你到底愛我什麼？：英語精讀講義

Sometimes, and it often happens in bed,

有時候，而且經常是在床上，

we face an acute test at the hands of a lover 慣用語

我們會面臨一場來自愛人的嚴峻考驗，

to whom we have pledged our affections. 片語搭配

那個我們已經傾注了愛意的人。

We are asked with little warning

我們會在毫無預警的情況下被問到，

and maybe in a serious tone,

而且可能是以嚴肅的口吻：

"What do you love me for?" 語氣意圖

「你到底愛我什麼？」

Few moments in a relationship can be as philosophical as this 文法

在一段感情中，很少有時刻能像這樣充滿哲理，

or as dangerous.

或者說如此危險。

A good answer has the power to confirm 片語搭配

一個好的回答有能力去鞏固

and enhance a relationship.

並增進彼此的關係。

A bad one could blow it apart. 慣用語

而糟糕的回答則可能讓關係破裂。

As we try to make headway, 慣用語

當我們試圖理清思路時，

we immediately recognize that we can't simply say,

我們會立刻意識到，不能簡單地說：

"Everything."

「一切。」

We're being asked to make choices

我們被要求做出具體的選擇，

and our love will be deemed sincere 用詞

而我們的愛只會在以下程度上被認為是真誠的：

to the extent that these choices feel accurate 文法

這些選擇讓人感覺非常準確，

to their recipients.

尤其是對接受者而言。

The fundamental assumption behind the inquiry

這個詢問背後的基本假設是，

is that there are

確實存在著

better and worse things to be loved for.

值得被愛的更好與更壞的理由。

It isn't the brute fact that we are liked 片語搭配

我們被別人喜歡這一粗淺的事實，

that can count.

並不是最重要的。

The liking has to target certain of our best characteristics

這種喜歡必須針對我們某些最美好的特質，

as we define these,

也就是我們自己所認定的那些，

which in turn implies 表達脈絡

這反過來也意味著，

that there are parts of our minds and our bodies

我們大腦和身體的某些部分

that feel as though they better contain 文法

讓人感覺似乎比其他部分更好地包含了

our essential selves than others.

我們本質的自我。

We are, if we can put it like this, 語氣意圖

如果可以這樣說的話，我們

not equally present

並不是同等程度地存在於

in all parts of ourselves.

我們自身的各個部分中。

When it comes to the body, 表達脈絡

拿身體來說，

there appears to be more of us

似乎有更多部分的我們

in our hands

存在於雙手之中，

than in our heels.

而不是在腳後跟裡。

And when it comes to the mind,

而說到心智，

more of us in our sense of humor

有更多的我們存在於幽默感中，

than in our knowledge of the seven times table.

而不是熟記七的乘法口訣上。

If a malevolent demon

如果有一個惡魔

were to force us to give up a bit of our minds, 文法

強迫我們放棄一部分心智，

it might be better

也許會更好的是——

from the point of view of maintaining 片語搭配

從維持

the continuity of our essential selves

我們本質自我連續性的角度來看——

to surrender our ability to speak a foreign language

去放棄我們說一門外語的能力，

rather than to wipe out our taste in music, 文法

而不是抹去我們的音樂品味，

just as it would be more bearable

就像它會更容易讓人忍受，

to suffer a change in the shape of our big toe

去承受我們大腳趾形狀的改變，

than in the profile of our nose.

而不是鼻樑輪廓的改變。

To be told that we have a lovable mind

被告知我們擁有惹人喜愛的心智，

may be a good start, 表達脈絡

也許是個不錯的開始，

but not much more.

但也不過如此。

There are likely to be many things that this mind can do quite well,

這個心智很可能在很多事情上都做得很好，

lay a table,

擺放餐桌、

drive safely down a motorway,

在高速公路上安全駕駛、

prepare a household budget,

制定家庭預算、

remember geographical facts.

記住地理常識。

But such talents seldom feel gratifying

但這類天賦很少讓人感到滿足，

when singled out because of their rather generic nature. 片語動詞

當它們被單獨挑出來時，因為它們太過普通。

Someone who loved us for these skills alone

一個僅僅因為這些技能而愛我們的人，

would have few reasons

幾乎沒什麼理由

why they might not equally well wander away

保證他們不會同樣輕易地走開，

and love someone else at another point,

在另一個時間點去愛上別人，

which is the very risk we are trying to ward off. 片語動詞

而這正是我們試圖防範的風險，

and are looking for the right compliment to appease.

也是我們尋找合適的讚美來安撫的重點。

The skills it's touching to be praised for

那些受到讚美會讓人感動不已的技能，

are those in which some of our uniqueness can be observed.

