关于停滞不前的感觉：英语精读讲义

Many of us spend a large part of our lives in one way 短語搭配

我们中的许多人在一生的大部分时间里，都会以这样

or another feeling stuck. 習語

或那样的方式感到停滞不前。

That is, in a state where a strong desire to move forward on an issue 短語動詞

也就是说，这是一种在某个问题上强烈想要向前迈进的渴望，

meets with an equally strong compulsion to stay fixed where one is.

却遇到同样强烈的被迫原地踏步的冲动的状态。

For example, we might at one level powerfully want to leave a job in finance 表達脈絡

例如，在某种程度上，我们可能非常想离开金融行业的工作，

in order to retrain in architecture, 語法

以便重新接受建筑学的培训，

but at the same time remain blocked by a range of doubts, 短語搭配

但与此同时，又被各种怀疑、

hesitations,

犹豫、

counterarguments,

反对意见

and guilty feelings.

和负罪感所阻碍。

Or we might be impelled to leave our marriage

或者我们可能被驱使着去结束我们的婚姻，

while simultaneously unable to imagine any realistic life outside of it. 語法

同时却又无法想象在婚姻之外任何现实的生活。

To act feels horrific,

采取行动让人感觉可怕，

but doing nothing is killing us as well. 習語

但什么都不做同样也让我们痛苦不堪。

Every avenue appears shut off, 習語

每条路似乎都被堵死了，

and so one ruminates,

因此人们会反复思考，

turns over the question late at night, 短語動詞

在深夜辗转反侧地琢磨这个问题，

tries the patience of therapists, 短語搭配

考验心理治疗师的耐心，

and watches life go by with mounting anxiety and self-disgust. 習語

并在不断增加的焦虑和自我厌恶中看着生命流逝。

As an outsider,

作为局外人，

one might be tempted to ask questions to move things on. 短語動詞

人们可能会忍不住问一些问题来推动事情进展。

Why don't you try to enroll in a course 語氣意圖

你为什么不试着报个班，

to see if you might like a new area of work?

看看自己是否会喜欢一个新的工作领域呢？

Why don't you discuss your dissatisfactions with your partner?

你为什么不和你的伴侣谈谈你的不满呢？

Why don't you go to counseling?

你为什么不去接受心理咨询呢？

What about splitting up? 講解

分手怎么样？

But we're likely to find that our friend can't make any progress,

但我们很可能会发现，无论我们说什么，

whatever we say. 語法

我们的朋友都无法取得任何进展。

It seems as if they are subject to a kind of law 短語搭配

就好像他们受到某种法则的约束，

disbarring them from progressing.

剥夺了他们前进的权利。

Not the sort of law you'd find in the statutes of the country they live in,

不是在他们所居住的国家的法令中能找到的那种法律，

but some sort of personal law, 習語

而是某种个人的法则，

a law that might go like this: 表達脈絡

这种法则可能是这样的：

Make sure you don't achieve satisfaction in your career. 語氣意圖

确保你在职业生涯中得不到满足感。

Make sure your relationship has no life in it, 習語

确保你的这段关系死气沉沉，

but cannot be abandoned.

但又无法放弃。

Make sure you aren't happy in the place you live in.

确保你在自己居住的地方过得不开心。

In order to understand the origins of these laws,

为了理解这些法则的起源，

we have to look backwards. 習語

我们必须向后看。

Difficult childhoods and the complicated families they are unfolding

艰难的童年以及由此展开的复杂家庭环境，

might be the originators of a lot of these restrictive unspoken laws

可能是许多这种限制性的隐性法则的源头，

whose impact echoes across our lives.

其影响在我们的一生中不断回荡。

Some of these laws might go like this:

其中一些法则可能是这样的：

Make sure you never shine. 習語

确保你永远不会大放异彩。

It would upset your little sister.

这会让你的妹妹不高兴。

Or you have to be cheerful,

或者你必须保持开朗，

not to let my depression break through. 短語動詞

以免让我的抑郁爆发。

Or never be creatively fulfilled 短語搭配

或者永远不要在创作上获得满足，

because it would remind me of my envy.

因为这会提醒我自己的嫉妒心。

Or reassure us that we are clever

或者向我们保证你很聪明，

by winning all the prizes at school.

方法是赢得学校所有的奖项。

Or we need you to achieve

或者我们需要你取得成就，

to make us feel okay about ourselves.

让我们对自己感觉良好。

Or you would disappoint me if you became boisterous

或者如果你变得喧闹，

and one day sexual.

甚至某天有了性意识，你会让我失望的。

Of course, no one ever directly says such things in a family.

当然，从来没有人在家庭中直接说出这样的话。

Laws couldn't operate if they could so easily be seen. 語法

如果法则这么容易被看穿，它们就无法运作了。

But the laws are there nevertheless,

但这些法则仍然存在，

holding us into a particular position as we grow up,

在我们成长的过程中，把我们固定在一个特定的位置上，

and then, once we've left home,

然后，一旦我们离开了家，

continuing to surreptitiously distort our personalities

它们继续暗中扭曲我们的性格，

away from the path of their legitimate growth.

使其偏离正常成长的轨道。

It can be hard to draw any connection 短語搭配

我们很难将

between adult stuck situations and any childhood laws.

