一段良好關係的三個核心要素：英語精讀講義

Many people,

許多人，

after they've been in a couple for some time,

在交往了一段時間後，

will privately admit that they are,

私底下會承認他們，

in many ways,

在許多方面，

frustrated and disappointed

感到沮喪與失望，

by the person they've chosen to share their lives with.

對於他們選擇共度一生的那個人。

If pressed for details, 文法

如果要細問原因，

they will have no difficulty coming up with a list. 講解

他們可以毫不費力地列出一長串。

Their partner,

他們的伴侶，

they might complain,

他們可能會抱怨，

is too loyal to their irritating family

對那煩人的家人太過忠誠，

or doesn't share their views on the layout of the living room

或者在客廳佈置上與他們意見不合，

or never wants to go on camping holidays

或者從不想去露營度假，

or plays tennis every Wednesday evening

或者每週三晚上都要打網球，

no matter what 文法

雷打不動，

or doesn't like Moroccan food

或者不喜歡摩洛哥菜，

or doesn't share their enthusiasm for 19th century Russian novels

或者無法分享他們對19世紀俄羅斯小說的熱情，

or has a habit of adding actually to every second sentence 文法

或者有在每兩句話裡加上「實際上」的習慣，

when it's actually redundant.

明明這詞實際上很多餘。

As the list gets longer,

隨著清單越來越長，

they sigh.

他們會嘆氣。

They still love their partner

他們依然愛著自己的伴侶，

and they long to be happy together.

也渴望能共同獲得幸福。

It's just that it seems impossibly complicated

只是這似乎複雜得令人絕望，

to make this relationship work. 文法

難以讓這段關係順利運作。

What's driving the frustration is not that 表達脈絡

導致這種沮喪的真正原因，並不是

they've sadly fallen for an idiot as a mate. 片語動詞

他們不幸愛上了一個傻瓜。

It's rather that we have all inherited

而是因為我們都繼承了

needlessly complicated ideas

一些不必要的複雜觀念，

of what a relationship is supposed to be for. 文法

誤解了關係到底是為了什麼。

We are told that love is meant to involve 文法

我們被告知，愛情意味著

the almost total merger of two lives. 慣用語

兩個人生活的幾乎完全融合。

We expect that a loving couple must live in the same house,

我們期望相愛的伴侶必須住在同一屋簷下，

eat the same meals together every night,

每晚一起吃同樣的飯菜，

share the same bed,

睡在同一張床上，

go to sleep and get up at the same time,

在同一時間入睡和起床，

only ever have sex with or even sexual thoughts about each other,

只能與對方發生性關係，甚至只能對彼此有性幻想，

regularly see each other's families,

定期探望對方的家人，

have all their friends in common 片語搭配

擁有所有共同的朋友，

and pretty much think the same thoughts

並且在每一個時刻、

on every topic at every moment.

對每一個話題幾乎想法都如出一轍。

It's a beautiful vision,

這是一個美好的願景，

but a hellish one, too,

但也是極其可怕的，

because it places an impossibly punitive burden 片語搭配

因為它把一種幾乎難以承受的期望重擔，

of expectation on another human.

強加在了另一個人身上。

We feel the partner must be right for us in every way

我們覺得伴侶必須在各個方面都絕對適合我們，

and if they're not,

如果不是，

has to be prodded and cajoled into reform. 用詞

就必須連哄帶騙地促使他們改變。

But there is another perspective.

但我們還有另一種視角。

Relationships don't have to be so complicated and ambitious

關係不必如此複雜且野心勃勃，

if we keep in view 片語搭配

如果我們能認清

what in the end actually makes them fulfilling.

到底是什麼最終讓關係變得圓滿。

If we boil matters down, 片語動詞

如果我們將事情歸結起來，

there might really just be three essential things

我們想從愛人那裡得到的，

that we want from a lover.

可能真的只有三件基本的事。

Firstly,

第一，

kindness.

