如何停止對前任的懷念：英語精讀講義

After considerable agony,

經歷了巨大的痛苦之後，

we've left a relationship.

我們結束了一段感情。

We're on our own now,

現在我們只能靠自己了，

and when we can bear to be honest,

當我們能坦誠面對自己時，

it is a little bit harder than we expected.

會發現這比我們預期的要稍微艱難一些。

We aren't going on so many dates.

我們不再頻繁地去約會。

The central heating broke down last week. 片語動詞

中央空調上週壞了。

The shopping is proving a hurdle. 用詞

連購物也成了一道難關。

In idle moments,

在閒暇的時刻，

we find ourselves daydreaming, 文法

我們發現自己開始做白日夢，

returning fondly to certain occasions

深情地回憶起某些場景，

in the recently concluded relationship.

那些存在於剛剛結束的感情裡的場景。

There was that wintry weekend by the sea.

那是一個海邊的寒冬週末。

They looked adorable walking on the beach in their thick scarf.

裹著厚圍巾走在沙灘上的他們看起來那麼可愛。

We fed the seagulls and drank cheap white wine from paper cups on the seafront

我們在海濱餵海鷗，用紙杯喝著廉價的白葡萄酒，

and felt connected and happy.

感到彼此相連、幸福無比。

We're newly conscious of the charm

我們重新意識到了那種魅力，

of so many things that seemed ordinary at the time.

屬於許多當時看似平凡的事物的魅力。

Coming out of the supermarket,

從超市走出來，

putting everything away in the fridge and the cupboards,

把東西一一放進冰箱和櫥櫃，

making soup and toasted cheese

煮湯、烤奶酪，

and watching TV on the sofa.

然後坐在沙發上看電視。

With these thoughts in our minds,

腦海中浮現出這些畫面，

we feel weepy and tender

我們感到想哭又心軟，

and at points distinctly tempted to call the ex up again. 片語動詞

甚至在某些瞬間，產生強烈衝動想再次給前任打電話。

They would,

他們會，

we suspect,

我們猜想，

allow us back,

允許我們回去，

or at least give us a hearing. 慣用語

或者至少給我們一個傾聽的機會。

What can we make of our feelings? 片語動詞

我們該如何理解自己的感受？

It might be that we have realized a genuine mistake,

也許是我們意識到自己犯了一個真正的錯誤，

but it's even more likely

但更有可能的是，

that we are in the grip of a characteristic mental habit 慣用語

我們陷入了一種典型的思維習慣，

of the newly single,

屬於剛剛單身、

facing the vertigo of independence, 慣用語

面臨獨立所帶來眩暈感的人——

nostalgia.

懷舊。

In the middle of the 19th century,

在19世紀中葉，

Britain underwent industrial and scientific revolutions

英國經歷了工業和科學革命，

that transformed old settled ways of life,

這改變了古老而穩定的生活方式，

ripping apart communities, 片語動詞

撕裂了社區，

throwing people together in large and anonymous cities, 片語動詞

將人們隨意拋入龐大而陌生的大城市，

and dislocating the loyalties and certainties

並瓦解了

once offered by religion.

宗教曾經提供的忠誠與確定性。

In a search for ways to soften the confusion,

為了尋找緩解這種混亂感的方法，

artists and thinkers began to imagine

藝術家和思想家們開始想像

what a better world might look like, 文法

一個更美好的世界可能是什麼樣子，

and in certain circles,

而在某些圈子裡，

the search turned towards the past,

這種尋找轉向了過去，

and more specifically,

更具體地說，

towards the perceived wisdom,

轉向了中世紀

coherence, and contentment of the Middle Ages. 文化背景

被認為所擁有的智慧、凝聚力與滿足感。

While railway lines were being laid down

當鐵路線正在被鋪設

across the land and telegraph cables

橫跨陸地，電報電纜

under the seas,

深入海底時，

members of the artistic class celebrated

藝術階層的成員們在讚頌

the simple innocent communities that they proposed

他們所主張的那些淳樸天真的社區，

had existed in the 12th and 13th centuries.

