放弃一个人的能力：英语精读讲义

For noble and very understandable reasons,

出于高尚且极易理解的原因，

we've come to associate maturity and kindness with a capacity not 短語搭配

我们已经习惯于将成熟与善良等同于一种能力，即不

to give up on people. 短語動詞

放弃他人的能力。

Our heroes and heroines keep faith with those they love. 習語

我们的男女英雄坚守着对所爱之人的信念。

They don't throw in the towel when trouble rears its head. 習語

当麻烦抬起头时，他们不会轻易认输。

They put up with the hardships and friction. 短語動詞

他们忍受着艰辛与摩擦。

Running away is disloyalty.

逃跑就是不忠。

Many things are dispensable, 表達脈絡

许多东西是可有可无的，

people shouldn't be.

但人不该如此。

But this broad and generous truth 表達脈絡

然而，这个宽宏大量的真理

can be in danger of missing out on an important caveat,

可能会面临忽略一个重要警告的危险，

that health and maturity may also require,

那就是，健康和成熟或许也需要，

at points,

在某些时刻，

a subtle capacity to give up on one or two people,

一种微妙的、放弃一两个人的能力，

not always and indefinitely to keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, 講解

而不是总是无休止地往好处想他们，

not invariably to forgive them one more time,

不是总是一次又一次地原谅他们，

not relentlessly to imagine the nice things they might really really have meant

不是总是坚持去想象他们真正想表达的美好心意

beneath the thoughtless and unkind things they actually did and said.

是隐藏在他们实际做出的轻率和冷酷行径之下的。

We might need occasionally to despair of someone

我们可能需要偶尔对某人感到绝望，

as the price to pay for keeping faith with ourselves. 習語

作为坚持对自我信念的代价。

It's in the lives of children that we see this inability to give up on someone 語法

正是在孩子的生活中，我们看到了这种无法放弃某人的倾向

take on its starkest and most regrettable forms.

呈现出其最鲜明且最令人遗憾的形式。

By their nature and circumstance,

由于天性与环境，

children can't give up on those entrusted with looking after them 短語搭配

孩子们无法放弃那些受托照顾他们的人，

if and when the latter are disappointing or cruel. 短語搭配

哪怕后者令人失望或是残酷无情。

Children present us with troubling examples

孩子们向我们展示了令人不安的例子：

of the impulse to keep going at any cost 習語

他们不惜一切代价地想要坚持下去，

with a person who offers us love,

留在一个给予我们爱的人身边，

even when that love is blended with the darkest or most unhealthy elements. 語法

即使那种爱中夹杂着最黑暗或最不健康的元素。

Even when beset by emotional neglect, 用詞

即使受到情感忽视、

coldness, unreliability, meanness, brusqueness,

冷漠、不可靠、刻薄、粗暴、

broken promises to improve, and worse,

承诺改进却屡屡食言，甚至更糟的情况困扰，

children will think some of the following:

孩子们还是会这样想：

Maybe they will change.

也许他们会改变的。

The child places infinite faith in the capacity of the loved one 短語搭配

孩子对被爱之人能够

to evolve in a desired direction.

朝着理想的方向改变抱有无限的信念。

Whatever the lack of outward evidence, 語法

无论缺乏什么样的表面证据，

the child imagines the caregiver coming to important realizations, 短語搭配

孩子都会想象照顾者会产生重要的顿悟、

rethinking their position, and seeing the light. 習語

重新思考他们的立场并幡然醒悟。

By a form of magical thinking,

通过一种奇幻的思维，

the child clings to the idea of the adult 短語動詞

孩子紧紧抓住这个想法，即成年人

being on the cusp of transforming themselves 習語

正处于转型的风口浪尖，

into the person they so badly need them to be.

变成了他们极其需要的样子。

Maybe the outward behavior is bad,

也许外在行为很糟，

but inside they're good.

但他们内心是善良的。

Heaven knows the outward stuff may not be pretty. 語氣意圖

天知道表面上的东西可能并不美好。

There might be shouting, stonewalling, outright beastliness,

可能会有叫嚷、冷暴力、甚至是彻底的野蛮行径，

but the child holds on to the notion that where it counts, 講解

但孩子依然坚持认为，在关键的地方，

the adult is good.

成年人是好的。

The fundamental truth about them must be sound.

关于他们的基本事实必定是好的。

The center of them is sweet, touching, warm, and decent.

他们的内心深处是甜美、动人、温暖且体面的。

The child may be the butt of the adult's most vicious moods, 習語

孩子可能是成年人最恶毒情绪的替罪羊，

but they are, through it all, 短語搭配

但经历这一切，他们却

always also their most devoted and fervent defenders.

