如何与人相处时保持心平气和：英语精读讲义

One of the most important ways to calm down is the power to hold on, even in challenging situations, 短語動詞

想要平复心情，最重要的方法之一就是要有能力坚持，即使在棘手的局势下，

to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do. 短語搭配

也要区分一个人实际做了什么和他的初衷是什么。

In law,

在法律上，

the difference is enshrined in the contrasting concepts of murder and manslaughter. 講解

这种区别体现在谋杀和过失杀人这两个截然不同的概念中。

The result may be the same,

结果可能是一样的，

the body is inert in a pool of blood,

尸体毫无生气地躺在血泊中，

but we collectively feel it makes a huge difference what the perpetrators intentions were. 語法

但我们普遍认为，肇事者的意图会让事情大有不同。

Motives are crucial,

动机至关重要，

but unfortunately,

但遗憾的是，

we're seldom very good at perceiving what motives happen to be involved in the incidents that frustrate us. 語法

当我们遇到令人沮丧的事件时，我们很少能敏锐地察觉到其中牵涉的动机。

We're easily and wildly mistaken.

我们往往很容易犯下大错。

We see intention where there was none 語法

我们把无心之举看作是有意为之，

and escalate and confront when no strenuous or agitated responses are in fact warranted.

在其实不需要做出激烈或激动反应的时候，让矛盾升级并发生冲突。

Part of the reason why we jump so readily to dark conclusions and see plots to insult and harm us 講解

我们之所以如此轻易地下定负面结论，并认为别人在图谋侮辱和伤害我们，

is a rather poignant psychological phenomenon,

部分原因在于一种相当令人心酸的心理现象，

self-hatred.

那就是自我厌恶。

The less we like ourselves, 語法

我们越是不喜欢自己，

the more we appear in our own eyes as really rather plausible targets for mockery and harm. 短語搭配

在自己眼里，就越觉得我们真的是别人嘲笑和伤害的合理目标。

Why would a drill have started up outside just as we were settling down to work? 講解

为什么我们刚坐下来准备工作，外面就响起了电钻声？

Why did the email not arrive,

为什么邮件还没收到，

even though we'll have to be in a meeting very soon?

尽管我们很快就要开会了？

Why would the phone operator be taking so long to find our details?

为什么接线员要花这么长时间才找到我们的资料？

Because there is,

因为，

logically enough,

按照这个逻辑，

a plot against us,

有人正在算计我们，

because we're appropriate targets for these kinds of things,

因为我们就是这类事情的合适目标，

because we're the sort of people against whom disruptive drilling is legitimately likely to be directed.

因为我们就是那种活该被恼人的电钻声针对的人。

It's what we deserve.

这是我们应得的。

When we carry a background excess of self-disgust around with us,

当我们在潜意识里带着过多的自我厌恶感，

operating just below the radar of conscious awareness, 習語

在我们无意识的雷达下隐蔽运作时，

we'll constantly seek confirmation from the wider world that we really are the worthless people we take ourselves to be. 語法

我们就会不断地从广阔的世界中寻找证据，来证明我们确实如自己所想的那样一文不值。

The expectation is almost always set in childhood,

这种心理预期几乎总是源于童年时期，

where someone close to us is likely to have left us feeling dirty and culpable. 語法

那时候，某个亲近的人可能让我们觉得自己很脏、有罪。

And as a result,

结果，

we now travel through society assuming the worst, 短語搭配

我们现在在这个社会中穿行时，总是做最坏的打算，

not because it's necessarily true or pleasant to do so, 語法

并不是因为这样做一定是正确的，或者是令人愉快的，

but because it feels familiar

而是因为这种感觉让我们觉得熟悉，

and because we're the prisoners of past patterns we haven't yet understood. 習語

也是因为我们是那些自己尚未理解的过往模式的囚徒。

We'd be so much calmer around adults

在成年人身边，我们会冷静得多，

if we could resort to some of the unflustered poise we naturally use around children. 用詞

如果我们能拿出我们在小孩子面前自然流露出的那种从容不迫的姿态。

Small children sometimes behave in really maddening ways.

