測一測：你的父母有多合格：英語精讀講義

Strangely and rather awkwardly,

奇怪而又有些尷尬的是，

it seems that no human being can ever really grow up sane unless it's been loved very deeply by somebody else for a number of years in its early life. 文法

似乎沒有任何人能真正心理健康地長大，除非在他們生命的早期，有幾年被其他人深深地愛過。

But we're still learning what good parents might actually be like. 文法

但我們仍在了解優秀的父母實際上可能是什麼樣的。

How good were yours?

你的父母有多好？

Here are eight principles of good parenting that you might use to grade them. 用詞

這裡有八個良好育兒的原則，你可以用來給他們打分。

A loving parent gets down to the child's level, 慣用語

一個有愛的父母會放下身段來到孩子的水平，

at times literally dropping down to their height when addressing them,

在對他們說話時，有時真的會蹲下來和他們一樣高，

in order to see the world through their eyes. 慣用語

以便透過他們的眼睛看世界。

They understand that a very young child can't easily fit in with external demands, 片語動詞

他們明白一個非常年幼的孩子很難適應外部的要求，

and that in the early days they must be prioritized and placed at the center of things,

而且在早期，他們必須被優先考慮並置於事物的中心，

not in order to spoil them, 文法

這不是為了寵壞他們，

but in order to give them a chance to grow.

而是為了給他們一個成長的機會。

Loving parents understand that their young offspring's lives revolve around details that are by any adult measure very minor. 慣用語

有愛的父母明白，他們年幼的孩子的生舌圍繞著在任何成年人看來都微不足道的細節。

Toddlers will feel enormously happy because they can dig their nails into some putty

蹣跚學步的孩子會感到無比快樂，因為他們可以用指甲摳進一些橡皮泥裡

or have a chance to whack their spoon into some peas with energy

或者有機會用力地把湯匙敲進豌豆裡

or say bah very loudly.

或者很大聲地喊「吧」。

And they will feel extremely sad because pet rabbit lost one of its buttons

而他們會感到極度悲傷，因為寵物兔丟了一個鈕扣

or a page in a favorite book now has a tear in it.

或者最喜歡的書裡有一頁撕破了。

The good enough parent feels sufficiently resourceful inside not to hold it against the child that it's making a very big deal out of so-called nothing. 慣用語

足夠好的父母在內心感到足夠有辦法，不會因為孩子為所謂的無足輕重的小事大驚小怪而責怪他們。

It will follow the child in its excitement over a puddle

他們會理解孩子對一個水坑的興奮

and in its grief over an uncomfortable sock.

以及對一隻不舒服的襪子的悲傷。

It will understand that the child's future ability to be considerate to other people

他們會明白孩子未來體諒他人

and to handle genuine disasters

以及應對真正災難的能力

will be critically dependent on having had an ample fill of sympathy 講解

將嚴重依賴於曾經獲得過充足的同情

for a range of age-appropriate sorrows. 用詞

來應對一系列符合其年齡的悲傷。

A loving parent will know how to put the best possible interpretation on behavior that might seem to others to be pretty unfortunate. 片語搭配

一個有愛的父母會知道如何對可能在別人看來相當糟糕的行為做出最好的解釋。

The small child isn't just a troublemaker, 表達脈絡

小孩不只是一個搗蛋鬼，

but it has of course been very upset by the arrival of a sibling.

他當然是因為兄弟姐妹的到來而感到非常不安。

It isn't anti-social,

他並不是反社會，

but it does find a small circle of familiar people especially soothing. 文法

而是確實發現一小群熟悉的人特別能讓他感到安心。

It isn't a nightmare,

他不是個惡魔，

but it does surely need to go to bed pretty soon.

但他肯定很快就需要上床睡覺了。

This capacity for imaginative,

這種充滿想像力、

kindly explanations

善意的解釋能力

will go on to mold the workings of the child's own conscience. 文法

將繼續塑造孩子自身良知的運作方式。

It will learn the art of self-forgiveness. 慣用語

他將學會自我寬恕的藝術。

It won't have to torture itself for its mistakes.