聲稱它們存在於12和13世紀。

Art works depicted handsome,

藝術作品描繪了英俊、

uneducated, but happy laborers,

雖未受教育卻快樂的勞工，

cheerful villagers celebrating harvests,

歡慶豐收的快活村民，

and kindly lords and ladies

以及善良的領主和貴婦

ministering to the deserving poor.

照顧著值得同情的窮人。

There seemed to be no violence,

那裡似乎沒有暴力、

alienation, fear or cruelty.

疏離、恐懼或殘忍。

No one minded not having much heating

沒有人介意暖氣不足，

or subsisting on a meager diet of oats 片語搭配

也沒有人介意靠少量的燕麥

and the odd piece of lard.

和零星的豬油勉強度日。

It had, it was alleged,

據稱，

been very much easier back then,

在那個時候生活要容易得多，

in the thatched cottages and pious stone churches.

在那些茅草屋和虔誠的石頭教堂裡。

At the heart of the nostalgic attitude 文法

懷舊態度的核心，

is a disregard for why things ever changed

在於無視事情為什麼會發生改變，

and might have needed to do so. 文法

以及為何當時可能需要這種改變。

For the nostalgic,

對於懷舊者來說，

the past never required alteration or development.

過去從來不需要被改變或發展。

History moved on, 片語動詞

歷史雖然向前推進了，

but for no sane reason.

但卻沒有一個合理的理由。

The complexities of the present moment

當下時刻的複雜性

are in this sense deemed wholly accidental. 用詞

在這種意義上被認為是完全偶然的。

They are not the tricky byproducts

它們不是為了尋求成長和進步

of a legitimate search for growth and progress,

而產生的棘手副產品，

away from what must have been, 文法

也不是為了逃離某種曾經的安排，

at some level,

在某種程度上，

despite the odd delightful occasion,

儘管有偶爾的愉快時刻，

perhaps at harvest time or on a midsummer morning,

也許在豐收時節或仲夏的早晨，

an intolerable previous arrangement.

那種安排其實是讓人無法忍受的。

The nostalgic can't accept that the present,

懷舊者無法接受，現在的狀況

whatever its faults, 文法

無論它有多少缺點，

came about because of inescapable difficulties with the past. 片語動詞

都是由於過去無法迴避的困難而產生的。

They insist that we had already once been perfectly happy,

他們堅持認為，我們曾經完美地幸福過，

then mysteriously changed everything for the worse

然後神秘地把一切都變糟了，

because we forgot we had been so.

因為我們忘記了我們曾經那麼幸福。

Relationships can find us reasoning no less selectively. 文法

在感情問題上，我們的推理方式同樣也會極具選擇性。

Here, too,

在這裡也一樣，

it can feel as if we must once have been content 文法

感覺就像是我們曾經一定很滿足，

and then grew ungrateful through error and inattention.

然後因為錯誤和疏忽變得不知感恩。

Yet, in locating profound satisfaction in the past,

然而，把深刻的滿足感歸結於過去，

we are crediting our earlier selves with too little acumen. 片語搭配

是我們太小看了從前自己的敏銳度。

The truth about what a relationship is like

關於一段關係到底是什麼樣子的真相，

is best ascertained not when we are feeling low, 文法

最好的探明時機不是在我們情緒低落時，

six months or a few years after its conclusion,

即在它結束六個月或幾年後，

but from what we must have known

而是從我們曾經肯定知道的事情中，

when we were in its midst.

當我們身處其中時。

When we were most familiar with all the facts

當我們對所有的事實最為熟悉時，

upon which we made our slow and deliberate decision to leave.

正是基於這些事實，我們做出了那個緩慢而深思熟慮的離開決定。

The specific grounds for our dissatisfactions

我們不滿的具體理由

tend to evaporate. 慣用語

往往會蒸發消失。

We edit out the rows, 片語動詞

我們剪輯掉了那些爭吵，

the botched trips,

糟糕的旅行，

the sexual frustrations,

性生活上的挫敗，

the stubborn standoffs.

