自尊：英语精读讲义

Liking ourselves, having high self-esteem as we tend to put it, 短語搭配

喜欢自己，或者像我们常说的那样，拥有高自尊，

is crucial to any feeling of well-being.

对任何幸福感来说都至关重要。

What's odd then is just how unpredictable 語法

然而奇怪的是，这种自尊的分配

the allocation of esteem often turns out to be.

往往是多么不可预测。

There are people with modest jobs,

有些人工作普通，

unspectacular bodies,

身材一般，

and unglamorous friends

朋友也平平无奇，

who confidently nevertheless lay claim 短語搭配

但他们却自信地宣称

to buoyant levels of self-esteem.

自己拥有极高的自尊。

They seem to like themselves

他们似乎很喜欢自己，

despite the absence of any vigorous signs

尽管他们并没有得到外界

of approval from the world at large.

任何强烈的认可信号。

And then there are others

然后还有另一类人，

for whom no amount of achievement, 語法

对他们来说，再多的成就、

prestige, and financial security

声望和财务保障

ever seems to do the trick. 習語

似乎都无济于事。

They anxiously chastise and critique themselves,

他们焦虑地责备和批判自己，

always feeling that they've underperformed,

总是觉得自己表现不佳，

never quite trusting that they really deserve to exist.

从未真正相信自己值得存在于世。

Having sound levels of self-esteem

拥有健康的自尊水平

ultimately appears to have precious little to do 短語搭配

最终似乎与达到任何可验证的基准

with hitting any verifiable benchmarks.

毫无关系。

It seems connected up with a stranger,

它似乎与一种更陌生、

more internal, more subjective kind of logic,

更内在、更主观的逻辑相关联，

with factors immune to standard notions of achievement. 用詞

与那些不受世俗成就观念影响的因素有关。

Three factors stand out in particular. 表達脈絡

其中有三个因素尤为突出。

Firstly,

首先，

what your same-sex parent did. 用詞

你的同性父母做了什么。

The single greatest determinant

决定你会有多尊重自己

of how much you will esteem yourself

最大的单一因素，

is how you compare with your same-sex parent,

就是你与你同性父母的比较结果，

whether you've achieved more or less than mom or dad.

看看你的成就是比母亲或父亲高还是低。

Rather brutally, 表達脈絡

相当残酷的是，

it seems that comfortable levels of self-esteem

似乎只有那些成功

are only available to those who've managed

超越了同性父母的人，

to outpace their same-sex parent. 用詞

才能获得令人舒适的自尊水平。

Those from a poor background

那些出身贫寒的人

have a big unwitting advantage here.

在这里无意中拥有巨大的优势。

You might only be driving a beaten-up old taxi

你可能只是开着一辆破旧的老出租车

around Manhattan and living in one room in Harlem,

在曼哈顿兜风，住在哈林区的一个单间里，

but if your same-sex parent was a subsistence farmer 文化背景

但如果你的同性父母是一位

from eastern Burkina Faso,

来自布基纳法索东部的自给自足的农民，

you will at times feel princely nevertheless.

你有时仍然会觉得自己像个王子。

Similarly, yet more darkly, 表達脈絡

同样，更可悲的是，

you might have grown up in ostensibly privileged circumstances, 用詞

你可能在表面上优越的环境中长大，

but if your same-sex parent made a few hundred million

但如果你的同性父母赚了几亿，

and you're only managing to pull in a middle-class salary, 短語動詞

而你只能赚到中产阶级的薪水，

you're liable never quite to shake off 短語動詞

你可能永远无法摆脱

a haunting feeling that you're a disgrace.

那种觉得自己是个耻辱的萦绕心头的痛楚。

Secondly,

其次，

what your peer group is up to. 短語動詞

你的同龄人正在做什么。

We don't feel inadequate in relation

我们在面对那些比我们拥有更多的人时，

to everyone who has more than us.

并不会对每个人都感到自卑。

Only those who we've come to see as belonging

只有那些被我们视为

to another crucial determinant of self-esteem,

属于另一个决定自尊的关键群体——

our peer group. 用詞

也就是我们的同龄人。

By this we mean the people who were educated with us, 表達脈絡

我们指的是那些和我们一起接受教育、

who are around our age,

年龄相仿、

and who live in our part of the world.

