为什么“爱”是一个无用的词——以及三个替代词：英语精读讲义

Love is our highest value,

爱是我们最高的价值，

what we all crave,

是我们都渴望的东西，

and what we believe makes us fundamentally human.

也是我们认为让人类成为人类的根本。

But it's also the source of considerable anxiety. 短語搭配

但它也是巨大焦虑的源头。

Chiefly, we worry whether we're entirely normal,

主要是，我们担心自己是否完全正常，

because it frequently feels as if we're not experiencing love the way we should be. 語法

因为很多时候我们觉得，自己经历爱的方式并不像我们以为的那样。

Society is subtly highly prescriptive in this regard. 講解

在这方面，社会潜移默化地制定了严格的规范。

It suggests that to be a decent person,

它暗示着，要成为一个体面的人，

we should all be within sexual relationships

我们都应该身处性关系之中，

and furthermore, that within these,

此外，在这些关系中，

we should love in a very particular way.

我们应该以一种非常特定的方式去爱。

We should be constantly thrilled by our partner's presence.

我们应该时刻为伴侣的存在而感到兴奋。

We should long to see them after every absence.

每次分别后，我们都应该渴望见到他们。

We should crave to hold them in our arms,

我们应该渴望将他们拥入怀中，

to kiss and be kissed by them,

去亲吻他们，被他们亲吻，

and most of all, want to have sex with them every day or so.

最重要的是，想要差不多每天都和他们做爱。

In other words, 表達脈絡

换句话说，

we should follow the script of romantic ecstasy throughout our lives. 習語

我们的一生都应该遵循浪漫狂喜的剧本。

This is beautiful in theory and hugely punitive in practice. 表達脈絡

这在理论上很美好，但在现实中却极具惩罚性。

If we're going to define love like this

如果我们要这样定义爱，

and peg the idea of normality accordingly,

并以此来界定正常的标准，

then most of us will have to admit to ourselves, perhaps with considerable embarrassment, 短語搭配

那么我们大多数人将不得不向自己承认，也许还带着极大的尴尬：

that we don't know much about love and therefore,

我们对爱知之甚少，因此，

don't qualify as decent, sane, or normal people. 短語搭配

我们算不上体面、理智或正常的人。

We've created a cult of love 習語

我们创造了一种对爱的狂热崇拜，

radically out of line with most of our real experiences of relationships. 短語搭配

这与我们大多数真实的感情经历完全脱节。

This is where the ancient Greeks can help. 表達脈絡

这就是古希腊人能帮到我们的地方。

They realized early on that there are many kinds of love, 短語搭配

他们很早就意识到，爱有很多种，

each with their respective virtues and seasons,

每种爱都有其各自的美德和时节，

and that a good society requires us to append a correct vocabulary

一个良好的社会需要我们赋予正确的词汇

to these different states of the heart, lending each one legitimacy in the process. 講解

来描述这些不同的内心情感状态，从而使每一种状态都变得合理。

The Greeks anointed the powerful physical feelings 用詞

希腊人将那种强烈的身体感觉

we often experience at the start of a relationship

（即我们通常在感情初期体验到的感觉）

with the word eros.

命名为“eros”（情欲之爱）。

But they knew that love is not necessarily over 語法

但他们知道，爱并不一定会结束，

when this sexual intensity wanes,

当这种性吸引力消退时，

as it almost always does, after a year or so in a relationship. 語法

就像恋爱一年左右几乎总是会发生的那样。

Our feelings can then evolve into another sort of love 短語搭配

我们的情感随后会演变成另一种爱，

they captured with the word philia,

他们用“philia”（友爱）这个词来概括，

normally translated as friendship, 短語搭配

通常被翻译为“友谊”，

though the Greek word is far warmer, more loyal, 語法

尽管这个希腊词比它的英文对应词要温暖得多，忠诚得多，

and more touching than its English counterpart.

也感人得多。

One might be willing to die for philia. 語法

一个人可能会愿意为了“philia”而死。

Aristotle recommended that we outgrow eros in youth 用詞

亚里士多德建议，我们在年轻时经历“eros”并成熟后，

and then base our relationships, especially our marriages,

接着就把我们的关系，特别是婚姻，

on a philosophy of philia.

建立在“philia”的哲学之上。

The word adds an important nuance 短語搭配

这个词增加了一种重要的细微差别，

to our understanding of a viable union.

帮助我们理解什么是可行的结合。

It allows us to see that we may still love

它让我们看到，我们依然可以去爱，

even when we're in a phase 語法

即使我们正处于一个

that our own more one-sided vocabulary fails to value. 習語

那些更加片面的词汇无法衡量其价值的阶段。

The Greeks had a third word for love, agape. 文化背景

希腊人还有第三个表示爱的词：“agape”（博爱）。

This can best be translated as a charitable love.

这最好被翻译为宽容的爱。

It's what we might feel towards someone who's behaved rather badly

这可能是我们对那些行为不端、

or come to grief through flaws of character, 習語

或者因为性格缺陷而遭受痛苦的人，

but for whom we still feel compassion. 語法

但依然感到同情时所产生的感觉。

It's what a god might feel for his or her people, 表達脈絡

这可能是神对他或她的子民的感觉，

or what an audience might feel for a tragic character in a play.

或者是观众对戏剧中悲剧人物的感觉。

It's the kind of love that we experience in relation to someone's weakness 短語搭配

这是我们在面对他人的弱点时，

rather than their strength.

而不是他们的优点时，所体验到的那类爱。

It reminds us that love isn't just about admiration for virtues. 語法

它提醒我们，爱不仅仅是对美德的钦佩。

It's also about sympathy and generosity

它也是一种同情与宽容，

towards what is weak and imperfect in us. 語法

去面对我们身上软弱和不完美的地方。

Having these three words to hand, 短語搭配

掌握了这三个词，

eros, philia, and agape,

eros、philia和agape，

powerfully extends our sense of what love really is.

就能极大地扩展我们对爱之真谛的认知。

The ancient Greeks were wise in dividing the blinding monolith of love 習語

古希腊人很明智，他们把爱这个令人目眩的庞然大物，

into its constituent parts. 短語搭配

划分成了各个组成部分。

Under their tutelage, we can see that we probably have far more love in our lives 講解

在他们的教导下，我们可以看到，我们生活中的爱，

than our current vocabulary knows how to recognize. 習語

可能远比我们现有词汇所能认知的要多得多。

Did you know that The School of Life is actually a place,

你知道 The School of Life 其实是一个实体场所吗？

10 places, in fact,

事实上，有10个地方，

campuses all over the world from Melbourne to London,

校区遍布世界各地，从墨尔本到伦敦，

Taipei to Istanbul,

从台北到伊斯坦布尔，

with classes and books and lots more.

提供课程、书籍以及更多内容。

Please click on the link below to explore more.

请点击下面的链接了解更多。