友谊的意义：英语精读讲义

Friendship should be one of the high points of existence, 短語搭配

友谊本应是生命中的高光时刻之一，

and yet it's also the most routinely disappointing thing we have to deal with. 短語動詞

然而它却也是我们日常不得不面对的最令人失望的事情。

Too often, you're at supper at someone's house.

很多时候，你在某人家里吃晚饭。

There's an impressive spread and the hosts have evidently gone to a lot of trouble, 短語搭配

菜肴很丰盛，主人们显然费了不少心思，

but the conversation is meandering and devoid of any real interest. 用詞

但谈话却漫无目的，毫无真正的趣味可言。

It flits from an overlong description of the failings of the in-flight service on a particular airline 短語搭配

话题从冗长地抱怨某家航空公司的机上服务很差，

to a strangely heated discussion about the tax code.

一下子跳到对税法莫名其妙的激烈讨论。

The intentions of the hosts are hugely touching,

主人们的心意极其感人，

but as so often, we go home wondering what on earth the whole performance was really about. 語氣意圖

但往往，我们在回家路上会纳闷这出戏到底是为了什么。

The key to the problem of friendship is to be found in an odd-sounding place, 語法

解决友谊问题的关键在一个听起来有些奇怪的地方，

a lack of a sense of purpose.

那就是缺乏目的感。

Our attempts at friendship tend to go adrift because we collectively resist the task of developing a clear picture of what friendship might really be for. 講解

我们结交朋友的尝试往往会偏离方向，因为我们都在抗拒去清晰勾勒友谊到底是为了什么。

The problem is that we're unfairly uncomfortable with the idea of friendship having any declared purpose

问题在于，一想到友谊有任何明确的目的，我们就会感到不舒服，这其实有失公允，

because we associate purpose with the least attractive and most cynical of motives. 短語搭配

因为我们把目的与最不讨喜、最愤世嫉俗的动机联系在一起。

Yet purpose doesn't have to ruin friendship, 語法

然而，目的并不一定会毁掉友谊，

and in fact, the more we define what a friendship might be for, 語法

事实上，我们越是明确友谊的目的，

the more we can focus in on what we should be doing with every person in our lives, 短語動詞

我们就越能把注意力集中在应该和生活里的每个人做些什么，

or indeed, the more we can helpfully conclude that we shouldn't be with them at all. 短語搭配

甚至越能有益地得出结论：我们根本不该和他们在一起。

There are at least four things we might be trying to do with the people we know.

我们想和认识的人一起做的事情至少有四件。

Firstly,

首先，

networking.

拓展人脉。

It's an unfairly maligned idea. 用詞

这是一个被不公正地诽谤了的概念。

We're small,

我们只是广阔世界中弱小、

fragile creatures in a vast world.

脆弱的生物。

Our individual capacities are entirely insufficient to realize the demands of our imaginations.

我们的个人能力完全不足以实现想象力的需求。

So, of course,

所以，毫无疑问，

we need collaborators,

我们需要合作者，

accomplices who can align their abilities and energies with ours. 短語搭配

需要能与我们的能力和精力相契合的同伙。

This idea of friendship was given a lot of space in classical literature.

这种友谊的理念在古典文学中占据了很大的篇幅。

Take the Argonauts, 文化背景

以《阿尔戈英雄》为例，

the legendary ancient Greek tale,

这个古希腊传奇故事，

which traced how a heroic captain called Jason networked in order to assemble a band of friends to sail on the Argo

追溯了一位名叫伊阿宋的英雄船长如何通过建立人脉，召集了一帮朋友乘坐阿尔戈号航行，

in search of the Golden Fleece.

寻找金羊毛。

Later,

后来，

the same idea re-emerged when Jesus networked to put together a band of 12 disciples 文化背景

同样的想法再次出现，耶稣通过建立人脉召集了12名门徒，

with whom he could spread one or two world-changing ideas about forgiveness and compassion.

与他们一起传播关于宽恕和同情的一两个足以改变世界的思想。

Rather than diminish our own efforts as we hand out our business cards, 語法

我们不应在递出名片时看轻自己的努力，

such prestigious examples can show how elevated and ambitious networking friendships could, 表達脈絡

这样久负盛名的例子能表明，旨在拓展人脉的友谊在理想状态下，

ideally, be.

可以是多么高尚和雄心勃勃。

Secondly,

第二，

reassurance.

寻求慰藉。

The human condition is full of terror.

人类的生存状态充满了恐惧。

We're always on the verge of disgrace, 短語搭配

我们总是处于蒙羞、

danger, and disappointment.

危险和失望的边缘。

And yet,

然而，

such are the rules of polite conduct that we're permanently in danger of imagining that we are the only ones to be as crazy as we know we are. 語法

礼节的规则使我们永远处于一种危险中，即以为只有我们自己才像我们所知的那样疯狂。

We badly need friends because with the people we know only superficially,

我们极其需要朋友，因为对于那些只是泛泛之交的人，

there are few confessions of sexual compulsion or of regret,

我们很少会向他们坦白自己的性冲动或是悔恨、

rage, and confusion.

