如何學會更愛自己：英語精讀講義

Every day, especially in the era of social media,

每一天，尤其是在社群媒體時代，

from the mental health perspective,

從心理健康的角度來看，

probably the single worst invention of modern times,

（這）也許是現代最糟糕的發明，

we are likely to face enemies,

我們很可能會面對敵人，

people who disagree with us,

那些不贊同我們的人，

people who tell us we're bad,

那些說我們不好的人，

people who say we should be ashamed of ourselves or even be destroyed.

那些說我們應該為自己感到羞恥，甚至應該被毀滅的人。

The common-sense advice from well-meaning friends is just not to listen,

善意的朋友們常給的常識性建議，就是不要聽，

to shrug it off, 片語動詞

對此不屑一顧，

to assert that no one cares,

堅稱沒人在意，

that the bully is mad or mentally unwell,

說那個欺凌者是個瘋子或精神不正常，

and to suggest a change of scene. 慣用語

或者建議換個環境。

It's very kind and sadly,

這種建議很友善，但可悲的是，

usually for many of us,

對我們大多數人而言，

entirely ineffective.

通常完全無效。

The question then emerges,

那麼問題就來了，

why is it that some people find it extremely hard to defend themselves,

為什麼有些人覺得保護自己極度困難，

either in the sense of practically answering back to an enemy 片語動詞

無論是在實際行動上回擊敵人，

or simply of not caving in internally in the face of an attack? 慣用語

還是僅僅在面對攻擊時內心裡不輕易屈服？

Why is it that when they're being bullied at work,

為什麼當在工作中受到欺凌時，

some people are able to mount a polite, calm fightback, 片語搭配

有些人能夠進行禮貌、冷靜的反擊，

while others melt into self-loathing and despair? 慣用語

而另一些人卻陷入自我厭惡和絕望之中？

Why is it that if they're criticized unfairly in a romantic context,

為什麼如果在戀愛中受到不公正的批評，

some people are able to point out that the criticism is not right

有些人能夠指出這些批評是不對的，

and get their side of the story across 片語動詞

並把他們這邊的實情說清楚，

and feel steady and solid,

且感到平穩堅定，

while others descend at once into paranoia? 慣用語

而另一些人則會立刻陷入偏執的妄想中？

We might put it like this. 語氣意圖

我們可以這樣理解。

In order to be able to defend oneself against an external foe,

為了能夠防禦外部的敵人，

one has to be on one's own side. 慣用語

一個人必須站在自己這一邊。

And this is not,

而這，

for some of us,

對我們中的某些人來說，

as easy as it may sound.

並沒有聽起來那麼容易。

Without us necessarily even quite realizing the fact,

在我們甚至都沒太意識到這一事實的情況下，

our entire personalities may be geared towards interpreting ourselves as bad, 片語搭配

我們的人格可能就完全傾向於把自己解讀成很糟糕、

wrong, a mistake,

充滿錯誤、一個失誤、

shameful, and a piece of shit.

可恥的，或者是一坨屎。

This may sound dramatic,

這聽起來可能有些誇張，

and we know, in our intellectual adult selves,

並且理性的成年自我知道，

that this can't be entirely right.

這不可能是完全對的。

Nevertheless, deep down, 慣用語

然而，在內心深處，

this isn't only slightly right,

我們覺得這不僅是有點道理，

it's the fundamental truth about us.

這簡直就是關於我們的基本事實。

A first step towards dealing with an external enemy

應對外部敵人的第一步

is realizing that our personalities are built up in such a way 文法

是認識到，由於我們的人格構建方式，

that we're going to have a big problem on our hands whenever we face opposition. 慣用語

每當遇到對立情況時，我們將面臨很大的麻煩。

We should expect to find this hard,

我們應該預料到這很難，

and we do.

並且確實很難。

We are,

我們，

and there is no pejorative association around this whatsoever,

這絕無任何貶義成分，

a bit mentally unwell in this area.

