20個情感成熟的標誌：英語精讀講義

20 signs that you are emotionally mature.

20 個跡象，顯示你的情緒已經成熟。

You realize that most of the bad behavior of other people

你明白，別人的大多數不當行為，

really comes down to fear and anxiety 片語動詞

說到底，其實都源自恐懼和焦慮，

rather than,

而不是出於——

as it's generally easier to presume,

儘管人們往往更容易這麼認定——

nastiness or idiocy.

惡意或愚蠢。

You loosen your hold on self-righteousness 慣用語

你漸漸放下自以為是，

and stop thinking of the world

不再把這個世界想成

as populated by either monsters or fools.

只住著怪物或傻瓜的地方。

It makes things less black and white at first, 慣用語

一開始，這會讓事情變得沒那麼黑白分明，

but in time a great deal more interesting.

但久而久之，一切反而有趣得多。

You learn that what's in your head 文法

你明白，自己腦中的想法

can't automatically be understood by other people.

別人不會自然而然就懂。

You realize that,

你明白，

unfortunately,

很遺憾的是，

you're going to have to articulate your intentions and feelings 用詞

你終究得把自己的意圖和感受表達出來，

with the use of words

而且要用言語，

and can't fairly blame other people

也不能理所當然地怪罪別人

for not getting what you mean 用詞

沒有理解你的意思，

until you've spoken calmly and clearly.

在你冷靜、清楚地說出口前，不能這麼做。

You learn that, remarkably,

你也驚訝地發現，

you do sometimes get things wrong. 文法

自己有時真的會搞錯。

With huge courage,

你鼓起莫大的勇氣，

you take your first faltering steps towards, 片語搭配

蹣跚地踏出最初幾步，開始嘗試

once in a while,

偶爾

apologizing.

向人道歉。

You learn to be confident,

你學會了自信，

not by realizing that you're great, 文法

不是因為發現自己有多了不起，

but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, 文法

而是因為明白其他人其實也都和你一樣愚笨，

scared, and lost as you are.

一樣害怕，一樣迷惘。

We're all making it up as we go along, 慣用語

我們都只是一邊走、一邊摸索，

and that's fine.

這樣也沒關係。

You forgive your parents because you realize that they didn't put you on this Earth

你原諒父母，因為你明白，他們把你帶到這世上

in order to insult you.

並不是為了侮辱你。

They were just painfully out of their depth 慣用語

他們只是完全不知所措，因而痛苦不堪，

and struggling with demons of their own. 慣用語

還得和自己的心魔苦苦搏鬥。

Anger turns, at points,

有時，你的怒氣會轉化為

to pity and compassion.

憐憫與同情。

You learn the enormous influence of so-called small things on mood, 用詞

你明白，那些所謂的小事，對情緒其實有著巨大的影響：

bedtimes, blood sugar,

就寢時間、血糖，

and alcohol levels,

以及體內酒精濃度，

degrees of background stress,

平時承受的壓力大小，

and so on.

諸如此類。

And as a result, 表達脈絡

因此，

you learn never to bring up an important contentious issue 講解

你學會，絕不提出重要又有爭議的問題，

with a loved one until everyone is well rested, no one is drunk,

除非你和摯愛的人都休息充足、沒有人喝醉，

you've had some food,

你也吃過東西，

nothing else is alarming you,

沒有其他事情讓你不安，

and you're not rushing to catch a train.

而且你不正趕著去搭火車。

You give up sulking. 片語動詞

你不再生悶氣。

If someone hurts you,

如果有人傷害了你，

you don't store up the hatred 片語動詞

你不會把恨意

and the hurt for days.

和傷痛積在心裡好幾天。

You remember we'll all be dead soon.

你記得，我們很快都會死去。

You don't expect others to know what's wrong.

你不指望別人自己知道問題出在哪裡。

You tell them straight, 語氣意圖

你會直接說清楚，

and if they get it, you forgive them.

如果對方明白了，你就原諒對方。

And if they don't,

如果對方還是不明白，

in a different way,

你便用另一種方式，

you forgive them too.

