該繼續在一起，還是該分手？：英語精讀講義

The decision whether one should stay or leave 文法

決定是該留下還是離開

is one of the most consequential and painful

是最重大且最痛苦的決定之一

any of us ever has to make.

也是我們任何人都必須做出的。

On any given day, 片語搭配

在任何一天，

many millions of people worldwide

全世界有成百上千萬人

will be secretly turning the issue over in their minds 片語動詞

都會在心中暗自反覆思量這個問題

as they go about their daily lives. 片語動詞

就在他們度過日常生活的同時。

Their partners beside them

他們身邊的伴侶

possibly having little clue 片語搭配

可能毫不知情

as to the momentous decision

關於這個重大決定

weighing upon them. 慣用語

正沉重地壓在他們心頭。

The choice is perhaps more common now

這種選擇現在也許比以往任何時候

than it ever was.

都更普遍。

We expect to be deeply happy in love

我們期望在愛情中獲得深深的幸福，

and therefore spend a good deal of time wondering 文法

因此花很多時間在想

whether our relationships are essentially normal

我們的關係本質上是否正常，

in their sexual and psychological frustrations

包含著性和心理上的挫折，

or are beset by unusually pathological patterns 用詞

還是被異常病態的模式所困擾，

which will impel us to get out

這將驅使我們逃離

as soon as we can.

越快越好。

What films or novels we've been exposed to, 片語搭配

我們看過的電影或小說，

the state of our friends' relationships,

朋友們的感情狀況，

the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating apps,

那些以性為驅動的新型交友軟體的喧囂程度，

not to mention how much sleep we've had, 表達脈絡

更別提我們的睡眠是否充足，

can all play humblingly large roles 片語搭配

這些都在很大程度上發揮著出人意料的作用，

in influencing us one way or another. 慣用語

從方方面面影響著我們。

Awkwardly, it seems that no one else

尷尬的是，似乎並沒有其他人

actually really minds what we end up doing, 片語動詞

真的在乎我們最終怎麼做，

which gives the decision a degree of existential loneliness

這讓這個決定帶上了一種存在主義的孤獨感，

it might not always have possessed.

這是它過去可能未曾有過的。

Historically, the choice was in a sense 語氣意圖

在歷史上，這種選擇在某種意義上

a good deal easier because

要容易得多，因為

there were simply so many stern external sanctions

存在非常多嚴厲的外部制裁

around not leaving.

阻止人們離開。

Religions would insist that God blessed unions

宗教會堅持認為上帝保佑結合，

and would be furious that they're being torn asunder. 用詞

並且會因為它們被拆散而憤怒。

Society strongly disapproved of breakups

社會強烈不贊成分手，

and cast separating parties

並將分居的雙方

into decades of ignominy and shame.

置於幾十年的屈辱和羞恥之中。

And psychologists would explain that children

心理學家會解釋說，孩子們

would be deeply and permanently scarred

會被深深地、永久地留下創傷

by any termination in their parents' relationship.

因為父母關係的任何終結。

But one by one, 片語搭配

但一個接一個地，

these objections to quitting have fallen away. 片語動詞

這些對放棄的反對意見都消失了。

Religions no longer terrify us into staying. 文法

宗教不再恐嚇我們留下。

Society doesn't care.

社會不在乎。

And psychologists now routinely tell us

心理學家現在經常告訴我們

that children would prefer a broken family 文法

孩子們更喜歡一個破裂的家庭，

to an unhappy one.

而不是一個不幸福的家庭。

The burden of choice therefore 慣用語

因此，選擇的重擔

falls squarely on us.

完完全全落在了我們身上。

The only thing determining whether to stay or leave

決定是留下還是離開的唯一因素

is how we feel,

是我們的感覺，

which can be a pretty hard matter indeed

這確實是一件很難的事情

to work out for ourselves. 片語動詞

去自己弄清楚。

Our feelings having a dispirited habit of shifting

我們的感情有一種令人沮喪的變化習慣，

and evading any efforts of rational qualification.

