為什麼要結婚？：英語精讀講義

It's tempting to think of marriage as old-fashioned. 文法

人們很容易把婚姻看作是老派的產物。

Why not just live with someone and be done with it? 片語搭配

為什麼不乾脆和某個人同居就好了呢？

What need for a public ceremony? 文法

為什麼非要辦一場公開的儀式？

Why the weird traditions,

為什麼要有那些奇怪的傳統，

all those churches, temples, hymns, vows, and prayers?

那些教堂、寺廟、讚美詩、誓言和祈禱？

Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood of humankind, 慣用語

婚姻一定是由人類宗教童年時期遺留下來的愚蠢產物，

not designed for the more logical modern world.

根本不適合更講求邏輯的現代世界。

And yet, it survives. 表達脈絡

然而，它卻延續了下來。

The essence of marriage is to tie our hands, 慣用語

婚姻的本質就是束縛我們的雙手，

to frustrate our wills,

挫敗我們的意志，

to put high and costly obstacles in the way of splitting up. 講解

在分手的道路上設置高昂且代價巨大的障礙。

Why do we do this?

為什麼我們要這麼做？

Originally,

最初，

we told ourselves that God wanted us to stay married.

我們告訴自己是上帝希望我們保持婚姻狀態。

But even now,

但即便是現在，

when God is not invoked,

當我們不再搬出上帝時，

we keep making sure that marriage is rather hard to undo.

我們依然在確保婚姻是很難被撤銷的。

For one thing, 表達脈絡

首先，

you carefully invite everyone you know to watch you say you'll stick together. 片語動詞

你會小心翼翼地邀請你認識的每一個人，來見證你發誓要和對方廝守。

You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment

你是在心甘情願地製造一層巨大的尷尬——

were you ever to turn around and admit it might have been a mistake. 文法

萬一你哪天反悔，並承認這可能是一個錯誤。

Furthermore,

此外，

even though you could keep things separate, 文法

儘管你們本可以把一切分得很清楚，

marriage tends to mean deep economic and legal entanglements. 用詞

婚姻往往意味著深度的經濟和法律糾葛。

You know it's going to take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to pry you apart. 講解

你很清楚，要把你們拆散，需要一大群會計師和律師的努力。

It can be done,

分手是可以辦到的，

but it will be ruinous.

但也會讓人傾家蕩產。

It's as if we somewhere recognize

彷彿在內心深處，我們也意識到了，

that there might, rather strangely,

儘管這有些奇怪，

be some quite good, though uncomfortable,

但確實有一些很好的、儘管讓人不舒服的

reasons why making it difficult to split up a union

理由，解釋為什麼讓解除一段結合變得困難

can be an advantage for its members.

反而能成為對其中的成員有利的事情。

The marshmallow test was a celebrated experiment in the history of psychology, 文化背景

棉花糖實驗是心理學史上一項著名的實驗，

designed to measure children's ability to delay gratification 片語搭配

旨在衡量兒童延遲滿足的能力，

and track the consequences of being able to think long-term.

並追蹤能夠做長遠思考所帶來的影響。

Some 3-year-old children were offered a marshmallow,

研究人員給一些3歲的孩子一顆棉花糖，

but told they would get two if they held off from eating the first one for 5 minutes. 片語動詞

並告訴他們，如果能忍住5分鐘不吃，就能得到兩顆。

It turned out a lot of children just couldn't make it through this period. 片語動詞

結果發現，很多孩子根本熬不過這段時間。

It was too tempting.

誘惑太大了。

The less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them

吞下眼前這顆棉花糖的短期快感

was stronger than the strategy of waiting.

戰勝了等待的策略。

Crucially,

關鍵在於，

it was observed that these children

據觀察，這些孩子

went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control 講解

後來的人生由於缺乏衝動控制而變得糟糕，

and fared much worse than the children 用詞

且表現遠不如那些

who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit.

最擅長為了長遠利益而抑制眼前享樂的孩子。

Relationships are, perhaps, no different.

親密關係或許也是同樣的道理。

Here, too,

在這裡，

many things feel very urgent.

許多事情也會讓人感覺非常迫切。

We're angry and want to get out.

