论与自身情感脱节：英语精读讲义

An enormous amount of trouble in the world, 短語搭配

世界上有无数的麻烦，

especially at work and in relationships,

尤其是在工作和人际关系中，

is caused by a peculiar phenomenon of our minds,

是由我们大脑中一种奇特的现象引起的，

a tendency to be, as we put it, 表達脈絡

也就是我们常说的，

out of touch with our feelings. 習語

和自己的感觉脱节。

When we first meet this idea,

当我们第一次接触到这个概念时，

it sounds strange and even a bit insulting.

它听起来很奇怪，甚至有点冒犯人。

How could we not know what we are feeling?

我们怎么可能不知道自己的感受呢？

Of course, we look from the outside like unified beings.

当然，从外表上看，我们像是一个统一的整体。

We carry one name and sit in a compact physical container.

我们使用同一个名字，住在一个紧凑的躯壳里。

The distances between different parts of us aren't so great.

我们身体各部分的距离并不遥远。

How then could we be so multiple as to have secrets from ourselves? 語法

那么我们怎么会复杂到对自己隐瞒秘密呢？

But in reality, there are at least two distinct parts to mental life,

但实际上，心理活动至少可以分为截然不同的两部分：

a feeling self and an observer self.

一个“感受的自我”和一个“观察的自我”。

Sometimes the two are utterly aligned.

有时这两个自我是完全一致的。

Someone asks us what we feel like eating 短語搭配

有人问我们想吃什么，

and the communication between the two selves is clear and immediate.

这两个自我之间的沟通是清晰且即时的。

We don't even notice a lag.

我们甚至注意不到有任何延迟。

We simply answer "Salmon, and avocado."

我们只是简单地回答：“三文鱼和牛油果。”

At other points,

而在其他时候，

it's far trickier.

情况要复杂得多。

We're sitting on the sofa at home after a long day at work

结束了漫长的一天工作后，我们坐在家里的沙发上，

and are under the impression that we feel quite calm. 短語搭配

以为自己感觉很平静。

But suddenly, an apparently minor remark from our partner arouses us to deep irritation.

但突然间，伴侣一句看似无心的话却激起了我们深深的恼怒。

We stand up and start shouting about the unfairness of a host of issues

我们站起来，开始大声抱怨一系列不公平的问题，

we hadn't until just then been aware we even felt strongly about.

而直到那一刻，我们甚至都没意识到自己对这些事竟如此介意。

Soon, we've got a crisis on our hands. 習語

很快，我们就陷入了一场危机。

Why is it so hard for the observing self to report accurately on feelings?

为什么“观察的自我”很难准确地报告我们的感受呢？

Firstly, because we're afflicted by so many background ideas 用詞

首先，因为我们受到太多固有观念的影响，

about the unacceptability of particular feelings.

认为某些特定情绪是不可接受的。

Across childhood,

在整个童年时期，

we have instilled in us, so subtly we don't even notice, 語法

我们被灌输了——潜移默化到我们甚至无法察觉——

strong notions about what are and are not permissible things to experience.

关于什么可以经历、什么不能经历的强烈观念。

Traditionally,

传统上，

this might have meant that boys were not allowed to acknowledge that they felt like crying

这可能意味着男孩子不被允许承认自己想哭，

or that girls weren't allowed to entertain certain kinds of ambitions for fear of being unladylike. 短語搭配

或者女孩子不被允许怀有某种野心，以免显得不淑女。

We might not have such obviously naive prohibitions today,

今天我们可能没有这么明显天真的禁令了，

but other equally powerful ones have taken their place. 短語搭配

但取而代之的，是其他同样强大的约束。

We may have picked up covert but forceful indications that no decent person, 短語動詞

我们可能接收到了隐秘但强烈的暗示：一个体面的人，

no one loved by their parents at least,

至少是一个被父母疼爱的人，

could be enthusiastic about making money

不可能热衷于搞钱，

or unable to cope at work,

也不可能无法胜任工作，

tempted by an affair

不可能受到出轨的诱惑，

or still upset over a breakup three years ago. 短語搭配

也不可能还在为三年前的分手感到难过。

Furthermore,

此外，

despite the apparently sexually liberated spirit of the times,

尽管当今时代在性观念上看似十分开放，

the lion's share of our sexual impulses remains impossible to avow. 習語

我们的绝大部分性冲动仍然是无法公开承认的。

There is still a great deal we're not meant to feel 語法

仍有许多感受是我们“不应该”有的，

in order to fit that most desirable of categories,

仅仅为了迎合那个最受人喜爱的标签：

a good boy or good girl.

