在爱情中过于理性的问题：英语精读讲义

It seems odd at first to imagine that we might get angry,

乍一想，我们似乎很难想象自己会生气，

even maddened by a partner,

甚至被伴侣逼疯，

because they were, in the course of a discussion,

仅仅是因为他们在讨论中，

proving to be too reasonable and too logical. 語法

表现得过于理智、过于讲逻辑。

We are used to thinking highly of reason and logic. 講解

我们习惯于高度评价理性和逻辑。

We're not normally enemies of evidence and rationality.

我们通常并不排斥证据和理性。

How then could these ingredients become problematic in the course of love?

那么，这些要素怎么会在爱情中成为问题呢？

But from close up,

但若是拉近距离，

considered with sufficient imagination, 語法

运用充分的想象力来思考，

our suspicion can make a lot of sense. 短語搭配

我们的这种疑虑其实很有道理。

When we're in difficulties,

当我们陷入困境时，

what we may primarily be seeking from our partners 語法

我们最想从伴侣那里得到的，

is a sense that they understand what we're going through. 短語動詞

可能是他们理解我们正在经历什么的感觉。

We're not looking for answers, 表達脈絡

我们寻找的不是答案，

the problems may be too large for there to be any obvious ones,

问题可能太大了，根本没有什么显而易见的答案，

so much as comfort,

我们更多是在寻找安慰、

reassurance, and fellow feeling. 用詞

宽慰，以及共鸣。

In the circumstances,

在这种情况下，

the deployment of an overly logical stance

摆出一种过度讲逻辑的姿态，

may come across not as an act of kindness, 語氣意圖

可能不会被看作是一种善意，

but as a species of disguised impatience. 用詞

而被看作是一种伪装的不耐烦。

Let's imagine someone who comes to their partner complaining of vertigo.

试想一下，有人向伴侣抱怨自己恐高。

The fear of heights is usually manifestly unreasonable.

恐高通常是明显不讲道理的。

The balcony obviously isn't about to collapse. 語法

阳台显然不会塌下来。

There's a strong iron balustrade between us and the abyss.

在我们和深渊之间有着坚固的铁栏杆。

The building has been repeatedly tested by experts.

建筑也经过了专家的反复测试。

We may know all this intellectually, 表達脈絡

我们在理智上可能知道这一切，

but it does nothing to reduce our sickening anxiety in practice. 短語搭配

但这并不能在实际上减少我们令人作呕的焦虑。

If a partner were to patiently begin to explain the laws of physics to us, 語法

如果伴侣耐心地开始给我们讲解物理定律，

we wouldn't be grateful.

我们是不会感激的。

We would simply feel that they were misunderstanding us.

我们只会觉得他们误解了我们。

Much that troubles us has a structure akin to vertigo. 用詞

许多困扰我们的事情都有着类似恐高的结构。

Our worry isn't exactly reasonable,

我们的担忧并不完全合理，

but we're unsettled all the same. 表達脈絡

但我们依然感到心神不宁。

We can, for example,

比如，我们可能会

continue to feel guilty about letting down our parents, 短語動詞

一直因为让父母失望而感到内疚，

no matter how nice to them we've actually been. 語法

无论我们实际上对他们有多好。

Or we can feel very worried about money,

或者我们会为钱感到非常焦虑，

even if we're objectively economically quite safe. 語法

即使客观来说我们的经济状况很安全。

We can feel horrified by our own appearance,

我们可能会对自己的外貌感到恐惧，

even though no one else judges our face or body harshly. 語法

即使根本没有人苛刻地评判我们的脸蛋或身材。

Or we can be certain that we're failures who've messed up everything we've ever done, 短語動詞

或者我们会确信自己是个失败者，搞砸了做过的每一件事，

even if, in objective terms, 表達脈絡

即使在客观看来，

we seem to be doing pretty well.

我们似乎做得还不错。

We can obsess that we've forgotten to pack something,

我们可能会念念不忘自己忘了带某样东西，

even though we've taken a lot of care

即使我们已经非常小心，

and can, in any case, 表達脈絡

而且无论如何，

buy almost everything at the other end.

我们都可以在目的地买到几乎所有的东西。

Or we may feel that our life will fall apart if we have to make a short speech, 短語動詞

或者我们可能觉得，如果必须做一个简短的演讲，我们的生活就要崩溃了，

even though thousands of people make quite bad speeches every day

即使每天都有成千上万的人做着很糟糕的演讲，

and their lives continue as normal.

他们的生活也一样继续。

When we recount our worries to our partner,

当我们向伴侣倾诉担忧时，

we may receive a set of precisely delivered

我们可能会收到一套表达精准、

unimpassioned logical answers.

毫无感情的逻辑性答案。

We have been good to our parents,

比如我们对父母已经很好了，

we have packed enough toothpaste, etc.

我们已经带了足够的牙膏等等。

Answers that are both entirely true 表達脈絡

这些答案都完全正确，

and yet unhelpful as well,

却也毫无用处，

and so in their own way enraging.

