如何維繫一段感情：英語精讀講義

How can you tell whether a relationship is going to last the course or whether it's doomed to founder? 講解

你怎麼知道一段感情是能走到最後，還是注定要破裂？

What's the difference between fragile and solid couples?

脆弱的伴侶和穩固的伴侶之間有什麼區別？

Here are some of the things to look out for in couples that seem very fragile. 片語動詞

以下是那些看似非常脆弱的伴侶身上需要注意的一些事情。

Fragile couples tend paradoxically to be very hopeful about love.

矛盾的是，脆弱的伴侶往往對愛情抱有極高的期望。

They associate happiness with conflict-free unions. 片語搭配

他們將幸福與沒有衝突的結合聯繫在一起。

They don't expect,

他們沒有預料到，

once they have found the person they unwisely see as the one, 慣用語

一旦他們找到了那個被他們不明智地視為「唯一」的人，

ever to need to squabble, storm out of a room, 片語動詞

會有需要爭吵、摔門而出，

or feel unhappy for the afternoon.

或者整個下午都感到不高興的時候。

When trouble does emerge, 文法

當麻煩真正出現時，

as it inevitably will, 表達脈絡

正如它不可避免會發生的那樣，

they don't greet it as a sign that love is progressing as it should. 文法

他們並不認為這是愛情在正常發展的標誌。

Rather, they take it as alarming evidence that their relationship may be illegitimate and fundamentally flawed. 片語搭配

相反，他們將其視為令人震驚的證據，認為他們的關係可能是不合理的，且存在根本上的缺陷。

Their hopes tire them for the patient tasks of diplomatic negotiation 慣用語

他們的期望讓他們對外交式的耐心談判

and routine maintenance.

和日常的關係維護感到疲憊。

Fragile couples tend not to be good detectives of their own sufferings. 慣用語

脆弱的伴侶往往不善於探尋自己痛苦的根源。

They may both be rather unhappy and yet unsure as to the actual causes of their dissatisfactions. 用詞

他們可能都相當不快樂，卻又不確定導致自己不滿的真正原因。

They know that something is wrong in their unions,

他們知道兩人的關係出了問題，

but they can't easily trace what.

但他們很難找出問題所在。

They can't see a ruin on the way that it was maybe a lack of trust in them around money that rankles with their partner,

他們看不出這種破壞可能是因為他們在金錢方面缺乏信任，從而惹惱了伴侶，

or that it's been their behavior towards a demanding youngest child that's been hurting.

或者是他們對待要求嚴苛的小孩子的態度造成了傷害。

So they lash out in vague or inaccurate directions. 片語動詞

因此，他們會在模糊或不準確的方向上發洩。

Their attacks are either unfairly general or unconvincingly specific.

他們的攻擊要麼過於籠統而不公平，要麼非常具體卻難以令人信服。

Someone who is shamed has fundamental doubts about their right to exist.

充滿羞恥感的人對自己存在的權利抱有根本的懷疑。

Somewhere in the past,

在過去的某個階段，

they've probably been imbued with an impression that they don't matter very much, 用詞

他們可能被灌輸了這樣一種印象：他們並不重要，

that their feelings should be ignored,

他們的感受應該被忽視，

that their happiness is not a priority,

他們的幸福不是優先事項，

that their words don't count. 用詞

他們說的話無足輕重。

Now, once they're in a couple,

如今，一旦他們進入一段戀愛關係，

shamed people hurt like anyone else,

充滿羞恥感的人也會像其他人一樣感到受傷，

but their capacity to turn their hurt into something another person can understand 文法

但他們將自己的傷害轉化為對方能夠理解、

and maybe be touched by is very weak.

甚至可能被觸動的東西的能力卻非常弱。

Shamed people will start to sulk rather than explain. 文法

充滿羞恥感的人會開始生悶氣，而不是去解釋。

They'll hide away rather than share. 片語動詞

他們會躲起來，而不是去分享。

They'll feel secretly wretched

他們會在暗地裡感到悲慘，

rather than complaining honestly.

而不是坦誠地抱怨。

It's frequently very late,

通常都太晚了，

far too late,

實在太晚了，

by the time shamed people finally let their lovers know more about the nature of what's driving them to despair. 講解

等到這些充滿羞恥感的人終於讓他們的愛人更多地了解把他們逼向絕望的原因時。

Complaining well requires an impression that not everything depends on the complaint being heard perfectly right now. 文法

想要好好抱怨，需要有這樣一種認知：並不是所有事情都取決於抱怨現在能否被完美地傾聽。

Were the points to go a bit wrong with a partner to prove a bit intransigent, 講解

就算事情出了點岔子，伴侶表現得有些固執己見，

one could survive and maybe even take one's love elsewhere.