我們生氣了，想要逃離。

We're excited by a new person

我們對一個新出現的人感到興奮，

and need to abandon our present partner at once.

覺得必須立刻拋棄現有的伴侶。

And yet,

然而，

as we look around for the exit,

當我們環顧四周尋找出口時，

every way seems blocked.

卻發現每條路似乎都被堵死了。

It would cost a fortune. 慣用語

那會花掉一大筆錢。

It would be embarrassing.

那會非常尷尬。

It would take an age. 慣用語

那會耗費漫長的歲月。

This isn't a coincidence.

這並非巧合。

Marriage is a giant inhibitor of impulse,

婚姻是一個巨大的衝動抑制器，

set up by our conscience

由我們的良知所設定，

to keep our libidinous, ungrateful, 慣用語

為了約束我們那些好色、不知感恩、

wild, desiring selves in check.

野性且充滿慾望的自我。

What we're essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates 講解

我們之所以順從婚姻的法則，本質上是認同

is the insight that we are, as individuals,

這樣一個深刻的見解：作為個體，

likely to make very poor choices

我們很可能會

under the sway of strong short-term impulses. 慣用語

在強烈的短期衝動驅使下做出非常糟糕的決定。

To marry is to recognize that we require structure 文法

結婚就是承認我們需要一種框架，

to insulate us from our urges. 用詞

來把我們和自身的衝動隔絕開來。

It's to lock ourselves up, willingly,

這是心甘情願地把自己鎖起來，

because we don't trust ourselves.

因為我們不信任自己。

It's a very unusual marriage indeed

事實上，非常罕見的婚姻才會是這樣——

in which the two people don't spend a notable amount of time fantasizing

兩個人沒有花大量時間去幻想，

that they weren't, in fact, married.

幻想他們其實並沒有結婚。

But the point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much. 文法

但婚姻的意義就在於，讓這些感受變得沒那麼重要。

It's an arrangement that protects us from what we desire

它是這樣一種機制，保護我們不受慾望的擺布，

and yet know,

並且讓我們知道，

in our more reasonable moments,

在我們更理智的時刻，

we don't truly need or even, perhaps, want.

那些慾望並非我們真正需要，甚至可能不是我們真正想要的。

At their best, 片語搭配

在最好的狀態下，

relationships involve us in attempts to develop, mature, and become whole.

親密關係讓我們參與到發展、成熟和變得完整的嘗試中。

We often get drawn to people 片語動詞

我們經常被某些人吸引，

precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions.

恰恰是因為他們承諾能引導我們走向正確的方向。

But it's too easy to seem kind and normal

但是，如果我們總是不斷地和新的人約會，

when we keep going out with someone new. 片語動詞

要顯得和善且正常就太容易了。

The truth about us,

關於我們自身的真相——

on the basis of which self-improvement begins, 文法

也是自我提升的基礎——

only becomes clear over time.

只有隨著時間的推移才會變得清晰。

Chances of development increase hugely

獲得發展的機會將大大增加，

when we don't keep running away to people

只要我們不再一味地逃向那些

who will falsely reassure us that there's nothing too wrong with us. 片語搭配

會虛偽地安慰我們「你沒什麼問題」的人。

Over time,

隨著時間的推移，

the argument for marriage has shifted.

支持婚姻的理由已經發生了轉變。

It's no longer about external forces having power over us. 文法

它不再關乎主宰我們的外部力量。

What we are correctly now focused on

我們現在正確關注的，

is the psychological point of making it hard to throw it all in. 慣用語

是讓「輕易放棄」變得困難這一心理學意義。

For the last 50 years,

過去50年來，

the burden of intelligent effort has been on attempting to make separation easier.

聰明人的努力往往都用在了試圖讓分手變得更容易上。

The challenge now lies in another direction, 表達脈絡

現在的挑戰則在於另一個方向，

in trying to remind ourselves why immediate flight doesn't always make sense,

在於試圖提醒我們自己，為什麼立即逃跑並不總是明智的，

in trying to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow. 片語動詞

在於試圖看清為了第二顆棉花糖而堅持到底的意義。