做个“好男孩”或“好女孩”。

When difficult feelings do threaten to emerge,

当难以应对的情绪真的威胁要浮现时，

the observing self typically takes fright and looks away. 短語搭配

“观察的自我”通常会感到害怕并转移视线。

Rather than produce an honest account of feelings,

它不会诚实地报告感受，

it may go numb or try to file a report that's more acceptable than true. 短語搭配

而是可能会变得麻木，或者试图提交一份比真相更“可被接受”的报告。

I'm feeling very tired

“我感觉很累，”

instead of I'm feeling you've let me down. 短語動詞

而不是“我感觉你让我失望了。”

I'm depressed

“我很郁闷，”

rather than I'm furious.

而不是“我气疯了。”

That's absolutely disgusting

“那绝对令人作呕，”

rather than I'm strangely turned on. 短語動詞

而不是“我竟然奇怪地有了反应。”

Our problems are compounded by the way that many powerful feelings, 短語搭配

我们的问题之所以更加复杂，是因为许多强烈的情感，

especially of upset, envy, and frustration,

特别是心烦意乱、嫉妒和挫败感，

can get kicked into action by apparently very trivial and seemingly nonsensical things in the outside world. 習語

可以被外部世界中看起来极其微小、甚至毫无道理的事情所触发。

For example, we might be thrown into paroxysms of envy 用詞

例如，我们可能会陷入一阵强烈的嫉妒中，

we find no room to confess to

并且找不到任何倾诉的余地，

when a friend mentions that a mutual acquaintance has been promoted.

仅仅因为一个朋友提到某个共同认识的人升职了。

Or our partner may look away for 3 and 1/2 seconds

或者，当我们在讲述工作中一场棘手会议的情况还未说完时，

before we've ended an explanation about how a tricky meeting at work went

我们的伴侣可能只把目光移开了三分半钟，

and we experience seething indignation and wounded pride

我们却体验到了压抑不住的愤慨和受伤的自尊，

that we haven't got our lover's full attention.

觉得我们没有得到爱人全部的关注。

But we say nothing

但我们什么也不说，

because to own up to many feelings of upset 短語動詞

因为承认这么多的烦躁情绪，

involves acknowledging a humiliating degree of fragility.

意味着要承认一种近乎屈辱的脆弱。

Yet feelings that haven't been reported don't and can't go away.

然而，那些未被报告的感受并不会，也不可能凭空消失。

They linger and spread their energy randomly to neighboring issues.

它们会逗留，并将能量随机蔓延到不相干的问题上。

Envy comes out as spite.

嫉妒会变成怨恨。

Anger over inattention comes out as a remark that the partner is looking rather fat at the moment,

对被忽视的愤怒会变成一句“你最近看起来有点胖”的评价，

though of course by the time that hurt has manifested itself as aggression,

当然，当这种伤害转化为攻击性表现出来时，

any chances of being comforted are clearly over.

任何被安抚的机会显然都已化为泡影。

Feelings we haven't got a handle on wreak havoc. 講解

我们无法掌控的感受会带来毁灭性的破坏。

They buckle and strain the system.

它们会让整个系统扭曲并承受重压。

We develop pernicious tics, a facial twitch,

我们会养成有害的怪癖，比如面部抽搐，

impotence, an incapacity to work,

阳痿，丧失工作能力，

alcoholism, a compulsion to look at porn.

酗酒，或者强迫性地看色情片。

Most so-called addictions are at heart symptoms of insistent difficult feelings 習語

大多数所谓的瘾，本质上都是那些我们无法摆脱的艰难情绪的症状，

that we haven't found any better way to address.

