20个情感成熟的标志：英语精读讲义

20 signs that you are emotionally mature.

表明你情绪成熟的20个迹象。

You realize that most of the bad behavior of other people

你意识到，别人绝大多数的不良行为

really comes down to fear and anxiety 短語動詞

归根结底其实源于恐惧和焦虑，

rather than,

而不是

as it's generally easier to presume,

人们通常更容易认定的

nastiness or idiocy.

恶意或愚蠢。

You loosen your hold on self-righteousness 習語

你不再那么执着于自以为是，

and stop thinking of the world

也不再认为这个世界

as populated by either monsters or fools.

里住的不是怪物，就是傻瓜。

It makes things less black and white at first, 習語

起初，这会让事情不再那么非黑即白，

but in time a great deal more interesting.

但久而久之，一切会变得有趣得多。

You learn that what's in your head 語法

你明白，自己脑子里的想法

can't automatically be understood by other people.

并不会自然而然地被别人理解。

You realize that,

你意识到，

unfortunately,

很遗憾，

you're going to have to articulate your intentions and feelings 用詞

你必须把自己的意图和感受表达清楚，

with the use of words

而且得用语言说出来；

and can't fairly blame other people

你也不能理直气壮地责怪别人，

for not getting what you mean 用詞

说他们没听懂你的意思，

until you've spoken calmly and clearly.

除非你已经心平气和、清清楚楚地表达过。

You learn that, remarkably,

令人惊讶的是，你开始明白，

you do sometimes get things wrong. 語法

自己有时确实会犯错。

With huge courage,

你鼓起莫大的勇气，

you take your first faltering steps towards, 短語搭配

踉踉跄跄地迈出第一步，开始尝试

once in a while,

偶尔

apologizing.

向别人道歉。

You learn to be confident,

你学会了如何拥有自信：

not by realizing that you're great, 語法

不是因为发现自己有多了不起，

but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, 語法

而是因为明白，其他人也和你一样愚蠢、

scared, and lost as you are.

害怕又迷茫。

We're all making it up as we go along, 習語

我们都是一边走，一边摸索着应对人生，

and that's fine.

而这没什么不好。

You forgive your parents because you realize that they didn't put you on this Earth

你原谅了父母，因为你意识到，他们把你带到这个世界上

in order to insult you.

并不是为了羞辱你。

They were just painfully out of their depth 習語

他们只是力不从心，自己也痛苦不堪，

and struggling with demons of their own. 習語

还在与自己心中的恶魔苦苦搏斗。

Anger turns, at points,

有时，愤怒会变成

to pity and compassion.

怜悯与同情。

You learn the enormous influence of so-called small things on mood, 用詞

你明白了，那些所谓的小事对情绪有着多么巨大的影响：

bedtimes, blood sugar,

睡觉时间、血糖水平、

and alcohol levels,

体内酒精含量、

degrees of background stress,

平时承受的压力大小，

and so on.

等等。

And as a result, 表達脈絡

因此，

you learn never to bring up an important contentious issue 講解

你学会了，绝不要把重要而有争议的问题

with a loved one until everyone is well rested, no one is drunk,

拿来和所爱的人讨论，除非大家都休息充分、没有人喝醉，

you've had some food,

你已经吃过东西，

nothing else is alarming you,

没有别的事让你心慌，

and you're not rushing to catch a train.

也不赶着去搭火车。

You give up sulking. 短語動詞

你不再生闷气。

If someone hurts you,

如果有人伤害了你，

you don't store up the hatred 短語動詞

你不会把怨恨

and the hurt for days.

和伤痛积压好几天。

You remember we'll all be dead soon.

你记得，我们很快都会死去。

You don't expect others to know what's wrong.

你不再指望别人自己看出哪里不对。

You tell them straight, 語氣意圖

你会直截了当地告诉他们，

and if they get it, you forgive them.

如果他们明白了，你就原谅他们。

And if they don't,

如果他们不明白，

in a different way,

你就换一种方式

you forgive them too.

