成為一個優秀的傾聽者：英語精讀講義

Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life skills anyone can have. 文法

成為一個好的傾聽者是任何人都能擁有的最重要且迷人的生活技能之一。

Yet few of us know how to do it,

然而我們中很少有人知道該怎麼做，

not because we're evil, 文法

不是因為我們邪惡，

but because no one has taught us how.

而是因為沒有人教過我們。

And related point,

與此相關的一點是，

no one has listened to us.

從來沒有人傾聽過我們。

So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, 文法

所以我們帶著貪婪的表達慾步入社交生活，而非傾聽慾，

hungry to meet others but reluctant to hear them.

渴望結識他人卻不願傾聽他們。

Friendship degenerates into a socialized egoism. 用詞

友誼退化成了一種社交化的利己主義。

Like most things,

像大多數事情一樣，

it's about education.

這關乎教育。

Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak.

我們的文明中充滿了教人如何說話的偉大著作。

Cicero's Orator and Aristotle's Rhetoric were two of the greatest in the ancient world. 文化背景

西塞羅的《論演說家》和亞里斯多德的《修辭學》是古代世界最偉大的兩部作品。

But sadly,

但遺憾的是，

no one has ever written a book called The Listener.

從未有人寫過一本名為《傾聽者》的書。

There are a range of things that the good listener is doing

好的傾聽者會做一系列的事情，

that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.

讓人覺得和他們共度時光非常愉快。

Firstly,

首先，

they egg us on. 片語動詞

他們會鼓勵我們。

It's hard to know our own minds.

我們很難認清自己的內心。

Often we're in the vicinity of something but we don't quite close in 講解

通常我們只觸及某件事的邊緣，卻無法完全接近

on what's really bothering or exciting us.

真正困擾或讓我們興奮的核心。

We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate,

我們從鼓勵中獲益良多，這讓我們能夠詳細闡述，

to go into greater detail, 片語動詞

深入細節，

to push just a little further.

哪怕只是再深入一點點。

We need someone who rather than launch forth on their own will simply say those two magic words, 慣用語

我們需要一個人，他不會自顧自地高談闊論，而是只說兩個神奇的字：

"Go on." 語氣意圖

「繼續。」

You mention a sibling and they want to know a bit more.

你提到一個兄弟姐妹，他們就想多了解一點。

What was the relationship like in childhood? 文法

童年時的關係怎樣？

How's it changed over time?

隨著時間的推移有什麼變化？

They're curious where our concerns and excitements come from.

他們對我們擔憂和興奮的根源感到好奇。

They ask things like,

他們會問這樣的問題：

"Why did that particularly bother you?

「為什麼那件事特別困擾你？

Why was that such a big thing for you?" 用詞

為什麼那對你來說是一件大事？」

They keep our histories in mind. 片語搭配

他們把我們的過往記在心裡。

They might refer back to something we said before 片語動詞

他們可能會回溯我們之前說過的話，

and we feel they're building up a deeper base of engagement.

我們就會覺得他們正在建立更深層次的互動基礎。

Secondly,

其次，

the good listener urges clarification.

好的傾聽者會促使你釐清問題。

It's fatally easy to say vague things.

泛泛而談是非常容易犯的錯誤。

We simply mention that something is lovely or terrible,

我們只是提到某件事很美好或很糟糕，

nice or annoying,

很棒或很煩人，

but we don't really explore why we feel this way.

但我們並沒有真正探索為什麼我們會有這種感覺。

The friend who listens often has a productive friendly suspicion

善於傾聽的朋友往往對我們最初的一些陳述

of some of our own first statements

抱有建設性且友好的懷疑，

and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background. 講解

並在尋找隱藏在背後的更深層次的態度。

They take things we say like,

他們會認真對待我們說過的話，比如

"I'm fed up with my job" 用詞

「我受夠了我的工作」

or "My partner and I are having a lot of rows" 用詞

或「我和伴侶經常吵架」，

and they help us to focus in 片語動詞

他們會幫助我們集中注意力

on what it really is about the job we don't like

弄清工作中我們真正不喜歡的到底是什麼，

or what the rows are really about.

