如果我們永遠找不到真愛……：英語精讀講義

Since the start of adulthood,

從成年開始，

we have been waiting. 文法

我們一直在等待。

We understood love intuitively

我們憑直覺理解愛情

long before it was ever a practical possibility.

遠在它成為現實可能之前。

We knew that it was bound up with a sense of being profoundly understood 片語搭配

我們知道，它與被深刻理解的感覺緊密相連

and finally able to say everything

並最終能說出一切

without fear of judgment or censure. 片語搭配

而無需害怕評判或指責。

Love was a two-person conspiracy 慣用語

愛是兩個人的共謀

against everyone else

對抗其他所有人

too dumb or leaden

那些太蠢或太遲鈍

to get it. 用詞

而無法理解它的人。

The true nature of being alive.

這是活著的真諦。

It had to do with fancying someone totally 講解

它關乎完完全全地迷戀某人

and the amazingness that they might fancy you back

以及他們可能會回應你的那種奇妙感覺

to the extent that you could do anything with them 文法

到了你們可以一起做任何事的程度

like rest a finger inside their mouth

比如把手指放在他們嘴裡

and ask them to bite it hard.

然後讓他們用力咬下去。

We imagined from the first

我們從一開始就想像

that love might be the best part of life

愛可能是生命中最美好的部分

and we weren't wrong.

而我們並沒有錯。

In the name of love, 慣用語

以愛之名，

we put ourselves in extraordinary situations.

我們把自己置於不可思議的境地。

We went out far more than we would have wanted. 文法

我們外出的次數遠遠超出了我們的意願。

We bought fancy clothes.

我們買了花俏的衣服。

We thought about our hair

我們在意自己的髮型

and worried about our spots.

並為臉上的痘痘而煩惱。

We drank intensely colored cocktails.

我們喝下色彩濃烈的雞尾酒。

We ended up at small hours 講解

最終在凌晨時分，

in alien parts of town 用詞

出現在城鎮陌生的角落

in the bedrooms of people

出現在一些人的臥室裡

we knew weren't quite right

儘管我們知道他們並不那麼合適

but that seemed at least

但那似乎至少

in some way to be an advance 慣用語

在某種程度上

on the cause.

算是對我們目標的一種推進。

We accepted dates with people

我們接受了與某些人的約會

we knew were problematic

儘管我們知道他們有問題

because we wanted not to ossify 慣用語

因為我們不想變得僵化

or grow alone and peculiar.

或者孤老一生、變得古怪。

It wasn't always right.

這並不總是對的。

In fact, it was mostly always wrong,

事實上，這往往都是錯的，

but we kept our spirits up 慣用語

但我們保持著高昂的精神

and told ourselves it would eventually be okay

並告訴自己最終一切都會好的

as they kindly assured us it would be.

就像人們善意地向我們保證的那樣。

But time passed,

但時間流逝，

decades went by,

幾十年過去了，

we got enmeshed in some very troubling situations 慣用語

我們捲入了一些非常麻煩的境地

that looked like love from the outside 表達脈絡

從外面看像是愛情

but were anything but.

實際上卻絕非如此。

We spent far too long extricating ourselves 用詞

我們花了太長時間才從中脫身

and finding our voice. 慣用語

並找回我們自己的聲音。

And at a certain point,

在某個特定的時刻，

we started to apprehend something 用詞

我們開始意識到一些事情

whose terror we're still grappling with 慣用語

我們仍在努力應對它帶來的恐懼

probably late at night

也許是在深夜

because such things aren't easy to look at in daylight. 慣用語

因為這類事情在白天不宜正視。

The probability

這種機率就是，

that love isn't

愛情這東西，

after all,

終究，

despite our efforts and insights,

儘管我們付出了努力、有了頓悟，

ever gonna come right for us. 用詞

也永遠不會為我們修成正果。

We are going to die

我們將死去

without ever having known the love 文法

卻從未體驗過我們

we so long for. 片語搭配

如此渴望的愛情。

The reasons are multiple

原因有很多

and in their ways entirely banal.

