你到底爱我什么？：英语精读讲义

Sometimes, and it often happens in bed,

有时候，而且经常是在床上，

we face an acute test at the hands of a lover 習語

我们会面临一场来自爱人的严峻考验，

to whom we have pledged our affections. 短語搭配

那个我们已经倾注了爱意的人。

We are asked with little warning

我们会在毫无预警的情况下被问到，

and maybe in a serious tone,

而且可能是以严肃的口吻：

"What do you love me for?" 語氣意圖

“你到底爱我什么？”

Few moments in a relationship can be as philosophical as this 語法

在一段感情中，很少有时刻能像这样充满哲理，

or as dangerous.

或者说如此危险。

A good answer has the power to confirm 短語搭配

一个好的回答有能力去巩固

and enhance a relationship.

并增进彼此的关系。

A bad one could blow it apart. 習語

而糟糕的回答则可能让关系破裂。

As we try to make headway, 習語

当我们试图理清思路时，

we immediately recognize that we can't simply say,

我们会立刻意识到，不能简单地说：

"Everything."

“一切。”

We're being asked to make choices

我们被要求做出具体的选择，

and our love will be deemed sincere 用詞

而我们的爱只会在以下程度上被认为是真诚的：

to the extent that these choices feel accurate 語法

这些选择让人感觉非常准确，

to their recipients.

尤其是对接受者而言。

The fundamental assumption behind the inquiry

这个询问背后的基本假设是，

is that there are

确实存在着

better and worse things to be loved for.

值得被爱的更好与更坏的理由。

It isn't the brute fact that we are liked 短語搭配

我们被别人喜欢这一粗浅的事实，

that can count.

并不是最重要的。

The liking has to target certain of our best characteristics

这种喜欢必须针对我们某些最美好的特质，

as we define these,

也就是我们自己所认定的那些，

which in turn implies 表達脈絡

这反过来也意味着，

that there are parts of our minds and our bodies

我们大脑和身体的某些部分

that feel as though they better contain 語法

让人感觉似乎比其他部分更好地包含了

our essential selves than others.

我们本质的自我。

We are, if we can put it like this, 語氣意圖

如果可以这样说的话，我们

not equally present

并不是同等程度地存在于

in all parts of ourselves.

我们自身的各个部分中。

When it comes to the body, 表達脈絡

拿身体来说，

there appears to be more of us

似乎有更多部分的我们

in our hands

存在于双手之中，

than in our heels.

而不是在脚后跟里。

And when it comes to the mind,

而说到心智，

more of us in our sense of humor

有更多的我们存在于幽默感中，

than in our knowledge of the seven times table.

而不是熟记七的乘法口诀上。

If a malevolent demon

如果有一个恶魔

were to force us to give up a bit of our minds, 語法

强迫我们放弃一部分心智，

it might be better

也许会更好的是——

from the point of view of maintaining 短語搭配

从维持

the continuity of our essential selves

我们本质自我连续性的角度来看——

to surrender our ability to speak a foreign language

去放弃我们说一门外语的能力，

rather than to wipe out our taste in music, 語法

而不是抹去我们的音乐品味，

just as it would be more bearable

就像它会更容易让人忍受，

to suffer a change in the shape of our big toe

去承受我们大脚趾形状的改变，

than in the profile of our nose.

而不是鼻梁轮廓的改变。

To be told that we have a lovable mind

被告知我们拥有惹人喜爱的心智，

may be a good start, 表達脈絡

也许是个不错的开始，

but not much more.

但也不过如此。

There are likely to be many things that this mind can do quite well,

这个心智很可能在很多事情上都做得很好，

lay a table,

摆放餐桌、

drive safely down a motorway,

在高速公路上安全驾驶、

prepare a household budget,

制定家庭预算、

remember geographical facts.

记住地理常识。

But such talents seldom feel gratifying

但这类天赋很少让人感到满足，

when singled out because of their rather generic nature. 短語動詞

当它们被单独挑出来时，因为它们太过普通。

Someone who loved us for these skills alone

一个仅仅因为这些技能而爱我们的人，

would have few reasons

几乎没什么理由

why they might not equally well wander away

保证他们不会同样轻易地走开，

and love someone else at another point,

在另一个时间点去爱上别人，

which is the very risk we are trying to ward off. 短語動詞

而这正是我们试图防范的风险，

and are looking for the right compliment to appease.

也是我们寻找合适的赞美来安抚的重点。

The skills it's touching to be praised for

那些受到赞美会让人感动不已的技能，

are those in which some of our uniqueness can be observed.