或者吵架到底是為了什麼。

They're bringing to listening an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.

他們帶著釐清深層問題的野心來傾聽。

They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.

他們不把對話僅僅看作交換軼事。

They're reconnecting the chat you're having over pizza

他們把你吃披薩時的閒聊

with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates, 文化背景

與蘇格拉底的哲學野心聯繫起來，

whose dialogues are records of his attempts

後者的對話錄記錄了他試圖

to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.

幫助雅典同胞更好地理解他們的思想和價值觀的過程。

Third,

第三，

good listeners don't moralize.

好的傾聽者不說教。

The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are.

好的傾聽者敏銳地意識到我們都是多麼瘋狂。

They know their own minds well enough 文法

他們足夠了解自己的內心，

not to be surprised or frightened about this.

因此對此不感到驚訝或害怕。

They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds,

他們善於偶爾發出一些微小而積極的聲音，

strategic mm 語氣意圖

策略性地「嗯」一聲，

that delicately signal sympathy

微妙地表達同情，

without intruding on what we're trying to say.

而不打斷我們試圖表達的內容。

They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies. 片語搭配

他們給人一種印象，即他們認識並接受我們的愚蠢。

They're reassuring us they're not going to shred our dignity. 慣用語

他們在安撫我們，他們不會撕碎我們的尊嚴。

A big worry in a competitive world

在一個競爭激烈的世界裡，一個很大的擔憂

is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are. 慣用語

是我們覺得我們承擔不起誠實表達我們有多痛苦的後果。

Saying one feels like a failure could mean being dropped,

承認自己感覺像個失敗者可能意味著被拋棄，

but the good listener signals early and clearly

但好的傾聽者會及早且清楚地表明，

that they don't see us in these terms.

他們不會用這種眼光看我們。

Our vulnerability is something they warm to 片語動詞

他們對我們的脆弱感到心疼，

rather than are appalled by.

而不是感到震驚。

Lastly,

最後，

good listeners separate disagreement from criticism. 片語搭配

好的傾聽者將分歧與批評區分開來。

There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with 文法

人們有一種巨大的傾向，覺得被反對

is an expression of hostility.

是一種敵意的表達。

And obviously,

顯然，

sometimes that's right,

有時這是對的，

but a good listener makes it clear

但好的傾聽者會明確表示，

that they can really like you and at the same time

他們可能非常喜歡你，同時

think you're wrong.

認為你錯了。

They make it plain that their liking for you

他們清楚地表明對你的喜愛

isn't dependent on constant agreement.

並不取決於必須時刻保持一致。

They're powerfully aware

他們非常清楚，

that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled

一個真正可愛的人最終也可能變得有點糊塗，

and in need of some gentle untangling. 慣用語

需要一些溫和的開導。

When we're in the company of people who listen well, 片語搭配

當我們和善於傾聽的人在一起時，

we experience a very powerful pleasure.

我們會體驗到一種非常強烈的愉悅感。

But too often we don't really realize

但往往我們並沒有真正意識到

what it is that this person's doing that's so nice.

這個人到底做了什麼讓人感覺這麼好。

By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, 文法

透過策略性地關注這種愉悅感，

we can learn to magnify it

我們可以學會放大它，

and offer it to others

並把它傳遞給別人，

who will notice, hear, and repay the favor in turn. 片語搭配

別人會注意到、聽到，並進而回報這份善意。

Listening deserves discovery

傾聽值得被發掘

as one of the keys to a good society. 慣用語

作為成就美好社會的關鍵之一。

through life thinking that there's a right way to do things

終其一生認為做事有正確的方法

and a wrong way to do things

和錯誤的方法，

and there's not a whole lot of room for subjectivity

而且對於主觀性沒有留下太多餘地，

from my perspective.

在我看來。

troubles around communicating our intentions

在清晰誠實地溝通我們的意圖

and emotions clearly and honestly.

和情感方面遇到困難。

This is some of what we get up to

這是我們在做的某些事情，

as an alternative to straightforward communication.

作為直接溝通的一種替代方式。