5个发现情感不成熟的特征：英语精读讲义

We've just launched a special membership to our YouTube channel.

我们刚刚在YouTube频道推出了特别会员服务。

Sign up today for a host of unique benefits,

今天注册即可享受一系列专属福利，

including monthly discount codes for our online shop,

包括我们在线商店的每月折扣码，

custom wallpapers, badges and emojis,

定制壁纸、徽章和表情符号，

as well as an exclusive chance to vote on topics for future films you'd like us to make.

以及对您希望我们未来制作的影片主题进行投票的独家机会。

The best thing about physical maturity is that it's very easy to spot. 用詞

身体成熟最大的好处就是很容易被看出来。

We can so easily tell when someone has another decade of growth to go 語法

我们很容易看出一个人是否还需要十年的成长，

and can therefore set our expectations and our levels of forbearance accordingly. 短語搭配

并因此相应地调整我们的期望和包容度。

But we have no such luxury when it comes to emotional maturity. 短語搭配

但在情感成熟度方面，我们可没有这种便利。

Here we can be constantly surprised by whom we have on our hands. 習語

在这里，我们总是会对眼前的人感到惊讶。

The most stunning forms of immaturity can coexist with all the trappings of adult life and a confident and knowledgeable manner. 用詞

最令人咋舌的不成熟形态，竟然能与成年生活的所有表象、自信而博学的举止并存。

It may be a long time into a love affair or a working relationship

也许在一段恋爱关系或工作关系持续了很长时间后，

before we realize that we are unwittingly dealing with an emotional infant. 習語

我们才意识到自己在不知不觉中面对的是一个‘情感巨婴’。

It pays, therefore, to try to arrive at a few general guidelines 語法

因此，尝试总结出一些大致的指导原则是值得的，

for how an emotionally immature person can be spotted

看看如何辨别情感不成熟的人，

and, if necessary, escaped from very fast.

并在必要时迅速脱身。

Here are some of the lines that emotionally immature people have a tendency to come out with in conversation 短語搭配

以下是情感不成熟的人在谈话中往往会说出的一些话，

and that should, at the very least, 習語

而这些话至少应该，

set alarm bells ringing loudly.

让你在心里敲响响亮的警钟。

I'm not so good at spending time on my own.

我不太擅长独处。

What separates the mature from the immature is perhaps more than anything else, 語法

成熟与不成熟的区别，也许比其他任何东西都更在于，

a capacity for being on their own, without distraction 短語搭配

能够在没有干扰的情况下独处，

and thinking about who they are and what they've experienced.

并思考他们是谁以及经历了什么。

The mature person can allow themselves to examine and, as it were, feel their own feelings, 表達脈絡

成熟的人可以允许自己审视、可以说是感受自己的感受，

even when these are very difficult and hugely unwelcome.

即使这些感受非常艰难且极不受欢迎。

They can stomach an encounter with their own rage, 用詞

他们能忍受面对自己的愤怒、

their own envy, their own shame.

自己的嫉妒、自己的羞耻。

They don't have to do what the immature person is constantly compelled to do, 用詞

他们不必做那些不成熟的人不断被迫去做的事，

find someone or something else to prevent them from any risk of understanding their own mind. 語法

即找人或找事来阻止他们冒着理解自己内心的风险。

I don't really remember much about my childhood.

我对我的童年不太记得了。

There are very few childhoods in which difficult things didn't unfold. 語法

极少有人的童年没有发生过一些困难的事情。

Without anyone meaning for this to happen, with the best intentions, 短語搭配

没有人有意让这种事发生，虽然初衷是好的，

children's development gets impeded and bruised. 習語

但孩子的发展还是会受到阻碍和伤害。

What counts, therefore, isn't that someone had a happy childhood. 語法

因此，关键不在于一个人是否有一个快乐的童年。

Almost no one on the planet did entirely, but that a person should have a calm and insightful view

地球上几乎没有人能拥有完全快乐的童年，但一个人应该以一种平静和深刻的视角

of what their childhood was actually like in its good and bad aspects.

来看待他们童年真实的优缺点。

An inability to remember much about the past doesn't indicate that it was idyllic or just a long time ago,

记不清过去的事情，并不意味着过去是田园诗般的，或者仅仅是因为年代久远，

just that it hasn't begun to be processed 用詞

这只意味着过去的事情还没有开始被消化，

and that is a red flag. 習語

而这是一个危险的信号。

I've never really thought about that before.

我以前从来没真正想过这个。

Emotionally immature people have great difficulties with conversations

情感不成熟的人在应对某些对话时会有很大困难，

that require them to draw on a knowledge of their own enthusiasms, 短語動詞

这些对话需要他们调动对自己热爱的、

sorrows, projects and histories.

