如果我们永远找不到真爱……：英语精读讲义

Since the start of adulthood,

从成年开始，

we have been waiting. 語法

我们一直在等待。

We understood love intuitively

我们凭直觉理解爱情

long before it was ever a practical possibility.

远在它成为现实可能之前。

We knew that it was bound up with a sense of being profoundly understood 短語搭配

我们知道，它与被深刻理解的感觉紧密相连

and finally able to say everything

并最终能说出一切

without fear of judgment or censure. 短語搭配

而无需害怕评判或指责。

Love was a two-person conspiracy 習語

爱是两个人的共谋

against everyone else

对抗其他所有人

too dumb or leaden

那些太蠢或太迟钝

to get it. 用詞

而无法理解它的人。

The true nature of being alive.

这是活着的真谛。

It had to do with fancying someone totally 講解

它关乎完完全全地迷恋某人

and the amazingness that they might fancy you back

以及他们可能会回应你的那种奇妙感觉

to the extent that you could do anything with them 語法

到了你们可以一起做任何事的程度

like rest a finger inside their mouth

比如把手指放在他们嘴里

and ask them to bite it hard.

然后让他们用力咬下去。

We imagined from the first

我们从一开始就想象

that love might be the best part of life

爱可能是生命中最美好的部分

and we weren't wrong.

而我们并没有错。

In the name of love, 習語

以爱之名，

we put ourselves in extraordinary situations.

我们把自己置于不可思议的境地。

We went out far more than we would have wanted. 語法

我们外出的次数远远超出了我们的意愿。

We bought fancy clothes.

我们买了花哨的衣服。

We thought about our hair

我们在意自己的发型

and worried about our spots.

并为脸上的痘痘而烦恼。

We drank intensely colored cocktails.

我们喝下色彩浓烈的鸡尾酒。

We ended up at small hours 講解

最终在凌晨时分，

in alien parts of town 用詞

出现在城镇陌生的角落

in the bedrooms of people

出现在一些人的卧室里

we knew weren't quite right

尽管我们知道他们并不那么合适

but that seemed at least

但那似乎至少

in some way to be an advance 習語

在某种程度上

on the cause.

算是对我们目标的一种推进。

We accepted dates with people

我们接受了与某些人的约会

we knew were problematic

尽管我们知道他们有问题

because we wanted not to ossify 習語

因为我们不想变得僵化

or grow alone and peculiar.

或者孤老一生、变得古怪。

It wasn't always right.

这并不总是对的。

In fact, it was mostly always wrong,

事实上，这往往都是错的，

but we kept our spirits up 習語

但我们保持着高昂的精神

and told ourselves it would eventually be okay

并告诉自己最终一切都会好的

as they kindly assured us it would be.

就像人们善意地向我们保证的那样。

But time passed,

但时间流逝，

decades went by,

几十年过去了，

we got enmeshed in some very troubling situations 習語

我们卷入了一些非常麻烦的境地

that looked like love from the outside 表達脈絡

从外面看像是爱情

but were anything but.

实际上却绝非如此。

We spent far too long extricating ourselves 用詞

我们花了太长时间才从中脱身

and finding our voice. 習語

并找回我们自己的声音。

And at a certain point,

在某个特定的时刻，

we started to apprehend something 用詞

我们开始意识到一些事情

whose terror we're still grappling with 習語

我们仍在努力应对它带来的恐惧

probably late at night

也许是在深夜

because such things aren't easy to look at in daylight. 習語

因为这类事情在白天不宜正视。

The probability

这种概率就是，

that love isn't

爱情这东西，

after all,

终究，

despite our efforts and insights,

尽管我们付出了努力、有了顿悟，

ever gonna come right for us. 用詞

也永远不会为我们修成正果。

We are going to die

我们将死去

without ever having known the love 語法

却从未体验过我们

we so long for. 短語搭配

如此渴望的爱情。

The reasons are multiple

原因有很多

and in their ways entirely banal.