只是因为我们没有找到更好的应对方法。

How then might we come to be more skilled observers and correspondents of our feelings? 表達脈絡

那么，我们怎样才能成为自己情绪的更熟练的观察者和记录者呢？

Reading may have rather a large role to play. 短語搭配

阅读可能在其中扮演着相当重要的角色。

A great writer is ideally someone uncommonly patient about the curious,

一个伟大的作家，理想情况下是一个有着超乎寻常的耐心的人，能够关注那些奇特的、

less discussed, apparently weirder things

较少被讨论的、看起来更诡异的、

that float around in the human head.

漂浮在人类脑海中的东西。

Another move is to ensure that we've allocated a lot of time to self-observation. 短語搭配

另一个办法是，确保我们分配了大量时间来进行自我观察。

It can look rather self-indulgent to ask for a few hours in the evening 用詞

要求在晚上抽出几个小时来，似乎显得有点纵容自己，

in which there's nothing more apparently demanding to do

在这几个小时里，你似乎没有更重要的事情可做，

than sit and stare out of the window

只能坐在那里盯着窗外，

or around the bedroom with a pad and pen on one's lap.

或是环顾卧室，腿上放着纸和笔。

These so-called idle moments are when the observing self can finally catch up with feelings 短語動詞

这些所谓的“闲暇时光”，正是“观察的自我”最终能追赶上情绪的时候，

that might have been too shy, 語法

那些情绪在白天的其他时间里，可能因为太害羞、

ashamed, or harassed to emerge in the rest of the day.

太羞愧或太受折磨而无法浮现。

They are like church bells we can make out only in the evening 短語動詞

它们就像教堂的钟声，只有在傍晚

when the city traffic has died down. 短語動詞

城市交通的喧嚣平息后，我们才能听得清。

Failing to do this can, among other things, 表達脈絡

如果做不到这一点，除了带来其他问题，

ruin our chances of getting to sleep.

还会毁掉我们入睡的机会。

Insomnia is the feeling self's revenge for all the thoughts 習語

失眠，就是“感受的自我”为了那些在白天

that haven't been properly cataloged in the day.

没被妥善整理归类的想法，而展开的报复。

Understanding the serious danger of a gap opening up between what we feel and what we're aware of

认识到“我们感受到的”与“我们意识到的”之间产生鸿沟的严重危险，

brings another major benefit.

会带来另一个主要的好处。

We grasp that this issue will necessarily apply to other people too.

我们会领悟到，这个问题也必然适用于其他人。

Quite often, they'll be saying things which are not, in fact, in line with their true feelings. 短語搭配

很多时候，他们说出来的话，实际上并不符合他们真实的感受。

Mean things when they're feeling vulnerable, perhaps, 表達脈絡

也许在他们感到脆弱时，会说出刻薄的话，

or arrogant things when they're feeling small.

或者在他们感到渺小时，会说出傲慢的话。

And we'll identify that it's our duty to forgive them

我们会意识到，原谅他们是我们的责任，

for not always managing to be reliable correspondents of their inner lives. 習語

原谅他们并不总是能够可靠地传达自己的内心生活。

It's not really sinister to think this way of others.

这样看待他人并不是真的险恶。

It's a kindly move that gives us the energy to lend a second, more compassionate look

这是一个善意的举动，它给了我们能量去投以第二次、更具同情心的目光，

at behavior that might initially have appeared simply horribly off-putting. 用詞

去审视那些最初可能显得极其令人反感的行为。

Feelings are frequently far from wonderful 習語

感受往往远非美妙，

and often should not be followed.

而且很多时候不该被盲从。

But we should accept that if we ignore, deny, or overlook feelings entirely,

但我们应该接受，如果我们完全忽视、否认或忽略感受，

the price will always be higher and worse.

我们付出的代价将总是更高、更惨痛。

They will exercise a powerful, malignant subterranean influence 短語搭配

它们将会在暗处施加一种强大、恶性的影响，

across the whole of our lives.

贯穿我们的一生。

One of the too often overlooked but key arts of living is to learn to devote ourselves 短語搭配

生活中常常被忽视的一门关键艺术，就是学会倾注心血

to correctly labeling and repatriating our own and others' orphaned feelings. 習語

去正确地标记并安顿好我们自己以及他人那些无处安放的情感。