我們為害怕孤獨付出了高昂的代價：英語精讀講義

It's not hard to understand the fear of being alone.

害怕孤獨並不難理解。

The empty apartment after work,

下班後空蕩蕩的公寓，

the eeriness of Sunday afternoons,

星期日下午的怪異寧靜，

the sense of exclusion during the holidays.

節假日期間的被排斥感。

We know the agonies of being on our own very well.

我們非常清楚獨自一人的痛苦。

What's far less well understood is the enormously high price exacted on the other side of the equation. 講解

但人們往往不太了解的是，在等式的另一邊，我們為此付出了極高的代價。

The fear of being alone is perhaps responsible for more unhappy relationships,

對孤獨的恐懼可能是導致更多不幸的關係、

more throttling of psychological development,

更多心理發展的受阻、

and more pent up misery than almost any other. 片語搭配

以及更多壓抑痛苦的罪魁禍首，幾乎超過其他任何因素。

It is by any reckoning one of the single greatest contributors to human misery 片語搭配

無論怎麼算，它都是導致人類痛苦的最大單一因素之一，

and the driver of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions. 用詞

也是我們做出某些最沉重、最不幸決定背後的驅動力。

If only we were able to get the costs of what is for the most part a simple misapprehension 文法

只要我們能夠把這些在很大程度上僅僅是誤解所帶來的代價

clear in our minds,

在腦海中理清，

we might save ourselves a substantial portion of our lives.

我們或許就能挽救自己生命中很大的一部分。

We can pick out at least seven unnecessary penalties. 片語動詞

我們至少可以挑出七種不必要的懲罰。

For a start, and most obviously, 表達脈絡

首先，也是最明顯的，

people who are afraid of being alone

害怕孤獨的人

make some very wrong choices around the company that they keep. 片語搭配

在選擇伴侶時會做出非常錯誤的決定。

They have no option but to privilege anyone over the appropriate one. 講解

他們別無選擇，只能把隨便什麼人都置於合適的那個之上。

They don't have the strength to be able to hold out

他們沒有足夠的力量去堅持等待，

as one must for the 20th or 200th candidate.

而一個人必須堅持到第20個或第200個候選人。

The only souls with any realistic chance of ending up with the partner they deserve 片語動詞

唯一有現實機會最終能和他們配得上的伴侶在一起的人，

are those who've properly reconciled themselves 片語搭配

是那些已經妥善接受了

to the prospect of perhaps never being with anyone at all.

也許永遠不會和任何人在一起的可能性的靈魂。

Being with not quite the right person sounds almost bearable,

和一個不那麼合適的人在一起聽起來似乎還可以忍受，

but extended over time, like a proverbial pebble in a shoe, 慣用語

但隨著時間的推移，就像傳說中鞋子裡的一粒沙，

slightly wrong ends up indistinguishable from entirely horrific. 文法

輕微的不合適最終會變得與徹頭徹尾的恐怖毫無區別。

Every beautiful location we travel to together will be ruined,

我們一起去的每一個美麗的地方都將被毀掉，

every promising moment will be trampled upon,

每一個充滿希望的時刻都將被踐踏，

every success will be compromised.

每一次成功都會大打折扣。

What may begin as slight fractiousness or tedium winds up as cataclysmic irritation, 片語動詞

原本可能是輕微的急躁或乏味，最終會演變成災難性的憤怒、

self-disgust, sexual misery, broken finances,

自我厭惡、性苦悶、財務破產，

and the kind of excruciating loneliness that, ironically,

以及一種令人痛不欲生的孤獨感，諷刺的是，

merely and innocently being on our own would never have the power to generate.

這種孤獨感單純無辜地靠我們自己是絕對無法產生的。

Furthermore, when terrified of loneliness,

此外，當我們在害怕孤獨時，

we have no strength to argue for our needs within any relationship.

在任何關係中，我們都沒有力量去為自己的需求據理力爭。

One is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less. 慣用語

一個人總是受制於那個不那麼害怕孤獨的人。

Partners develop an advanced sense of the person who has nowhere else to go.

伴侶對於那個無處可去的人會產生一種高階的直覺。

It's no use stamping our feet after an argument and saying, 講解

在爭吵後跺著腳說

"I've had enough," 語氣意圖

"我受夠了，" 是沒有用的，

when in reality everyone knows that we will never have had enough. 表達脈絡

因為在現實中，大家都知道我們永遠不會真的受夠。

So scared are we of having dinner on our own. 文法

我們太害怕一個人吃晚餐了。

We can't now imagine ever knowing how to change the dishwasher fluid alone,

我們現在無法想像曾經知道該如何獨自更換洗碗機的洗滌劑，

walking into a party by ourselves,

獨自走進一場派對，

or taking the initiative to send our nephew's birthday presents. 片語搭配

或者主動去送姪子的生日禮物。

So used have we become to using the other person to compensate for our weaknesses. 文法

我們已經如此習慣於利用另一個人來彌補自己的弱點。

We experience none of the bracing, but also educative pressures 用詞

我們沒有經歷過那種振奮人心但也具有教育意義的壓力，

visited upon the single who have no choice but to overcome their inhibitions.