以及固執的僵持。

The mind is a squeamish organ. 慣用語

大腦是一個脆弱嬌氣的器官。

It doesn't like to entertain bad news 用詞

它不喜歡去琢磨壞消息，

unless there is a highly present danger

除非有高度迫切的危險

to be attended to. 片語動詞

需要被處理。

But knowing our amnesiac tendencies, 文法

但既然知道我們有健忘的傾向，

we can be certain that profound unpleasantness must have existed,

我們就能肯定，那種深刻的不愉快一定存在過，

for there would otherwise have been no explanation 文法

因為除此之外，

for our decision to rip our situation apart. 片語動詞

無法解釋我們為什麼決定要撕裂原有的狀況。

We would never have needed to act 文法

我們根本就不需要採取行動，

if things had ever remotely been as gratifying

如果事情曾經哪怕只有一點點像

as we are now nostalgically assuming they were.

我們現在懷舊地認為的那樣令人滿意。

The portrait we are painting of the relationship 慣用語

我們為那段關係描繪的畫像

is emerging not from knowledge, 表達脈絡

不是出於認知，

but from loneliness and apprehension.

而是出於孤獨和憂慮。

Furthermore, our sense of ourselves as people

此外，我們認為自己

who could be satisfied with what was on offer 片語搭配

能夠對曾經提供的事物感到滿足，

is as untrue to our own nature 文法

這種感覺完全不符合我們的本性，

as is the fantasy of a modern urban dweller

就像一個現代都市人的幻想，

who dreams they might find enduring happiness

夢想著他們可能在

in a medieval wooden hut.

一間中世紀的木屋裡找到持久的幸福。

The solution to the problem of satisfying our needs 表達脈絡

解決滿足我們需求這一問題的辦法，

is not to hallucinate that they don't exist.

不是產生幻覺認為它們不存在。

It is to square up to them 片語動詞

而是勇敢直面它們，

and use every ingenuity we're capable of

並用我們所能具備的所有聰明才智

to devise workable solutions for them.

為它們設計出可行的解決方案。

We should trust not what we feel now, 表達脈絡

我們不應該相信我們現在的感受，

in our weepy, disconsolate state,

在我們想哭、悲痛的狀態下，

but what we must have known then.

而是要相信我們當時一定知道的那些事。

A simple rule of thumb emerges. 慣用語

一個簡單的經驗法則由此產生。

We must invariably trust the decisions we took

我們必須始終相信我們所做的決定，

when we had the maximal information

當我們掌握了最多的資訊

to hand upon which we made them,

並基於此做出決定時，

not when we have emotional incentives

而不是當我們有情緒上的動機

to change our minds and mold ourselves 慣用語

去改變主意並把自己塑造成

into a caricature of an easily-gratified creature.

一個極易被滿足的生物的漫畫形象時。

There were persuasive reasons,

曾經肯定有令人信服的理由，

even if in our sadness, 文法

哪怕現在沉浸在悲傷中的我們

we now can't remember a single one.

連一個都想不起來。

Returning to the past wouldn't make us content.

回到過去不會讓我們滿足。

It would merely,

它只會，

at great cost to all involved, 片語搭配

讓所有人都付出巨大代價，

remind us of why change was, in the end,

提醒我們為什麼改變在最後，

so necessary.

是如此必要。

We need to accept that good things did exist, 文法

我們需要接受美好的事物確實存在過，

but that they were no proper solution

但它們並不是針對

to certain of our well-founded emergent needs. 用詞

某些我們有理有據的新興需求的合適解決方案。

It means accepting that we are as complicated

這意味著要接受我們正如自己表現的那樣複雜

and as difficult to satisfy as we are

且難以滿足，

and that the way forward is to accept our characters 文法

向前走的方式是接受我們自己的性格，

rather than assume a simplicity we could never live up to. 片語動詞

而不是假定一種我們永遠無法達到其標準的簡單性。

We should have the courage of and be ready to pay the full price 慣用語

我們應該有勇氣，並準備好支付全額代價，

for our true complex natures.

為了我們真實而複雜的本性。

Love is a skill that we can learn.

愛是一門我們可以學習的技能。

Our Relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm

我們的《Relationships》一書以從容和魅力平靜地引導我們，

through the key issues of relationships

穿過戀愛關係中的關鍵問題，

to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck.

確保愛情的成功不需要只憑運氣。

For more, click the link now.

欲了解更多，請立即點擊連結。