為什麼「愛」是個無用的詞——以及三個替代詞彙：英語精讀講義

Love is our highest value,

愛是我們最高的價值，

what we all crave,

是我們都渴望的東西，

and what we believe makes us fundamentally human.

也是我們認為讓人類成為人類的根本。

But it's also the source of considerable anxiety. 片語搭配

但它也是巨大焦慮的源頭。

Chiefly, we worry whether we're entirely normal,

主要是，我們擔心自己是否完全正常，

because it frequently feels as if we're not experiencing love the way we should be. 文法

因為很多時候我們覺得，自己經歷愛的方式並不像我們以為的那樣。

Society is subtly highly prescriptive in this regard. 講解

在這方面，社會潛移默化地制定了嚴格的規範。

It suggests that to be a decent person,

它暗示著，要成為一個體面的人，

we should all be within sexual relationships

我們都應該身處性關係之中，

and furthermore, that within these,

此外，在這些關係中，

we should love in a very particular way.

我們應該以一種非常特定的方式去愛。

We should be constantly thrilled by our partner's presence.

我們應該時刻為伴侶的存在而感到興奮。

We should long to see them after every absence.

每次分別後，我們都應該渴望見到他們。

We should crave to hold them in our arms,

我們應該渴望將他們擁入懷中，

to kiss and be kissed by them,

去親吻他們，被他們親吻，

and most of all, want to have sex with them every day or so.

最重要的是，想要差不多每天都和他們做愛。

In other words, 表達脈絡

換句話說，

we should follow the script of romantic ecstasy throughout our lives. 慣用語

我們的一生都應該遵循浪漫狂喜的劇本。

This is beautiful in theory and hugely punitive in practice. 表達脈絡

這在理論上很美好，但在現實中卻極具懲罰性。

If we're going to define love like this

如果我們要這樣定義愛，

and peg the idea of normality accordingly,

並以此來界定正常的標準，

then most of us will have to admit to ourselves, perhaps with considerable embarrassment, 片語搭配

那麼我們大多數人將不得不向自己承認，也許還帶著極大的尷尬：

that we don't know much about love and therefore,

我們對愛知之甚少，因此，

don't qualify as decent, sane, or normal people. 片語搭配

我們算不上體面、理智或正常的人。

We've created a cult of love 慣用語

我們創造了一種對愛的狂熱崇拜，

radically out of line with most of our real experiences of relationships. 片語搭配

這與我們大多數真實的感情經歷完全脫節。

This is where the ancient Greeks can help. 表達脈絡

這就是古希臘人能幫到我們的地方。

They realized early on that there are many kinds of love, 片語搭配

他們很早就意識到，愛有很多種，

each with their respective virtues and seasons,

每種愛都有其各自的美德和時節，

and that a good society requires us to append a correct vocabulary

一個良好的社會需要我們賦予正確的詞彙

to these different states of the heart, lending each one legitimacy in the process. 講解

來描述這些不同的內心情感狀態，從而使每一種狀態都變得合理。

The Greeks anointed the powerful physical feelings 用詞

希臘人將那種強烈的身體感覺

we often experience at the start of a relationship

（即我們通常在感情初期體驗到的感覺）

with the word eros.

命名為「eros」。

But they knew that love is not necessarily over 文法

但他們知道，愛並不一定會結束，

when this sexual intensity wanes,

當這種性吸引力消退時，

as it almost always does, after a year or so in a relationship. 文法

就像戀愛一年左右幾乎總是會發生的那樣。

Our feelings can then evolve into another sort of love 片語搭配

我們的情感隨後會演變成另一種愛，

they captured with the word philia,

他們用「philia」這個詞來概括，

normally translated as friendship, 片語搭配

通常被翻譯為「友誼」，

though the Greek word is far warmer, more loyal, 文法

儘管這個希臘詞比它的英文對應詞要溫暖得多，忠誠得多，

and more touching than its English counterpart.

也感人得多。

One might be willing to die for philia. 文法

一個人可能會願意為了「philia」而死。

Aristotle recommended that we outgrow eros in youth 用詞

亞里士多德建議，我們在年輕時經歷「eros」並成熟後，

and then base our relationships, especially our marriages,

接著就把我們的關係，特別是婚姻，

on a philosophy of philia.

建立在「philia」的哲學之上。

The word adds an important nuance 片語搭配

這個詞增加了一種重要的細微差別，

to our understanding of a viable union.

幫助我們理解什麼是可行的結合。

It allows us to see that we may still love

它讓我們看到，我們依然可以去愛，

even when we're in a phase 文法

即使我們正處於一個

that our own more one-sided vocabulary fails to value. 慣用語

那些更加片面的詞彙無法衡量其價值的階段。

The Greeks had a third word for love, agape. 文化背景

希臘人還有第三個表示愛的詞：「agape」。

This can best be translated as a charitable love.

這最好被翻譯為寬容的愛。

It's what we might feel towards someone who's behaved rather badly

這可能是我們對那些行為不端、

or come to grief through flaws of character, 慣用語

或者因為性格缺陷而遭受痛苦的人，

but for whom we still feel compassion. 文法

但依然感到同情時所產生的感覺。

It's what a god might feel for his or her people, 表達脈絡

這可能是神對他或她的子民的感覺，

or what an audience might feel for a tragic character in a play.

或者是觀眾對戲劇中悲劇人物的感覺。

It's the kind of love that we experience in relation to someone's weakness 片語搭配

這是我們在面對他人的弱點時，

rather than their strength.

而不是他們的優點時，所體驗到的那類愛。

It reminds us that love isn't just about admiration for virtues. 文法

它提醒我們，愛不僅僅是對美德的欽佩。

It's also about sympathy and generosity

它也是一種同情與寬容，

towards what is weak and imperfect in us. 文法

去面對我們身上軟弱和不完美的地方。

Having these three words to hand, 片語搭配

掌握了這三個詞，

eros, philia, and agape,

eros、philia和agape，

powerfully extends our sense of what love really is.

就能極大地擴展我們對愛之真諦的認知。

The ancient Greeks were wise in dividing the blinding monolith of love 慣用語

古希臘人很明智，他們把愛這個令人目眩的龐然大物，

into its constituent parts. 片語搭配

劃分成了各個組成部分。

Under their tutelage, we can see that we probably have far more love in our lives 講解

在他們的教導下，我們可以看到，我們生活中的愛，

than our current vocabulary knows how to recognize. 慣用語

可能遠比我們現有詞彙所能認知的要多得多。

Did you know that The School of Life is actually a place,

你知道 The School of Life 其實是一個實體場所嗎？

10 places, in fact,

事實上，有10個地方，

campuses all over the world from Melbourne to London,

校區遍布世界各地，從墨爾本到倫敦，

Taipei to Istanbul,

從台北到伊斯坦堡，

with classes and books and lots more.

提供課程、書籍以及更多內容。

Please click on the link below to explore more.

請點擊下面的連結了解更多。