为什么要结婚？：英语精读讲义

It's tempting to think of marriage as old-fashioned. 語法

人们很容易把婚姻看作是老派的产物。

Why not just live with someone and be done with it? 短語搭配

为什么不干脆和某个人同居就好了呢？

What need for a public ceremony? 語法

为什么非要办一场公开的仪式？

Why the weird traditions,

为什么要有那些奇怪的传统，

all those churches, temples, hymns, vows, and prayers?

那些教堂、寺庙、赞美诗、誓言和祈祷？

Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood of humankind, 習語

婚姻一定是从人类宗教童年时期遗留下来的愚蠢产物，

not designed for the more logical modern world.

根本不适合更讲求逻辑的现代世界。

And yet, it survives. 表達脈絡

然而，它却延续了下来。

The essence of marriage is to tie our hands, 習語

婚姻的本质就是束缚我们的双手，

to frustrate our wills,

挫败我们的意志，

to put high and costly obstacles in the way of splitting up. 講解

在分手的道路上设置高昂且代价巨大的障碍。

Why do we do this?

为什么我们要这么做？

Originally,

最初，

we told ourselves that God wanted us to stay married.

我们告诉自己是上帝希望我们保持婚姻状态。

But even now,

但即便是现在，

when God is not invoked,

当我们不再搬出上帝时，

we keep making sure that marriage is rather hard to undo.

我们依然在确保婚姻是很难被撤销的。

For one thing, 表達脈絡

首先，

you carefully invite everyone you know to watch you say you'll stick together. 短語動詞

你会小心翼翼地邀请你认识的每一个人，来见证你发誓要和对方厮守。

You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment

你是在心甘情愿地制造一层巨大的尴尬——

were you ever to turn around and admit it might have been a mistake. 語法

万一你哪天反悔，并承认这可能是一个错误。

Furthermore,

此外，

even though you could keep things separate, 語法

尽管你们本可以把一切分得很清楚，

marriage tends to mean deep economic and legal entanglements. 用詞

婚姻往往意味着深度的经济和法律纠葛。

You know it's going to take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to pry you apart. 講解

你很清楚，要把你们拆散，需要一大群会计师和律师的努力。

It can be done,

分手是可以办到的，

but it will be ruinous.

但也会让人倾家荡产。

It's as if we somewhere recognize

仿佛在内心深处，我们也意识到了，

that there might, rather strangely,

尽管这有些奇怪，

be some quite good, though uncomfortable,

但确实有一些很好的、尽管让人不舒服的

reasons why making it difficult to split up a union

理由，解释为什么让解除一段结合变得困难

can be an advantage for its members.

反而能成为对其中的成员有利的事情。

The marshmallow test was a celebrated experiment in the history of psychology, 文化背景

棉花糖实验是心理学史上一项著名的实验，

designed to measure children's ability to delay gratification 短語搭配

旨在衡量儿童延迟满足的能力，

and track the consequences of being able to think long-term.

并追踪能够做长远思考所带来的影响。

Some 3-year-old children were offered a marshmallow,

研究人员给一些3岁的孩子一颗棉花糖，

but told they would get two if they held off from eating the first one for 5 minutes. 短語動詞

并告诉他们，如果能忍住5分钟不吃，就能得到两颗。

It turned out a lot of children just couldn't make it through this period. 短語動詞

结果发现，很多孩子根本熬不过这段时间。

It was too tempting.

诱惑太大了。

The less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them

吞下眼前这颗棉花糖的短期快感

was stronger than the strategy of waiting.

战胜了等待的策略。

Crucially,

关键在于，

it was observed that these children

据观察，这些孩子

went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control 講解

后来的人生由于缺乏冲动控制而变得糟糕，

and fared much worse than the children 用詞

且表现远不如那些

who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit.

最擅长为了长远利益而抑制眼前享乐的孩子。

Relationships are, perhaps, no different.

亲密关系或许也是同样的道理。

Here, too,

在这里，

many things feel very urgent.

许多事情也会让人感觉非常迫切。

We're angry and want to get out.

