為什麼男孩會對喜歡的女孩很刻薄：英語精讀講義

We spend a lot of our lives lying to someone very close 慣用語

我們一生中有很大一部分時間都在對一個非常親近的人撒謊，

to home, ourselves.

那就是我們自己。

We lie because so many of the things we feel are humiliating, challenging, strange, and unflattering.

我們撒謊是因為我們的很多感受令人難堪、棘手、奇怪且不討喜。

We don't just forget to acknowledge our feelings. 片語搭配

我們並不只是忘記了去承認自己的感受。

One part of the mind actively shields the other from uncomfortable truths. 片語搭配

大腦的一部分在主動屏蔽另一部分，使其免受不適真相的影響。

But the cost of our denial is high 慣用語

但我們否認的代價很高，

because emotions that have not been properly confronted

因為那些沒有被妥善面對的情感

lead to psychological impoverishment, brittleness, rage, and deceit. 片語搭配

會導致心理上的貧乏、脆弱、憤怒和欺騙。

It is deeply uncomfortable to want something that one can't have.

想要得到自己無法擁有的東西，會讓人感到極度不適。

So, a standard form of denial

因此，一種標準的否認形式

is to reinvent how much one ever really wanted the elusive element in the first place. 片語搭配

就是重新定義自己一開始到底有多想要那個難以企及的東西。

We reevaluate what a thing means to us. 文法

我們會重新評估某件事物對我們的意義。

It might be a job, a holiday, or a person.

它可能是一份工作、一個假期，或者是一個人。

When it becomes clear it can never be ours.

當它注定永遠無法屬於我們時。

It takes exceptional maturity to hold on to the idea 片語動詞

想要堅持這樣一個想法需要非凡的成熟度，

that something might be at once precious and yet forever and maddeningly out of reach. 文法

即某樣東西可能既無比珍貴，卻又永遠令人抓狂地遙不可及。

Perhaps you were 14 and entering a new class

也許你當時14歲，剛進入一個新班級，

when you noticed an extraordinary new student,

這時你注意到了一個非常特別的新同學，

taller than you, with grey-green eyes, thick auburn hair,

比你高，有一雙灰綠色的眼睛，濃密的紅褐色頭髮，

and an intelligent wry smile.

以及一個聰明而帶著嘲弄的微笑。

They were one of the most charming people you'd ever encountered, 文法

他們是你遇到過的最迷人的人之一，

and also utterly beyond you. 慣用語

但也完全是你高攀不起的。

You were pimply and immature,

你長滿痘痘而且不夠成熟，

you couldn't do sports,

你不擅長運動，

you weren't great at languages.

你的語言成績也不好。

Of course, you might have tried to become their friend. 文法

當然，你本可以嘗試成為他們的朋友。

You might have shared jokes and chitchat,

你可以和他們開開玩笑，聊聊天，

but this kind of compromise would have hurt too much.

但這種妥協帶來的傷害太大了。

So, to reduce the pain, you became nasty.

所以，為了減輕痛苦，你變得很刻薄。

You started to hate the person you liked.

你開始討厭那個你喜歡的人。

You sought to spoil because you could not have.

因為得不到，你就想去毀掉。

You became mean where you would at one level have wanted to worship. 表達脈絡

在你內心深處想要去崇拜的地方，你卻變得刻薄。

You called them a stuck-up idiot and worse. 用詞

你罵他們是自命不凡的白痴，甚至更難聽的話。

You organized a group to torment them.

你組織了一群人去折磨他們。

One time, you stole their scarf.

有一次，你偷了他們的圍巾。

You escaped your feelings through a denigration that hid not hatred, 表達脈絡

你透過貶低他們來逃避自己的感情，而這種貶低掩蓋的不是仇恨，

but at base, a passionate secret love.

而在根本上，是一種熱烈而隱秘的愛。

Sometimes our meanness takes drier, more intellectual forms. 片語搭配

有時，我們的刻薄會採取更加冷酷、更加理性的形式。

Perhaps at the office,

也許在辦公室裡，

you recently sent round a memo headed recruitment policies for Q4 sales team. 講解

你最近發送了一份標題為「第四季度銷售團隊招募政策」的備忘錄。

In it, you argued in sober prose with numbered paragraphs 用詞

在裡面，你用冷靜的語言和編號的段落論證道，

that the company shouldn't in the future seek to recruit any more recent university graduates

公司未來不應再尋求招募任何應屆大學畢業生，

on the grounds that they tended not to meet the expectations of clients. 片語搭配

理由是他們往往不能滿足客戶的期望。

The need for this kind of high-flown self-deception

而這種冠冕堂皇的自欺欺人的需求，

began the day you first laid eyes on the new recruit 慣用語

始於你第一次看到那個新員工的那一天，

who seemed astonishingly young, enthusiastic, endearing,

對方看起來驚人地年輕、充滿熱情、惹人喜愛，

and desirable.

而且充滿吸引力。

The emotions you felt were a piece of madness for a married middle-aged person.

對於一個已婚的中年人來說，你感受到的情緒簡直就是瘋了。

The target of your desire was 23

你渴望的對象只有23歲，

with coltish energy and innocent friendliness. 慣用語

有著像小馬駒一樣的活力和天真無邪的友善。

On the second week, they tried to ask you what you'd done on the weekend 文法

到了第二週，他們試著問你週末做了什麼，

and mentioned that they'd tried windsurfing for the first time.

並提到他們第一次嘗試了風帆衝浪。

You responded by being rather stern. 講解

你卻以相當嚴厲的態度回應。

With colleagues,

和同事在一起時，

you judged their performance in a critical way that seemed just about fair. 用詞

你用一種看似公正的苛刻方式評價他們的表現。

At a committee meeting, you damned them with faint praise, 慣用語

在委員會會議上，你用明褒暗貶的方式詆毀他們，

and at the earliest opportunity, you made sure their contract was not renewed. 講解

然後一有機會，你就確保他們的合約不會被續簽。

Of course, being honest about our real feelings

當然，誠實面對自己的真實感受，

doesn't mean we should always act on them. 片語動詞

並不意味著我們應該總是將其付諸行動。

It's not a good idea to make every feeling known to those it concerns. 文法

把每一種感受都告訴相關的人並不是個好主意。

The choice we face isn't between denial and inaction 表達脈絡

我們面臨的選擇，並非在否認與無所作為，

or honesty followed by a brusque move on the people around us. 語氣意圖

或是坦誠相待後對身邊的人採取唐突行動之間二選一。

We can accept many of our desires

我們能夠接納自己的許多渴望，

without needing to think we should do anything about them. 文法

而無需認為自己應該為此做些什麼。

The best way to overcome denial 文法

克服我們對某些人抱有那些不可能的渴望

of some of our more impossible desires for people

而產生的否認心理，最好的方法就是

is to accept who we are, what we want, 表達脈絡

接受我們是誰，接受我們想要什麼，

and then sometimes just sit with our hands firmly tied, 慣用語

然後有時只需把雙手牢牢綁住坐著，

reflecting sadly on the deep strangeness and unsatisfactoriness of the human condition. 用詞

悲哀地反思人類處境的深深怪異與不圓滿。

But that will be a lot better than self-deception and meanness.

但這總比自欺欺人和尖酸刻薄要好得多。