一個人也能挺過去，甚至可能把愛轉移到別處。

Not everything is at stake in every argument. 慣用語

並不是每次爭吵都會賭上一切。

The partner hasn't ruined one's life.

伴侶並沒有毀掉你的生活。

One therefore doesn't need to scream, hector, insist, or nag.

因此，我們不需要尖叫、威嚇、固執己見或嘮叨。

One can deliver a complaint with some of the casualness of a calm teacher who wants an audience to learn, 片語搭配

人們可以像一位平靜的老師那樣隨性地表達不滿，這位老師希望聽眾能學到東西，

but can bear it if they don't; 文法

但如果他們沒學進去也能坦然接受；

One could always say what was on one's mind tomorrow or the next day, 慣用語

人們總是可以把心裡的想法留到明天或後天再說，

whenever everybody's had a bit of rest. 文法

等到大家都稍微休息一下之後。

It takes an inner dignity not to mind too much about having to level complaints 講解

只有內心保持尊嚴，才不會太介意去抱怨

around things that could sound laughably

那些聽起來小得可笑、

small or that leave one open to being described as petty or needy. 片語搭配

或者容易讓人覺得自己心胸狹窄或黏人的事情。

With too much pride and fear,

由於太多的驕傲和恐懼，

it can become unbearable to admit that one's been upset since lunchtime 文法

承認自己從午餐起就一直心煩意亂可能會變得難以忍受，

because they didn't take one's hand on a walk,

只是因為散步時對方沒有牽自己的手，

or that one wishes so much that they would be readier to hug one last thing at night. 文法

或者是自己多麼希望晚上睡前對方能更主動地抱抱自己。

One has to feel pretty grown up inside 慣用語

一個人在內心必須感到足夠成熟，

not to be offended by one's own more childlike appetites for reassurance and comfort.

才會不對自己那種更像孩子般渴望安心和安慰的慾望感到冒犯。

It is an achievement to know how to be strong about one's vulnerability. 表達脈絡

懂得如何堅強地面對自己的脆弱，是一項了不起的成就。

One may have said rather too many times from behind a slammed door,

有些人可能已經隔著摔上的門說過太多次，

in a defensive tone,

用防禦的語氣說，

"No, no, nothing is wrong whatsoever. 用詞

「沒，沒，什麼事也沒有。

Go away."

走開。」

when secretly we're longing to be comforted and understood

而暗地裡，我們卻像個哭泣難過的孩子，

like a weepy upset child.

渴望得到安慰和理解。

Fragile couples often come together with few positive childhood memories of conversations that have worked out. 片語動詞

脆弱的伴侶在走到一起時，往往很少有童年時期關於順暢溝通的積極記憶。

Early role models may simply have screamed at each other and then despaired. 文法

早期的榜樣可能只是對著彼此尖叫，然後陷入絕望。

These people may never have witnessed disagreements 文法

這些人可能從未見過分歧

eventually evolving into mutual understanding and sympathy.

最終演變成相互理解和同情。

They would deeply love to be understood,

他們非常渴望被理解，

but they can bring so few resources to the task of making themselves so. 文法

但他們在讓自己被理解這件事上，能投入的資源卻太少了。

None of these factors mean a couple will have to split up, 片語動詞

這些因素都不意味著一對伴侶必須分手，

but they are generators of the states of the kind of emotional disconnection

但它們會引發某種情感上的脫節，

that can eventually break two people apart.

最終可能導致兩個人分道揚鑣。

Outwardly, 表達脈絡

從表面上看，

things may seemingly be well.

一切似乎都很順利。

A couple can have an interesting social life,

一對伴侶可以有有趣的社交生活，

maybe some lovely children, a new apartment,

也許有可愛的孩子，有新公寓，

but a careful analysis will reveal a high degree of risk.

但仔細分析就會發現很高的風險。

The good news is that knowing a little about the risk factors can help us to identify them in good time 講解

好消息是，了解一些風險因素可以幫助我們及時發現它們，

and, with the help of some good advice,

並在一些好建議的幫助下，

for example, from The School of Life,

例如，來自 The School of Life 的建議，

fix them while there is still time.

趁著還有時間去修復它們。

Please comment,

請評論，

like, and subscribe

按讚並訂閱，

and take a look at our shop for more from The School of Life.

去我們的商店看看 The School of Life 提供的更多內容。