而且就其本質而言十分平庸。

Because our past is too complicated,

因為我們的過去太複雜，

our lack of trust too deep,

我們太缺乏信任，

we're too ugly,

我們太醜陋，

we're too unconfident,

我們太不自信，

we don't meet the right people,

我們遇不到合適的人，

our luck is too slim,

我們的運氣太差，

hope feels too risky.

抱有希望感覺太冒險。

Though we try harder than we try at anything else, 文法

儘管我們比做任何其他事都更努力，

we can't do this thing.

我們還是做不到這件事。

It won't work out for us. 片語動詞

它在我們身上就是行不通。

The ambassador for this somber grand truth 慣用語

而宣告這一可悲真相的使者

might be an objectively rather innocuous disappointment,

客觀上可能只是一次無足輕重的失望，

perhaps one more date

也許又是一次約會

that didn't in the end,

最終並沒有，

despite a very hopeful stage around dessert,

儘管在吃甜點時一度充滿希望，

go as it should,

如願以償，

or one more person

或者又多了一個

who didn't call back.

沒有回電話的人。

They, the angel of romantic death, 慣用語

他們，浪漫之死的天使，

couldn't have known what they were doing to us 文法

不可能知道他們對我們做了什麼

and certainly didn't mean to.

當然也絕非故意。

We can't hate them for a moment,

我們一刻也不能恨他們，

unfortunately.

遺憾的是。

But through their lack of desire,

但正是透過他們的缺乏慾望，

they initiated us into an idea 片語搭配

他們讓我們明白了一個道理

which now threatens to blow our sanity. 慣用語

一個現在幾乎要摧毀我們理智的道理。

Behind closed doors,

關起門來，

the scenes aren't pretty.

那些場景並不好看。

Thank goodness for privacy to shield a moralistic world

謝天謝地，隱私保護了這個道學的世界

from wails that need to be forgotten.

讓它免受那些終將被遺忘的哀嚎的侵擾。

There will be hours of the most unedifying desperation, 用詞

會有幾個小時極其不體面的絕望，

tears, bitter denunciations of everyone and everything,

會有淚水，對所有人和事的痛苦譴責，

self-pitying and vengeful rants.

以及自怨自艾和報復性的咆哮。

This is too much.

這太過分了。

I can't take it anymore.

我再也受不了了。

This is unfair beyond measure. 慣用語

這簡直不公平到了極點。

In the night,

在深夜，

we smash through the crash barriers of ordinary hope. 慣用語

我們衝破了尋常希望的防撞護欄。

We're gonna do away with ourselves. 片語動詞

我們將自我了斷。

They'll regret us.

他們會為我們感到遺憾的。

They'll miss us now.

他們現在會想念我們的。

But we won't, of course,

但當然，我們不會，

do anything silly.

做任何傻事。

It's just the mind doing its normal work,

這只是大腦在做它的日常工作，

adjusting to yet another yawning gap 慣用語

適應又一個巨大的鴻溝

between the way we would want things to be

在我們希望的樣子

and the horrid way they are.

與事物可怕的現狀之間。

We settle. 用詞

我們妥協了。

We are, after all,

畢竟，我們是

creatures who know how to die.

懂得如何面對死亡的生物。

We think we don't know how to,

我們以為我們不知道怎麼面對，

but we invariably do,

但我們總是能做到，

whatever the fierce rage.

無論有著怎樣強烈的憤怒。

We can digest pretty much any verdict. 慣用語

我們幾乎能消化任何判決。

We tell ourselves we'd never endure

我們告訴自己，我們絕對無法忍受

not being able to speak or losing our bowels,

無法說話或大小便失禁，

but then the doctors tell us what has to be

但當醫生告訴我們現實的必然，

and we put up with a feeding tube 片語動詞

我們會忍受一根飼管

and a bag

和一個造口袋

and being able to communicate only through a quivering eyelid.

以及只能透過顫動的眼瞼來交流。

It's always better than the alternative. 語氣意圖

這總是好過另一種結局。

So, of course,

所以，當然，

we deal with the cataclysmic lack of love.