同樣原諒對方。

You cease to believe in perfection

你不再相信完美的存在，

in pretty much every area. 片語搭配

幾乎在任何領域都是如此。

There aren't any perfect people,

世上沒有完美的人，

perfect jobs, or perfect lives.

也沒有完美的工作或完美的人生。

Instead, you pivot towards an appreciation of what is, 片語搭配

你轉而懂得欣賞事物原本的樣子，

to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott's 文化背景

用精神分析學家 Donald Winnicott

exemplary phrase, good enough.

那句經典的話來說，就是「夠好」。

You realize that many things in your life

你明白，生活中的許多事情

are at once quite frustrating and yet, 文法

固然相當令人挫折，卻也

in many ways, eminently good enough. 用詞

在許多方面完全稱得上「夠好」。

You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic

你明白，稍微悲觀一點也有它的好處，

about how things will turn out 片語動詞

尤其是在看待事情最終會如何發展時；

and, as a result,

因此，

emerge as a calmer, more patient,

你成了更沉著、更有耐心，

and more forgiving soul.

也更寬容的人。

You lose some of your idealism

你少了幾分理想主義，

and become a far less maddening person. 文法

也變得不再那麼讓人抓狂。

You learn to see that everyone's weaknesses of character

你學會看見，每個人性格上的弱點

are linked to counterbalancing strengths.

都與足以平衡它的優點相連。

Rather than isolating their weaknesses,

你不再只把他們的弱點單獨挑出來看，

you look at the whole picture. 慣用語

而是綜觀全貌。

Yes, someone is rather pedantic, 用詞

沒錯，有些人相當拘泥細節，

but they're also beautifully precise

但他們也精準得令人讚嘆，

and a rock at times of turmoil. 慣用語

在動盪時刻更是可靠的支柱。

Yes, someone is a bit messy,

沒錯，有些人做事有點雜亂無章，

but at the same time brilliantly creative

但同時又極富創意，

and very visionary.

而且非常有遠見。

You realize, truly realize,

你真的明白，打從心底明白，

that perfect people don't exist

完美的人並不存在，

and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness.

而且每一項優點都必然伴隨一項缺點。

You fall in love a bit less easily.

你不再那麼容易墜入愛河。

It's difficult, in a way.

從某個角度來看，這並不容易。

When you were less mature,

以前還不夠成熟時，

you could develop a crush in an instant. 片語搭配

你可能一瞬間就迷上某個人。

Now, you're poignantly aware that everyone,

如今，你清醒卻惆悵地明白，每個人

however externally charming or accomplished, 文法

無論外表看來多有魅力、多有成就，

would be a bit of a pain from close up. 慣用語

一旦近距離相處，都會有點讓人受不了。

You develop loyalty to what you already have.

你開始珍惜並忠於自己已經擁有的一切。

You learn that you are,

你明白，原來自己是個——

rather surprisingly,

這還真讓人意外——

quite a difficult person to live with.

很難一起生活的人。

You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. 慣用語

你少了幾分從前對自己的感傷與憐惜。

You go into friendships and relationships

當你進入友誼或親密關係時，

offering others kindly warnings of how

會善意地提醒對方，自己可能在哪些方面，

and when you might prove a challenge. 用詞

又會在什麼時候變得難以相處。

You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness.

你學會原諒自己的錯誤與愚行。

You realize the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself 慣用語

你明白，一味鞭笞自己，只會陷入毫無益處的自我沉溺，

for past misdeeds.

而這一切只為了過去犯下的錯。

You become more of a friend to yourself.

你越來越能做自己的朋友。

Of course, you're an idiot,

當然，你是個笨蛋，

but you're still a lovable one,

但仍是個可愛的笨蛋，

as we all are.

我們每個人都一樣。

You learn that part of what maturity involves

你明白，所謂成熟，有一部分就是

is making peace with the stubbornly childlike bits of you 慣用語

與自己身上那些頑固而孩子氣的部分和解，

that will always remain.

而它們將永遠存在。

You cease trying to be a grown-up at every occasion.

你不再試圖時時刻刻都當個大人。

You accept that we all have our regressive moments, 用詞

你接受我們都有退回孩子狀態的時候，

and when the inner 2-year-old you rears its head, 慣用語

當你內心那個兩歲小孩冒出頭時，

you greet them generously

你會寬容地迎接那個孩子，

and give them the attention they need.

