留在一段感情中，还是选择离开？：英语精读讲义

The decision whether one should stay or leave 語法

决定是该留下还是离开

is one of the most consequential and painful

是最重大且最痛苦的决定之一

any of us ever has to make.

也是我们任何人都必须做出的。

On any given day, 短語搭配

在任何一天，

many millions of people worldwide

全世界有成百上千万人

will be secretly turning the issue over in their minds 短語動詞

都会在心中暗自反复思量这个问题

as they go about their daily lives. 短語動詞

就在他们度过日常生活的同时。

Their partners beside them

他们身边的伴侣

possibly having little clue 短語搭配

可能毫不知情

as to the momentous decision

关于这个重大决定

weighing upon them. 習語

正沉重地压在他们心头。

The choice is perhaps more common now

这种选择现在也许比以往任何时候

than it ever was.

都更普遍。

We expect to be deeply happy in love

我们期望在爱情中获得深深的幸福，

and therefore spend a good deal of time wondering 語法

因此花很多时间在想

whether our relationships are essentially normal

我们的关系本质上是否正常，

in their sexual and psychological frustrations

包含着性和心理上的挫折，

or are beset by unusually pathological patterns 用詞

还是被异常病态的模式所困扰，

which will impel us to get out

这将驱使我们逃离

as soon as we can.

越快越好。

What films or novels we've been exposed to, 短語搭配

我们看过的电影或小说，

the state of our friends' relationships,

朋友们的感情状况，

the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating apps,

那些以性为驱动的新型约会软件的喧嚣程度，

not to mention how much sleep we've had, 表達脈絡

更别提我们的睡眠是否充足，

can all play humblingly large roles 短語搭配

这些都在很大程度上发挥着出人意料的作用，

in influencing us one way or another. 習語

从方方面面影响着我们。

Awkwardly, it seems that no one else

尴尬的是，似乎并没有其他人

actually really minds what we end up doing, 短語動詞

真的在乎我们最终怎么做，

which gives the decision a degree of existential loneliness

这让这个决定带上了一种存在主义的孤独感，

it might not always have possessed.

这是它过去可能未曾有过的。

Historically, the choice was in a sense 語氣意圖

在历史上，这种选择在某种意义上

a good deal easier because

要容易得多，因为

there were simply so many stern external sanctions

存在非常多严厉的外部制裁

around not leaving.

阻止人们离开。

Religions would insist that God blessed unions

宗教会坚持认为上帝保佑结合，

and would be furious that they're being torn asunder. 用詞

并且会因为它们被拆散而愤怒。

Society strongly disapproved of breakups

社会强烈不赞成分手，

and cast separating parties

并将分居的双方

into decades of ignominy and shame.

置于几十年的屈辱和羞耻之中。

And psychologists would explain that children

心理学家会解释说，孩子们

would be deeply and permanently scarred

会被深深地、永久地留下创伤

by any termination in their parents' relationship.

因为父母关系的任何终结。

But one by one, 短語搭配

但一个接一个地，

these objections to quitting have fallen away. 短語動詞

这些对放弃的反对意见都消失了。

Religions no longer terrify us into staying. 語法

宗教不再恐吓我们留下。

Society doesn't care.

社会不在乎。

And psychologists now routinely tell us

心理学家现在经常告诉我们

that children would prefer a broken family 語法

孩子们更喜欢一个破裂的家庭，

to an unhappy one.

而不是一个不幸福的家庭。

The burden of choice therefore 習語

因此，选择的重担

falls squarely on us.

完完全全落在了我们身上。

The only thing determining whether to stay or leave

决定是留下还是离开的唯一因素

is how we feel,

是我们的感觉，

which can be a pretty hard matter indeed

这确实是一件很难的事情

to work out for ourselves. 短語動詞

去自己弄清楚。

Our feelings having a dispirited habit of shifting

我们的感情有一种令人沮丧的变化习惯，

and evading any efforts of rational qualification.