成年后的停滞困境与任何童年法则联系起来。

We may miss the link between our reluctance to act at work

我们可能会忽略我们在工作中不愿采取行动，

and a situation with dad at home 30 years before.

与30年前家里父亲的情况之间的联系。

But we can hazard a principle nevertheless. 用詞

但我们仍然可以斗胆提出一个原则。

Any long-term stuckness is likely to be the result 用詞

任何长期的停滞不前，都可能是

of butting into some sort of law inherited unknowingly from childhood. 短語動詞

撞上了某种不知不觉从童年继承下来的法则的结果。

We are stuck because we are being overly loyal 短語搭配

我们之所以停滞不前，是因为我们过于忠诚地

to an idea of something being impossible

认为某事是不可能做到的，

generated in the distant past.

这种观念产生于遥远的过去。

Impossible because it was threatening

之所以不可能，是因为它曾经

to someone we cared for or depended on

对我们很久以前关心或依赖的人

a long time ago.

构成威胁。

Therefore, one of the main paths to liberation lies 語法

因此，通向解脱的主要途径之一在于，

in coming to see that the law exists

逐渐看清这种法则的存在，

and then unpicking its warped and unnecessary logic. 習語

然后拆解它那扭曲和不必要的逻辑。

We can start by asking whether, beneath our practical dilemma,

我们可以首先问问自己，在实际的困境之下，

there may be a childhood law at work 短語搭配

是否可能有童年法则在起作用，

encouraging us to stay where we are.

鼓励我们留在原地。

We can dig beneath the surface problem 習語

我们可以挖掘表面问题之下，

in search of the emotional structure that might be being engaged. 語法

寻找可能被卷入其中的情感结构。

So, for example, in the unconscious 用詞

比如，在潜意识中，

architecture equals the creativity dad never enjoyed,

建筑学等同于父亲从未享受过的创造力，

or sexual fulfillment equals what hurt my lovable mum.

或者性满足等同于伤害了我可爱的母亲的事情。

We may discover that some of the reason we can't give up on finance 短語動詞

我们可能会发现，我们无法放弃金融业

and take up a more imaginative role 短語動詞

并从事更具想象力的角色的部分原因是，

is because throughout childhood we had to accept a law

在整个童年时期，我们不得不接受一条法则：

that we couldn't be both creatively fulfilled and make money

我们不能既在创造力上获得满足又赚到钱，

in order to protect our volatile father

以保护我们脾气暴躁的父亲

from his own envy and inadequacy.

免受他自己的嫉妒和无能感的影响。

Or we can't leave our marriage because unconsciously

或者我们不能离开婚姻，因为在潜意识中，

we're coming up against a law from childhood 短語動詞

我们遇到了一条来自童年的法则，

that tells us that being a good boy means renouncing

它告诉我们，做一个好孩子意味着放弃

one's more bodily and visceral sides. 用詞

自己更感官和出于本能的一面。

The specifics will differ, 表達脈絡

细节会有所不同，

but the principle of a hidden law from childhood

但来自童年的隐藏法则这一原则，

can explain a huge number of adult stucknesses.

可以解释许多成年人的停滞困境。

The way forward is first and foremost hence 短語搭配

因此，前进的道路首先而且最重要的是，

to realize that there might be a law in operation when we get stuck,

意识到当我们停滞不前时，可能有一种法则在起作用，

that we aren't merely being cowardly or slow in not progressing,

我们没有取得进展，并不仅仅是因为我们懦弱或迟钝，

and that we feel trapped because we are in our faulty minds

我们之所以感到被困住，是因为在我们有缺陷的心智中，

back in a cage formed in childhood, 習語

我们退回到了一个在童年时期形成的笼子里，

which we have to be able to see, think about,

我们必须能够看到、思考，

and then patiently dismantle.

然后耐心地拆除这个笼子。

We can along the way accept that we are now adults,

在这个过程中，我们可以接受我们现在已经成年了，

which means that the original family drama no longer has to apply. 語法

这意味着最初的家庭剧码不再适用了。

We don't have to worry about upsetting parental figures.

我们不必再担心会让父母不高兴。

Their taboos were set up to protect them, 短語動詞

他们的禁忌设立是为了保护他们，

but they're making us ill.

但却让我们生病。

We can feel sad for the laws that these damaged figures

我们可以为那些来自过去的受损人物

from the past imposed on us,

强加给我们的法则感到悲哀，

often with no active malevolence,

他们往往并非出于主动的恶意，

but we can recognize that our imperative is to move them aside 講解

但我们可以认识到，当务之急是将这些法则抛开，

and act with the emotional freedom that's always been our birthright. 用詞

并带着一直是我们与生俱来的权利的情感自由去行动。

We may need to be disloyal to a way of being 用詞

我们可能需要背叛一种

that protected someone we cared about or depended on

曾保护过我们关心或依赖人的存在方式，

in order to start to be loyal to a more important person still, 表達脈絡

以便开始忠诚于一个更重要的人：

ourselves.

我们自己。

Our decision dice are a tool to help you make wiser decisions

我们的决策骰子是一个工具，帮助您做出更明智的决定，

in work,

在工作中、

love,

在爱情中，

and the rest of your life.

以及在你人生的其他方面。