且生活在世界同一地区的人。

These people matter infinitely more

对我们的幸福感而言，

to our sense of well-being

这些人比普罗大众

than the population at large. 短語搭配

要重要得多。

It's a piece of extreme bad luck

这是一件极其倒霉的事，

and a matter for particular commiseration and assistance 表達脈絡

也是一件特别需要同情和帮助的事：

if ever our peer group produces someone

如果我们的同龄人中有人

who starts a billion-dollar company

创立了一家价值十亿美元的公司，

or, God forbid, 語氣意圖

或者，上帝保佑不要发生，

ends up running the country. 短語動詞

最终管理了这个国家。

Every time someone we went to school with does better than us,

每当我们的同学比我们过得更好时，

a small part of us will die. 習語

我们内心的一小部分就会死去。

We should therefore take immense care 表達脈絡

因此我们应该格外小心，

to attend very ordinary schools

去上非常普通的学校，

and after graduation

并在毕业后

to throw all invitations to reunions

把所有同学聚会的邀请函

straight in the trash.

直接扔进垃圾桶。

Third

第三，

what kind of love you received in childhood.

你在童年时期得到了什么样的爱。

A lot depends on what kind of affection

这很大程度上取决于我们在童年时期

we were the recipients of in childhood. 短語搭配

接受了什么样的关爱。

In particular,

特别是，

how many conditions our love came attached with.

我们的爱附带了多少条件。

Some of us had parents who only knew

我们有些人的父母只知道

how to give out

如何付出

the conditional kind of love.

有条件的爱。

It was all about the grades and the school reports. 短語搭配

一切都取决于分数和成绩单。

We therefore grew up, 語法

因此我们长大后，

of course,

当然，

to be high achievers.

成为了高成就者。

But it's not so easy running around your whole life long, 語法

但一生都在奔波并不容易，

desperate to put out the raging fires of self-hatred, 習語

拼命想要扑灭自我厌恶的熊熊烈火，

striving to impress everyone you meet

努力给遇到的每个人留下深刻印象，

in search of an unsatisfied desire

以寻找一种未被满足的渴望，

for a parental approval you never knew.

渴望那从未体会过的父母的认可。

But others,

但另一些人，

the blessed ones who've known unconditional love from the start,

那些从一开始就体验过无条件的爱的幸运儿，

will be okay just to be.

只要做自己就会觉得很好。

They won't have to do quite so much pushing.

他们不需要逼自己太紧。

They'll have an inner basic buoyancy 習語

他们会有一种内在的、基础的活力，

guaranteed by the knowledge

因为他们知道

that they once mattered immeasurably.

自己曾经无可估量地重要过。

A big reversal like being fired

像被解雇这样的重大挫折

will be unpleasant,

固然令人不快，

it won't necessarily have to be a tragedy. 語法

但不一定非得是一场悲剧。

Knowing about the odd internal origins of self-esteem

了解自尊这些奇特的内在根源

is crucial because of how often we pursue goals 語法

至关重要，因为我们常常在追求目标，

in the belief that success will at last give us 短語搭配

相信成功最终会给我们

the keys to feeling good about ourselves. 習語

带来自我感觉良好的关键。

It seems the truth is slightly darker.

事实似乎稍微黑暗一些。

You might ostensibly be doing very well at work,

你在工作上可能表面上做得很出色，

but if your dad was a big shot 習語

但如果你的父亲是个大人物，

or your school buddy became president

或者你的同学当上了总统，

or your parents didn't you up

又或者你的父母没有

with the right unconditional sort of love,

用那种无条件的爱来抚养你，

no amount of striving, goal-scoring,

那么再多的努力、得分、

and medal-winning

和赢得奖牌

is ever really going to do it.

都不足以真正让你感觉良好。

This changes where we should imagine our challenges lie. 表達脈絡

这改变了我们应该设想的挑战所在。

Feeling good about ourselves

自我感觉良好

isn't ultimately something we can bring about 短語動詞

最终并不是我们可以单凭

through professional or economic achievements alone.

职业或经济成就就能带来的。

In huge part,

很大程度上，

it's going to be about coming to terms with ourselves, 習語

它将是关于与我们自己和解，

the result of understanding our past,

是理解我们的过去，

and the dynamics of shame,

以及那可能潜藏在那里的羞耻感、

conditionality,

附带条件

and humiliation that might lie there.

和屈辱的动态变化的结果。

It turns out that high self-esteem 表達脈絡

事实证明，高自尊

seems largely to be a prize of psychology 習語

似乎很大程度上是一种心理上的奖赏，

rather than the fruit of anything we might achieve

而不是我们在经济社会中

out in the world in relation to the economy.

可能取得的任何外部成就的果实。