並給予所需要的關注。

You cease to put too much hope in grand plans 片語搭配

你不再把太多希望寄託在宏大的計畫上，

for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years.

以為它們能帶來延續多年的幸福。

You start to celebrate the little things that go well.

你開始為一件件順利的小事而慶祝。

You realize that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. 片語搭配

你明白，滿足感是以短短幾分鐘為單位到來的。

You're delighted if one day passes by without too much bother.

只要一天過得沒太多麻煩，你就欣喜不已。

You take a greater interest in flowers

你對花朵

and in the evening sky.

和傍晚的天空產生了更濃厚的興趣。

You develop a taste for small pleasures. 片語搭配

你開始懂得品味小小的樂趣。

What people in general think of you

一般人對你的看法

ceases to be such a concern.

不再令你那麼在意。

You realize that the minds of others are muddled places,

你明白，別人的腦中也是一片混亂，

and you don't try so hard to polish your image 慣用語

也不再那麼費力地美化

in everyone else's eyes.

自己在每個人眼中的形象。

What counts is that you and one or two others 表達脈絡

真正重要的是，你自己和另外一兩個人

are okay with you being you.

都覺得你做自己就很好。

You give up on fame 片語動詞

你不再追求名聲，

and start to rely on love.

開始倚靠愛。

You get better at hearing feedback.

你變得更能聽進別人的回饋。

Rather than assuming that anyone who criticizes you is either trying to humiliate you 文法

你不再以為，任何批評你的人，不是想羞辱你，

or is making a mistake,

就是對方自己搞錯了；

you accept that maybe it would be an idea 語氣意圖

你開始接受，也許

to take a few things on board. 慣用語

把其中幾點聽進去會是個好主意。

You start to see that you can listen to a criticism

你開始明白，自己可以聽取批評，

and survive it without having to put on your armor 慣用語

也能安然撐過去，不必披上盔甲，

and deny that there was ever a problem.

也不必否認問題曾經存在。

You realize the extent to which you tend to live day by day 文法

你逐漸明白，日復一日的生活裡，自己往往

in too great a proximity to certain of your problems and issues. 用詞

與某些問題和困擾離得太近。

You remember more and more that you need to get out

你越來越常提醒自己，必須走出去，

and get a perspective on the things that pain you. 片語搭配

換個角度看待那些令你痛苦的事。

You take more walks in nature.

你更常到大自然中散步。

You might get a pet.

你或許會養一隻寵物。

They don't fret like we do.

牠們不像我們這樣憂心忡忡。

And you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky.

你也懂得欣賞高掛在夜空中的遙遠星系。

You recognize how your distinctive past colors your response to events 慣用語

你察覺，自己獨特的過往經歷如何影響你對事情的反應，

and learn to compensate for the distortions that can result. 片語搭配

並學會校正因此造成的偏差。

You accept that because of how your childhood went, 用詞

你接受，正因為自己的童年經歷，

you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. 用詞

你在某些方面有把事情誇大的傾向。

You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics.

面對某些特定議題時，你開始懷疑自己最初的衝動。

You realize, sometimes,

你明白，有時候，

not to go with your first feelings. 片語搭配

不該跟著第一感覺走。

When you start a friendship,

當你開始一段友誼時，

you realize that other people don't principally want to know your good news 文法

你明白，別人最想知道的其實不是你的好消息，

so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you 片語搭配

而是想深入了解哪些事令你煩惱、憂心，

so that they can, in turn, 表達脈絡

好讓他們反過來也能

feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts.

在面對自己內心的痛苦時，不再那麼孤單。

You become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about 文法

你成了更好的朋友，因為你看見友誼真正的核心

is a sharing of vulnerability.

就是彼此分享脆弱。

Our emotional barometer is a tool 慣用語

我們的「情緒晴雨表」是一項工具，

that can help us to more clearly explain our moods.

能幫助我們更清楚地說明自己的情緒。

Click the link on screen now to find out more.

立即點選畫面上的連結，了解更多資訊。