善良。

A partner who is gentle with our imperfections

一個能溫柔對待我們不完美之處，

and can good-humoredly tolerate us as we are. 片語搭配

並能幽默地包容我們原本模樣的伴侶。

Secondly,

第二，

shared vulnerability. 用詞

分享脆弱。

Someone with whom we can be open about 片語搭配

一個我們能對其敞開心扉，

that our anxieties, worries,

訴說我們的焦慮、擔憂，

and the problems that throw us off balance. 慣用語

以及那些讓我們失去平衡的問題的人。

Someone we don't have to put on a good front for. 慣用語

一個在我們面前不需要偽裝堅強的人。

Someone around whom we can be weak,

一個在他身邊我們可以展現軟弱、

vulnerable, and honest,

脆弱和誠實的人，

and who will be the same around us.

而他在我們身邊也會同樣如此。

Thirdly,

第三，

understanding.

理解。

Someone who is interested in and can make sense of 片語動詞

一個對我們內心的某些隱秘特徵、

certain obscure features of our minds,

我們的癡迷、全神貫注

our obsessions, preoccupations,

以及看待世界的方式

and ways of seeing the world,

感興趣並能理解的人，

and whom we are excited to understand in turn.

同時我們也很興奮地去了解對方。

If we have these three critical ingredients to hand,

如果具備這三個關鍵要素，

we will feel loved and essentially satisfied,

我們就會感到被愛，內心充實，

whatever differences then crop up 講解

無論後來

in a hundred other areas.

在一百個其他領域裡出現什麼分歧。

Perhaps our partner's friends or routines

也許伴侶的朋友或生活習慣

won't be a delight,

並不討人喜歡，

but we will be content.

但我們會感到知足。

Just as if we lack these emotional goods 慣用語

反過來說，如果我們缺乏這些情感支持，

and yet agree on every detail

就算在每一個細節上都不謀而合，

of European literature,

如歐洲文學、

interior design,

室內設計

and social existence,

以及社交生活，

we are still likely to feel lonely and bereft. 用詞

我們依然可能感到孤獨和失落。

By limiting what we expect a relationship to be about, 文法

通過克制對關係目的的期望，

we can overcome the tyranny and bad temper 慣用語

我們可以克服困擾眾多情侶的

that bedevils so many lovers.

那種專制與壞脾氣。

A good, simpler, yet very fulfilling relationship

一段美好、簡單卻非常充實的關係，

could end up in a minimal state.

最終可能只呈現出一種極簡的狀態。

We might not socialize much together.

我們也許不會一起去參加很多社交活動。

We might hardly ever encounter each other's families.

我們可能幾乎不見對方的家人。

Our finances might overlap only at a few points. 慣用語

我們的財務可能只有極少部分的交集。

We could be living in different places

我們可能住在不同的地方，

and only meet up twice a week.

每週只見面兩次。

Conceivably,

可以想見，

we might not even ask too many questions

我們甚至不會過多地打聽

about each other's sex life.

彼此的性生活。

But when we would be together,

但當我們在約會時，

it would be profoundly gratifying

那將是極度令人滿足的，

because we would be in the presence

因為陪伴在我們身旁的，

of someone who knew how to be kind, 文法

是一個懂得如何去表達善意、

vulnerable, and understanding.

展現脆弱，並理解他人的人。

A bond between two people

兩個人之間的羈絆

can be very deep and important

可以非常深厚且重要，

precisely because it's not played out 片語動詞

恰恰是因為它沒有被消磨在

across all practical details of existence.

生活的所有瑣碎細節裡。

By simplifying and clarifying 表達脈絡

通過簡化和理清

what a relationship is for,

關係存在的意義，

we release ourselves from overly complicated conflicts

我們將自己從過度複雜的衝突中解脫出來，

and can focus on our urgent underlying needs

從而可以專注於我們迫切的潛在需求：

to be sympathized with, 文法

被同情，

seen, and understood.

被看見，被理解。

Deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship 文法

決定去留一段關係，

is one of the trickiest and most consequential decisions 文法

是最棘手、後果最重大的決定之一，

we can face.

這也是我們可能面臨的。

Our stay or leave card game

我們的《去留選擇卡牌遊戲》

can help us towards an answer.

能幫你找到答案。

Click now.

現在就點擊吧。