如何做自己的朋友：英语精读讲义

Trying to be a better friend to yourself sounds like an odd idea initially, 短語搭配

试着做自己更好的朋友，乍听起来像是个奇怪的想法，

because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind.

因为我们自然而然地会将朋友想象成别人，而不是我们自己思想的一部分。

But there is value in the concept

但这个概念是有价值的，

because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends 語法

因为我们非常清楚该如何对待朋友，

with a sympathy and imagination we seldom apply to ourselves. 短語搭配

却很少将那种同情心与同理心用在自己身上。

If a friend is in trouble,

如果朋友遇到麻烦，

our first instinct is rarely to tell them

我们的第一反应很少是告诉他们：

that they are fundamentally a shithead and a failure.

他们骨子里就是个混蛋和失败者。

If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them,

如果朋友抱怨伴侣对他们不够热情，

we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve. 語氣意圖

我们不会告诉他们这是罪有应得。

We try to reassure them that they're essentially likable 短語搭配

我们会试着安慰他们，说他们其实很招人喜欢，

and that it's worth investigating what might be done. 語法

并且值得去探究一下还能做些什么。

In friendship,

在友谊中，

we know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation

我们本能地知道该如何运用智慧和安慰的策略，

that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves.

却固执地拒绝将这些策略用在自己身上。

There are some key moves a good friend would typically make,

好朋友通常会有一些关键举动，

which can provide a model for what we should ideally be doing 短語搭配

这些可以为我们提供一个理想的榜样，

with ourselves in our own heads.

让我们知道在脑海中该如何对待自己。

Firstly,

首先，

a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are. 語氣意圖

好朋友大多喜欢你现在的样子。

Any suggestion they make

他们提出的任何建议，

or ambition they have about how you could change

或者对你能如何改变的期望，

builds on a background of acceptance. 習語

都是建立在接纳你的基础之上的。

When they propose that you might try a different tack, 習語

当他们建议你尝试不同的方法时，

it's not an ultimatum or a threat.

这并不是最后通牒，也不是威胁。

They're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned.

他们不是在说你必须改变，否则就会被抛弃。

A friend insists we're good enough already,

朋友坚信我们已经够好了，

but they want to join forces with us 習語

但他们想要与我们齐心协力，

to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit from overcoming.

去解决那些他们认为克服后会让我们真正受益的挑战。

Without being flattering, 語氣意圖

在不刻意奉承的前提下，

good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things we're getting right. 短語搭配

好朋友也会时刻记住我们做对的事情。

They don't think anything wrong with the odd compliment and emphasis on our strengths. 用詞

他们认为偶尔夸奖一下、强调一下我们的优点并没有什么错。

It's quietly galling how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points when trouble strikes. 習語

让人暗自苦恼的是，遇到麻烦时我们很容易就会忽视自己身上所有的闪光点。

The friend doesn't fall into this trap. 習語

朋友才不会掉进这个陷阱。

They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding onto a memory of our virtues. 語法

他们能看清困难，同时依然记着我们的美德。

The good friend is compassionate.

好朋友富有同情心。

When we fail,

当我们失败时，

as we will,

——毕竟我们总会失败——

they are understanding and generous around our mishaps.

他们对我们的倒霉事儿表现得宽容而大度。

Our folly doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love.

我们的愚蠢并不会让他们把我们逐出爱的圈子。

The good friend deftly conveys that to err, 用詞

好朋友会巧妙地传达这样一个道理：犯错、

fail, and screw up is just what we humans do.

失败、把事情搞砸，就是人类的常态。

We all emerge from childhood with various biases in our character,

我们都在童年时期养成了性格上的种种偏差，

which evolved to help us cope with our necessarily imperfect parents.

这些演变是为了帮助我们应对必然不完美的父母。

And these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life. 講解

而这些后天习得的思维习惯，在成年后的生活中无疑会让我们栽跟头。

But we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. 短語動詞

但我们不该受责备，因为我们并不是蓄意要变成这样。

We didn't realistically have a lot of better options.

现实中，我们并没有太多更好的选择。

We're indelibly required to make big decisions

我们不可避免地需要做出重大决定，

before we ever really understand what's at stake 習語

而在那时我们根本无法真正理解其利害关系，

or how our choices will play out. 短語動詞

也不知道我们的选择最终会有怎样的结果。

We're steering blind in all our large moves around love and work. 習語

在爱情和工作的所有大动作上，我们其实都是在盲目掌舵。

We opt for a move to a different city, 短語搭配

我们选择搬去另一座城市，

but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there.

但我们根本无从知晓自己是否能在那里大展宏图。

We have to select a career path when we're still young

我们必须在年纪尚轻时就选择一条职业道路，

and we don't know what our latent needs will be. 用詞

而那时我们还不知道自己潜在的需求会是什么。

In long-term relationships,

在长期的亲密关系中，

we have to make a commitment to another person 短語搭配

我们必须对另一个人做出承诺，

before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives so deeply to theirs'. 習語

而在此之前，我们并不了解将自己的生活与对方紧紧绑在一起会是什么感觉。

The good friend knows that failures are not, in fact, rare.

好朋友知道，失败其实一点也不罕见。

They bring as a starting point 表達脈絡

他们会以此为出发点，

their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up 短語動詞

把自己以及全人类搞砸事情的生动经历，

into play as key points of reference. 習語

作为关键的参考指标来开导你。

They're continually telling us that our specific case might be unique, 表達脈絡

他们会不断告诉我们，我们的具体情况可能是独一无二的，

but that the general structure is common.

但总体结构是普遍存在的。

People don't just sometimes fail, 表達脈絡

人们不仅仅是偶尔失败，

everyone fails.

每个人都会失败。

Only we don't know about it. 表達脈絡

只是我们不知道罢了。

It's ironic yet essentially hopeful

讽刺但本质上充满希望的是，

that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers 語法

我们往往很清楚如何对几乎是陌生的人做个更好的朋友，

than we know how to be to ourselves.

却不知道如何对自己那么好。

The hopefulness lies in the fact 短語搭配

希望在于这样一个事实：

that we do actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship. 語法

我们实际上已经拥有了相关的友谊技巧。

It's just we haven't as yet directed them 講解

只是我们尚未把它们用在

to the person who probably needs the most,

那个可能最需要的人身上，

namely, of course, 表達脈絡

也就是，毫无疑问，

ourselves.

我们自己。