也原谅他们。

You cease to believe in perfection

你不再相信完美的存在，

in pretty much every area. 短語搭配

几乎任何方面都不例外。

There aren't any perfect people,

世上没有完美的人，

perfect jobs, or perfect lives.

也没有完美的工作或完美的人生。

Instead, you pivot towards an appreciation of what is, 短語搭配

相反，你转而学会欣赏现有的一切，

to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott's 文化背景

用精神分析学家唐纳德·温尼科特

exemplary phrase, good enough.

那句经典的话说，就是“足够好”。

You realize that many things in your life

你意识到，生活中的许多事情

are at once quite frustrating and yet, 語法

虽然颇令人沮丧，

in many ways, eminently good enough. 用詞

但从很多方面看，也已经足够好了。

You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic

你明白了适度悲观的好处，

about how things will turn out 短語動詞

不再过分乐观地预想事情会如何发展；

and, as a result,

于是，

emerge as a calmer, more patient,

你变得更加平静、更有耐心，

and more forgiving soul.

也更加宽容。

You lose some of your idealism

你少了几分理想主义，

and become a far less maddening person. 語法

也变得不再那么让人抓狂。

You learn to see that everyone's weaknesses of character

你开始看出，每个人性格上的弱点

are linked to counterbalancing strengths.

都对应着一种能够平衡它的长处。

Rather than isolating their weaknesses,

你不再把他们的弱点单独拎出来看，

you look at the whole picture. 習語

而是看清一个人的全貌。

Yes, someone is rather pedantic, 用詞

没错，有人相当较真，

but they're also beautifully precise

但也精准细致得令人赞叹，

and a rock at times of turmoil. 習語

在动荡时刻更是可靠的主心骨。

Yes, someone is a bit messy,

没错，有人有些杂乱无章，

but at the same time brilliantly creative

但同时又极富创造力，

and very visionary.

而且非常有远见。

You realize, truly realize,

你终于真正意识到，

that perfect people don't exist

完美的人并不存在，

and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness.

每一种优点也都会附带一个缺点。

You fall in love a bit less easily.

你不再那么容易爱上别人。

It's difficult, in a way.

从某种意义上说，这也挺难的。

When you were less mature,

当你还不太成熟时，

you could develop a crush in an instant. 短語搭配

可能转眼间就会迷上一个人。

Now, you're poignantly aware that everyone,

如今，你痛切地意识到，无论是谁，

however externally charming or accomplished, 語法

外表再迷人，成就再斐然，

would be a bit of a pain from close up. 習語

近距离相处起来都会让人有点头疼。

You develop loyalty to what you already have.

你开始忠于自己已经拥有的一切。

You learn that you are,

你逐渐明白，自己

rather surprisingly,

竟然

quite a difficult person to live with.

是个相当难以共同生活的人。

You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. 習語

你少了几分从前那种自我感伤。

You go into friendships and relationships

当你进入一段友谊或亲密关系时，

offering others kindly warnings of how

你会善意地提前提醒对方，自己在哪些方面

and when you might prove a challenge. 用詞

以及什么时候可能会让人难以相处。

You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness.

你学会原谅自己犯下的错误和做过的傻事。

You realize the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself 習語

你意识到，一味鞭挞自己是一种毫无益处的自我沉溺，

for past misdeeds.

而这一切都是因为过去犯下的错。

You become more of a friend to yourself.

你成了自己更好的朋友。

Of course, you're an idiot,

当然，你是个傻瓜，

but you're still a lovable one,

但仍是个可爱的傻瓜，

as we all are.

我们所有人都是如此。

You learn that part of what maturity involves

你明白，成熟的一部分

is making peace with the stubbornly childlike bits of you 習語

就是与自己身上那些顽固而孩子气的部分和解，

that will always remain.

它们将永远存在。

You cease trying to be a grown-up at every occasion.

你不再试图时时刻刻都表现得像个大人。

You accept that we all have our regressive moments, 用詞

你接受了每个人都有退回小孩子状态的时刻，

and when the inner 2-year-old you rears its head, 習語

当你内心那个两岁小孩冒出头来时，

you greet them generously

你会宽容地接纳这个小家伙，

and give them the attention they need.