是那些能體現我們某種獨特性的東西。

For example,

比如，

in the way we prepare the icing of a birthday cake

我們給生日蛋糕抹糖霜的方式，

or pick songs for a drive through the desert

或者為穿越沙漠的兜風挑選歌曲，

or analyze a historical novel,

或者是分析一本歷史小說，

discuss a friend's love affair,

討論朋友的戀愛八卦，

or lightly tease a frustrating colleague

或是輕輕調侃一個讓人抓狂的同事

without ruffling their dignity. 慣用語

卻又不傷及他們的尊嚴。

If someone has started to notice such details,

如果有人開始注意到這些細節，

then he or she starts to feel like a reliable candidate

那麼他或她就開始讓人覺得是個可靠的候選人，

to whom to get attached. 文法

值得去依戀。

Their love has become specific 文法

他們的愛已經變得具體，

rather than generic.

而非泛泛而談。

It is, in the end,

歸根結底，

a good deal more gratifying for a lover to pay us a small compliment 文法

愛人對我們哪怕只有一點小小的讚美也要讓人滿足得多，

about the deft way we're able to dislodge

讚美我們能用巧妙的方式，化解

a relative from a sulk

一位親戚的悶氣，

than to be declared a sensational human

而不是因為知道紐西蘭的首都或計算圓直徑的方法

for knowing the capital of New Zealand or the way to calculate the diameter of a circle.

而被稱作了不起的人類。

But,

但是，

to add further complexity to our demands, 表達脈絡

讓我們的要求變得更加複雜的是，

it isn't enough just to be admired.

僅僅被欣賞是不夠的。

We also want a true lover

我們也希望一個真正的愛人

to feel well disposed towards our vulnerabilities. 片語搭配

能善待我們的脆弱。

Whatever our degree of competence, 文法

無論我們有多能幹，

we are never far from moments of fear,

我們都不可避免地會有恐懼、

ignorance,

無知、

humiliation,

屈辱、

childlike-ness, and sadness.

孩子氣和悲傷的時刻。

And it is these moods too 文法

同樣也是這些情緒，

that we long for a lover to have the strength to feel generous towards.

我們渴望愛人有足夠的力量去寬容對待。

It may be pleasant to be found impressive,

被認為令人欽佩或許是件樂事，

but it's more reassuring

但更讓人安心的是，

to discover that our vulnerability

發現我們的脆弱

is ready to be treated with generosity. 片語搭配

會得到寬容相待。

That we are with someone who will allow us

知道我們身邊的這個人會允許我們

to be sad,

悲傷、

discomfited,

侷促不安、

and weepy,

想要流淚，

who has spotted that we sometimes bite our nails

他發現了我們有時會咬指甲，

or worry about our work late at night.

或者是深夜為工作擔憂。

We don't bluntly want to awe a lover.

我們並不只是想讓愛人對我們肅然起敬。

We want permission to be, every now and then, 片語搭配

我們需要偶爾得到許可，

at wit's end. 慣用語

去變得不知所措。

We want them to have sufficient faith in our power

我們希望他們對我們的力量有足夠的信心，

that they can be unfrightened

這樣他們就不會被

by our periods of fragility.

我們的脆弱期所嚇倒。

We need to know that the child in us has been seen 慣用語

我們需要知道，我們內心的那個孩子被看見了，

and won't appall.

而且不會讓人反感。

"I love you for being such a hero."

「我愛你，因為你是個英雄。」

would be an eerie pronouncement. 用詞

這聽起來會是個讓人毛骨悚然的聲明。

"I love you for being a child."

「我愛你，因為你像個孩子。」

would be equally alienating.

同樣也會讓人感到疏離。

But something like,

但如果是這樣的話，

"I love the sad child I occasionally glimpse

「我愛你身上那個我偶爾瞥見的悲傷孩子，

in you beneath your resourceful

就藏在你那足智多謀、

adult day-to-day self,

應對日常生活的成年人外表之下。」

well, that comes as close as one can imagine 慣用語

嗯，那是人們能想像到的，

to the epicenter of love."

最接近愛之核心的東西。

Our hopes for what role our body will play

我們對於身體將扮演什麼角色的期望，

in eliciting love

在喚起愛意方面，

follow a comparable pattern. 表達脈絡

遵循著類似的模式。

Here too,

在這裡也一樣，

sweeping generic praise 片語搭配

籠統泛泛的讚美

feels like the work of someone

感覺就像是出自一個

who might not notice

可能都沒察覺的人之口，

if our body was replaced by that of another in the night.

即便我們的身體在夜裡被換成了別人的。

It might be true that we have lovely eyes

也許我們確實有一雙漂亮的眼睛，

or soft hair,

或者是柔軟的頭髮，

but exactly the same words could be said with accuracy

但完全相同的話也可以準確地套用在

to millions of others,

數百萬人身上，

just as a host would not want to hear thanks for a nice dinner, 表達脈絡

就像主人不想聽到針對一頓美味晚餐的泛泛感謝，

but rather praise for that hint of dill

而是更想聽到對那一點蒔蘿的讚美，

in the lemon sauce.