悲伤的、计划的和过去的事情的了解。

So, as one sits with them over a drink and asks, for example,

因此，当你和他们坐在一起喝杯酒并问，比如，

why their last relationship broke up 短語動詞

上一段感情为什么破裂，

or what meaningful work constitutes for them

或者对他们来说有意义的工作是什么，

or what they regret most from their childhood,

又或者他们对自己童年最遗憾的是什么时，

one has an above-average chance of hearing, perhaps quite sweetly, 短語搭配

你有高于常人的几率听到，也许语气还很甜美，

a reply along the lines that this is all too new 短語搭配

类似于‘这一切太新了’的回答，

and that they've never thought about this before.

以及他们以前从未想过这些。

It isn't that the emotionally immature person is being cagey. 講解

这并不是说情感不成熟的人在闪烁其词。

They simply haven't properly inhabited, in its authentic pain and intensity, 習語

他们只是没有真正地、以其真实的痛苦和强度去体验，

the life that they are actually leading.

他们实际上正在过的生活。

Everything is pretty good.

一切都挺好的。

It's fine.

挺好的。

All is fine.

一切都好。

It would be churlish to begrudge anyone a good mood. 用詞

嫉妒别人的好心情未免显得脾气暴躁。

Nevertheless, the emotionally immature person isn't often just in a good mood.

然而，情感不成熟的人往往并不只是心情好。

They are rigidly unable to enter a bad one. 習語

他们是死板地无法进入坏情绪。

Everything is declared fine.

所有事情都被宣布为‘挺好的’。

Their parents, job, love affair, sex life, ambitions,

他们的父母、工作、恋爱、性生活、抱负，

because they have no resources for coping with anything 短語搭配

因为他们没有资源来应对任何

that might be more nuanced and more real,

可能更微妙、更真实的事情，

that might entail anger, loss, confusion or wayward desires.

任何可能涉及愤怒、失去、困惑或任性欲望的事情。

One comes away from a dialogue with such a person 短語動詞

一个人在结束与这样的人的对话后，

disoriented and lonely at the idea

会对这世上竟然有如此欢快而单一的生活，

that any life could be quite so cheerily one-dimensional. 用詞

感到迷茫和孤独。

It isn't, that's just the way that the emotionally immature person is processing things.

并不是这样，这只是情感不成熟的人处理事情的方式。

That's just a load of old psychobabble. 用詞

那都是些老掉牙的心理学术语。

As soon as a conversation threatens their emotional integrity, 語法

一旦对话威胁到了他们的情感完整性，

the emotionally immature person will shut it down. 短語動詞

情感不成熟的人就会立刻终止对话。

The imperious verdict that it is a piece of overcomplicated nonsense.

他们专横地断定那是一堆被弄得过于复杂的废话。

They appeal to an idea of robust simplicity instead, 短語搭配

相反，他们呼吁一种简单粗暴的理念，

as though the origins of all our problems might lie in thinking too much. 語法

仿佛我们所有问题的根源都在于想得太多。

It's the sort of attitude that might lead them to recommend

这种态度可能会让他们去建议，

that an anxious person pull themselves together 習語

焦虑的人要振作起来，

or to claim that a lot of mental distress comes from not getting out enough.

或者声称许多精神上的痛苦是因为没多出去走走。

But of course, none of this stems from confidence. 短語動詞

但当然，这些都不源于自信。

It's a terrified way of blocking one's ears and saying no 習語

这是一种恐惧的、捂住耳朵说‘不’的方式，

to truths and ideas that might hurt very much.

拒绝那些可能会非常伤人的真相和想法。

Emotionally immature people can be extremely charming

情感不成熟的人可能非常有魅力，

and at points entertaining to be around,

有时和他们在一起也很有趣，

but as a general rule, we would advise you to give them 講解

但作为一般原则，我们建议你对他们

a very wide berth indeed

敬而远之，

and aim to check in on them in about a decade or two. 短語動詞

并打算在一二十年后再去看看他们怎么样了。

Life is, in the end, far too short, 語法

生命终究太短暂、

far too interesting and far too lonely

太有趣、太孤独，

to spend very long around people who lack any interest

不值得花太长时间和那些缺乏任何兴趣

in trying to be,

去尝试成为，

where it counts, emotional grown-ups. 表達脈絡

哪怕是关键时刻的情感成熟者的人在一起。

We've just launched a special membership to our YouTube channel.

我们刚刚在YouTube频道推出了特别会员服务。

Sign up today for a host of unique benefits.

今天注册即可享受一系列专属福利。