扼殺童年的罪行：英語精讀講義

Snow days.

下雪放假日。

There is no greater human joy than waking up to a winter wonderland that, 文法

人世間最大的快樂莫過於一覺醒來，看到一個銀裝素裹的冬日仙境，

with its frosty magic,

它用冰雪的魔法，

also cancelled school.

順便把學校的課也取消了。

Well,

好吧，

no more because schools are cancelling snow days.

以後沒這好事了，因為學校正在取消「下雪放假日」。

Some school systems have decided distance learning has worked so well,

一些學校系統認為遠距教學效果太好了，

might as well keep those tools around. 片語搭配

不妨繼續保留這些工具。

This way, 表達脈絡

這樣一來，

when there's too much snow to physically drag students in, 表達脈絡

當雪太大，沒法把學生硬拽進學校時，

we can still mentally drag them in.

我們依然可以在精神上把他們拽進來。

Wha..?

啥..？

Who di...?

誰幹...？

How...? What kind of villains are you?

怎麼...？你們都是些什麼反派啊？

The worst kind,

最壞的那種，

the kind doing something for your own good. 語氣意圖

打著「為你好」旗號的那種。

You don't want students to miss learning,

「你總不想讓學生錯過學習吧，

do you? 文法

對嗎？」

We all agree that each and every individual day of school matters to keep kids from falling behind. 講解

「我們都同意，在學校的每一天都很重要，這樣才能保證孩子們不掉隊。」

We don't all agree. 文法

我們才不同意呢。

This is horrifying.

太可怕了。

Internet, where are you?

網際網路啊，你在哪裡？

Where's #savesnowdays to protect us?

保護我們的 #savesnowdays 在哪裡？

Shh, we don't need that.

噓，我們不需要那個。

No, you cannot take away the human experience of being on a dark winter's night unable to face the next day, 講解

不，你不能剝奪這樣的人類體驗：在漆黑的冬夜裡，你無法面對即將到來的明天，

then when thin clouds appear on the horizon giving you faint hope,

然後，當薄雲出現在地平線上，給了你一絲微弱的希望時，

you beg with all of your belief to make it happen. 片語搭配

你拼盡所有的信念祈禱奇蹟發生。

And when it does happen, 文法

而當它真的發生時，

it is the most epic experience of low to high,

那是從谷底到巔峰的最史詩級的體驗，

combining the triple joys of snow and freedom and getting out of something that you totally shouldn't have. 講解

結合了冰雪、自由以及逃過一劫的三重快樂。

There are only so many days of such great glory in a human life. 文法

人的一生中，這樣輝煌的日子屈指可數。

But, say some school boards, 表達脈絡

但是，一些學校董事會卻說，

that number of days will be zero forever.

這種日子的數量永遠歸零了。

And I fear this snow day cancellation pestilation will spread because the school system,

我擔心這種取消下雪放假日的瘟疫會蔓延，因為學校系統，

with its bureaucracies and committees,

帶著它的官僚主義和各種委員會，

loves its checkboxes checked, 表達脈絡

就是喜歡看核取方塊被打勾，

its percentages maxed,

百分比拉滿，

and its attendance punch cards punched.

出勤卡被打卡。

Snow days mess all that up, 片語動詞

下雪放假日把這一切都搞砸了，

so the system,

所以這個系統，

wielding the ultimate banality of evil, 文化背景

揮舞著平庸之惡的極致，

cancels snow days.

取消了下雪放假日。

Look,

聽著，

I'm just going to say it. 語氣意圖

我直說了吧。

This is a crime against childhood. 慣用語

這是對童年的犯罪。

Yes,

是的，

I am going to play the won't somebody please think of the children card. 慣用語

我要打出「拜託誰來為孩子們想想吧」這張牌了。

Teenagers,

青少年們，

I know you hate this, but it's in your best interest to just roll with it. 講解

我知道你們討厭這個，但順其自然才是對你們最好的。

But seriously,

但說真的，

protecting snow days is what this card was made to play.

保護下雪放假日正是這張牌的真正用武之地。

Those who want to cancel snow days should be forced to look into the wide excited eyes of a little girl waking up to experience her very first snow day and tell her,

那些想要取消下雪放假日的人，應該被強迫看著一個小女孩醒來體驗她人生第一個下雪天時那睜得大大的、興奮的雙眼，然後告訴她，

"No, you can't play outside.

「不行，妳不能出去玩。

Why?

為什麼？

Because it's super important that today,

因為今天超級重要，

right now,

就現在，

you learn about what a newspaper front page in England 300 years ago thought was important. 文法

妳得學學 300 年前英國報紙頭版認為什麼最重要。

And you also must know the French conjugation of the verb to have fun.

妳還必須知道法語動詞『玩得開心』怎麼變位。

Je m'amuse,

Je m'amuse，

tu t'amuses,

tu t'amuses，

nous nous amusons.

nous nous amusons。

This,

這個，

this is what matters. 文法

這才是重要的。」

If you can do that while thinking you are doing good, 文法

如果你能一邊做著這些，一邊還覺得自己是在做善事，

you are a heartless monster extinguishing the light of a child. 慣用語

你就是一個冷酷無情的怪物，在熄滅孩子眼中的光芒。

A child who,

這個孩子，

while on their kiddie conference call with their ikkle headset, 用詞

當她戴著小小的耳機參加兒童視訊會議，

listening to a teacher tell them fractions are fun too,

聽著老師告訴他們分數也很有趣時，

will resolve the cognitive dissonance by deciding the whole world is pointlessly cruel and with a sigh say, 用詞

她會透過認定整個世界都是毫無意義的殘酷來化解認知失調，並嘆息著說，

"This is the way it is. 表達脈絡

「事情就是這樣。

This is how it will be.

以後也會是這樣。

Humanity is subservient to checkboxes." 用詞

人類不過是核取方塊的奴隸。」

No,

不，

this shall not pass. 文化背景

這絕不能得逞。

Don't cancel snow days,

不要取消下雪放假日，

cancel killjoy committees. 用詞

取消那些大煞風景的委員會吧。

#savesnowdays

#savesnowdays