為什麼真正善於社交的人討厭派對：英語精讀講義

The idea of being a sociable person

成為一個善於社交的人，

is nowadays heavily associated with finding enjoyment 片語搭配

如今往往與這種樂趣緊密相連：

in going to and in all likelihood also in giving parties. 片語搭配

喜歡參加派對，甚至十之八九也喜歡舉辦派對。

To be sociable means welcoming the idea of being in a room 文法

善於社交意味著樂意待在一個房間裡，

replete with an above-average number of other guests, 用詞

裡面擠滿了遠超一般數量的客人，

many of whom will be unknown, 文法

其中許多人都是陌生的，

most of whom will be holding a glass of alcohol,

大多數人手裡拿著酒杯，

bantering with lights lower than they normally would be, 文法

在比平常暗的燈光下談笑風生，

and music somewhat higher than required

音樂聲也比需要的還要大，

in order faithfully to catch the details of another's voice.

讓你必須費力才能聽清別人的聲音細節。

Parties have become synonymous with sociability 片語搭配

派對已經成為社交的代名詞，

because of certain underlying ideas

這源於一些潛在的觀念，

about what true social connection might require and entail.

關於真正的社交聯繫可能需要和包含什麼。

We assume that sociability naturally springs up 片語動詞

我們認為，真正的社交是自然而然發生的，

when lots of people are put together in a room, 片語動詞

只要把一群人放進同一個房間，

that it means speaking a lot and notably cheerfully

就意味著大家要滔滔不絕，尤其是興高采烈地，

about things that have been happening in our lives,

談論我們生活中發生的事情，

that it depends on a jokey manner

這取決於幽默的態度，

and ideally on the possession of a few entertaining anecdotes,

理想情況下還要有幾個有趣的奇聞軼事，

often involving striking coincidences.

通常涉及一些驚人的巧合。

But such assumptions sidestep two sizable objections. 片語搭配

但這些假設迴避了兩個重要的反對意見。

Firstly, true sociability,

首先，真正的社交，

that is a real connection between two people, 表達脈絡

也就是兩個人之間的真實聯繫，

is almost never built up via anything cheerful. 片語動詞

幾乎從不是建立在任何令人愉快的事情上。

It is the result of making ourselves vulnerable before another person 片語搭配

它是我們在另一個人面前展現脆弱的結果，

by revealing some of what is broken, 慣用語

透過揭示我們內心的一些破碎、

lost, confused, lonely, and in pain within us.

失落、困惑、孤獨和痛苦。

We build genuine connections

我們建立真正的聯繫，

when we dare to exchange thoughts 文法

是在我們敢於交流那些

that might leave us open to humiliation and judgment. 片語搭配

可能使我們遭受羞辱和評判的想法時。

We make real friends

我們交到真正的朋友，

through sharing in an uncensored and frank way 文法

是透過毫無保留且坦誠地分享

a little of the agony and confusion of being alive.

活著的一些痛苦和困惑。

Secondly, true sociability requires a context.

其次，真正的社交需要一個環境。

We are generally under such pressure to appear normal, 片語搭配

我們通常面臨著巨大的壓力，要顯得正常、

self-possessed, and solid. 用詞

鎮定和穩重。

We are understandably uninclined spontaneously to disclose our true selves. 用詞

可以理解的是，我們不願主動暴露真實的自我。

Our default mode is,

我們的預設模式是，

without anything sinister being meant by this, 語氣意圖

（這並沒有任何惡意）

to lie about who we are

對我們的真實身分，

and what's really going on in our lives. 片語動詞

以及生活中真實發生的事情撒謊。

This suggests that a genuinely social occasion 表達脈絡

這意味著真正的社交場合，

might be rather different from what we typically envisage.

可能與我們通常設想的大相徑庭。

We think of a good host 文法

我們心目中的好主人，

as someone who makes sure there's enough wine

是確保有足夠的酒的人，

and, at a pinch, 慣用語

且在必要時，

ensures people know each other's names.

確保人們知道彼此的名字。

But in the profound sense, 表達脈絡

但在更深層的意義上，

a good host is someone who creates the conditions 片語搭配

一個好的主人，是創造條件的人，

in which strangers can start to feel safe

讓陌生人可以開始感到安全，

about being sad and desperate together.

能夠一起悲傷和絕望。

Unfortunately,

不幸的是，

the modern world seems particularly resistant to anything that seems artificial around parties, 片語搭配

現代世界似乎特別抗拒派對上任何看起來人為安排的東西，

which threatens to evoke that most dreaded of all social genres,

這可能會喚起那種最令人恐懼的社交類型：

the corporate get-together.

企業聚會。

The thought is simply to pack a room

人們的想法只是把一屋子人聚在一起，

and leave the rest to nature. 慣用語

剩下的就順其自然。

But a commitment to deep sociability might lead us to recognize

但致力於深度社交可能會讓我們認識到，

that we do depend on a little artful choreography 講解

我們確實需要一點巧妙的設計，

to get us into the psychological zone

才能進入那種心理狀態，

in which connections can unfold.

從而展開聯繫。

We might need encouragement and even a helpful lanyard

我們可能需要鼓勵，甚至是一個有用的胸牌，

to share a little of what is sad within us.

來分享一點我們內心的悲傷。

We need help in networking, 用詞

我們需要在社交網絡中得到幫助，

not in order to find new investment opportunities, 文法

不是為了尋找新的投資機會，

but so as to identify shared regrets,

而是為了找到共同的遺憾、

humiliations, and feelings of despair.

屈辱和絕望感。

Parties, as they are currently structured, 文法

目前的派對形式，

constitute a clever ruse by a sharp minority, 用詞

是極少數精明之人（大概只占人類的10%）

perhaps only 10% of humanity,

使用的一個巧妙伎倆，

to persuade the rest of us

目的是為了說服我們其餘的人，

that we have been provided with the social contact we crave.

讓我們以為自己已經得到了渴望的社交接觸。

But in truth, it takes a sharply insular and misanthropic person 文法

但事實上，只有極其狹隘和厭世的人，

to feel that what goes on in an average party

才會覺得一場普通派對上的內容

really counts as anything like the requisite encounter 片語搭配

真的算得上是

with one's fellow human animal.

與同類之間必要的交流。

If we have a lingering horror of parties, 片語搭配

如果我們對派對有種揮之不去的恐懼感，

we should be generous towards our hunches. 慣用語

我們應該寬容地對待自己的直覺。

It doesn't mean that we don't like other people, 表達脈絡

這並不意味著我們不喜歡別人，

rather that we have too ambitious a conception of social contact 文法

而是我們對社交接觸的期望太高，

to put up with what is on offer at most parties. 講解

以至於無法忍受大多數派對所提供的東西。

The mark of a truly sociable person might, in many situations, 表達脈絡

在許多情況下，一個真正善於社交的人的標誌，

simply be a strong desire to stay at home.

可能僅僅是強烈地想待在家裡。

If you're interested in coming to San Francisco to meet us at the end of March,

如果你有興趣在三月底來舊金山和我們見面，

please click on the link on the screen now to find out more.

請點擊現在螢幕上的連結了解更多資訊。

We hope to see you there.

我們希望能在那裡見到你。