放下一個人的能力：英語精讀講義

For noble and very understandable reasons,

出於高尚且極易理解的原因，

we've come to associate maturity and kindness with a capacity not 片語搭配

我們已經習慣於將成熟與善良等同於一種能力，即不

to give up on people. 片語動詞

放棄他人的能力。

Our heroes and heroines keep faith with those they love. 慣用語

我們的男女英雄堅守著對所愛之人的信念。

They don't throw in the towel when trouble rears its head. 慣用語

當麻煩抬起頭時，他們不會輕易認輸。

They put up with the hardships and friction. 片語動詞

他們忍受著艱辛與摩擦。

Running away is disloyalty.

逃跑就是不忠。

Many things are dispensable, 表達脈絡

許多東西是可有可無的，

people shouldn't be.

但人不該如此。

But this broad and generous truth 表達脈絡

然而，這個寬宏大量的真理

can be in danger of missing out on an important caveat,

可能會面臨忽略一個重要警告的危險，

that health and maturity may also require,

那就是，健康和成熟或許也需要，

at points,

在某些時刻，

a subtle capacity to give up on one or two people,

一種微妙的、放棄一兩個人的能力，

not always and indefinitely to keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, 講解

而不是總是無休止地往好處想他們，

not invariably to forgive them one more time,

不是總是一次又一次地原諒他們，

not relentlessly to imagine the nice things they might really really have meant

不是總是堅持去想像他們真正想表達的美好心意

beneath the thoughtless and unkind things they actually did and said.

是隱藏在他們實際做出的輕率和冷酷行徑之下的。

We might need occasionally to despair of someone

我們可能需要偶爾對某人感到絕望，

as the price to pay for keeping faith with ourselves. 慣用語

作為堅持對自我信念的代價。

It's in the lives of children that we see this inability to give up on someone 文法

正是在孩子的生活中，我們看到了這種無法放棄某人的傾向

take on its starkest and most regrettable forms.

呈現出其最鮮明且最令人遺憾的形式。

By their nature and circumstance,

由於天性與環境，

children can't give up on those entrusted with looking after them 片語搭配

孩子們無法放棄那些受託照顧他們的人，

if and when the latter are disappointing or cruel. 片語搭配

哪怕後者令人失望或是殘酷無情。

Children present us with troubling examples

孩子們向我們展示了令人不安的例子：

of the impulse to keep going at any cost 慣用語

他們不惜一切代價地想要堅持下去，

with a person who offers us love,

留在一個給予我們愛的人身邊，

even when that love is blended with the darkest or most unhealthy elements. 文法

即使那種愛中夾雜著最黑暗或最不健康的元素。

Even when beset by emotional neglect, 用詞

即使受到情感忽視、

coldness, unreliability, meanness, brusqueness,

冷漠、不可靠、刻薄、粗暴、

broken promises to improve, and worse,

承諾改進卻屢屢食言，甚至更糟的情況困擾，

children will think some of the following:

孩子們還是會這樣想：

Maybe they will change.

也許他們會改變的。

The child places infinite faith in the capacity of the loved one 片語搭配

孩子對被愛之人能夠

to evolve in a desired direction.

朝著理想的方向改變抱有無限的信念。

Whatever the lack of outward evidence, 文法

無論缺乏什麼樣的表面證據，

the child imagines the caregiver coming to important realizations, 片語搭配

孩子都會想像照顧者會產生重要的頓悟、

rethinking their position, and seeing the light. 慣用語

重新思考他們的立場並幡然醒悟。

By a form of magical thinking,

透過一種奇幻的思維，

the child clings to the idea of the adult 片語動詞

孩子緊緊抓住這個想法，即成年人

being on the cusp of transforming themselves 慣用語

正處於轉型的風口浪尖，

into the person they so badly need them to be.

變成了他們極其需要的樣子。

Maybe the outward behavior is bad,

也許外在行為很糟，

but inside they're good.

但他們內心是善良的。

Heaven knows the outward stuff may not be pretty. 語氣意圖

天知道表面上的東西可能並不美好。

There might be shouting, stonewalling, outright beastliness,

可能會有叫嚷、冷暴力、甚至是徹底的野蠻行徑，

but the child holds on to the notion that where it counts, 講解

但孩子依然堅持認為，在關鍵的地方，

the adult is good.

成年人是好的。

The fundamental truth about them must be sound.

關於他們的基本事實必定是好的。

The center of them is sweet, touching, warm, and decent.

他們的內心深處是甜美、動人、溫暖且體面的。

The child may be the butt of the adult's most vicious moods, 慣用語

孩子可能是成年人最惡毒情緒的替罪羊，

but they are, through it all, 片語搭配

但經歷這一切，他們卻

always also their most devoted and fervent defenders.