始终也是他们最忠诚和热烈的捍卫者。

Maybe the problem is that I am bad.

也许问题在于我很坏。

The difficulties can't be disputed,

困难是不可辩驳的，

but their origins are up for grabs. 習語

但其根源却有待商榷。

And here the child shows a tragically intense degree of imagination.

在这里，孩子展现出了悲剧般强烈的想象力。

Yes, there is badness around,

是的，周围有坏事发生，

but that must be because they, the child,

但那肯定是因为他们，即孩子，

are ultimately somehow to blame.

归根结底要在某种程度上负有责任。

If only they could be different, 語法

如果他们能有所不同，

the adult wouldn't be so tricky.

成年人就不会这么难搞了。

There is one thought that must be warded off above all others, 短語動詞

有一个念头是他们必须首先摒弃的，

that the adult might just be a mean and self-serving mediocrity.

那就是成年人可能只是一个刻薄且自私的平庸之辈。

That is simply not possible.

那根本不可能。

Better to be a monster or a wretch oneself 語法

宁愿自己是个怪物或可怜虫，

than to have ended up in the hands of a parent unworthy of respect. 習語

也不愿落入一个不值得尊重的父母手中。

No one and nothing else could be better.

没有任何人、任何事能比这更好了。

Children have no options.

孩子们没有选择。

They can't run away, begin again,

他们无法逃跑、重新开始，

or say they've had enough. 語氣意圖

或者说受够了。

The world isn't broad.

世界并不宽广。

The best of childhoods is an open prison. 習語

最好的童年也是一座开放式监狱。

Therefore, children don't even picture themselves in other circumstances.

因此，孩子们甚至无法想象自己处于其他环境。

What is has to be. 習語

现状即是必然。

Those who have the most to complain about

那些最该抱怨的人

often don't even raise their voice. 習語

往往甚至都不曾发声。

Frighteningly,

令人恐惧的是，

each of these positions has its adult equivalent.

这里的每一种心态都有其成年后的对应表现。

In certain unfulfilling relationships,

在某些令人不满的关系中，

we may have as much of a skill 語法

我们可能有着一样的技巧，

as the most unfortunate child,

就像最不幸的孩子，

probably the child we once were,

或许就是我们曾经的那个孩子，

at the art of justifying why we're here, 表達脈絡

擅长为我们为什么留在这里、

why we're to blame,

为什么我们要受指责、

why they're innocent,

为什么他们是无辜的、

and why we cannot move.

以及为什么我们无法离开寻找理由。

It is we in particular, 語法

特别是我们，

those remorselessly skilled at not giving up,

那些在不放弃方面表现得无情又熟练的人，

who need to hear a curious-sounding lesson

需要听取一个听起来有点奇怪的教训：

in being sometimes a little less loyal.

有时少一点忠诚。

We need to hear that, surprisingly,

我们需要知道，令人惊讶的是，

some people just don't change,

有些人就是不会改变，

that their characters have been bolted shut through trauma, 習語

他们的性格早已被创伤封死，

and there's no chance that they will ever, 語法

他们永远不可能有任何改变的机会，

whatever they may say and however intensely they promise,

无论他们怎么说，无论他们承诺得多么强烈，

display any evolution.

都不会有任何改变。

We need to hear that, surprisingly,

我们需要知道，令人惊讶的是，

some people aren't entirely good 表達脈絡

有些人并不完全是好人，

and we aren't necessarily the problem.

而我们也不一定是问题的根源。

We need to learn to blame and get annoyed with someone other than ourselves. 短語搭配

我们需要学会去责怪并对除自己以外的人感到恼火。

We need to do something very strange,

我们需要做一件非常奇怪的事情，

walk away. 短語動詞

走开。

This is no sign of cowardice or weakness of character.

这绝不是懦弱或性格软弱的标志。

It's a sign that we have, finally, learnt to love ourselves

这是一个标志，表明我们终于学会了爱自己，

and so place our needs where these should always have been, 習語

并将我们的需求放在它们一直应该在的位置：

at the center of our considerations.

我们考虑的中心。

Deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship 語法

决定是留在还是离开一段关系，

is one of the trickiest and most consequential decisions we can face.

是我们面临的最棘手、最重大的决定之一。

Our stay or leave card game can help us towards an answer.

我们的“留下还是离开”纸牌游戏可以帮助我们找到答案。

Click now to learn more.

立即点击了解更多。