是那些能体现我们某种独特性的东西。

For example,

比如，

in the way we prepare the icing of a birthday cake

我们给生日蛋糕抹糖霜的方式，

or pick songs for a drive through the desert

或者为穿越沙漠的兜风挑选歌曲，

or analyze a historical novel,

或者是分析一本历史小说，

discuss a friend's love affair,

讨论朋友的恋爱八卦，

or lightly tease a frustrating colleague

或是轻轻调侃一个让人抓狂的同事

without ruffling their dignity. 習語

却又不伤及他们的尊严。

If someone has started to notice such details,

如果有人开始注意到这些细节，

then he or she starts to feel like a reliable candidate

那么他或她就开始让人觉得是个可靠的候选人，

to whom to get attached. 語法

值得去依恋。

Their love has become specific 語法

他们的爱已经变得具体，

rather than generic.

而非泛泛而谈。

It is, in the end,

归根结底，

a good deal more gratifying for a lover to pay us a small compliment 語法

爱人对我们哪怕只有一点小小的赞美也要让人满足得多，

about the deft way we're able to dislodge

赞美我们能用巧妙的方式，化解

a relative from a sulk

一位亲戚的闷气，

than to be declared a sensational human

而不是因为知道新西兰的首都或计算圆直径的方法

for knowing the capital of New Zealand or the way to calculate the diameter of a circle.

而被称作了不起的人类。

But,

但是，

to add further complexity to our demands, 表達脈絡

让我们的要求变得更加复杂的是，

it isn't enough just to be admired.

仅仅被欣赏是不够的。

We also want a true lover

我们也希望一个真正的爱人

to feel well disposed towards our vulnerabilities. 短語搭配

能善待我们的脆弱。

Whatever our degree of competence, 語法

无论我们有多能干，

we are never far from moments of fear,

我们都不可避免地会有恐惧、

ignorance,

无知、

humiliation,

屈辱、

childlike-ness, and sadness.

孩子气和悲伤的时刻。

And it is these moods too 語法

同样也是这些情绪，

that we long for a lover to have the strength to feel generous towards.

我们渴望爱人有足够的力量去宽容对待。

It may be pleasant to be found impressive,

被认为令人钦佩或许是件乐事，

but it's more reassuring

但更让人安心的是，

to discover that our vulnerability

发现我们的脆弱

is ready to be treated with generosity. 短語搭配

会得到宽容相待。

That we are with someone who will allow us

知道我们身边的这个人会允许我们

to be sad,

悲伤、

discomfited,

局促不安、

and weepy,

想要流泪，

who has spotted that we sometimes bite our nails

他发现了我们有时会咬指甲，

or worry about our work late at night.

或者是深夜为工作担忧。

We don't bluntly want to awe a lover.

我们并不只是想让爱人对我们肃然起敬。

We want permission to be, every now and then, 短語搭配

我们需要偶尔得到许可，

at wit's end. 習語

去变得不知所措。

We want them to have sufficient faith in our power

我们希望他们对我们的力量有足够的信心，

that they can be unfrightened

这样他们就不会被

by our periods of fragility.

我们的脆弱期所吓倒。

We need to know that the child in us has been seen 習語

我们需要知道，我们内心的那个孩子被看见了，

and won't appall.

而且不会让人反感。

"I love you for being such a hero."

“我爱你，因为你是个英雄。”

would be an eerie pronouncement. 用詞

这听起来会是个让人毛骨悚然的声明。

"I love you for being a child."

“我爱你，因为你像个孩子。”

would be equally alienating.

同样也会让人感到疏离。

But something like,

但如果是这样的话，

"I love the sad child I occasionally glimpse

“我爱你身上那个我偶尔瞥见的悲伤孩子，

in you beneath your resourceful

就藏在你那足智多谋、

adult day-to-day self,

应对日常生活的成年人外表之下。”

well, that comes as close as one can imagine 習語

嗯，那是人们能想象到的，

to the epicenter of love."

最接近爱之核心的东西。

Our hopes for what role our body will play

我们对于身体将扮演什么角色的期望，

in eliciting love

在唤起爱意方面，

follow a comparable pattern. 表達脈絡

遵循着类似的模式。

Here too,

在这里也一样，

sweeping generic praise 短語搭配

笼统泛泛的赞美

feels like the work of someone

感觉就像是出自一个

who might not notice

可能都没察觉的人之口，

if our body was replaced by that of another in the night.

即便我们的身体在夜里被换成了别人的。

It might be true that we have lovely eyes

也许我们确实有一双漂亮的眼睛，

or soft hair,

或者是柔软的头发，

but exactly the same words could be said with accuracy

但完全相同的话也可以准确地套用在

to millions of others,

数百万人身上，

just as a host would not want to hear thanks for a nice dinner, 表達脈絡

就像主人不想听到针对一顿美味晚餐的泛泛感谢，

but rather praise for that hint of dill

而是更想听到对那一点莳萝的赞美，

in the lemon sauce.