小孩子有时候的行为真的很气人。

They scream at the person who's looking after them,

他们对照顾自己的人大吼大叫，

angrily push away a bowl of animal pasta,

愤怒地推开一碗动物形状的意大利面，

throw away something you've just fetched for them.

或者把你刚给他们拿来的东西扔掉。

But we rarely feel personally agitated or wounded by their behavior.

但我们很少因为他们的行为感到个人情绪激动或受伤。

And the reason is that we don't assign a negative motive or mean intention to a small person. 短語搭配

原因是，我们不会把负面的动机或恶意的企图强加给一个小孩子。

We reach around for the most benevolent interpretations.

我们会尽力往最善良的方向去解释。

We probably think that they're just a bit tired

我们可能认为他们只是有点累了，

or their gums are sore

或者是牙龈痛，

or they're upset by the arrival of a younger sibling.

或者是因为弟弟妹妹的到来而感到不高兴。

We've got a large repertoire of alternative explanations ready in our heads 短語搭配

我们的脑海中准备了一大堆替代性的解释，

and none of these lead us to panic or get terribly agitated.

没有一个解释会让我们惊慌失措或极其激动。

This is the reverse of what tends to happen around adults.

这与在成年人身边往往发生的情况恰恰相反。

Here we imagine that people have deliberately got us in their sights. 習語

在这里，我们会想象别人故意针对我们。

If someone edges in front of us in the airport queue,

如果有人在机场排队时挤到我们前面，

it's natural to suppose that they've sized us up and have reasoned that they can safely take advantage of us. 講解

我们会很自然地假设他们打量了我们，并认为可以安全地占我们的便宜。

They probably relish the thought of causing us a little distress. 短語搭配

他们可能很享受给我们制造一点麻烦的想法。

But if we employ the infant model of interpretation,

但是，如果我们采用解释婴儿行为的模式，

our first assumptions would be very different.

我们最初的假设就会大不相同。

We'd think that maybe they didn't sleep well that night,

我们会想，也许他们昨晚没睡好，

have a sore knee,

或者是膝盖痛，

or have been upset by their lover.

或者是和爱人闹了别扭。

The French philosopher Emile Auguste Chartier,

法国哲学家埃米尔·奥古斯特·沙尔捷（Emile Auguste Chartier），

known as Alain,

笔名阿兰（Alain），

was said to be the finest teacher in France in the first half of the 20th century, 語法

被认为是20世纪上半叶法国最优秀的教师，

and he developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people. 短語搭配

他发明了一个公式，用来在面对烦人的人时让自己和学生平静下来。

"Never say that people are evil,"

“永远不要说别人是邪恶的，”

he wrote.

他写道。

"You just need to look for the pin." 習語

“你只需要寻找那根针。”

What he meant was,

他的意思是，

look for the source of the agony that drives a person to behave in appalling ways. 語法

去寻找驱使一个人做出恶劣行为的痛苦源头。

The calming thought is to imagine that they're suffering off stage in some area we can't see. 習語

让人平静的想法是，去想象他们在我们看不到的某个地方正忍受着痛苦。

To be mature is to learn to imagine this zone of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence. 講解

走向成熟就是学会去想象这个痛苦的区域，即使缺乏明显的证据。

They may not look as if they were maddened by an inner psychological ailment. 語法

他们看起来可能不像被内在的心理疾病折磨得发疯。

They may seem chirpy and full of themselves, 習語

他们可能看起来兴高采烈、自以为是，

but the pin simply must be there or they would not be causing us harm. 語法

但那根针一定存在，否则他们就不会伤害我们。

When others madden us,

当别人让我们发狂时，

we need to imagine the turmoil,

我们需要想象那混乱、

disappointment,

失望、

worry,

担忧

and sadness beneath the aggressive surface. 習語

和充满攻击性外表下的悲伤。

We need to aim compassion in an unexpected place, 短語搭配

我们需要把同情心指向一个意想不到的地方，

at those who annoy us most.

指向那些最惹恼我们的人。

We must do that very strange thing,

我们必须做一件非常奇怪的事情，

move from anger to pity. 短語搭配

那就是把愤怒转化为怜悯。