真實自我與虛假自我：英語精讀講義

One of the most surprising but powerful explanations 文法

最令人驚訝卻又最有力的解釋之一，

for why we may, as adults, be in trouble mentally,

解釋為什麼我們在成年後可能會遇到心理問題，

is that we were, in our earliest years,

是因為在早年時期，

denied the opportunity to be fully ourselves. 片語搭配

我們被剝奪了完全做自己的機會。

That is, we were not allowed to be willful and difficult.

也就是說，我們不被允許任性和難搞。

We could not be as demanding, aggressive, intolerant, 文法

我們不能像我們需要的那樣，

and unrestrictedly selfish as we needed to be.

表現得苛求、有攻擊性、不寬容，以及毫無節制地自私。

Because our caregivers were preoccupied or fragile,

因為我們的照顧者要麼心事重重，要麼內心脆弱，

we had to be preternaturally attuned to their demands, 用詞

我們不得不異常敏銳地迎合他們的需求，

sensing that we had to comply

意識到我們必須順從，

in order to be loved and tolerated.

才能被愛和被包容。

We had to be false 表達脈絡

我們不得不偽裝自己，

before we had the chance

在我們有機會

to feel properly alive.

真正感受到生命力之前。

And as a result, many years later,

結果，多年以後，

without quite understanding the process,

在並不完全理解這個過程的情況下，

we risk feeling unanchored, inwardly dead, 講解

我們面臨著感到無依無靠、內心枯竭的風險，

and somehow not entirely present.

並且莫名地感到自己並未完全活在當下。

This psychological theory of the true and the false self 文化背景

這個關於真實自我與虛假自我的心理學理論，

is the work of one of the 20th century's greatest thinkers,

是20世紀最偉大的思想家之一，

the English psychoanalyst and child psychiatrist Donald Winnicott.

英國精神分析學家和兒童精神科醫生唐納德·溫尼科特（Donald Winnicott）的傑作。

In a series of papers written in the 1960s,

在寫於20世紀60年代的一系列論文中，

and based on close observations of his adult and infant patients, 片語搭配

基於對其成人和嬰兒患者的密切觀察，

Winnicott advanced the view that healthy development 片語搭配

溫尼科特提出了一種觀點，即健康的發展

invariably requires us

總是需要我們

to experience the immense life-sustaining luxury 慣用語

去體驗一種維持生命的巨大奢侈——

of a period when we don't have to bother 片語搭配

在一段時期內，我們不必去操心

with the feelings and opinions of those who are tasked 片語搭配

那些負責照顧我們的人

with looking after us. 片語動詞

的感受和意見。

We can be wholly and without guilt our true selves,

我們可以毫無內疚地完全做真實的自己，

because those around us have, for a time,

因為我們周圍的人在一段時間內，

adapted themselves entirely to our needs and desires, 片語搭配

已經完全適應了我們的需求和渴望，

however inconvenient and arduous these might be. 文法

無論這些需求可能有多麼不便和艱鉅。

The true self of the infant in Winnicott's formulation

溫尼科特構想中嬰兒的真實自我，

is by nature asocial and amoral. 用詞

本質上是非社會化和非道德的。

It isn't interested in the feelings of others.

它對別人的感受不感興趣。

It isn't socialized.

它沒有經過社會化。

It screams when it needs to,

它會在需要的時候尖叫，

even if it's the middle of the night

哪怕是在半夜，

or on a crowded train.

或者在擁擠的火車上。

It may be aggressive, biting,

它可能會有攻擊性，會咬人，

and in the eyes of a stickler for manners 慣用語

在那些注重禮儀的人

or a lover of hygiene,

或者熱愛衛生的人眼裡，

shocking and a bit disgusting.

它是令人震驚，甚至有點噁心的。

It wants to express itself

它想要表達自己，

where and how it wants.

在它想表達的地方，以它想要的方式。

It can be sweet, of course,

當然，它也可以很可愛，

but on its own terms, 慣用語

但那是按它自己的條件，

not in order to charm or bargain for love. 慣用語

而不是為了討好或換取愛。

If a person is to have any sense 文法

如果一個人在成年後

of feeling real as an adult,

要獲得任何真實存在的感覺，

then it has to have enjoyed

那他必須曾經享受過

the immense emotional privilege

這種巨大的情感特權，

of being able to be true in this way,

能夠以這種方式做真實的自己，

to disturb people when it wants, 表達脈絡

想打擾別人的時候就去打擾，

to kick when it's angry,

生氣的時候就去踢打，

to scream when it's tired,

累的時候就尖叫，

to bite when it's feeling aggressive.

感到有攻擊性的時候就去咬人。

The true self of the child

孩子的真實自我

must be granted the imaginative opportunity 片語搭配

必須被賦予想像的機會，

to destroy the parent when it's in a rage,

在憤怒時去摧毀父母，

and then witness the parent surviving and enduring,

然後見證父母倖存並堅持下來，

which lends the child a vital and immensely reassuring sense 片語搭配

這給了孩子一種至關重要且極大地令人安心的感覺：

that it's not, in fact,

它實際上並不像自己想像的那樣，

omnipotent

無所不能，

and that the world won't collapse 慣用語

而且世界不會坍塌，

simply because it sometimes wishes or fears it could.

僅僅因為它有時希望或害怕世界會坍塌。

When things go well,

當一切順利時，

gradually and willingly,

孩子會逐漸且自願地，

the child develops a false self,

發展出一個虛假自我，

a capacity to behave

一種行為能力，

according to the demands of external reality. 講解

能夠根據外部現實的要求行事。

This is what enables a child to submit 講解

這正是讓孩子能夠順應

to the rigors of school

學校的嚴格要求，

and, as it develops into an adult,

以及在長成大人後，

of working life as well.

