父亲情结：英语精读讲义

To say that someone has daddy issues 用詞

说某人有“缺乏父爱综合征”（daddy issues），

is a somewhat rude and humiliating way 短語搭配

是一种多少有些粗鲁和贬低的方式，

of alluding to a very understandable longing for a father 短語搭配

它暗指的是一种非常容易理解的、对父亲的渴望，

who is strong and wise,

渴望他坚强又睿智，

who is judicious, kind,

明智、善良，

perhaps at points tough,

也许有时严厉，

but always fair and ultimately always on our side. 習語

但总是通情达理，并且最终总是站在我们这一边。

It would be so understandable if we were to feel we wanted someone like this in our lives, 語法

如果我们在生活中渴望有这样一个人，这是完全可以理解的，

especially at moments of confusion and chaos.

尤其是在我们感到困惑和混乱的时刻。

The longing for a strong father has been a recurring theme throughout history. 短語搭配

对强大父亲的渴望贯穿了整个人类历史。

Most religions have conceived of their central deities as male parents. 短語搭配

大多数宗教都把它们的核心神明设定为男性长辈。

In ancient Greece,

在古希腊，

Zeus was described as the father of men and gods.

宙斯被称为人类与众神之父。

In Christianity,

在基督教中，

God was the heavenly father.

上帝被视为天父。

In Germanic mythology,

在日耳曼神话中，

Odin was the all-father, 文化背景

奥丁被称为“众生之父”，

the father of all other gods.

即所有其他神明的父亲。

The longing has been no less present in secular culture. 語法

这种渴望在世俗文化中也同样存在。

In the US,

在美国，

the individuals who led the War of Independence and drew up the Constitution 短語動詞

那些领导独立战争并起草宪法的人

came to be known as the Founding Fathers. 講解

被称为“开国元勋”（Founding Fathers）。

Garibaldi,

加里波第，

the dignified and authoritative man who fought for the unification of Italy in the 19th century,

这位在19世纪为意大利统一而战的、威严而有权威的人，

earned himself the title of the father of the fatherland. 短語搭配

为自己赢得了“祖国之父”的称号。

In early childhood,

在幼儿时期，

we are all immensely weak and in need of protection. 短語搭配

我们都极其弱小，需要保护。

We can't understand the world.

我们无法理解这个世界。

We're so fragile,

我们是如此脆弱，

we could be killed by a moderately sized dog.

一只中等体型的狗就能要了我们的命。

So much feels mysterious and outside of our control. 習語

太多事物让我们觉得神秘且不受控制。

A hunger for a daddy is, in the circumstances, 短語搭配

在这种情况下，对爸爸的渴望

wholly natural.

是完全自然的。

A grown man inevitably and rightly seems immensely impressive to a small child.

对一个小孩子来说，成年男性不可避免地、理所当然地显得无比了不起。

They appear to know everything, 語法

他们似乎无所不知，

the capital of New Zealand,

知道新西兰的首都，

how to drive a car,

知道怎么开车，

how to say a few words in a foreign language,

知道怎么说几句外语，

how to peel an avocado.

知道怎么剥牛油果。

They go to bed mysteriously late,

他们神秘地很晚才睡觉，

they're up before you.

又比你起得早。

In the swimming pool,

在游泳池里，

you can put your arms around their neck and rest on their back.

你可以搂住他们的脖子，趴在他们的背上。

They once kicked a football so high,

他们曾经把足球踢得那么高，

you nearly couldn't see it.

你差点都看不见了。

It's beyond astonishing when one is four. 用詞

当你只有四岁时，这简直太不可思议了。

The paradox of daddy issues is that those who have them 表達脈絡

“缺乏父爱综合征”的矛盾之处在于，有这些问题的人，

are almost always people who didn't have very good fathers when they were small.

几乎都是在小时候没有过好父亲的人。

Perhaps one's father was strong,

也许某人的父亲很强壮，

but ultimately cruel,

但终究很残酷，

bullying, or disinterested.

喜欢欺凌，或者漠不关心。

Perhaps he was more concerned with another sibling or with his work. 短語搭配

也许他更关心其他兄弟姐妹，或者更关心他的工作。

Perhaps he wasn't around much, 用詞

也许他不常在身边，

left the house after a divorce,

离婚后离开了家，

or died young.

或者英年早逝。

The adult longing for a father is not the result of having had a good father in childhood. 語法

成年后对父亲的渴望，并不是因为童年时有一个好父亲。

It's a consequence of abandonment. 短語搭配

它是被抛弃的后果。

The longing can incline us to some tricky patterns of behavior. 短語搭配

这种渴望会让我们陷入一些棘手的行为模式。

However mature and skeptical we may be in most areas, 語法

无论我们在大多数领域多么成熟和充满怀疑精神，

in relation to the idea of male protection, 短語搭配

在面对男性保护这种观念时，

we remain a little like the young child we once were

我们依然有点像曾经的那个小孩，

and haven't been allowed to mature away from.

还没有被允许成长并摆脱这种状态。

We secretly yearn for a man to step in and fulfill an unquenched fantasy role. 講解

我们暗地里渴望一个男人能介入进来，满足一种未被满足的幻想角色。

They'll take charge, 短語搭配

他们会掌管一切，

they'll make the big decisions,

他们会做出重大决定，

they'll be tough and certain to make our problems go away.

