仅仅做“好朋友”的好处：英语精读讲义

One of the most subtly hurtful and quietly damning of all remarks, 短語搭配

最隐秘地伤人、最悄无声息地给人判死刑的话语之一，

perhaps sweetly delivered on the doorstep at the end of a long evening

也许是在漫长的夜晚结束时，在门阶上甜美地说出的，

with the taxi still hovering somewhere just out of sight,

那时出租车还在视线外某个地方徘徊，

is the suggestion that we should in the end probably remain just good friends. 語氣意圖

那就是建议我们最终可能还是只做“好朋友”。

We know exactly what to understand by this.

我们完全知道这句话意味着什么。

The path towards a tender future 習語

通向温柔未来的道路

is being gently but firmly closed off.

正在被温柔但坚决地封闭。

We are, with a smile,

我们伴随着一个微笑，

being shunted into the category of the failed, 習語

被推入了失败者、

the ignored, and the lightly despised.

被忽视者和被轻视者的行列。

The other must in some way have worked out the despicable truths about us, 短語動詞

对方一定在某种程度上看透了我们身上那些卑劣的真相，

all the ones that we tried so hard to disguise

那些我们拼命想要掩饰、

and even to believe didn't exist,

甚至想让自己相信并不存在的真相，

and has logically decided to take their leave. 短語搭配

于是理智地决定离开。

We return crushed to an apartment which we had left with butterflies 習語

我们带着破碎的心回到几个小时前

and elevated hopes only a few hours before.

满怀忐忑与极高期望离开的公寓。

We hear the invitation to a friendship as synonymous with insult 短語搭配

我们把做朋友的邀请听成了侮辱，

because our romantic culture has continuously,

因为我们的浪漫文化不断地，

from a young age,

从我们很小的时候起，

made one thing sharply clear to us.

就向我们清楚地表明了一件事。

Love is the purpose of existence. 表達脈絡

爱情是存在的目的。

Friendship is the paltry depleted consolation prize. 習語

友谊则是那微不足道、干瘪的安慰奖。

Though this seems like unsurprising common sense, 表達脈絡

尽管这似乎是毫无意外的常识，

what should detain us and encourage us to probe a little 語法

但有一点应该让我们驻足，并鼓励我们稍微探究一下

at the claims made on love's behalf 習語

以爱情名义提出的主张，

is one basic source of evidence:

那就是一个基本的证据来源：

the behavior, level of satisfaction,

那些坠入爱河之人的行为、满意度

and state of mind of those engaged in love.

以及心理状态。

If we were to judge love chiefly by its impact, 語法

如果我们主要根据爱情的影响力，

by the extent of the tears, 表達脈絡

根据眼泪的多少，

the depths of the frustrations,

挫败感的深度，

the viciousness of the insults that unfold in its name,

以及以其名义展开的侮辱的恶毒程度来评判爱情，

we wouldn't continue to rate it as we do

我们就不会继续像现在这样评价它，

and might indeed mistake it for a form of illness 短語搭配

甚至可能会错把它当成一种疾病

or aberration of the mind.

或者是精神失常。

The scenes that typically unfold between lovers

恋人之间通常上演的场景

would scarcely be considered imaginable 語法

如果放在公开敌对的环境之外

outside of conditions of open hostility.

几乎是无法想象的。

Those we love, we honor with our worst moods, 表達脈絡

对于我们爱的人，我们把最坏的情绪留给他们，

our most unfair accusations,

最不公平的指责，

our most wounding insults.

以及最伤人的侮辱。

It's to our lovers that we direct blame 語法

正是对我们的恋人，我们把责怪倾注其身，

for everything that's gone wrong in our lives.

抱怨我们生活中所有出错的事情。

It's they we expect to know everything we mean

正是他们，我们期望能懂我们的所有想法

without bothering to explain it. 語法

而我们甚至都懒得解释。

It's to their minor errors and misunderstandings

正是对于他们的小错误和误解，

that we respond with sulks and rage.