他不必為自己的錯誤而折磨自己。

It won't suffer the ravages of self-loathing or ever,

他不會遭受自我厭惡的蹂躪，甚至，

when it messes up badly, 片語動詞

當他把事情搞得很砸時，

be tempted to take its own life.

也不會產生輕生的念頭。

The loving parent will feel sufficiently sane to allow a child to be a bit weird for a while,

有愛的父母會感到自己足夠理智，允許孩子在一段時間內表現得有點奇怪，

knowing that so-called weird is actually part of normal development.

知道所謂的奇怪實際上是正常發育的一部分。

It won't get flustered that the child has decided to pretend it's an animal 用詞

當孩子決定假裝自己是一隻動物

or wants to eat only red-colored foods

或者只想吃紅色的食物

or has an imaginary friend living in the tree at the end of the garden.

或者在花園盡頭的樹上住著一個想像中的朋友時，他們不會感到慌亂。

The adult will have faith in sanity emerging

這個成年人會相信理智終將出現

and in the wisdom of exploring a lot of possible options

並且相信在選擇安定於理性之前，

before choosing to settle on reason. 片語動詞

探索大量可能選項是明智的。

It will be able to remain calm over some intense tantrums and obsessions.

他們能夠在強烈的脾氣和癡迷面前保持冷靜。

It won't need to shut down irreverence at every turn. 講解

他們不需要動輒壓制不敬的行為。

It will be patient around low moods and unruffled by adolescent surliness. 用詞

他們會對低落的情緒保持耐心，並且不會被青春期的暴躁所激怒。

The parent won't assign labels to the child that might fix it in a role it was only trying out. 慣用語

父母不會給孩子貼上可能將其固定在他只是試圖嘗試的角色上的標籤。

It will be wary of telling a child that it is the angry one, 片語搭配

他們會警惕告訴孩子他是個容易生氣的人，

the little philosopher,

一個小哲學家，

or even the kind one.

甚至是一個善良的人。

It will allow the child the luxury of picking its own identity. 慣用語

他們會允許孩子享有選擇自己身份的特權。

The good parent knows that children may well cling for a long time

好的父母知道孩子很可能會在很長一段時間內黏人

and will never dismiss this natural need for reassurance in pejorative terms. 用詞

並且絕不會用貶義詞來打發這種對安心感的自然需求。

It won't tell the child to buck up and be a good little man or a nice young lady 慣用語

他們不會告訴孩子振作起來，做一個好男兒或者好姑娘

who can make me proud.

來讓我感到驕傲。

It will know that those who end up securely attached and able to tolerate absence 文法

他們會知道，那些最終建立安全依戀並能夠忍受分離的人

are those who were originally allowed to have as much dependence and connection

是那些最初被允許擁有盡可能多的依賴和聯繫的人

as they needed.

如他們所需要的那樣。

There will be few requests to be brave at the school gates.

他們幾乎不會在學校門口要求孩子表現得勇敢。

A good parent won't set themselves up as an impossibly glamorous or remote figure, 片語動詞

一個好的父母不會把自己塑造成一個高不可攀的迷人或冷漠的形象，

someone whom the child may be tempted to idealize and ruminate over from afar. 用詞

一個孩子可能會受到誘惑而去理想化並在遠處反覆琢磨的人。

They will know how to be present and very ordinary around the house,

他們會知道如何在家裡展現出在場且非常普通的一面，

dignified perhaps,

也許很端莊，

but also on occasion ratty,

但偶爾也會暴躁，

forgetful, silly,

健忘、愚蠢，

and greedily keen to have too much dessert.