他们会很坚强，肯定能让我们的问题烟消云散。

They'll make sure the money side of things is sorted, 講解

他们会确保金钱方面的问题得到解决，

they'll get angry and aggressive with anyone who hurts us,

他们会对任何伤害我们的人感到愤怒和具有攻击性，

they'll be proud of us and love us as we are. 短語搭配

他们会为我们感到骄傲，爱真实的我们。

We'll be looking out for daddies in friendships, 短語動詞

我们会在友谊中寻找爸爸的身影，

at work,

在工作中也是，

and not least, 表達脈絡

尤其是，

in politics.

在政治中。

The danger is that these daddies may in the end

危险在于，这些“爸爸”最终可能

hugely damage our trust,

会极大地破坏我们的信任，

for it isn't in anyone's power to assuage the sort of longings

因为没有任何人有能力平息那种

we bring to bear on 習語

我们寄托在他们身上的

them. They may know very well what we want

渴望。他们可能非常清楚我们想要什么，

and naively or cynically promise to provide it for us,

并且天真或愤世嫉俗地承诺会提供给我们，

but gradually, too late,

但渐渐地，为时已晚，

we stand to realize that they had a thousand flaws, 語法

我们终会意识到，他们有无数的缺点，

as we all do.

就像我们所有人一样。

We may realize that they're bullying rather than noble,

我们可能会意识到他们是在霸凌，而不是高尚，

that our enemies haven't gone away,

我们的敌人并没有消失，

that they couldn't help us,

他们根本帮不了我们，

that there isn't, in fact, enough money in the world to do what they promised, 表達脈絡

事实上，世上没有足够的钱来兑现他们的承诺，

and that, in fact, they didn't really love us at all.

而且事实上，他们根本没有真正爱过我们。

The fantasy daddy figure of adulthood isn't, in fact, a good father for one big reason.

成年人幻想中的“爸爸”形象，实际上并不是一个好父亲，原因有一个：

Truly good humans know they aren't that powerful

真正优秀的人知道他们并没有那么强大，

and are happy to admit to the fact cleanly and honestly,

并且乐于干净利落地、诚实地承认这一事实，

just as soon as we're ready to take the news,

只要我们准备好接受这个消息，

which is normally when we're around 12 years old

这通常是在我们大约12岁时，

and conscious of new powers and capacities.

并且意识到自己拥有了新的力量和能力。

A good father doesn't, beyond that age,

一个好父亲在孩子过了那个年纪之后，就不会

pretend to be all-powerful.

假装自己无所不能。

They confess they can't solve all our problems

他们承认无法解决我们所有的问题，

and can't magically save us from a myriad of dangers, 短語搭配

无法像变魔术一样把我们从无数危险中拯救出来，

no matter how much they wish they could. 語法

无论他们多么希望能做到。

The good daddy disappoints us just as soon as we're strong enough to bear reality. 講解

好爸爸一旦发现我们强大到足以承受现实，就会让我们失望。

Out of love, 短語搭配

出于爱，

they deflate the idea that there could ever be a perfect,

他们打破了永远会有一个完美、

ideal daddy.

理想爸爸的念头。

They try,

他们努力，

as best they can, 短語搭配

竭尽所能，

to help us grow up.

帮助我们长大。

If we encounter someone who has daddy issues,

如果我们遇到有“缺乏父爱综合征”的人，

the temptation is to get frustrated, 語法

很容易感到沮丧，

to tell them to mature,

叫他们成熟点，

to mock them,

嘲笑他们，

and in particular,

尤其是，

to poke fun at the particular daddy figure they might have identified. 習語

取笑他们可能认定的某位具体的“爸爸”形象。

This isn't either a very wise or ultimately a very kind strategy. 語法

这既不是一种非常明智的策略，归根结底也不是一种善意的策略。

It simply tends to entrench their devotion because whenever we're attacked, 語法

这往往只会加深他们的依赖，因为每当我们受到攻击时，

we of course feel ever more intensely than ever the need for the protection of an idealized father.

我们当然会比以往任何时候都更加强烈地感受到，我们需要一个理想化父亲的保护。

What we really need to help us out of our daddy issues 短語動詞

要帮助我们走出“缺乏父爱综合征”，我们真正需要的是

is something more like the actions of a genuinely good father,

更像是真正的好父亲的作为，

someone who acknowledges our suffering and our fears,

承认我们的痛苦和恐惧，

who deeply wants what's best for us and isn't reluctant to say so, 短語搭配

真心希望我们能过得好，而且不吝于说出来，

but who at the same time, out of love, 表達脈絡

但同时，出于爱，

wants to help us to come to terms 習語

又想帮助我们去接受

with a messy and essentially disappointing world.

这样一个混乱且本质上令人失望的世界。

A man who, out of love,

这样一个男人，出于爱，

will encourage us to be independent

会鼓励我们独立，

and specifically not to fantasize that anyone,

特别是不要去幻想任何人，

however outwardly imposing, 語法

无论外表多么威严，

can ever do the impossible.

能够完成不可能的事。

Good daddies allow us to bear the truth that there are, in the end, 講解

好爸爸会让我们承受这样一个事实：归根结底，

no daddies.

没有真正的“爸爸”。

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