並逃避任何理性限定的努力。

In the circumstances,

在這種情況下，

it might help to have a set of questions,

有一套問題可能會有所幫助，

devil's advocate in nature, 慣用語

帶有「唱反調」的性質，

to fall back upon, 片語動詞

以供依靠，

a kind of checklist to dialogue within one's mind

一種在腦海中對話的清單，

in the silent hours of the morning

在早晨寂靜的時刻，

from the chill vantage point

從冰冷的有利視角，

of the spare room couch.

坐在客房的沙發上。

How much of our unhappiness

我們有多少不快樂

can be tightly attributed to this particular partner? 片語搭配

可以完全歸咎於這個特定的伴侶？

And how much might it,

又有多少可能會，

as we would risk discovering

正如我們可能冒著發現的風險

5 years and multiple upheavals later,

在5年和多次劇變之後，

turn out to be simply an inherent feature 片語動詞

原來只是一個固有的特徵，

of any attempt to live in close proximity 片語搭配

存在於任何試圖近距離生活

to another human?

於另一個人的嘗試之中？

Though it is of course always essentially their fault, 語氣意圖

雖然本質上當然總是他們的錯，

what tiny proportion of the difficulties

但這其中有多小比例的困難

might we nevertheless be contributing to the discord? 片語搭配

可能是我們在導致不和？

In what modest way

在哪些小方面

might we be a little hard to be around? 用詞

我們自己可能也有點難以相處？

Consider the annoying traits

考慮一下那些煩人的特徵，

in all previous partners we've had

在我們以前的所有伴侶身上

and people we've known

和我們認識的人身上，

that our current partners happen not to have. 文法

而現在的伴侶碰巧沒有的。

What do we manage not to fight about? 文法

我們努力在哪些方面不吵架？

Start to probe at any new infatuations or crushes,

開始試探任何新的迷戀或暗戀，

largely by getting to know them better. 片語搭配

很大程度上是透過更好地了解他們。

Observe closely how many sexually available

仔細觀察有多少性方面開放

and intelligent people the single types around us,

且聰明的人，周圍的單身人士，

especially those hooked up to those new dating apps, 片語動詞

尤其是那些迷戀新型交友軟體的人，

actually manage to encounter day-to-day.

實際上每天都能遇到。

Try to have another conversation with your partner

試著再和你的伴侶談一次，

in which you don't accuse them of mendacity 片語搭配

在這次談話中不要指責他們撒謊，

and instead simply explain quite calmly 語氣意圖

而是非常平靜地解釋

how you actually feel

你的真實感受，

and how sad you are about quite a few things.

以及你對很多事情感到多麼難過。

Reflect on how you'd really feel as a child.

反思一下如果作為一個孩子，你會有什麼感覺。

If henceforth, you were going to have two tiny bedrooms, 用詞

如果從今以後，你將有兩個小臥室，

two new step-parents,

兩個新繼父母，

and possibly a few more new half-siblings.

以及可能還有幾個新的同父異母/同母異父的兄弟姐妹。

Compare with the scratchy reality 慣用語

將其與令人難受的現實相比，

of the current setup.

即目前的狀況。

Question how normal it is for any couple 文法

問問自己對任何情侶來說有多正常，

to have great sex after 22 months together.

在一起22個月後還能有很棒的性生活。

Ask yourself if you're ready to face the risk 片語搭配

問問自己是否準備好面對風險，

of perhaps achieving no more than exchanging 文法

也許只是把

a familiar kind of unhappiness

一種熟悉的痛苦

for a new and more complex variety of unhappiness.

換成了另一種全新且更為複雜的痛苦。

Wonder whether you really want to choose hope 表達脈絡

想想你是否真的想選擇希望

over experience.

而非經驗。

Then, if you still have the impulse to leave, 片語搭配

然後，如果你仍然有離開的衝動，

with the chances of subsequent regret lessened 文法

日後後悔的機率已經減少了

at least a touch, 語氣意圖

至少一點點，

with a heavy heart and a cautious mind, 表達脈絡

懷著沉重的心情和謹慎的態度，

leave.

離開吧。