那些單身人士別無選擇只能克服自身抑制所承受的壓力。

Those brave souls who have to learn how to garden,

那些必須學習如何做園藝的勇敢靈魂，

go on holidays in the mountains, endure empty weekends,

去山裡度假，忍受空虛的週末，

call up their mother, or cook a chicken 片語動詞

給母親打電話，或者燉一隻雞，

and thereby achieve the resilient competence upon which true social discrimination and liberty rest. 講解

從而獲得這種堅韌的能力，這才是真正的社交辨識力和自由的基礎。

For those who have too lightly signed away their freedoms, 片語動詞

對於那些過早輕易放棄自由的人來說，

there are sure to be constant and searing reminders of what they've forgone. 文法

肯定會有不斷而痛苦的提醒，告訴他們失去了什麼。

Every party and every walk down a busy street

每一場派對和每一次走在熙熙攘攘的街道上，

will provide evidence of what might have been. 慣用語

都會提供本可以怎樣的證據。

All those potentially fascinating or charming members of humanity

人類中所有那些潛在迷人或充滿魅力的成員，

they have now forever been disbarred from getting to know 用詞

他們現在已經永遠失去了去認識的資格，

because they were so unnaturally scared

因為他們極其反常地害怕

of having a bed to themselves for a few more years.

在接下來幾年裡要獨自佔有一張床。

It isn't just other people we won't get to know. 表達脈絡

我們無法了解的不僅僅是別人。

It's also ourselves.

還有我們自己。

The constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our own minds 慣用語

伴侶的持續存在阻止了我們與自己的內心做朋友，

and exploring our feelings and ideas

並探索我們的感受和想法，

in a way that only extended stretches of solitude allow.

以一種只有長時間的獨處才允許的方式。

We use another person to distract us

我們利用另一個人來分散自己的注意力，

whenever any slightly painful or challenging internal matter comes into view. 片語動詞

每當任何稍微痛苦或具有挑戰性的內心問題出現時。

There ends up being so much we won't ever really feel or understand about ourselves. 文法

最終會有太多我們永遠不會真正感受或了解自己的地方。

So many big questions about our careers and our ultimate purpose that we will ignore

那麼多關於我們職業和最終目標的重大問題，我們會選擇忽視，

because there was always someone else on hand 片語搭配

因為手邊總是有另一個人

to chat to about what to order in for dinner. 片語動詞

可以聊聊晚餐該點些什麼。

Worst of all, we might not even be actively miserable after a while. 表達脈絡

最糟糕的是，過了一段時間我們可能甚至都不再感到明顯的痛苦了。

We'll grow used to cozy mediocrity. 文法

我們會習慣於舒適的平庸。

We won't be curious or restless.

我們將不再好奇，不再焦躁。

We won't dare, as the single must,

我們將不敢像單身者必須做的那樣，

to go up to strangers and risk our pride. 片語動詞

去走向陌生人並拿我們的自尊去冒險。

We'll stop learning.

我們將停止學習。

We'll believe that we've answered our needs completely,

我們會相信自己已經完全滿足了自身的需求，

but only on the basis of suppressing our knowledge of what our needs really are. 片語搭配

但這僅僅是建立在壓抑我們對自身真正需求認知的的基礎之上。

To start to correct everything that stems from this ridiculous fear of being alone, 片語動詞

為了開始糾正由這種荒謬的害怕孤獨而引發的一切，

we should, from a young age, 片語搭配

我們應該從小就，

learn that being alone never means there is something wrong with us, 表達脈絡

學習到獨自一人從不意味著我們有問題，

just that we are being appropriately patient until what truly satisfies us shows up, 片語動詞

只是我們在進行適當的等待，直到真正滿足我們的人出現，

if indeed it ever does. 文法

如果那個人真的會出現的話。

We have a choice.

我們有選擇的權利。

We have not been punished.

我們並沒有受到懲罰。

We will never learn the true promise of community,

我們永遠學不會群體真正的承諾，

discover our own interests,

發現我們自己的興趣，

or hold out for the connections we deserve 片語動詞

或者堅持尋找我們應得的聯繫，

until we make genuine peace with the prospect of a life by ourselves. 片語搭配

直到我們真心與獨自生活的可能和解。

Our online shop has a range of books and gifts

我們的線上商店提供一系列書籍和禮品，

that address the most important and often neglected areas of life,

這些產品探討了生活中最重要且經常被忽視的領域，

such as finding a good enough partner and mastering the art of confidence.

比如找到一個足夠好的伴侶以及掌握自信的藝術。

Click now to learn more.

立即點擊了解更多。