浪漫主義如何毀了愛情：英語精讀講義

Since around 1750, 文法

大約從1750年起，

we've been living in a highly distinctive era in the history of love

我們生活在愛情史上一個極其獨特的時代，

that we can call Romanticism.

我們可以稱之為浪漫主義時代。

Romanticism emerged as an ideology in Europe in the mid-18th century

18世紀中葉，浪漫主義作為一種意識形態在歐洲興起，

in the minds of poets,

存在於詩人、

artists,

藝術家、

and philosophers,

以及哲學家的腦海中，

and it's now conquered the world. 慣用語

而如今它已征服了世界。

No single relationship ever follows the romantic template exactly,

沒有任何一段感情會完全照搬浪漫主義的模板，

but its broad outlines are frequently present nevertheless

但其大致輪廓仍然經常可見，

and can be summed up as follows. 表達脈絡

並可總結如下。

Romanticism is deeply hopeful about marriage.

浪漫主義對婚姻抱有極高的期望。

Romanticism took marriage,

浪漫主義將婚姻——

hitherto seen as a practical and emotionally temperate union,

此前一直被視為一種基於現實且情感節制的結合——

and fused it together with a passionate love story 片語搭配

與充滿激情的愛情故事融合在一起，

to create a unique proposition of a lifelong passionate love marriage.

創造出了「相愛一生、激情不斷」這種獨特的婚姻主張。

Along the way,

在此過程中，

Romanticism united love and sex.

浪漫主義將愛與性合而為一。

Previously,

在此之前，

people had imagined that they could have sex with characters they didn't love

人們認為他們可以和不愛的人發生性關係，

and that they could love someone without having extraordinary sex with them.

並且可以愛一個人而無需與其體驗極致的性愛。

Romanticism elevated sex to the supreme expression of love. 用詞

浪漫主義將性提升為了愛的最高表達形式。

Frequent,

頻繁、

mutually satisfying sex became the bellwether of the health of any relationship. 用詞

互相滿足的性生活成了衡量一切親密關係是否健康的晴雨表。

Without necessarily meaning to, 文法

也許並非出於本意，

Romanticism made infrequent sex and adultery into catastrophes. 文法

浪漫主義把性生活不頻繁和出軌都變成了災難。

Romanticism proposed that true love must mean an end to all loneliness.

浪漫主義提出，真愛必將終結一切孤獨。

The right partner must,

合適的伴侶必須，

it promised,

它承諾道，

understand us entirely,

完全懂我們，

possibly without needing even to speak to us.

甚至可能無需我們開口。

They would intuit our souls.

他們能洞悉我們的靈魂。

Romantics put a special premium on the idea that our partner 慣用語

浪漫主義者極其看重這樣一種觀念：我們的伴侶

might understand us without needing to say anything.

也許可以無需言語就能理解我們。

Romanticism believed that choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings

浪漫主義認為，選擇伴侶應該聽憑感覺的引導，

rather than practical considerations. 文法

而不是出於現實考量。

You know you're in love

你知道自己戀愛了，

because you have a special feeling.

因為你有一種特殊的感覺。

Romanticism has manifested a powerful disdain for practicalities and money. 片語搭配

浪漫主義對現實問題和金錢表現出強烈的鄙視。

It feels cold,

這會讓人覺得冷漠，

or as we say,

或者用我們的話說，

unromantic,

很不浪漫，

to say you know you're with the right person

如果你說你知道自己找到了對的人，

because the two of you make an excellent financial fit

僅僅是因為你倆在經濟上完美契合，

or because you cherish the things like bathroom etiquette and attitudes to punctuality.

或者因為你很看重對方對待浴室禮儀和守時的態度。

Romanticism believes that true love is synonymous with accepting everything about someone. 片語搭配

浪漫主義認為，真愛就等同於接受對方的一切。

The idea that one's partner or oneself may need to change

如果認為伴侶或自己需要做出改變，

is taken to be a sign that the relationship is on the rocks. 講解

這往往會被視為關係岌岌可危的信號。

"You're going to have to change"

「你必須得改改」

is a last-ditch threat. 用詞

成了窮途末路的威脅。

This template of love is a historical creation.

這種愛情模板是一種歷史產物。

It's a hugely beautiful and often enjoyable one,

它極其美好，也常常令人愉悅，

but we can state boldly,

但我們可以大膽地說，

Romanticism has been a disaster for relationships.

浪漫主義對感情關係來說是一場災難。

It's an intellectual and spiritual movement

它是一場思想與精神運動，

which has had a devastating impact on the ability of ordinary people 片語搭配

卻對普通人

to lead successful emotional lives.