并给予这个孩子所需的关注。

You cease to put too much hope in grand plans 短語搭配

你不再对宏伟计划寄予过多希望，

for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years.

不再指望借此获得能持续多年的幸福。

You start to celebrate the little things that go well.

你开始庆祝每一件顺利的小事。

You realize that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. 短語搭配

你意识到，满足感是以几分钟为单位，一点点出现的。

You're delighted if one day passes by without too much bother.

如果一整天没遇上太多麻烦，你就会感到欣喜。

You take a greater interest in flowers

你开始对花朵更感兴趣，

and in the evening sky.

也更爱欣赏傍晚的天空。

You develop a taste for small pleasures. 短語搭配

你开始懂得品味微小的快乐。

What people in general think of you

别人普遍如何看待你，

ceases to be such a concern.

不再是那么让你在意的事。

You realize that the minds of others are muddled places,

你意识到，别人的头脑本就是一团乱麻，

and you don't try so hard to polish your image 習語

你也不再费尽心思去美化自己

in everyone else's eyes.

在所有人眼中的形象。

What counts is that you and one or two others 表達脈絡

真正重要的是，你自己和另外一两个人

are okay with you being you.

都能接受真实的你。

You give up on fame 短語動詞

你放弃追逐名望，

and start to rely on love.

转而依靠爱。

You get better at hearing feedback.

你变得更善于听取反馈。

Rather than assuming that anyone who criticizes you is either trying to humiliate you 語法

你不再认定，任何批评你的人要么是想羞辱你，

or is making a mistake,

要么就是他们弄错了；

you accept that maybe it would be an idea 語氣意圖

你开始接受，也许值得

to take a few things on board. 習語

把其中一些意见听进去。

You start to see that you can listen to a criticism

你开始明白，自己可以听取批评，

and survive it without having to put on your armor 習語

也完全承受得住，无须披上盔甲，

and deny that there was ever a problem.

也无须否认问题曾经存在。

You realize the extent to which you tend to live day by day 語法

你意识到，在日复一日的生活中，自己常常

in too great a proximity to certain of your problems and issues. 用詞

与某些问题和烦恼靠得太近。

You remember more and more that you need to get out

你越来越常提醒自己，要走出去，

and get a perspective on the things that pain you. 短語搭配

换个角度看待那些令你痛苦的事。

You take more walks in nature.

你更常去大自然中散步。

You might get a pet.

你或许会养一只宠物。

They don't fret like we do.

它们不像我们这样忧心忡忡。

And you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky.

你也会欣赏我们头顶夜空中那些遥远的星系。

You recognize how your distinctive past colors your response to events 習語

你意识到，自己独特的过往会如何影响你对事情的反应，

and learn to compensate for the distortions that can result. 短語搭配

并学会校正由此可能造成的偏差。

You accept that because of how your childhood went, 用詞

你接受了这样一个事实：由于童年的经历，

you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. 用詞

你在某些方面容易把事情夸大。

You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics.

面对某些话题时，你开始质疑自己的第一冲动。

You realize, sometimes,

你意识到，有时候

not to go with your first feelings. 短語搭配

不应该跟着第一感觉走。

When you start a friendship,

当你开始一段友谊时，

you realize that other people don't principally want to know your good news 語法

你意识到，别人最想知道的并不是你的好消息，

so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you 短語搭配

而是想深入了解哪些事让你困扰和忧虑，

so that they can, in turn, 表達脈絡

这样一来，他们反过来也能

feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts.

在面对自己内心的伤痛时少一些孤独。

You become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about 語法

你会成为更好的朋友，因为你看清了友谊真正的核心

is a sharing of vulnerability.

在于分享彼此的脆弱。

Our emotional barometer is a tool 習語

我们的“情绪晴雨表”是一款工具，

that can help us to more clearly explain our moods.

可以帮助我们更清楚地解释自己的情绪状态。

Click the link on screen now to find out more.

立即点击屏幕上的链接，了解更多信息。