在這方面心理多少有些不健康。

We therefore need to call for help, 片語動詞

因此，我們需要尋求幫助，

extend a lot of compassion to ourselves, 片語搭配

給予自己極大的同情，

and devote all the critical care we're going to need to get through the crisis. 片語動詞

並投入度過危機所需的所有的關鍵關懷。

We then need to take on board that, 片語動詞

然後我們需要明白，

unfortunately,

不幸的是，

the real enemy we're harboring is not so much currently outside of us, 文法

我們目前潛藏的真正敵人並非存在於外部，

though they are there too,

儘管外部確實也有敵人，

as inside of us.

而是存在於我們的內心。

We need to ask ourselves,

我們需要問自己，

why does the accusation feel so true?

為什麼這種指責感覺如此真實？

Our conscious minds give us access to only a fraction of the information about us. 片語搭配

我們的顯意識只能接觸到關於我們自身極小部分的資訊。

Just as we can't intuitively understand how a cell operates in our very own body, 文法

就像我們無法直觀地理解細胞如何在我們的身體內運作一樣，

so the makeup of most of our emotional brain is sunk in darkness. 慣用語

我們大部分情緒大腦的構成也隱藏在黑暗之中。

However,

然而，

there will be a history to our self-loathing.

我們的自我厭惡必有一段歷史。

We hate ourselves because somewhere along the line, 慣用語

我們討厭自己，是因為在過去的某個時刻，

we were not properly loved.

我們沒有得到恰當的愛。

Somewhere in the past,

在過去的某個時刻，

we heard a story,

我們聽到了這樣的話，

"You're a piece of shit.

「你就是一坨屎。

You don't deserve to be F off."

你不配存在，滾開。」

And the story has stuck. 慣用語

並且這種說法根深蒂固。

How could someone facing an accusation that they are an idiot,

一個面臨著白痴指責的人，

but who inside has a voice saying that they're a moron,

如果其內心也有一個聲音說自己是笨蛋，

ever get the strength to defend themselves?

他怎麼會有力量去保護自己呢？

They know in the adult part of the mind that they should be fighting back, 片語動詞

心理成熟的那部分知道他們應該反擊，

but they can't because inside all they hear is,

但他們做不到，因為內心聽到的全是：

"You are everything your enemy is saying you are,

「你正是敵人所說的那樣，

and more."

甚至更糟。」

They identify entirely with their aggressor. 片語搭配

他們完全認同了侵犯者的話。

This can get pretty dangerous pretty fast.

這會很快變得非常危險。

If the external enemy is vicious enough and joins artfully enough with the internal enemy,

如果外部敵人足夠惡毒，並且巧妙地與內部敵人勾結，

there can be suicidal thoughts and perhaps suicide itself.

就可能會產生自殺念頭，甚至自殺。

The defenseless are the opposite of self-righteous.

這些毫無防備的人與自以為是的人截然相反。

To their enemies,

對他們的敵人，

they are implicitly saying,

他們在隱晦地說：

"I want to kill myself more than you ever want to kill me."

「我想殺自己的心，比你想殺我的心還要強烈。」

The solution to all this is a large naive word we'll have heard before,

解決這一切的辦法是一個我們以前聽過的一個單純的詞，

but which we need to grasp in its life-saving dimension. 片語搭配

但我們需要去理解它那拯救生命的維度。

Love.

那就是愛。

We need to hear often enough and clearly enough from other human beings,

我們需要從其他人那裡足夠頻繁且清晰地聽到，

and they don't need to be romantic partners,

（這些人不一定是伴侶），

that contrary to what the internal enemy is saying, 片語搭配

與內部敵人所說的相反，

we are decent enough.

我們足夠好了。

Not perfect,

並不完美，

but that isn't the criterion for deserving to exist. 用詞

但完美並不是配不配存在於世的標準。

We need to fix ourselves by absorbing,

我們需要透過吸收，

properly absorbing, 慣用語

真正地吸收，

the kindness of others.