所以它们反而令人恼火。

It feels as if the excessive logic of the other person 語法

感觉就像是对方过度的逻辑

has led them to look down on our concerns, 短語動詞

让他们看低了我们的担忧，

because, reasonably speaking,

因为，理智地说，

we shouldn't have our fears or worries,

我们本不该有这些恐惧或担忧，

the implication is that no sane person would have them. 表達脈絡

言下之意就是没有理智的人会有这些情绪。

Our partners make us feel a bit mad.

我们的伴侣让我们觉得自己有点疯了。

The one putting forward the so-called logical point of view 短語動詞

提出所谓逻辑观点的那一方，

shouldn't be surprised by the angry response they receive. 短語搭配

不应该对他们收到的愤怒反应感到惊讶。

They are forgetting how weird and beyond the ordinary rules of reason

他们忘记了人类的大脑有多么奇怪、多么超乎寻常的理性法则，

all human minds can be,

所有人都是如此，

their own included.

包括他们自己。

The logic they are applying is really a species of brute common sense 用詞

他们所运用的逻辑实际上是一种粗暴的常识，

that refuses the deeper insights of psychology.

拒绝了心理学更深层的洞察。

Of course,

诚然，

our minds are prey to phantasms, 習語

我们的心智会受到幻象、

illusions, projections, and neurotic terrors.

错觉、投射和神经质般的恐惧所折磨。

Of course,

诚然，

we're afraid of many things that don't exist in the so-called real world. 用詞

我们害怕许多在所谓现实世界中并不存在的东西。

But such phenomena are not so much illogical 語法

但与其说这些现象不合逻辑，

as deserving of the application of a deeper logic

不如说它们需要运用一种更深层次的逻辑，

based on a sympathy for the complexities of emotional life.

这种逻辑建立在对情感生活复杂性的同情之上。

Our sense of whether we're attractive or not

我们对自己是否有吸引力的感知

isn't about what we actually look like.

并不取决于我们的真实长相。

It follows a so-called logic that goes back to childhood 短語動詞

它遵循一种可以追溯到童年时期的所谓逻辑，

and how loved we were made to feel by those we depended on. 語法

以及我们所依赖的人让我们感到了多少爱。

The fear of public speaking

对公开演讲的恐惧，

can be bound up with long-buried and torturous emotions of shame 短語動詞

可能与埋藏已久且折磨人的羞耻感，

and a fear around competing and dealing with others' envy.

以及对竞争和应对他人嫉妒的恐惧交织在一起。

An excessively logical approach to fears

对恐惧采取过度讲逻辑的方法

discounts their origins

忽视了其根源，

and concentrates instead on why we shouldn't have them, 短語動詞

反而专注于为什么我们不该有这些恐惧，

which is maddening when we're in pain.

当我们在痛苦中时，这是令人发狂的。

It's not that we actually want our partner to stop being reasonable. 表達脈絡

我们并不是真的希望伴侣停止讲道理。

We want them to apply their intelligence 短語搭配

我们希望他们运用自己的智慧，

to the task of reassurance.

来完成安抚我们的任务。

We want them to enter into the weirder bits of our own experience 習語

我们希望他们通过回忆自己的经历，

by remembering their own.

来走进我们经历中更为怪异的部分。

We want to be understood for being the mad animals we all are

我们希望别人能理解我们都是疯狂的动物，

and then comforted and consoled

然后给我们安慰与慰藉，

that it will probably all be okay anyway.

告诉我们一切可能都会好起来的。

Then again, 表達脈絡

不过话又说回来，

it could be that the application of excessive logic

运用过度逻辑的做法可能

isn't an accident or form of stupidity.

并非意外，也不是一种愚蠢。

It may just be an act of revenge.

它可能只是一种报复行为。

Perhaps the partner is giving brief logical answers to our worries

也许伴侣对我们的担忧给出简短的逻辑回答，

because their efforts to be more sympathetic towards us in the past

是因为他们过去试图对我们表现出更多同情的努力

have gone nowhere. 習語

毫无结果。

Perhaps we've neglected their needs.

也许是我们忽视了他们的需求。

If two people were being properly logical

如果两个人在更深层次的意义上

in a deeper sense of the word,

都能够真正讲逻辑，

that is,

也就是说，

truly alive to all the complexities of emotional functioning, 用詞

真正察觉到情感运作的所有复杂性，

rather than squabbling around the question of 語法

与其围绕着诸如

why are you being so rational when I'm in pain,

“为什么我这么痛苦你还这么理性”这样的问题争吵，

the person on the receiving end of superficial logic 習語

处于表面逻辑接收端的那个人

should gently change the subject and ask, 語氣意圖

应该温柔地改变话题并问道：

"Is it possible I've hurt or been neglecting you?" 語氣意圖

“有没有可能我伤害了你，或者忽视了你？”

Now,

如今，

that would be real logic. 表達脈絡

那才是真正的逻辑。

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