順應工作生活要求的原因。

When we have been given the chance

當我們被給予了機會

to be our true selves,

去做真實的自己，

we don't, at every occasion,

我們就不必在每個場合，

need to rebel and insist on our needs.

都要反叛並堅持自己的需求。

We can follow the rules 表達脈絡

我們可以遵守規則，

because we have, for a time,

因為我們曾經在一段時間裡，

been able to ignore them entirely.

能夠完全無視它們。

In other words,

換句話說，

Winnicott was not a thorough enemy

溫尼科特並不是虛假自我的

of a false self.

絕對敵人。

He understood its role well enough.

他非常清楚它的作用。

He simply insisted that it belonged to health

他只是堅持認為，它只有在

only when it had been preceded 文法

經歷過徹底的

by a thorough

不受羈絆的

earlier experience

真實自我的早期體驗之後，

of an untrammeled true self. 用詞

才屬於健康的狀態。

Unfortunately,

不幸的是，

many of us have not enjoyed

我們中的許多人並沒有享受過

such an ideal start.

這樣理想的開端。

Perhaps mother was depressed

也許母親情緒抑鬱，

or father was often in a rage.

或者父親經常暴怒。

Maybe there was an older or younger sibling

也許有一個哥哥或妹妹

who was in a crisis

正處於危機之中，

and required all the attention.

需要所有的關注。

The result is that we will have learned 文法

結果是我們早早就學會了

to comply

順從，

far too early.

實在太早了。

We will have become obedient at the expense 慣用語

我們變得乖巧，代價卻是

of our ability to feel authentically ourselves.

失去了真實感受自我的能力。

In relationships,

在戀愛關係中，

we may now be polite

我們現在可能很有禮貌，

and geared to the needs of our partners, 片語搭配

處處照顧伴侶的需求，

but not, for that matter, 表達脈絡

但同樣地，

able properly to love.

卻無法好好去愛。

At work,

在工作中，

we may be dutiful,

我們可能盡職盡責，

but uncreative and unoriginal.

但缺乏創造力和獨創性。

In such circumstances,

在這樣的情況下，

and this is its genius,

心理治療——這也是它的天才之處——

psychotherapy offers us a second chance. 片語搭配

給了我們第二次機會。

In the hands of a good therapist, 慣用語

在一位優秀的治療師手中，

we are allowed to regress 用詞

我們被允許退行

before the time when we started to be false,

到我們開始偽裝自己之前的那段時光，

back to the moment when we so desperately needed 表達脈絡

回到那個我們如此極度需要

to be true.

做真實自己的時刻。

In the therapist's office,

在治療室裡，

safely contained by their maturity and care, 用詞

在他們成熟的關懷所提供的安全包容中，

we can learn once more to be real.

我們可以重新學習變得真實。

We can be intemperate,

我們可以毫無節制，

difficult,

難以相處，

unconcerned with anyone but ourselves, 文法

除了自己以外誰都不關心，

selfish,

自私自利，

unimpressive,

毫不起眼，

aggressive,

充滿攻擊性，

and shocking.

令人震驚。

And the therapist will take it 用詞

而治療師會接納這一切，

and thereby help us to experience 表達脈絡

從而幫助我們體驗

a new sense of aliveness,

一種新的生命力，

which should have been there from the start. 文法

這種生命力本應從一開始就存在。

The demand to be false,

那種要求我們偽裝的壓力，

which never goes away,

雖然永遠不會消失，

becomes more bearable

但卻變得更加可以忍受了，

because we are regularly being allowed

因為我們被定期允許，

in the privacy

在治療室的

of the therapist's room,

私密空間裡，

once a week or so,

大約每週一次，

to be true.

做真實的自己。

Winnicott was famously calm

溫尼科特以其平靜而聞名，

and generous towards his patients 片語搭配

當他的患者

when they were attempting to refind

試圖通過這種方式找回他們的真實自我時，

their true selves in this way.

他對他們表現出了極大的慷慨。

One of them smashed

其中一個人打碎了

a favorite vase of his.

他最喜歡的一個花瓶。

Another stole his money.

另一個人偷了他的錢。

A third shouted insults at him

第三個人在一次又一次的治療中，

session after session. 片語搭配

對著他大喊大叫地辱罵。

But Winnicott was unruffled, 用詞

但溫尼科特毫不慌亂，

knowing that this was part

他知道這只是

of a journey back towards health, 慣用語

恢復健康的旅程的一部分，

away from the deadly fakeness

是為了遠離那種

afflicting these patients

在其餘生中折磨著

in the rest of their lives.

這些患者的致命的虛假。

We can be grateful to Winnicott 片語搭配

我們可以感謝溫尼科特，

for reminding us that contentment

因為他提醒了我們，內心的滿足

and a feeling of reality

和真實感

have to pass through stages 片語搭配

必須經過

of almost limitless delinquent selfishness.

幾乎無限的、像不良少年般自私的階段。

There is simply no other way. 表達脈絡

根本沒有別的路可走。

We have to be true 表達脈絡

我們必須先是真實的，

before we can be productively a bit fake.

然後才能建設性地變得有一點虛假。

And if we have never been allowed, 文法

如果我們從未被允許這樣做過，

then our sickness and depression

那麼我們的疾病和抑鬱，

is there to remind us 文法

就是為了提醒我們，

that we need to take a step back, 慣用語

我們需要後退一步，

and therapy is there to allow us

而心理治療正是為了讓我們

to do so.

能夠做到這一點。

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請發表評論、

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點讚並訂閱，

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