他人的善意來治癒自己。

The problem is that people who feel they're pieces of shit aren't very good at letting others take care of them. 片語動詞

問題在於，覺得自己是一坨屎的人不太善於讓別人照顧他們。

They don't know how to ask for help,

他們不知道如何尋求幫助，

and when help is given,

當得到幫助時，

they may initially push it away, 片語動詞

他們最初可能會把它推開，

accusing a kind friend of being weird or inadequate.

指責這位善良的朋友很怪異或不夠格。

Why,

畢竟，

after all,

為什麼

would they be seeking to help a freak?

他們要去幫助一個怪胎？

We know from the condition known as body dysmorphia that it's no use telling someone who feels they're disgusting that they're in fact, 講解

從身體臆形症這種病症中我們得知，告訴一個覺得自己很噁心的人他們其實，

oh, very nice looking.

哦，長得很好看，是沒用的。

We need to help them to understand how they grew to hate themselves so much and show them,

我們需要幫助他們理解自己是如何變得如此討厭自己，並向他們展示，

via friendship,

透過友誼，

that there could be another way of relating to who they are. 片語搭配

也許可以用另一種方式來看待自己。

We have some hints about how our minds work from the way we acquire language.

從我們習得語言的方式中，我們可以得到一些關於我們心智如何運作的暗示。

Children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns of speech from listening to those around them in the early years. 片語動詞

孩子們在早年能透過聆聽周圍人的話語流利地掌握極其複雜的語言模式。

A parallel emotional process is going on.

情感上也進行著類似的平行過程。

If someone,

如果有人，

when we were little,

當我們小的時候，

was speaking hate and shame and guilt to us,

對我們說出充滿仇恨、羞恥和內疚的話，

we will have started to speak like that to ourselves, 文法

我們就會開始用這種方式對自己說話，

and it won't be easy in adulthood to learn a new language,

在成年後學習一種新的語言絕非易事，

let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves. 文法

更不用說能夠流利地對自己說這門新語言了。

Telling someone mired in self-hatred to cheer up or like themselves a bit more 慣用語

叫一個深陷自我厭惡的人振作起來或者多喜歡自己一點，

is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to just speak Bulgarian. 表達脈絡

就像叫一個來自英國的人開口說保加利亞語一樣沒有耐心。

It's going to take time and a lot of training. 文法

這需要時間和大量的訓練。

Nevertheless,

儘管如此，

if we want to think about what an ambitious project for humanity would look like,

如果我們要思考人類的一個雄心勃勃的專案會是什麼樣子，

it would be a giant program of learning to replace the internalized languages of hate and enmity 慣用語

那將是一個巨大的學習計畫，讓內化的仇恨和敵意語言

with those of love and compassion.

被愛和同情的語言取代。

We've been trying to do this for a couple of millennia at least,

我們至少在這兩千多年裡一直在嘗試這樣做，

but we've done a pretty poor job of it so far,

但到目前為止我們做得相當差勁，

and the project is more urgent than ever. 文法

而這項計畫比以往任何時候都更加緊迫。

So,

所以，

we might start today by speaking a few stumbling phrases of love to the self-hating part of ourselves 慣用語

我們可以從今天開始，向我們討厭自己的那部分試著說幾句結巴的愛之語，

and then to someone we know near us who's perhaps right now mired in shame and inadequacy.

然後再對我們身邊認識的某個人說一說，他眼下可能正為自己感到羞恥、覺得自己不夠好。

At the School of Life,

在The School of Life，

we run regular virtual classes for adults.

我們為成年人開設常規的虛擬課程。

These mini life courses cover such topics as making relationships work,

這些迷你人生課程涵蓋如維繫人際關係、

overcoming anger and anxiety,

克服憤怒與焦慮、

career guidance,

職業規劃、

finding meaning and purpose in life,

尋找生活的意義與目標、

and using culture as a therapeutic tool.

以及將文化作為治療工具等主題。

Click the link on screen now to learn more.

立即點擊螢幕上的連結了解更多。