童年不幸的人如何面對批評：英語精讀講義

Criticism is never easy.

面對批評從來都不是件容易的事。

To learn that others judge us to be foolish, 文法

得知別人認為我們愚蠢、

perverse,

乖戾、

ugly,

醜陋、

or unpleasant

或令人生厭，

is one of the most challenging aspects of any life. 文法

是每個人生命中最具挑戰性的事情之一。

However,

然而，

the impact of criticism is hugely variable

批評帶來的影響因人而異，

and depends ultimately on a rather unexpected detail. 表達脈絡

且最終取決於一個出人意料的細節。

What sort of childhood we have had.

那就是我們有過怎樣的童年。

The clue as to whether criticism will be experienced as merely unpleasant 文法

為什麼有的人覺得批評只是有些刺耳，

or wholly catastrophic

有的人卻覺得它是滅頂之災？

lies in what happened to us many decades ago

線索就在幾十年前發生在我們身上的事情裡，

in the hands of our earliest caregivers. 慣用語

在我們最早的照顧者手中。

What is meant by a bad childhood 文法

這裡所說的糟糕童年，

is here a matter rather simply of love.

簡單來說，關乎的是愛。

An infant arrives in the world with a very limited capacity 片語搭配

嬰兒初降人世時，能力非常有限，

to endure their own being.

難以獨自承受自身的存在。

It is the tolerance, 文法

正是另一個人的包容、

enthusiasm,

熱情、

and forgiveness of another person

和寬恕，

that gradually acclimatizes us to existence. 用詞

讓我們逐漸適應了生存。

Our caregivers' characteristic way of looking at us 表達脈絡

照顧者看待我們的固有方式，

becomes the way we consider ourselves.

會變成我們看待自己的方式。

It's by being loved by another 文法

正是透過被另一個人愛著，

that we acquire the art of looking sympathetically 片語搭配

我們才學會了如何帶著同理心，

on our cracked and troublesome beings.

去看待自己這殘破且麻煩的存在。

It's simply not in our remit 用詞

僅僅依靠自己去相信自己，

to believe in ourselves on our own.

是我們根本做不到的事。

We are utterly reliant on an inner sense 片語搭配

我們完全仰賴於一種內心的確信：

of having been valued inordinately by another person 文法

即在生命之初，曾被另一個人無比珍視，

at the start

這也是一種保護，

as a protection against the subsequent neglect of the world. 片語搭配

用來抵禦日後世界上遭遇的冷落。

We don't need to be loved by many.

我們不需要被很多人愛。

One will do, 片語搭配

一個就夠了，

and 12 years might be enough,

12年可能就足夠了，

16 ideally.

16年當然最理想。

But without it,

但如果沒有這份愛，

the eternal admiration of millions

哪怕有幾百萬人永遠仰慕我們，

won't ever be able to convince us of our goodness.

也無法讓我們相信自己足夠好。

And with such a love,

而如果擁有了這種愛，

the scorn of millions

哪怕遭受數百萬人的唾棄，

won't ever need to be fatal.

也不至於致命。

Bad childhoods have an unfortunate tendency 片語搭配

糟糕的童年有一個不幸的傾向，

to drive us to seek out situations 片語動詞

那就是驅使我們去尋找那些情境，

in which there is a theoretical possibility

在那些情境中，理論上有可能

of receiving outsized approval, 用詞

獲得超乎尋常的認可，

which also means along the way

這同時也意味著在此過程中，

a high risk of encountering

遇到極大概率的

outsized disapproval.

巨大非議。

The emotionally deprived return

情感匱乏的人會近乎瘋狂地

almost manically to the question,

回到一個從未真正解決的疑問，

never really settled,

也就是，

of do I deserve to exist?

我配存在嗎？

And this is why they typically put unusual effort 片語搭配

這也是為什麼他們通常會付出極大的努力，

into attempts to be famous and visibly successful.

試圖出名和取得顯赫的成功。

But of course,

但是當然，

the world at large 慣用語

這個大千世界

will never give the emotionally nervous

永遠不會給這些情感脆弱的人

the unqualified confirmation they seek.

他們所渴求的無條件確認。

There will always be dissenters and critics,

世界上總會有反對者和批評者，

people too bashed about by their own pasts 慣用語

那些被自己的過去打擊得遍體鱗傷的人，

to be able to be kind to others.

無法對他人友善。

And it's to these voices 文法

而正是這些聲音，

that those with bad childhoods

會吸引那些童年糟糕的人

will be attuned,

側耳傾聽，

however enthusiastic the crowd as a whole might be. 文法

哪怕人群整體上再怎麼熱情。

We can observe along the way

我們順便可以觀察到，

that the chief marker of being a good parent

作為一個好父母的主要標誌，

is that one's child simply has zero interest

就是你的孩子對被大批陌生人喜愛

in being liked by large numbers of strangers.