並且貪婪地想要吃太多甜點。

The good parent will know that parental quirks and flaws

好的父母會知道，父母的怪癖和缺點

are there to remind a child to reconcile itself to its own humanity 片語動詞

的存在是為了提醒孩子與其自身的人性達成和解

and also,

並且，

eventually,

最終，

to leave home and get on with their own lives. 片語動詞

離開家，過上他們自己的生活。

A good parent will know how to appear very boring.

一個好的父母會知道如何顯得非常無聊。

It will understand that what a child chiefly needs is a source of reliable calm, 表達脈絡

他們會明白，孩子主要需要的是一個可靠的平靜源泉，

not fireworks and excitement.

而不是煙火和刺激。

It has enough of these inside its own mind.

孩子的大腦裡已經有足夠多這種東西了。

It should be there in the same place,

父母應該留在同一個地方，

saying more or less the same things for decades.

幾十年來大致說著同樣的話。

It should take care to be predictable and to edit out its surprising moods. 慣用語

他們應該小心地保持可預測性，並過濾掉令人驚訝的情緒波動。

The child doesn't need a full picture of every perturbation and temptation

孩子不需要了解每一個困擾和誘惑的全貌，

coursing through its carers' minds. 慣用語

這些想法在照顧他們的腦海中流淌。

The parent accepts that Mummy or Daddy are roles, 表達脈絡

父母接受，媽媽或爸爸只是角色，

not full representations.

而不是完整的個體表現。

It should be the privilege of every child not to have to know its parents in complete detail.

每一個孩子都應享有不必詳盡了解其父母的特權。

The good parent isn't looking for a balanced relationship.

好的父母並不尋求一種平衡的關係。

It's happy to give unilaterally. 用詞

他們樂於單方面付出。

It doesn't need to be asked how its day was

他們不需要被問及今天過得怎麼樣

or what it thinks of the government's new policy on insurance.

或者對政府關於保險的新政策有什麼看法。

It knows that a child should be able to take a parent substantially for granted. 慣用語

他們知道孩子應該能夠理所當然地接受父母的付出。

The parent's reward for all their work won't ever be direct. 慣用語

父母對所有工作的回報永遠不會是直接的。

It will arrive by noting in many years time

這份回報將在多年以後到來，當他們注意到

that their child has just developed into a very good parent themselves.

他們的孩子剛剛自己成長為一個非常優秀的父母時。

Put simply, 表達脈絡

簡而言之，

love is the considerate,

愛是體貼、

tender,

溫柔、

hugely patient behavior displayed by an adult over many years towards a child

一個成年人多年來對一個孩子展現出的極度耐心的行為，

who cannot help but be largely out of control, 文法

而這個孩子無可避免地在很大程度上會失控、

confused,

迷茫、

frustrating,

令人沮喪、

and bewildered.

和不知所措。

All in order that this child might over time grow into an adult 表達脈絡

這一切都是為了讓這個孩子隨著時間的推移能夠成長為一個成年人，

who can take its place in society without too much of a loss of spontaneity, 慣用語

一個能夠在這個社會中找到自己的位置，而不會失去太多自發性，

without too much terror,

不會有太多的恐懼，

and with a basic trust in its own capacities and chances of fulfillment.

並且對自己能力和實現自我的機會抱有基本的信任的成年人。

It should be a matter of global consternation that despite our many advances, 用詞

令人感到全球震驚的應該是，儘管我們取得了許多進步，

we are still only at the dawn of knowing how to ensure 慣用語

我們仍然處於知道如何確保的黎明階段

that we all have the loving childhoods we deserve.

確保我們所有人都能擁有我們應得的充滿愛的童年。

How to overcome your childhood is a book

《如何克服你的童年》是一本書，

that teaches us how character is developed,

它教會我們性格是如何發展的，

the concept of emotional inheritance,

情感遺傳的概念，

the formation of our concepts of being good or bad,

我們對好與壞的概念的形成，

and the impact of parental styles of love on the way we choose adult partners.

以及父母愛的風格對我們選擇成年伴侶的方式的影響。