而且就其本质而言十分平庸。

Because our past is too complicated,

因为我们的过去太复杂，

our lack of trust too deep,

我们太缺乏信任，

we're too ugly,

我们太丑陋，

we're too unconfident,

我们太不自信，

we don't meet the right people,

我们遇不到合适的人，

our luck is too slim,

我们的运气太差，

hope feels too risky.

抱有希望感觉太冒险。

Though we try harder than we try at anything else, 語法

尽管我们比做任何其他事都更努力，

we can't do this thing.

我们还是做不到这件事。

It won't work out for us. 短語動詞

它在我们身上就是行不通。

The ambassador for this somber grand truth 習語

而宣告这一可悲真相的使者

might be an objectively rather innocuous disappointment,

客观上可能只是一次无足轻重的失望，

perhaps one more date

也许又是一次约会

that didn't in the end,

最终并没有，

despite a very hopeful stage around dessert,

尽管在吃甜点时一度充满希望，

go as it should,

如愿以偿，

or one more person

或者又多了一个

who didn't call back.

没有回电话的人。

They, the angel of romantic death, 習語

他们，浪漫之死的天使，

couldn't have known what they were doing to us 語法

不可能知道他们对我们做了什么

and certainly didn't mean to.

当然也绝非故意。

We can't hate them for a moment,

我们一刻也不能恨他们，

unfortunately.

遗憾的是。

But through their lack of desire,

但正是通过他们的缺乏欲望，

they initiated us into an idea 短語搭配

他们让我们明白了一个道理

which now threatens to blow our sanity. 習語

一个现在几乎要摧毁我们理智的道理。

Behind closed doors,

关起门来，

the scenes aren't pretty.

那些场景并不好看。

Thank goodness for privacy to shield a moralistic world

谢天谢地，隐私保护了这个道学的世界

from wails that need to be forgotten.

让它免受那些终将被遗忘的哀嚎的侵扰。

There will be hours of the most unedifying desperation, 用詞

会有几个小时极其不体面的绝望，

tears, bitter denunciations of everyone and everything,

会有泪水，对所有人和事的痛苦谴责，

self-pitying and vengeful rants.

以及自怨自艾和报复性的咆哮。

This is too much.

这太过分了。

I can't take it anymore.

我再也受不了了。

This is unfair beyond measure. 習語

这简直不公平到了极点。

In the night,

在深夜，

we smash through the crash barriers of ordinary hope. 習語

我们冲破了寻常希望的防撞护栏。

We're gonna do away with ourselves. 短語動詞

我们将自我了断。

They'll regret us.

他们会为我们感到遗憾的。

They'll miss us now.

他们现在会想念我们的。

But we won't, of course,

但当然，我们不会，

do anything silly.

做任何傻事。

It's just the mind doing its normal work,

这只是大脑在做它的日常工作，

adjusting to yet another yawning gap 習語

适应又一个巨大的鸿沟

between the way we would want things to be

在我们希望的样子

and the horrid way they are.

与事物可怕的现状之间。

We settle. 用詞

我们妥协了。

We are, after all,

毕竟，我们是

creatures who know how to die.

懂得如何面对死亡的生物。

We think we don't know how to,

我们以为我们不知道怎么面对，

but we invariably do,

但我们总是能做到，

whatever the fierce rage.

无论有着怎样强烈的愤怒。

We can digest pretty much any verdict. 習語

我们几乎能消化任何判决。

We tell ourselves we'd never endure

我们告诉自己，我们绝对无法忍受

not being able to speak or losing our bowels,

无法说话或大小便失禁，

but then the doctors tell us what has to be

但当医生告诉我们现实的必然，

and we put up with a feeding tube 短語動詞

我们会忍受一根饲管

and a bag

和一个造口袋

and being able to communicate only through a quivering eyelid.

以及只能通过颤动的眼睑来交流。

It's always better than the alternative. 語氣意圖

这总是好过另一种结局。

So, of course,

所以，当然，

we deal with the cataclysmic lack of love.