愤怒和迷茫。

These superficial acquaintances refuse to admit that they too are going slightly out of their minds. 習語

这些泛泛之交拒绝承认他们也快要发疯了。

Yet the reassuring true friend gives us access to a very necessary and accurate sense of their own humiliations and follies, 短語搭配

然而，能带来慰藉的真朋友让我们能非常有必要地、真切地感受到他们自己的屈辱和愚蠢，

insights with which we can begin to judge ourselves and our sad and compulsive lives slightly more compassionately. 語法

借助这些洞见，我们可以开始稍微更宽容地看待自己，以及我们悲哀而身不由己的生活。

Thirdly,

第三，

fun.

寻找乐趣。

Despite talk of hedonism and immediate gratification, 表達脈絡

尽管大家都在谈论享乐主义和即时满足，

life gives us constant lessons in the need to be serious.

生活却在不断教导我们需要严肃。

We have to guard our dignity,

我们必须维护自己的尊严，

avoid looking like a fool,

避免看起来像个傻瓜，

and pass as a mature adult. 短語動詞

并且要装作一个成熟的成年人。

The pressure can become onerous and in the end even dangerous.

这种压力会变得繁重，最终甚至会变得危险。

That's why we constantly need access to people we can trust enough to be silly with them. 語法

这就是为什么我们不断需要接触那些我们足够信任、能在他们面前犯傻的人。

They might, most of the time,

在大部分时间里，他们可能

be training to be a neurosurgeon or advising middle-sized companies about their tax liabilities,

在接受神经外科医生的培训，或者为中型企业提供税务咨询，

but when we're together,

但当我们在一起时，

we can be therapeutically daft. 用詞

我们可以表现出具有治愈效果的傻气。

We can put on accents, 短語動詞

我们可以模仿口音，

share lewd fantasies,

分享下流的幻想，

or doodle on the newspaper,

或者在报纸上乱画，

adding a huge nose and a missing front tooth to the president

给总统画上个大鼻子并缺颗门牙，

or giving the fashion model distended ears and masses of curly hair.

或者给时装模特画上胀大的耳朵和一头卷发。

The fun friend solves the problem of shame around important but unprestigious sides of ourselves.

有趣的朋友解决了我们在自己重要但不那么体面的方面所产生的羞耻感。

Fourthly,

第四，

clarifying our minds.

澄清思绪。

To a surprising degree, 表達脈絡

令人惊讶的是，

it's very hard to think on our own.

靠我们自己思考是非常困难的。

The mind is skittish and squeamish. 用詞

大脑是容易跳跃且脆弱的。

As a result,

结果是，

many issues lie confused within us.

许多问题在我们内心中纠缠不清。

We feel angry but are not sure why.

我们感到生气，但不确定原因。

Something is wrong with our job but we can't pin it down. 短語動詞

我们的工作出了问题，但我们无法确切找出症结所在。

The thinking friend holds us to the task. 短語搭配

善于思考的朋友能督促我们完成这项任务。

They ask gentle but probing questions which act as a mirror that assists us with the task of knowing ourselves. 講解

他们提出温和但发人深省的问题，就像一面镜子，协助我们完成认识自我这项任务。

One side effect of getting a bit more precise about what we're trying to do with our social lives 語法

更加明确我们试图在社交生活中做什么，带来的一个副作用是

is that we're likely to conclude that in many cases,

我们很可能会得出结论，在许多情况下，

we're spending time with people for no truly identifiable good reason.

我们和人们共度时光并没有什么真正明确的好理由。

These proto-friends share none of our professional ambitions or interests. 用詞

这些所谓的“准朋友”既不分享我们的职业抱负，也不分享我们的兴趣。

They aren't reassuring and may indeed be secretly really very excited by the possibility of our failure.

他们不能提供慰藉，甚至可能对我们失败的可能性暗自窃喜。

We can't be cathartically silly around them

在他们身边我们不能随心所欲地释放傻气，

and they aren't in the least bit interested in furthering our or their path to self-knowledge. 短語搭配

并且他们对于促进我们或他们自己的自我认知之路也毫无兴趣。

They are,

他们，

like so many of the people in our social lives,

就像我们社交生活中的许多人一样，

simply in our orbit as a result of some unhappy accident that we've been too sentimental to correct. 講解

仅仅是因为某些我们太过感情用事而未能纠正的不幸偶然，才留在了我们的轨道中。

We should dare to be a little ruthless in this area. 語法

在这方面，我们应该敢于稍微冷酷一些。

Culling acquaintances isn't a sign that we've lost belief in friendship. 講解

淘汰熟人并不意味着我们失去了对友谊的信仰。

It's evidence that we're starting to get clearer and therefore more demanding about what a friendship could really be.

而是证明我们开始变得更加清醒，因此对友谊的真正含义有了更高的要求。

In the best way,

往好的一面想，

the price of knowing what friendship is for may be a few more evenings at home in our own company. 習語

弄清友谊目的的代价，可能只是几个在家独处的夜晚。