亡，

it's a sign that our relationship still has a lot of kindness,

而是表明我们的关系中仍然留存着大量的善良、

sincerity, and tolerance left within it.

真诚和宽容。

Love is a skill that we can learn.

爱是一门我们可以学习的技能。

Our relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm

我们的关系指南书籍以从容而充满魅力的方式，带领我们

through the key issues of relationships

探讨人际关系的关键问题，

to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck. 語法

确保爱情的成功不必靠运气。

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