我们要应对这如灾难般匮乏的爱。

Dawn comes chilly and severe

黎明到来，寒冷而严酷

and yet reassuring in its sober bleakness. 習語

却又以其清醒的萧瑟带来一丝安慰。

We make the bed,

我们铺好床，

clear away the despair, 習語

清理掉绝望，

and get on. 短語動詞

然后继续生活。

There are a few consolations.

还是有一些安慰的。

First and foremost, 表達脈絡

首当其冲的，

a ravaged incensed defiance,

是一种遍体鳞伤、满腔怒火的蔑视，

a fuck you to the universe

对宇宙说一句“去你的”

and all those who peddle sentimental nonsense 用詞

以及对那些兜售伤感废话的人，

that doesn't fit our reality.

那些不符合我们现实的废话。

A certain kind of art works too.

某种特定类型的艺术也能起到作用。

The sort created by unflinching genius realists 用詞

由那些坚定不移的天才现实主义者所创作的作品，

who went through as much loneliness as we have, 短語動詞

他们经历了和我们一样多的孤独，

who understood our sadness ahead of time. 習語

他们提前理解了我们的悲伤。

Grief-stricken masters like Baudelaire and Leopardi,

像波德莱尔、莱奥帕尔迪这样饱受悲痛折磨的大师，

Pessoa and Pascal,

佩索阿和帕斯卡，

who can express our petty domestic sorrow 短語搭配

他们能将我们渺小的家庭忧伤

in mighty transcendental terms

用宏大而超验的语言表达出来

and induct us to the most dignified kind of regret.

并引导我们进入最庄严的遗憾中。

They were there too 習語

他们也曾经历过那些

and in the most abstract accomplished ways

并以最抽象、最高超的方式

tell us, "I know."

告诉我们，“我懂”。

And we have friendship,

而且我们还有友谊，

not the kind that obliterates the loneliness,

不是那种能抹除孤独的友谊，

but that allows us to commune around it. 用詞

而是能让我们在孤独中相互交流的友谊。

We can't help each other directly.

我们无法直接帮助彼此。

We're more like a group of the dying 語法

我们更像是一群在临终关怀医院的

in a hospice talking circle

谈话圈里的垂死之人

who won't be able to eradicate the end

我们无法消除最终的结局

but know they are, at least, 表達脈絡

但至少知道，

not alone with it.

在面对结局时并不孤单。

We get better too

我们也变得更加擅长

at understanding statistics,

理解统计数据，

that this is normal

明白这是很正常的

for a benighted group of us. 用詞

对于我们这群处境黯淡的人来说。

We belong to an important minority party 習語

我们属于一个重要的少数派

in the parliament of human suffering.

在人类苦难的议会中。

Lovelessness will have been our major burden, 語法

缺乏爱将成为我们的主要负担，

a grief that endured from adolescence to the end,

一种从青春期延续到生命尽头的悲伤，

a problem that was meant to go away 表達脈絡

一个本该消失

and never did.

却从未消失的问题。

On our secret gravestone, 習語

在我们秘密的墓碑上，

it should say,

应该写着：

"Love didn't work out for them

“爱在他们身上没有开花结果，

and how they longed that it might." 語法

而他们又是多么渴望它能成真。”

An epitaph to frighten children

这是一段会吓到孩子

and reassure our emotional successors.

并让我们情感上的继任者感到安心的墓志铭。

What was meant to be just a phase 表達脈絡

本以为只是一个阶段的经历

turned into the truest thing about us,

却变成了关于我们最真实的写照：

that we longed for love

我们渴望爱

and that it never came.

而它却从未降临。

A truth all the more redemptive 語法

这是一个愈发能带来救赎的真相

for being expressed at last

因为它终于被表达出来了

with a rare calm, unflinching honesty. 短語搭配

伴随着一种罕见的平静和坚定不移的诚实。

Our online shop has a range of books

我们的在线商店有一系列的书籍

and gifts that address the most important

和礼物，探讨了那些生命中最重要

and often neglected areas of life.

却经常被忽视的领域。