愛情中過度禮貌的危險：英語精讀講義

It's natural to imagine that the highest virtue in love would be kindness and a close second politeness. 片語搭配

人們自然會認為，愛情中最高的美德是善良，其次是禮貌。

But there is an odd danger lurking here. 慣用語

但這裡潛伏著一種奇怪的危險。

A relationship where we are overly polite,

如果在一段關係中，我們過於禮貌，

where there is not enough directness,

缺乏足夠的坦率，

where things go wrong not because of a lack of tenderness or serenity, 文法

事情變糟不是因為缺乏溫柔或平靜，

but because of a stifling excess of manners. 用詞

而是因為禮儀多到讓人窒息。

Because there aren't enough raised voices, 片語搭配

因為沒有足夠多的大聲爭吵、

insults, legitimate furies,

辱罵、合理的憤怒，

and moments where both partners feel free to call each other idiots and much worse. 文法

也沒有雙方都能自由地稱對方為白痴甚至更糟的時候。

When we hear arguments between lovers,

當我們聽到戀人之間的爭吵時，

perhaps through a hotel bedroom wall,

也許是隔著飯店臥室的牆壁，

it's easy to fear for them and their union. 片語搭配

我們很容易為他們和他們的結合感到擔憂。

We have, most of us,

我們中的大多數人，

been deeply and rightly sensitized to the horrors of abusive relationships. 片語搭配

都理所當然地對虐待關係的恐怖有著深刻的敏感。

But there is, within reason, 表達脈絡

但是，在合理的範圍內，

and we stress within reason with great seriousness,

我們非常嚴肅地強調「在合理範圍內」，

there is something extremely vital and redemptive

有一些極其重要且具有救贖意義的東西，

that can unfold within the occasional heated discussion.

會在偶爾激烈的爭論中顯露出來。

Living around someone is bound to be, at points, 文法

和某人生活在一起，有時注定會

extremely disappointing.

讓人感到極其失望。

For love to remain vital, 文法

為了讓愛情保持活力，

we need the freedom to give this disappointment expression.

我們需要自由地表達這種失望。

It seems we cannot love if love is all we're allowed to do. 文法

如果我們在愛情中只被允許去愛，那似乎我們就無法去愛了。

Many of us have implicitly been taught in childhood

我們中的許多人在童年時期就隱隱被教導，

that disappointments are best swallowed quietly. 慣用語

失望最好是默默嚥下。

Perhaps a parent was very fragile 用詞

也許是因為父母非常脆弱，

or they were very volatile,

或者情緒非常不穩定，

so that we feared either annihilating them 文法

導致我們害怕要麼摧毀他們，

or provoking them unbearably

要麼激怒他們到難以忍受的地步，

by giving vent to our more honest and troubling feelings. 片語搭配

所以不敢發洩我們更真實、更煩亂的情緒。

We grew up polite and good, 文法

我們長大了，變得禮貌而乖巧，

but also in danger of feeling inwardly dead

但也面臨著內心死寂的危險，

and convinced that no one could witness us as we are and still love us. 片語搭配

並且確信，沒有人能在看到真實的我們後依然愛我們。

A certain kind of politeness is the enemy of love. 慣用語

某種特定的禮貌是愛情的敵人。

We cannot love or be properly in a relationship that feels alive

我們無法去愛，也無法真正處於一段充滿活力的關係中，

and simply lock away too many of our reservations. 片語動詞

如果我們只是把太多的顧慮鎖在心底。

We need for love to be first and foremost real, 片語搭配

我們需要愛情首先是真實的，

and this will involve giving expression to all kinds of more ambivalent feelings. 講解

這意味著要表達各種更為矛盾的情感。

In most arenas of life,

在生活的大多數領域，

mere politeness will do. 用詞

僅僅保持禮貌就足夠了。

There should be little else around friends and colleagues,

在朋友和同事身邊，幾乎不需要別的什麼，

but love needs something riskier.

但愛情需要更具冒險性的東西。

We have to be able to say that we hate when we hate, 表達脈絡

我們必須能夠在討厭的時候說出討厭，

so that later we can properly love when it's time to love.

這樣之後才能在該愛的時候好好去愛。

This is why,

這就是為什麼，

in the interests of the relationship, 片語搭配

為了這段關係的利益，

we might need to tell the partner that they've ruined our life,

我們可能需要告訴伴侶，他們毀了我們的生活，

that they're selfish and infuriating,

他們自私且令人抓狂，

and that we've had more than enough.

以及我們真的已經受夠了。

And the partner,

而伴侶，

far from getting simply offended, 文法

絕對不該只是感到被冒犯，

though that has its role too,

儘管這也有它的作用，

they should take it and read the explosion for what it is, 片語搭配

他們應該接受它，並看清這場爆發的本質：

a homage to the trust and bond between us.

它是對我們之間信任和羈絆的致敬。

That a red-faced accuser would never speak like this to anyone else on Earth

那個漲紅了臉指責你的人，絕對不會對世上其他任何人這樣說話，

should be interpreted as the greatest privilege.

這應該被視為莫大的特權。

They don't just hate you,

他們不僅是在討厭你，

though they do at the moment.

儘管此刻他們確實如此。

They have a lot of hope in you

他們對你寄予了厚望，

and a lot of faith that you love them enough to take their reality. 用詞

並堅信你足夠愛他們，能夠接受他們真實的一面。

And when it's all blown over, 片語動詞

當一切平息之後，

their love will be as sincere as their anger once was. 文法

他們的愛就會像他們曾經的憤怒一樣真摯。

We should get angry when the occasion fairly demands it. 片語搭配

在情況需要時，我們應該發脾氣。

We, the overly meek and cowed ones,

我們這些過於溫順和懦弱的人，

should experience how good and necessary it feels 文法

應該去體驗那種感覺有多好、多有必要：

to dare to let go and vent our annoyance and irritation

敢於放下包袱，發洩我們的煩惱和憤怒，

without the usual huge,

拋開那些往常巨大的、

and sometimes valuable, inhibitions.

有時很有價值的克制。

We should not be overly scared of the odd loud argument. 用詞

我們不應該過度害怕偶爾大聲的爭吵。

We should form our irritations into some beautifully creative insults.

我們應該把我們的憤怒化作一些極具創意的謾罵。

It's not a sign that everything is coming to an end and love has died, 表達脈絡

這並不標誌著一切即將結束，愛情已經死亡，

it's a sign that our relationship still has a lot of kindness,

而是表明我們的關係中仍然留存著大量的善良、

sincerity, and tolerance left within it.

真誠和寬容。

Love is a skill that we can learn.

愛是一門我們可以學習的技能。

Our relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm

我們的關係指南書籍以從容而充滿魅力的方式，帶領我們

through the key issues of relationships

探討人際關係的關鍵問題，

to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck. 文法

確保愛情的成功不必靠運氣。

For more, click the link now.

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