始終也是他們最忠誠和熱烈的捍衛者。

Maybe the problem is that I am bad.

也許問題在於我很壞。

The difficulties can't be disputed,

困難是不可辯駁的，

but their origins are up for grabs. 慣用語

但其根源卻有待商榷。

And here the child shows a tragically intense degree of imagination.

在這裡，孩子展現出了悲劇般強烈的想像力。

Yes, there is badness around,

是的，周圍有壞事發生，

but that must be because they, the child,

但那肯定是因為他們，即孩子，

are ultimately somehow to blame.

歸根結底要在某種程度上負有責任。

If only they could be different, 文法

如果他們能有所不同，

the adult wouldn't be so tricky.

成年人就不會這麼難搞了。

There is one thought that must be warded off above all others, 片語動詞

有一個念頭是他們必須首先摒棄的，

that the adult might just be a mean and self-serving mediocrity.

那就是成年人可能只是一個刻薄且自私的平庸之輩。

That is simply not possible.

那根本不可能。

Better to be a monster or a wretch oneself 文法

寧願自己是個怪物或可憐蟲，

than to have ended up in the hands of a parent unworthy of respect. 慣用語

也不願落入一個不值得尊重的父母手中。

No one and nothing else could be better.

沒有任何人、任何事能比這更好了。

Children have no options.

孩子們沒有選擇。

They can't run away, begin again,

他們無法逃跑、重新開始，

or say they've had enough. 語氣意圖

或者說受夠了。

The world isn't broad.

世界並不寬廣。

The best of childhoods is an open prison. 慣用語

最好的童年也是一座開放式監獄。

Therefore, children don't even picture themselves in other circumstances.

因此，孩子們甚至無法想像自己處於其他環境。

What is has to be. 慣用語

現狀即是必然。

Those who have the most to complain about

那些最該抱怨的人

often don't even raise their voice. 慣用語

往往甚至都不曾發聲。

Frighteningly,

令人恐懼的是，

each of these positions has its adult equivalent.

這裡的每一種心態都有其成年後的對應表現。

In certain unfulfilling relationships,

在某些令人不滿的關係中，

we may have as much of a skill 文法

我們可能有著一樣的技巧，

as the most unfortunate child,

就像最不幸的孩子，

probably the child we once were,

或許就是我們曾經的那個孩子，

at the art of justifying why we're here, 表達脈絡

擅長為我們為什麼留在這裡、

why we're to blame,

為什麼我們要受指責、

why they're innocent,

為什麼他們是無辜的、

and why we cannot move.

以及為什麼我們無法離開尋找理由。

It is we in particular, 文法

特別是我們，

those remorselessly skilled at not giving up,

那些在不放棄方面表現得無情又熟練的人，

who need to hear a curious-sounding lesson

需要聽取一個聽起來有點奇怪的教訓：

in being sometimes a little less loyal.

有時少一點忠誠。

We need to hear that, surprisingly,

我們需要知道，令人驚訝的是，

some people just don't change,

有些人就是不會改變，

that their characters have been bolted shut through trauma, 慣用語

他們的性格早已被創傷封死，

and there's no chance that they will ever, 文法

他們永遠不可能有任何改變的機會，

whatever they may say and however intensely they promise,

無論他們怎麼說，無論他們承諾得多麼強烈，

display any evolution.

都不會有任何改變。

We need to hear that, surprisingly,

我們需要知道，令人驚訝的是，

some people aren't entirely good 表達脈絡

有些人並不完全是好人，

and we aren't necessarily the problem.

而我們也不一定是問題的根源。

We need to learn to blame and get annoyed with someone other than ourselves. 片語搭配

我們需要學會去責怪並對除自己以外的人感到惱火。

We need to do something very strange,

我們需要做一件非常奇怪的事情，

walk away. 片語動詞

走開。

This is no sign of cowardice or weakness of character.

這絕不是懦弱或性格軟弱的標誌。

It's a sign that we have, finally, learnt to love ourselves

這是一個標誌，表明我們終於學會了愛自己，

and so place our needs where these should always have been, 慣用語

並將我們的需求放在它們一直應該在的位置：

at the center of our considerations.

我們考慮的中心。

Deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship 文法

決定是留在還是離開一段關係，

is one of the trickiest and most consequential decisions we can face.

是我們面臨的最棘手、最重大的決定之一。

Our stay or leave card game can help us towards an answer.

我們的「留下還是離開」紙牌遊戲可以幫助我們找到答案。

Click now to learn more.

立即點擊了解更多。