我們要應對這如災難般匱乏的愛。

Dawn comes chilly and severe

黎明到來，寒冷而嚴酷

and yet reassuring in its sober bleakness. 慣用語

卻又以其清醒的蕭瑟帶來一絲安慰。

We make the bed,

我們鋪好床，

clear away the despair, 慣用語

清理掉絕望，

and get on. 片語動詞

然後繼續生活。

There are a few consolations.

還是有一些安慰的。

First and foremost, 表達脈絡

首當其衝的，

a ravaged incensed defiance,

是一種遍體鱗傷、滿腔怒火的蔑視，

a fuck you to the universe

對宇宙說一句「去你的」

and all those who peddle sentimental nonsense 用詞

以及對那些兜售傷感廢話的人，

that doesn't fit our reality.

那些不符合我們現實的廢話。

A certain kind of art works too.

某種特定類型的藝術也能起到作用。

The sort created by unflinching genius realists 用詞

由那些堅定不移的天才現實主義者所創作的作品，

who went through as much loneliness as we have, 片語動詞

他們經歷了和我們一樣多的孤獨，

who understood our sadness ahead of time. 慣用語

他們提前理解了我們的悲傷。

Grief-stricken masters like Baudelaire and Leopardi,

像波特萊爾、萊奧帕爾迪這樣飽受悲痛折磨的大師，

Pessoa and Pascal,

佩索亞和帕斯卡，

who can express our petty domestic sorrow 片語搭配

他們能將我們渺小的家庭憂傷

in mighty transcendental terms

用宏大而超驗的語言表達出來

and induct us to the most dignified kind of regret.

並引導我們進入最莊嚴的遺憾中。

They were there too 慣用語

他們也曾經歷過那些

and in the most abstract accomplished ways

並以最抽象、最高超的方式

tell us, "I know."

告訴我們，「我懂」。

And we have friendship,

而且我們還有友誼，

not the kind that obliterates the loneliness,

不是那種能抹除孤獨的友誼，

but that allows us to commune around it. 用詞

而是能讓我們在孤獨中相互交流的友誼。

We can't help each other directly.

我們無法直接幫助彼此。

We're more like a group of the dying 文法

我們更像是一群在安寧病房的

in a hospice talking circle

談話圈裡的垂死之人

who won't be able to eradicate the end

我們無法消除最終的結局

but know they are, at least, 表達脈絡

但至少知道，

not alone with it.

在面對結局時並不孤單。

We get better too

我們也變得更加擅長

at understanding statistics,

理解統計數據，

that this is normal

明白這是很正常的

for a benighted group of us. 用詞

對於我們這群處境黯淡的人來說。

We belong to an important minority party 慣用語

我們屬於一個重要的少數派

in the parliament of human suffering.

在人類苦難的議會中。

Lovelessness will have been our major burden, 文法

缺乏愛將成為我們的主要負擔，

a grief that endured from adolescence to the end,

一種從青春期延續到生命盡頭的悲傷，

a problem that was meant to go away 表達脈絡

一個本該消失

and never did.

卻從未消失的問題。

On our secret gravestone, 慣用語

在我們秘密的墓碑上，

it should say,

應該寫著：

"Love didn't work out for them

「愛在他們身上沒有開花結果，

and how they longed that it might." 文法

而他們又是多麼渴望它能成真。」

An epitaph to frighten children

這是一段會嚇到孩子

and reassure our emotional successors.

並讓我們情感上的繼任者感到安心的墓誌銘。

What was meant to be just a phase 表達脈絡

本以為只是一個階段的經歷

turned into the truest thing about us,

卻變成了關於我們最真實的寫照：

that we longed for love

我們渴望愛

and that it never came.

而它卻從未降臨。

A truth all the more redemptive 文法

這是一個愈發能帶來救贖的真相

for being expressed at last

因為它終於被表達出來了

with a rare calm, unflinching honesty. 片語搭配

伴隨著一種罕見的平靜和堅定不移的誠實。

Our online shop has a range of books

我們的線上商店有一系列的書籍

and gifts that address the most important

和禮物，探討了那些生命中最重要

and often neglected areas of life.

卻經常被忽視的領域。