我们生气了，想要逃离。

We're excited by a new person

我们对一个新出现的人感到兴奋，

and need to abandon our present partner at once.

觉得必须立刻抛弃现有的伴侣。

And yet,

然而，

as we look around for the exit,

当我们环顾四周寻找出口时，

every way seems blocked.

却发现每条路似乎都被堵死了。

It would cost a fortune. 習語

那会花掉一大笔钱。

It would be embarrassing.

那会非常尴尬。

It would take an age. 習語

那会耗费漫长的岁月。

This isn't a coincidence.

这并非巧合。

Marriage is a giant inhibitor of impulse,

婚姻是一个巨大的冲动抑制器，

set up by our conscience

由我们的良知所设定，

to keep our libidinous, ungrateful, 習語

为了约束我们那些好色、不知感恩、

wild, desiring selves in check.

野性且充满欲望的自我。

What we're essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates 講解

我们之所以顺从婚姻的法则，本质上是认同

is the insight that we are, as individuals,

这样一个深刻的见解：作为个体，

likely to make very poor choices

我们很可能会

under the sway of strong short-term impulses. 習語

在强烈的短期冲动驱使下做出非常糟糕的决定。

To marry is to recognize that we require structure 語法

结婚就是承认我们需要一种框架，

to insulate us from our urges. 用詞

来把我们和自身的冲动隔绝开来。

It's to lock ourselves up, willingly,

这是心甘情愿地把自己锁起来，

because we don't trust ourselves.

因为我们不信任自己。

It's a very unusual marriage indeed

事实上，非常罕见的婚姻才会是这样——

in which the two people don't spend a notable amount of time fantasizing

两个人没有花大量时间去幻想，

that they weren't, in fact, married.

幻想他们其实并没有结婚。

But the point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much. 語法

但婚姻的意义就在于，让这些感受变得没那么重要。

It's an arrangement that protects us from what we desire

它是这样一种机制，保护我们不受欲望的摆布，

and yet know,

并且让我们知道，

in our more reasonable moments,

在我们更理智的时刻，

we don't truly need or even, perhaps, want.

那些欲望并非我们真正需要，甚至可能不是我们真正想要的。

At their best, 短語搭配

在最好的状态下，

relationships involve us in attempts to develop, mature, and become whole.

亲密关系让我们参与到发展、成熟和变得完整的尝试中。

We often get drawn to people 短語動詞

我们经常被某些人吸引，

precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions.

恰恰是因为他们承诺能引导我们走向正确的方向。

But it's too easy to seem kind and normal

但是，如果我们总是不断地和新的人约会，

when we keep going out with someone new. 短語動詞

要显得和善且正常就太容易了。

The truth about us,

关于我们自身的真相——

on the basis of which self-improvement begins, 語法

也是自我提升的基础——

only becomes clear over time.

只有随着时间的推移才会变得清晰。

Chances of development increase hugely

获得发展的机会将大大增加，

when we don't keep running away to people

只要我们不再一味地逃向那些

who will falsely reassure us that there's nothing too wrong with us. 短語搭配

会虚伪地安慰我们“你没什么问题”的人。

Over time,

随着时间的推移，

the argument for marriage has shifted.

支持婚姻的理由已经发生了转变。

It's no longer about external forces having power over us. 語法

它不再关乎主宰我们的外部力量。

What we are correctly now focused on

我们现在正确关注的，

is the psychological point of making it hard to throw it all in. 習語

是让“轻易放弃”变得困难这一心理学意义。

For the last 50 years,

过去50年来，

the burden of intelligent effort has been on attempting to make separation easier.

聪明人的努力往往都用在了试图让分手变得更容易上。

The challenge now lies in another direction, 表達脈絡

现在的挑战则在于另一个方向，

in trying to remind ourselves why immediate flight doesn't always make sense,

在于试图提醒我们自己，为什么立即逃跑并不总是明智的，

in trying to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow. 短語動詞

在于试图看清为了第二颗棉花糖而坚持到底的意义。