就在那柠檬酱里。

Some of the best kinds of praise

一些关于身体

about the body are psychophysical. 用詞

最好的赞美是心理兼物理上的。

That is,

也就是说，

they praise a physical aspect

他们赞美身体的某个方面，

in order to highlight a psychological quality. 語法

是为了突出某种心理品质。

They reassure us that our physical envelopes 習語

他们让我们安心，我们的身体外壳

have been connected up with the most lovable sides of our personalities.

已经与我们性格中最惹人喜爱的一面联系在了一起。

So,

因此，

a perceptive lover might say,

一个敏锐的爱人可能会说，

"I really like the way your smile is slightly different

“我真的很喜欢你微笑的方式，

on each side of your mouth.

在你嘴角的两侧略有不同。

You see,

你看，

one side is warm and welcoming

一侧是温暖而热情的，

and the other is sort of thoughtful

而另一侧则有点若有所思，

and a bit melancholy.

甚至有些忧郁。

You're not merely smiling. 表達脈絡

你不仅仅是在微笑。

It seems like you're thinking deeply as you smile.

看起来你在微笑时也在深思。”

Or, what about this?

或者，这样说怎么样？

There's a charming thing you do with your eyelids

“你的眼皮会有一个迷人的动作，

when you're listening,

当你倾听时，

half bringing them down in a quizzical way. 用詞

就是那种带着疑问的半垂眼帘。

It feels like you're saying,

感觉你在说，

"I don't totally believe you,

‘我不完全相信你。’

but it's really an encouragement.

但其实那是一种鼓励。

There's an invitation,

这是一种邀请，

as if you were adding,

仿佛你在补充说，

"But come on,

‘但是来吧，

give me the real truth.

告诉我真正的真相。

I know you're holding back the best bits 短語動詞

我知道你在保留最精彩的部分，

because you worry you won't be understood,

因为你担心不被理解，

but you will be.

但你会被理解的。

You're safe with me." 語氣意圖

和我在一起你很安全。’”

Or,

或者，

"I'm slightly in love with that freckle

“我有点喜欢那个雀斑，

on your upper left arm.

就在你左臂的上半部。

It's a bit like you,

它有点像你，

quietly saying,

静静地说着，

"Here I am.

‘我在这里。

I'm me,

我就是我，

nothing special,

没什么特别的，

but I'm happy with who I am.

但我很满意自己的样子。’

It's poised and unshowy,

它从容不迫且不张扬，

but confident of its power

但对其吸引那些懂它的人的力量

to attract those who get it. 用詞

充满自信。

I love that it was there

我喜欢它在你小时候

when you were little

就在那里，

and that it's been with you every day since." 語法

而且从那以后每一天都陪伴着你。”

We can add that,

我们可以补充一点，

just as with the mind,

就像心智一样，

it is frequently vulnerability 語法

通常正是身体细节上的

in bodily details

脆弱性

that charms.

让人着迷。

It is the little toe

是那根小脚趾

and the little finger

和小拇指，

that seduce more than the thighs

比大腿

or the thorax.

或胸廓更有吸引力。

It is the hand that curls up,

是那只蜷缩起来的手，

as it must have done in childhood. 語法

就像在童年时必定做过的那样。

It is the thin nape of the neck,

是那纤细的后颈，

normally hidden behind a confident mane of hair.

通常隐藏在自信的浓发之下。

It is a delicate wrist

是那娇弱的手腕，

through which run intricate greenish veins. 語法

其间蜿蜒着错综复杂的青绿色静脉。

Within an otherwise mature body,

在一个本已成熟的身体里，

we're seeing hints of an endearing 習語

我们看到了一个惹人喜爱的

and more fragile earlier self

和更加脆弱的早期自我的痕迹，

to whom we offer our sympathy,

我们向其提供同情、

protection,

保护

and reassurance.

和安心。

The question of what we have found to love in someone

我们在某人身上发现了什么值得爱的东西这个问题，

should not frighten us.

不应该吓到我们。

We simply need to give ourselves the time

我们只需要给自己一点时间，

to trace back our enthusiasms 短語動詞

去追溯我们热情的

to their authentic sources,

真实源头，

while remembering that love is liable to collect 語法

同时要记住，爱很容易积聚，

with particular intensity

带着非同一般的强烈程度，

in the most vulnerable and improbably small nooks 習語

存在于自我中

of the self.

最脆弱和最不可思议的小角落里。

Our Pillow Talk Cards

我们的“枕边话卡片”

help prompt us to share our intimate desires.

能帮助我们分享内心深处的渴望。

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如需了解更多信息，

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