并逃避任何理性限定的努力。

In the circumstances,

在这种情况下，

it might help to have a set of questions,

有一套问题可能会有所帮助，

devil's advocate in nature, 習語

带有“唱反调”的性质，

to fall back upon, 短語動詞

以供依靠，

a kind of checklist to dialogue within one's mind

一种在脑海中对话的清单，

in the silent hours of the morning

在早晨寂静的时刻，

from the chill vantage point

从冰冷的有利视角，

of the spare room couch.

坐在客房的沙发上。

How much of our unhappiness

我们有多少不快乐

can be tightly attributed to this particular partner? 短語搭配

可以完全归咎于这个特定的伴侣？

And how much might it,

又有多少可能会，

as we would risk discovering

正如我们可能冒着发现的风险

5 years and multiple upheavals later,

在5年和多次剧变之后，

turn out to be simply an inherent feature 短語動詞

原来只是一个固有的特征，

of any attempt to live in close proximity 短語搭配

存在于任何试图近距离生活

to another human?

于另一个人的尝试之中？

Though it is of course always essentially their fault, 語氣意圖

虽然本质上当然总是他们的错，

what tiny proportion of the difficulties

但这其中有多小比例的困难

might we nevertheless be contributing to the discord? 短語搭配

可能是我们在火上浇油？

In what modest way

在哪些小方面

might we be a little hard to be around? 用詞

我们自己可能也有点难以相处？

Consider the annoying traits

考虑一下那些烦人的特征，

in all previous partners we've had

在我们以前的所有伴侣身上

and people we've known

和我们认识的人身上，

that our current partners happen not to have. 語法

而现在的伴侣碰巧没有的。

What do we manage not to fight about? 語法

我们努力在哪些方面不吵架？

Start to probe at any new infatuations or crushes,

开始试探任何新的迷恋或暗恋，

largely by getting to know them better. 短語搭配

很大程度上是通过更好地了解他们。

Observe closely how many sexually available

仔细观察有多少性方面开放

and intelligent people the single types around us,

且聪明的人，周围的单身人士，

especially those hooked up to those new dating apps, 短語動詞

尤其是那些迷恋新型约会软件的人，

actually manage to encounter day-to-day.

实际上每天都能遇到。

Try to have another conversation with your partner

试着再和你的伴侣谈一次，

in which you don't accuse them of mendacity 短語搭配

在这次谈话中不要指责他们撒谎，

and instead simply explain quite calmly 語氣意圖

而是非常平静地解释

how you actually feel

你的真实感受，

and how sad you are about quite a few things.

以及你对很多事情感到多么难过。

Reflect on how you'd really feel as a child.

反思一下如果作为一个孩子，你会有什么感觉。

If henceforth, you were going to have two tiny bedrooms, 用詞

如果从今以后，你将有两个小卧室，

two new step-parents,

两个新继父母，

and possibly a few more new half-siblings.

以及可能还有几个新的同父异母/同母异父的兄弟姐妹。

Compare with the scratchy reality 習語

将其与令人难受的现实相比，

of the current setup.

即目前的状况。

Question how normal it is for any couple 語法

问问自己对任何情侣来说有多正常，

to have great sex after 22 months together.

在一起22个月后还能有很棒的性生活。

Ask yourself if you're ready to face the risk 短語搭配

问问自己是否准备好面对风险，

of perhaps achieving no more than exchanging 語法

也许只是把

a familiar kind of unhappiness

一种熟悉的痛苦

for a new and more complex variety of unhappiness.

换成了另一种全新且更为复杂的痛苦。

Wonder whether you really want to choose hope 表達脈絡

想想你是否真的想选择希望

over experience.

而非经验。

Then, if you still have the impulse to leave, 短語搭配

然后，如果你仍然有离开的冲动，

with the chances of subsequent regret lessened 語法

日后后悔的几率已经减少了

at least a touch, 語氣意圖

至少一点点，

with a heavy heart and a cautious mind, 表達脈絡

怀着沉重的心情和谨慎的态度，

leave.

离开吧。