毫無興趣。

We don't all hear the same thing

面對批評時，

when we are criticized.

我們聽到的並不都是一樣的。

Some of us, the lucky ones,

我們當中一些幸運的人，

hear just the surface message

只會聽到此時此地

from the here and now. 慣用語

表面傳達的訊息。

For example,

例如，

that our work fell short of expectations, 片語動詞

我們的工作沒有達到預期，

that we must try harder with our assignments,

我們做任務時還得更加努力，

that our book,

我們的書、

film, or song wasn't excellent.

電影或歌曲不夠出色。

This can be bearable.

這通常還能承受。

But the more wounded among us

但我們中那些受過更多傷的人

hear far more.

聽到的遠不止這些。

Criticism takes them straight back to the primordial injury, 片語動詞

批評將他們直接帶回了最初的創傷，

an attack now becomes entwined 慣用語

眼前的攻擊與

with the attacks of the past

過去的攻擊糾纏在一起，

and grows enormous

變得巨大無比，

and unmanageable in its intensity.

強度大到無法控制。

The boss or unfriendly colleague

那個老闆或是不友好的同事

becomes the parent who let us down. 片語動詞

變成了讓我們失望的父母。

Everything is pulled into question.

一切都受到了質疑。

Not only was the work subpar, 文法

不僅工作不達標，

we are a wretch,

我們還是個可憐蟲，

an undeserved being,

一個不配存在的生物，

a piece of excrement,

一堆垃圾，

the worst person in the world.

世界上最糟糕的人。

For that's how it all felt

因為這就是當年

back then

在那個脆弱、

in a fragile,

毫無防備的嬰兒心智中，

defenseless infant mind.

一切感受的樣子。

Knowing more about our tricky childhoods

更多地了解我們棘手的童年，

provides us with a vital line of defense 慣用語

能為我們提供一道至關重要的防線，

against the effects of criticism.

抵禦批評的影響。

It means that we can be on our guard 慣用語

這意味著當我們受到攻擊時，

when we are attacked

我們能夠保持警惕，

against raising the stakes unnecessarily. 慣用語

避免不必要地放大傷害。

We can learn to separate out the verdict of today 片語動詞

我們可以學著把今天的評判，

from the emotional verdict

與我們隨身攜帶的、

we are carrying around with us 片語動詞

總是試圖透過時事來確認的

and always seeking to confirm

情緒上的評判，

with the use of current events.

區分開來。

We can learn that

我們可以明白，

however sad the attacks we are facing, 文法

無論我們面臨的攻擊多麼令人難過，

they are as nothing 慣用語

它們都算不了什麼，

next to the real tragedy

相比於真正的悲劇

and the effective cause of our sadness,

以及導致我們悲傷的真正原因，

that things went wrong back then. 片語動詞

那就是當年發生的不幸。

And so,

因此，

we can direct our attention 文法

我們可以把注意力

to where it really belongs,

轉向它真正該去的地方，

away from today's critics

遠離今天的批評者，

and towards the unconvinced parent of yesteryear.

轉向昔日那些不認可我們的父母。

We can forgive ourselves for being in this area

我們可以原諒自己陷入這樣的境地，

through no fault of our own, 慣用語

這不是我們的錯，

fatefully sensitive,

我們只是不可避免地敏感，

and in essence,

從本質上來說，

mentally unwell. 用詞

是心理上不太健康。

We cannot stop the attacks of the world, 表達脈絡

我們無法阻止外界的攻擊，

but we can,

但我們可以，

through an exploration of our histories,

透過探尋我們的過往，

change what they mean to us.

改變它們對我們的意義。

We can also,

重要的是，

importantly,

我們也可以

get a second chance. 片語搭配

獲得第二次機會。

We can go back and correct

我們可以回去糾正

the original verdict of the world. 慣用語

世界最初的評判。

We can take measures to expose ourselves 片語搭配

我們可以採取行動，將自己暴露在

to the gaze of friends,

朋友的注視下，

or more ideally,

或者更理想的話，

of a talented psychotherapist

一位優秀的心理治療師面前，

who can hold up a more benign mirror 慣用語

他們能夠舉起一面更溫和的鏡子，

and teach us a lesson

教給我們本該在最初

that should have been gifted us 用詞

就像禮物一樣被給予我們的

from the start.

那一課。

That,

那就是，

like every human,

像所有人一樣，

whatever our flaws, 文法

無論我們有什麼缺點，

we deserve to be here. 語氣意圖

我們都有資格存在於此。

At The School of Life,

在 The School of Life，

we believe that confidence is a skill we can learn.

我們相信自信是一項可以學習的技能。

Our confidence prompt cards

我們的自信提示卡

are designed to help us master this mysterious art.

旨在幫助我們掌握這門神祕的藝術。

Click now to learn more.

現在點擊了解更多。