如何與人相處時保持心平氣和：英語精讀講義

One of the most important ways to calm down is the power to hold on, even in challenging situations, 片語動詞

想要平復心情，最重要的方法之一就是要有能力堅持，即使在棘手的局勢下，

to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do. 片語搭配

也要區分一個人實際做了什麼和他的初衷是什麼。

In law,

在法律上，

the difference is enshrined in the contrasting concepts of murder and manslaughter. 講解

這種差異體現在謀殺與過失致死的對比概念中。

The result may be the same,

結果可能是一樣的，

the body is inert in a pool of blood,

屍體毫無生氣地躺在血泊中，

but we collectively feel it makes a huge difference what the perpetrators intentions were. 文法

但我們普遍認為，肇事者的意圖會讓事情大有不同。

Motives are crucial,

動機至關重要，

but unfortunately,

但遺憾的是，

we're seldom very good at perceiving what motives happen to be involved in the incidents that frustrate us. 文法

當我們遇到令人沮喪的事件時，我們很少能敏銳地察覺到其中牽涉的動機。

We're easily and wildly mistaken.

我們往往很容易犯下大錯。

We see intention where there was none 文法

我們把無心之舉看作是有意為之，

and escalate and confront when no strenuous or agitated responses are in fact warranted.

在其實不需要做出激烈或激動反應的時候，讓衝突升級並與人對峙。

Part of the reason why we jump so readily to dark conclusions and see plots to insult and harm us 講解

我們之所以如此輕易地下定負面結論，並認為別人有計畫地侮辱和傷害我們，

is a rather poignant psychological phenomenon,

部分原因在於一種相當令人心酸的心理現象，

self-hatred.

那就是自我厭惡。

The less we like ourselves, 文法

我們越是不喜歡自己，

the more we appear in our own eyes as really rather plausible targets for mockery and harm. 片語搭配

在自己眼裡，就越覺得我們真的是別人嘲笑和傷害的合理目標。

Why would a drill have started up outside just as we were settling down to work? 講解

為什麼我們剛坐下來準備工作，外面就響起電鑽聲？

Why did the email not arrive,

為什麼電子郵件還沒收到，

even though we'll have to be in a meeting very soon?

儘管我們很快就要開會了？

Why would the phone operator be taking so long to find our details?

為什麼客服人員要花這麼長的時間才找到我們的資料？

Because there is,

因為，

logically enough,

按照這個邏輯，

a plot against us,

有人正在算計我們，

because we're appropriate targets for these kinds of things,

因為我們就是這類事情的合適目標，

because we're the sort of people against whom disruptive drilling is legitimately likely to be directed.

因為我們就是那種活該被惱人的電鑽聲針對的人。

It's what we deserve.

這是我們應得的。

When we carry a background excess of self-disgust around with us,

當我們在潛意識裡帶著過多的自我厭惡感，

operating just below the radar of conscious awareness, 慣用語

在我們無意識的雷達下隱蔽運作時，

we'll constantly seek confirmation from the wider world that we really are the worthless people we take ourselves to be. 文法

我們就會不斷地從廣闊的世界中尋找證據，來證明我們確實如自己所想的那樣一文不值。

The expectation is almost always set in childhood,

這種心理預期幾乎總是源於童年時期，

where someone close to us is likely to have left us feeling dirty and culpable. 文法

那時候，某個親近的人可能讓我們覺得自己很髒、有罪。

And as a result,

結果，

we now travel through society assuming the worst, 片語搭配

我們現在在這個社會中穿行時，總是做最壞的打算，

not because it's necessarily true or pleasant to do so, 文法

並不是因為這樣做一定是正確的，或者是令人愉快的，

but because it feels familiar

而是因為這種感覺讓我們覺得熟悉，

and because we're the prisoners of past patterns we haven't yet understood. 慣用語

也是因為我們是那些自己尚未理解的過往模式的囚徒。

We'd be so much calmer around adults

在成年人身邊，我們會冷靜得多，

if we could resort to some of the unflustered poise we naturally use around children. 用詞

如果我們能拿出我們在小孩子面前自然流露出的那種從容不迫的姿態。

Small children sometimes behave in really maddening ways.

