關於停滯不前的感覺：英語精讀講義

Many of us spend a large part of our lives in one way 片語搭配

我們中的許多人在一生的大部分時間裡，都會以這樣

or another feeling stuck. 慣用語

或那樣的方式感到停滯不前。

That is, in a state where a strong desire to move forward on an issue 片語動詞

也就是說，這是一種在某個問題上強烈想要向前邁進的渴望，

meets with an equally strong compulsion to stay fixed where one is.

卻遇到同樣強烈的被迫原地踏步的衝動的狀態。

For example, we might at one level powerfully want to leave a job in finance 表達脈絡

例如，在某種程度上，我們可能非常想離開金融行業的工作，

in order to retrain in architecture, 文法

以便重新接受建築學的培訓，

but at the same time remain blocked by a range of doubts, 片語搭配

但與此同時，又被各種懷疑、

hesitations,

猶豫、

counterarguments,

反對意見

and guilty feelings.

和負罪感所阻礙。

Or we might be impelled to leave our marriage

或者我們可能被驅使著去結束我們的婚姻，

while simultaneously unable to imagine any realistic life outside of it. 文法

同時卻又無法想像在婚姻之外任何現實的生活。

To act feels horrific,

採取行動讓人感覺可怕，

but doing nothing is killing us as well. 慣用語

但什麼都不做同樣也讓我們痛苦不堪。

Every avenue appears shut off, 慣用語

每條路似乎都被堵死了，

and so one ruminates,

因此人們會反覆思考，

turns over the question late at night, 片語動詞

在深夜輾轉反側地琢磨這個問題，

tries the patience of therapists, 片語搭配

考驗心理治療師的耐心，

and watches life go by with mounting anxiety and self-disgust. 慣用語

並在不斷增加的焦慮和自我厭惡中看著生命流逝。

As an outsider,

作為局外人，

one might be tempted to ask questions to move things on. 片語動詞

人們可能會忍不住問一些問題來推動事情進展。

Why don't you try to enroll in a course 語氣意圖

你為什麼不試著報個班，

to see if you might like a new area of work?

看看自己是否會喜歡一個新的工作領域呢？

Why don't you discuss your dissatisfactions with your partner?

你為什麼不和你的伴侶談談你的不滿呢？

Why don't you go to counseling?

你為什麼不去接受心理諮商呢？

What about splitting up? 講解

分手怎麼樣？

But we're likely to find that our friend can't make any progress,

但我們很可能會發現，無論我們說什麼，

whatever we say. 文法

我們的朋友都無法取得任何進展。

It seems as if they are subject to a kind of law 片語搭配

就好像他們受到某種法則的約束，

disbarring them from progressing.

剝奪了他們前進的權利。

Not the sort of law you'd find in the statutes of the country they live in,

不是在他們所居住的國家的法令中能找到的那種法律，

but some sort of personal law, 慣用語

而是某種個人的法則，

a law that might go like this: 表達脈絡

這種法則可能是這樣的：

Make sure you don't achieve satisfaction in your career. 語氣意圖

確保你在職業生涯中得不到滿足感。

Make sure your relationship has no life in it, 慣用語

確保你的這段關係死氣沉沉，

but cannot be abandoned.

但又無法放棄。

Make sure you aren't happy in the place you live in.

確保你在自己居住的地方過得不開心。

In order to understand the origins of these laws,

為了理解這些法則的起源，

we have to look backwards. 慣用語

我們必須向後看。

Difficult childhoods and the complicated families they are unfolding

艱難的童年以及由此展開的複雜家庭環境，

might be the originators of a lot of these restrictive unspoken laws

可能是許多這種限制性的隱性法則的源頭，

whose impact echoes across our lives.

其影響在我們的一生中不斷迴盪。

Some of these laws might go like this:

其中一些法則可能是這樣的：

Make sure you never shine. 慣用語

確保你永遠不會大放異彩。

It would upset your little sister.

這會讓你的妹妹不高興。

Or you have to be cheerful,

或者你必須保持開朗，

not to let my depression break through. 片語動詞

以免讓我的憂鬱爆發。

Or never be creatively fulfilled 片語搭配

或者永遠不要在創作上獲得滿足，

because it would remind me of my envy.

因為這會提醒我自己的嫉妒心。

Or reassure us that we are clever

或者向我們保證你很聰明，

by winning all the prizes at school.

方法是贏得學校所有的獎項。

Or we need you to achieve

或者我們需要你取得成就，

to make us feel okay about ourselves.

讓我們對自己感覺良好。

Or you would disappoint me if you became boisterous

或者如果你變得喧鬧，

and one day sexual.

甚至某天有了性意識，你會讓我失望的。

Of course, no one ever directly says such things in a family.

當然，從來沒有人在家庭中直接說出這樣的話。

Laws couldn't operate if they could so easily be seen. 文法

如果法則這麼容易被看穿，它們就無法運作了。

But the laws are there nevertheless,

但這些法則仍然存在，

holding us into a particular position as we grow up,

在我們成長的過程中，把我們固定在一個特定的位置上，

and then, once we've left home,

然後，一旦我們離開了家，

continuing to surreptitiously distort our personalities

它們繼續暗中扭曲我們的性格，

away from the path of their legitimate growth.

使其偏離正常成長的軌道。

It can be hard to draw any connection 片語搭配

我們很難將

between adult stuck situations and any childhood laws.