就在那檸檬醬裡。

Some of the best kinds of praise

一些關於身體

about the body are psychophysical. 用詞

最好的讚美是心理兼物理上的。

That is,

也就是說，

they praise a physical aspect

他們讚美身體的某個方面，

in order to highlight a psychological quality. 文法

是為了突出某種心理品質。

They reassure us that our physical envelopes 慣用語

他們讓我們安心，我們的身體外殼

have been connected up with the most lovable sides of our personalities.

已經與我們性格中最惹人喜愛的一面聯繫在了一起。

So,

因此，

a perceptive lover might say,

一個敏銳的愛人可能會說，

"I really like the way your smile is slightly different

「我真的很喜歡你微笑的方式，

on each side of your mouth.

在你嘴角的兩側略有不同。

You see,

你看，

one side is warm and welcoming

一側是溫暖而熱情的，

and the other is sort of thoughtful

而另一側則有點若有所思，

and a bit melancholy.

甚至有些憂鬱。

You're not merely smiling. 表達脈絡

你不僅僅是在微笑。

It seems like you're thinking deeply as you smile.

看起來你在微笑時也在深思。」

Or, what about this?

或者，這樣說怎麼樣？

There's a charming thing you do with your eyelids

「你的眼皮會有一個迷人的動作，

when you're listening,

當你傾聽時，

half bringing them down in a quizzical way. 用詞

就是那種帶著疑問的半垂眼簾。

It feels like you're saying,

感覺你在說，

"I don't totally believe you,

『我不完全相信你。』

but it's really an encouragement.

但這其實是一種鼓勵。

There's an invitation,

這是一種邀請，

as if you were adding,

彷彿你在補充說，

"But come on,

『但是來吧，

give me the real truth.

告訴我真正的真相。

I know you're holding back the best bits 片語動詞

我知道你在保留最精彩的部分，

because you worry you won't be understood,

因為你擔心不被理解，

but you will be.

但你會被理解的。

You're safe with me." 語氣意圖

和我在一起你很安全。』」

Or,

或者，

"I'm slightly in love with that freckle

「我有點喜歡那個雀斑，

on your upper left arm.

就在你左臂的上半部。

It's a bit like you,

它有點像你，

quietly saying,

靜靜地說著，

"Here I am.

『我在這裡。

I'm me,

我就是我，

nothing special,

沒什麼特別的，

but I'm happy with who I am.

但我很滿意自己的樣子。』

It's poised and unshowy,

它從容不迫且不張揚，

but confident of its power

但對其吸引那些懂它的人的力量

to attract those who get it. 用詞

充滿自信。

I love that it was there

我喜歡它在你小時候

when you were little

就在那裡，

and that it's been with you every day since." 文法

而且從那以後每一天都陪伴著你。」

We can add that,

我們可以補充一點，

just as with the mind,

就像心智一樣，

it is frequently vulnerability 文法

通常正是身體細節上的

in bodily details

脆弱性

that charms.

讓人著迷。

It is the little toe

是那根小腳趾

and the little finger

和小拇指，

that seduce more than the thighs

比大腿

or the thorax.

或胸廓更有吸引力。

It is the hand that curls up,

是那隻蜷縮起來的手，

as it must have done in childhood. 文法

就像在童年時必定做過的那樣。

It is the thin nape of the neck,

是那纖細的後頸，

normally hidden behind a confident mane of hair.

通常隱藏在自信的濃髮之下。

It is a delicate wrist

是那嬌弱的手腕，

through which run intricate greenish veins. 文法

其間蜿蜒著錯綜複雜的青綠色靜脈。

Within an otherwise mature body,

在一個本已成熟的身體裡，

we're seeing hints of an endearing 慣用語

我們看到了一個惹人喜愛的

and more fragile earlier self

和更加脆弱的早期自我的痕跡，

to whom we offer our sympathy,

我們向其提供同情、

protection,

保護

and reassurance.

和安心。

The question of what we have found to love in someone

我們在某人身上發現了什麼值得愛的東西這個問題，

should not frighten us.

不應該嚇到我們。

We simply need to give ourselves the time

我們只需要給自己一點時間，

to trace back our enthusiasms 片語動詞

去追溯我們熱情的

to their authentic sources,

真實源頭，

while remembering that love is liable to collect 文法

同時要記住，愛很容易積聚，

with particular intensity

帶著非同一般的強烈程度，

in the most vulnerable and improbably small nooks 慣用語

存在於自我中

of the self.

最脆弱和最不可思議的小角落裡。

Our Pillow Talk Cards

我們的「枕邊話卡片」

help prompt us to share our intimate desires.

能幫助我們分享內心深處的渴望。

To find out more,

如需了解更多資訊，

follow the link on your screen now.

請點擊您螢幕上的連結。