我们用生闷气和暴怒来回应。

And, by comparison, in friendship, 表達脈絡

相比之下，在友谊中，

the supposedly worthless and inferior state

这个看似毫无价值和低人一等的状态，

whose mention should crush us at the end of a date,

这个在约会结束时一提起就会击溃我们的状态，

we bring our highest and noblest virtues.

我们却展现出了最高尚、最尊贵的品德。

Here, we are patient,

在这里，我们耐心，

encouraging, tolerant, funny,

鼓励他人，宽容，幽默，

and most of all, kind.

最重要的是，善良。

We expect a little less and therefore by extension 表達脈絡

我们的期望少一些，因此推而广之，

forgive an infinite amount more.

我们能原谅的就无限多。

We don't presume that we will be fully understood

我们不奢求会被完全理解，

and so treat failings lightly and humanely.

所以对待缺点也轻描淡写，充满人情味。

We don't imagine that our friends should admire us without reserve 習語

我们不幻想朋友应该毫无保留地钦佩我们，

and stick by us whatever we do, 短語動詞

无论我们做什么都支持我们，

and so we put in effort and behave, 短語動詞

因此我们付出努力，好好表现，

pleasing ourselves as well as our companions along the way.

在这个过程中不仅取悦自己，也取悦我们的同伴。

We are in the company of our friends,

和朋友们在一起时，

our best selves. 用詞

我们做回了最好的自己。

Paradoxically, it's friendship that offers us the real route 表達脈絡

矛盾的是，正是友谊为我们提供了真实的途径，

to the pleasures that romanticism associates with love.

去获得浪漫主义赋予爱情的那些乐趣。

That this sounds surprising 語法

这听起来令人惊讶

is only a reflection of how underdeveloped

这只是反映出发展得多么不成熟：

our day-to-day vision of friendship has become.

我们关于友谊的日常观念。

We associate it with a casual acquaintance

我们把它与泛泛之交联系在一起，

we see once in a while 習語

就是偶尔见一面，

to exchange inconsequential and shallow banter.

交换些无关痛痒、肤浅的玩笑。

But real friendship is something altogether more profound

但真正的友谊是全然更深刻的东西，

and worthy of exaltation.

值得被赞颂。

It is an arena in which two people 習語

它是两个人

can get a sense of each other's vulnerabilities, 短語搭配

可以感知彼此脆弱的竞技场，

appreciate each other's follies without recrimination,

在没有指责的情况下欣赏彼此的愚蠢，

reassure one another as to their value,

向彼此保证对方的价值，

and greet the sorrows and tragedies of existence 習語

并用智慧和温暖去迎接

with wit and warmth.

生命中的悲伤与悲剧。

Culturally and collectively,

在文化和集体的层面上，

we have made a momentous mistake 短語搭配

我们犯了一个重大的错误，

which has left us both lonelier and more disappointed 語法

这让我们比本来需要的

than we ever needed to be.

感到更加孤独和失望。

In a better world, 表達脈絡

在一个更好的世界里，

our most serious goal

我们最严肃的目标

would not be to locate one special lover

不应是去寻找一个特别的爱人

with whom to replace all other humans.

来替代其他所有人。

It would be to put our intelligence and energy 短語搭配

而是将我们的智慧和精力

into identifying and nurturing a circle of true friends.

投入到寻找并培养一群真正的朋友上。

At the end of an evening,

在一个夜晚结束时，

we would learn to say to certain prospective companions,

我们会学会对某些潜在的伴侣说，

with an embarrassed smile as we invited them inside,

在邀请他们进屋时带着尴尬的微笑，

knowing that this would come across as a properly painful rejection, 短語動詞

知道这会像是一次让人真正痛苦的拒绝，

"I'm so sorry. 語氣意圖

“我很抱歉。

Couldn't we just be lovers?"

我们能不能只做恋人？”

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