成年後的停滯困境與任何童年法則聯繫起來。

We may miss the link between our reluctance to act at work

我們可能會忽略我們在工作中不願採取行動，

and a situation with dad at home 30 years before.

與30年前家裡父親的情況之間的聯繫。

But we can hazard a principle nevertheless. 用詞

但我們仍然可以斗膽提出一個原則。

Any long-term stuckness is likely to be the result 用詞

任何長期的停滯不前，都可能是

of butting into some sort of law inherited unknowingly from childhood. 片語動詞

撞上了某種不知不覺從童年繼承下來的法則的結果。

We are stuck because we are being overly loyal 片語搭配

我們之所以停滯不前，是因為我們過於忠誠地

to an idea of something being impossible

認為某事是不可能做到的，

generated in the distant past.

這種觀念產生於遙遠的過去。

Impossible because it was threatening

之所以不可能，是因為它曾經

to someone we cared for or depended on

對我們很久以前關心或依賴的人

a long time ago.

構成威脅。

Therefore, one of the main paths to liberation lies 文法

因此，通向解脫的主要途徑之一在於，

in coming to see that the law exists

逐漸看清這種法則的存在，

and then unpicking its warped and unnecessary logic. 慣用語

然後拆解它那扭曲和不必要的邏輯。

We can start by asking whether, beneath our practical dilemma,

我們可以首先問問自己，在實際的困境之下，

there may be a childhood law at work 片語搭配

是否可能有童年法則在起作用，

encouraging us to stay where we are.

鼓勵我們留在原地。

We can dig beneath the surface problem 慣用語

我們可以挖掘表面問題之下，

in search of the emotional structure that might be being engaged. 文法

尋找可能被捲入其中的情感結構。

So, for example, in the unconscious 用詞

比如，在潛意識中，

architecture equals the creativity dad never enjoyed,

建築學等同於父親從未享受過的創造力，

or sexual fulfillment equals what hurt my lovable mum.

或者性滿足等同於傷害了我可愛的母親的事情。

We may discover that some of the reason we can't give up on finance 片語動詞

我們可能會發現，我們無法放棄金融業

and take up a more imaginative role 片語動詞

並從事更具想像力的角色的部分原因是，

is because throughout childhood we had to accept a law

在整個童年時期，我們不得不接受一條法則：

that we couldn't be both creatively fulfilled and make money

我們不能既在創造力上獲得滿足又賺到錢，

in order to protect our volatile father

以保護我們脾氣暴躁的父親

from his own envy and inadequacy.

免受他自己的嫉妒和無能感的影響。

Or we can't leave our marriage because unconsciously

或者我們不能離開婚姻，因為在潛意識中，

we're coming up against a law from childhood 片語動詞

我們遇到了一條來自童年的法則，

that tells us that being a good boy means renouncing

它告訴我們，做一個好孩子意味著放棄

one's more bodily and visceral sides. 用詞

自己更感官和出於本能的一面。

The specifics will differ, 表達脈絡

細節會有所不同，

but the principle of a hidden law from childhood

但來自童年的隱藏法則這一原則，

can explain a huge number of adult stucknesses.

可以解釋許多成年人的停滯困境。

The way forward is first and foremost hence 片語搭配

因此，前進的道路首先而且最重要的是，

to realize that there might be a law in operation when we get stuck,

意識到當我們停滯不前時，可能有一種法則在起作用，

that we aren't merely being cowardly or slow in not progressing,

我們沒有取得進展，並不僅僅是因為我們懦弱或遲鈍，

and that we feel trapped because we are in our faulty minds

我們之所以感到被困住，是因為在我們有缺陷的心智中，

back in a cage formed in childhood, 慣用語

我們退回到了一個在童年時期形成的籠子裡，

which we have to be able to see, think about,

我們必須能夠看到、思考，

and then patiently dismantle.

然後耐心地拆除這個籠子。

We can along the way accept that we are now adults,

在這個過程中，我們可以接受我們現在已經成年了，

which means that the original family drama no longer has to apply. 文法

這意味著最初的家庭劇碼不再適用了。

We don't have to worry about upsetting parental figures.

我們不必再擔心會讓父母不高興。

Their taboos were set up to protect them, 片語動詞

他們的禁忌設立是為了保護他們，

but they're making us ill.

但卻讓我們生病。

We can feel sad for the laws that these damaged figures

我們可以為那些來自過去的受損人物

from the past imposed on us,

強加給我們的法則感到悲哀，

often with no active malevolence,

他們往往並非出於主動的惡意，

but we can recognize that our imperative is to move them aside 講解

但我們可以認識到，當務之急是將這些法則拋開，

and act with the emotional freedom that's always been our birthright. 用詞

並帶著一直是我們與生俱來的權利的情感自由去行動。

We may need to be disloyal to a way of being 用詞

我們可能需要背叛一種

that protected someone we cared about or depended on

曾保護過我們關心或依賴人的存在方式，

in order to start to be loyal to a more important person still, 表達脈絡

以便開始忠誠於一個更重要的人：

ourselves.

我們自己。

Our decision dice are a tool to help you make wiser decisions

我們的決策骰子是一個工具，幫助您做出更明智的決定，

in work,

在工作中、

love,

在愛情中，

and the rest of your life.

以及在你人生的其他方面。