小孩子有時候的行為真的很氣人。

They scream at the person who's looking after them,

他們對照顧自己的人大吼大叫，

angrily push away a bowl of animal pasta,

憤怒地推開一碗動物形狀的義大利麵，

throw away something you've just fetched for them.

或者把你剛給他們拿來的東西扔掉。

But we rarely feel personally agitated or wounded by their behavior.

但我們很少因為他們的行為感到個人情緒激動或受傷。

And the reason is that we don't assign a negative motive or mean intention to a small person. 片語搭配

原因是，我們不會把負面的動機或惡意的企圖強加給一個小孩子。

We reach around for the most benevolent interpretations.

我們會盡力往最善良的方向去解釋。

We probably think that they're just a bit tired

我們可能認為他們只是有點累了，

or their gums are sore

或者是牙齦痛，

or they're upset by the arrival of a younger sibling.

或者是因為弟弟妹妹的到來而感到不高興。

We've got a large repertoire of alternative explanations ready in our heads 片語搭配

我們的腦海中準備了一大堆替代性的解釋，

and none of these lead us to panic or get terribly agitated.

沒有一個解釋會讓我們驚慌失措或極其激動。

This is the reverse of what tends to happen around adults.

這與在成年人身邊往往發生的情況恰恰相反。

Here we imagine that people have deliberately got us in their sights. 慣用語

在這裡，我們會想像別人故意針對我們。

If someone edges in front of us in the airport queue,

如果有人在機場排隊時插隊到我們前面，

it's natural to suppose that they've sized us up and have reasoned that they can safely take advantage of us. 講解

我們會很自然地假設他們打量了我們，並認為可以安全地佔我們的便宜。

They probably relish the thought of causing us a little distress. 片語搭配

他們可能很享受給我們製造一點麻煩的想法。

But if we employ the infant model of interpretation,

但是，如果我們採用解釋嬰兒行為的模式，

our first assumptions would be very different.

我們最初的假設就會大不相同。

We'd think that maybe they didn't sleep well that night,

我們會想，也許他們昨晚沒睡好，

have a sore knee,

或者是膝蓋痛，

or have been upset by their lover.

或者是和愛人鬧了彆扭。

The French philosopher Emile Auguste Chartier,

法國哲學家埃米爾·奧古斯特·沙爾捷（Emile Auguste Chartier），

known as Alain,

筆名阿蘭（Alain），

was said to be the finest teacher in France in the first half of the 20th century, 文法

被認為是20世紀上半葉法國最優秀的教師，

and he developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people. 片語搭配

他發明了一個公式，用來在面對煩人的人時讓自己和學生平靜下來。

"Never say that people are evil,"

「永遠不要說別人是邪惡的，」

he wrote.

他寫道。

"You just need to look for the pin." 慣用語

「你只需要尋找那根針。」

What he meant was,

他的意思是，

look for the source of the agony that drives a person to behave in appalling ways. 文法

去尋找驅使一個人做出惡劣行為的痛苦源頭。

The calming thought is to imagine that they're suffering off stage in some area we can't see. 慣用語

讓人平靜的想法是，去想像他們在我們看不到的某個地方正忍受著痛苦。

To be mature is to learn to imagine this zone of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence. 講解

走向成熟就是學會去想像這個痛苦的區域，即使缺乏明顯的證據。

They may not look as if they were maddened by an inner psychological ailment. 文法

他們看起來可能不像被內在的心理疾病折磨得發瘋。

They may seem chirpy and full of themselves, 慣用語

他們可能看起來興高采烈、自以為是，

but the pin simply must be there or they would not be causing us harm. 文法

但那根針一定存在，否則他們就不會傷害我們。

When others madden us,

當別人讓我們發狂時，

we need to imagine the turmoil,

我們需要想像那混亂、

disappointment,

失望、

worry,

擔憂

and sadness beneath the aggressive surface. 慣用語

和充滿攻擊性外表下的悲傷。

We need to aim compassion in an unexpected place, 片語搭配

我們需要把同情心指向一個意想不到的地方，

at those who annoy us most.

指向那些最惹惱我們的人。

We must do that very strange thing,

我們必須做一件非常奇怪的事情，

move from anger to pity. 片語搭配

那就是把憤怒轉化為憐憫。