過上成功情感生活的能力造成了毀滅性的打擊。

The salvation of love

拯救愛情的辦法，

lies in overcoming a succession of errors within Romanticism. 片語搭配

在於克服浪漫主義中一連串的認知錯誤。

These are some of the myths of Romanticism.

以下是浪漫主義的一些迷思。

That we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty

認為我們應該遇到一個內在和外在都絕美的人，

and immediately feel a special attraction to them and they to us. 講解

並立刻對彼此產生特殊的吸引力。

We should have highly satisfying sex not only at the start but forever. 文法

認為我們不僅在感情初期，而且永遠都應該有極其和諧的性生活。

We should never be attracted to anyone else.

認為我們絕不能再被其他任何人吸引。

We should understand one another intuitively.

認為我們應該能憑直覺理解對方。

We don't need an education in love.

認為我們在愛情上不需要接受教育。

We may need to train to become a pilot or brain surgeon,

認為我們可能需要通過訓練才能成為飛行員或腦外科醫生，

but not a lover.

但當好伴侶卻不用學。

We'll pick that up along the way by following our feelings. 講解

認為只要跟著感覺走，我們自然而然就能無師自通。

We should have no secrets and spend constant time together.

認為我們應該毫無保留，且每時每刻黏在一起。

Work won't get in the way. 慣用語

認為工作不會成為感情的阻礙。

We should raise a family

認為我們在養育家庭的同時，

without any loss of sexual or emotional intensity.

性致或感情濃度絕不會有絲毫減弱。

Our lover must be our soulmate, 表達脈絡

認為我們的愛人必須是我們的靈魂伴侶、

best friend,

最好的朋友、

co-parent,

共同育兒的夥伴、

co-chauffeur,

換班開車的司機、

accountant,

會計、

household manager,

家庭管家、

and spiritual guide.

以及精神導師。

If we question the assumptions of the romantic view of love,

如果我們對浪漫主義愛情觀的假設提出質疑，

it's not in order to destroy love, 文法

那絕不是為了毀滅愛情，

but to save it.

而是為了拯救它。

We need to piece together a post-romantic theory of couples 片語動詞

我們需要拼湊出一種後浪漫主義的伴侶理論，

because in order to make a relationship last, 片語搭配

因為若想讓一段關係長久，

we have to be disloyal to the romantic emotions

我們就必須「背叛」

that get us into it in the first place. 片語搭配

最初讓我們墜入愛河的那些浪漫情緒。

We need to replace the romantic template

我們需要用一種心理上更為成熟的愛情願景，

with a psychologically mature vision of love

來取代浪漫主義的模板，

we might call classical

我們或許可以稱之為「古典主義愛情」，

and which encourages in us a range of unfamiliar,

它鼓勵我們採取一系列並不熟悉、

but hopefully effective attitudes.

但希望能切實有效的態度。

For example,

例如，

that it's normal that love and sex may not always belong together. 片語搭配

認識到愛與性並非總是綁在一起，這是正常的。

That discussing money early on, 文法

認識到，儘早討論金錢問題，

up front, 用詞

開誠布公地，

in a serious way

認真地討論，

is not a betrayal of love.

並不是對愛情的背叛。

That realizing that we're rather flawed and our partner is too 文法

認識到自己缺點不少且伴侶也是如此，

is a huge benefit to a couple

對雙方來說反而是莫大的好處，

because it increases the amount of tolerance and generosity in circulation. 慣用語

因為這能增加關係中流通的寬容與大度。

That we will never find everything in one person, 文法

認識到我們永遠無法在一個人身上找到所需的一切，

nor they in us,

他們也無法從我們這裡得到一切，

not because of some unique flaw, 文法

這並非因為某種特別的缺陷，

but because that's just the way human nature is.

而是因為人的本性就是如此。

That we need to make amends and often rather artificial-sounding efforts 片語搭配

認識到我們需要做出彌補，並經常需要付出看似有些刻意的人為努力，

to understand one another.

去相互理解。

That intuition can't get us where we need to go. 慣用語

認識到直覺並不能把我們帶到想去的遠方。

And that spending 2 hours discussing whether bathroom towels should be hung up 文法

而且，花兩個小時討論浴室的毛巾到底該掛起來，

or can be left on the floor

還是可以扔在地上，

is neither trivial nor unserious. 文法

這既不瑣碎也不輕佻。

There is a special dignity around issues of laundry and timekeeping.

圍繞洗衣和守時等問題，其實蘊含著一種特殊的尊嚴。

All these attitudes and more belong to a new,

所有這些態度以及更多觀念，都屬於一個全新的、

more hopeful post-romantic future for love.

對愛情充滿更多希望的後浪漫主義未來。